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Arranged Marriage

happyleigh92happyleigh92 member
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So I joined this community simply to tell my story and get some feedback. I'm the daughter of a minister, a man I love and respect very much. Recently, at a family dinner, he informed me that he has a man in mind for me. I thought it was funny and laughed and said, "Oh yah? Who?" He shook his head and said he was praying about it. Since then my sister has informed me that the man my father "has in mind for me" is someone I've met, but haven't seen in several years. Apparently, they all had a family meeting on it and agreed that this person and I would make a great couple. So with the one detail I know about him (that I haven't seen him in several years) there's only one that comes to my mind. He will be SO on this forum simply because what else will I call him? Apparently, my father has already talked to SO's father. My family is not a cult at all. Fairly typical modern Christian family. I'm torn between feeling very amused and running away. So...thoughts? (For the record, my father would never actually arrange my marriage. In the past I have made some awful choices that landed me in very abusive relationships and I think he's just trying to genuinely help. He has heard me mention wanting to get married several times, so please don't picture him a cultish ogre!)
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Re: Arranged Marriage

  • lavenderfields13lavenderfields13 member
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    why won't your dad tell you who it is? that seems a little odd. 
     




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  • lmcooper86lmcooper86 member
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    I also think it's a bit odd that he won't tell you who this person is. If the conversation he had with your family was just "Hey, I was thinking happyleigh92 and so-and-so might hit it off, what do you think?" that would be one thing, but the fact that he's talked to this guy's dad as well would really bother me. 

    I'm sure he does have your best interests at heart, especially if you've had some rocky relationships in the past, but you might want to talk to him to make sure that he isn't mentally planning your future with someone that you've never met. If you're good with going on a date with this guy to see if you get along then that's great place to start, and you could tell your dad that you would be happy to meet this person, but that you don't want to have any commitments made on your behalf. 

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  • happyleigh92happyleigh92 member
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    Well I don't care to call him my SO either, but this is my first time to join any sort of blog or forum so I'm unfamiliar with all the abbreviations...what exactly would I refer to him as?
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  • happyleigh92happyleigh92 member
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    I don't know but it's been sort of fun to guess. And you have to understand that I'm not super concerned about it, more like I'm just wondering if others have had father's go to such lengths to see their daughters happily settled.
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  • happyleigh92happyleigh92 member
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    Well, you'd have to know my family to understand why I'm not livid. There's absolute trust that they only want what's best for me and that they would never force me to do anything against my will. They also know that they couldn't. I'm not exactly the doormat type.
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  • MsSparkyMsSparky member
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    So I was actually set up with current BF by my mom. And his step mom was involved, but she knows my mom. So if it's just a "I think you'd be a good match" that doesn't seem odd. I' would be bothered if they were thinking that they could set up or arrange a marriage for us. I say find out who it is, go on a date, and see where it goes from there.
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  • bethsmilesbethsmiles member
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    edited October 2014
    happyleigh92 said:
    Well I don't care to call him my SO either, but this is my first time to join any sort of blog or forum so I'm unfamiliar with all the abbreviations...what exactly would I refer to him as?
    Well since you don't even know who he is, I wouldn't call him anything. I'm confused by your post. Does your family actually want you to marry this man or give him a shot by going on some dates with him?


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  • eilis1228eilis1228 member
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    I'm confused. The title of the post makes it sound like this is an arranged marriage, but then your actual post makes it sound like you aren't sure if your dad is arranging a marriage or a date... and then you say you aren't a doormat and would never allow an arranged marriage. Personally, I think it's weird that your dad won't tell you who it is and even had a formal meeting with the guy's father. I would sit down with your dad and flat out ask him for details about all of this. 


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  • Hummingbird125Hummingbird125 member
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    Swazzle said:
    This entire post is just strange. 

    First, you titled the thread "arranged marriage" but then you're like "my dad would never really do that, you don't understand."

    Then you start calling this mystery man "SO" except he's not your significant other and you actually don't even know who he is. 

    And the fact that your family had a meeting about your love life behind your back is just straight up bizarre. 

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    Everything @Swazzle said.

    Also - you use the word "cult" twice. There are many cultures that do arranged marriages that are NOT cults, so I don't know why you feel the need to keep insisting "MY FAMILY IS NOT A CULT." 

    Regardless, the whole situation seems strange to me - and since you came on a message board specifically to ask about it, I think it seems strange to you too. I have no problem with parents wanting to set their child up with someone they think would be a good match, but I think the parent should just say "Hey @happyleigh92 - I think so-and-so and you could really hit it off - how would you feel about us inviting their family over for a BBQ one night?" I don't understand the family meeting/secrecy about who this person is.
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  • Dignity100Dignity100 member
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    The title is misleading here. I'm really not sure what you're getting at with the post unless you're just trying to work things out in your head?? 

    Most people would probably go with it if their parents set them up on a blind date (out of respect for their parents).  They might not be happy about it, but they'd at least go for it.

    An arranged marriage is something completely different, yes the head of the families agree on who to allow their daughter/son marry but that's where the similarities seem to stop.  One of the guys I knew in college was from a middle eastern country where arranged marriages are still practiced.  He didn't really understand the 'American way of dating' and did go through an arranged marriage when he went back to his country.  The way his worked was the families decided on who was the best suitable wife for him, they met 4 times (never more than 2 hours) all chaperoned by parents/family.  After the 4 time, it was up the the guy I knew to say 'yes, proceed' or 'no, please find me somebody else'.  When I think arranged marriage - I think of something more like this type of scenario.


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  • speakeasy14speakeasy14 member
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    edited October 2014
    I have to agree with everyone else.  This entire post seems really odd and conflicting. 
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  • speakeasy14speakeasy14 member
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    @swazzle I was just going to say that!
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  • beanbot2002beanbot2002 member
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    I have no idea what's going on here. What would you call any other person who you are NOT IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH? Um, "that guy over there", "Joe", "The guy my dad is thinking about setting me up with", "Mystery Man". Not SO. 

    You're not 13 are you? You are...you are. *sigh* Lay off the kool aid, sister. 
    "Stuart was scared, but he loved Margalo, Mommy. And there is nothing bigger than love." -The Bean
     "His farts smell like Satan's asshole mixed with a skunk's vagina. But it's okay, because I love him." -CSousa









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  • loves2shop4shoesloves2shop4shoes member
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    Is a goat being included in your dowry?

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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    OMG @beanbot2002 I just spit out my drink! LOLOLOLOL
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  • happyleigh92happyleigh92 member
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    Ah well. I suppose my whole post would seem outrageous. I'm not inclined to sit here and try to convince a bunch of Knotties of the legitimacy of my story so I'm glad at least I've amused some of you. I was, however, surprised to see someone accuse me of being thirteen. I hadn't realized that it came across quite that outrageous! Was there actually a point to a single one of your comments? Hm, I'm sort of disappointed. I was trying to catch people attention with the title. Anywho, my friends and I are having fun with this so I suppose the web's response is irrelevant.
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  • bethsmilesbethsmiles member
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    edited October 2014
    What the hell are you talking about? Your posts barely make sense which is why no one is really giving you any advice or taking you seriously. At this point I'm pretty sure you're a just a troll.


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  • eilis1228eilis1228 member
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    She's definitely a troll.


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  • beanbot2002beanbot2002 member
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    happyleigh92 said:
    Ah well. I suppose my whole post would seem outrageous. I'm not inclined to sit here and try to convince a bunch of Knotties of the legitimacy of my story so I'm glad at least I've amused some of you. I was, however, surprised to see someone accuse me of being thirteen. I hadn't realized that it came across quite that outrageous! Was there actually a point to a single one of your comments? Hm, I'm sort of disappointed. I was trying to catch people attention with the title. Anywho, my friends and I are having fun with this so I suppose the web's response is irrelevant.
    image
    "Stuart was scared, but he loved Margalo, Mommy. And there is nothing bigger than love." -The Bean
     "His farts smell like Satan's asshole mixed with a skunk's vagina. But it's okay, because I love him." -CSousa









    Report Reply
  • beanbot2002beanbot2002 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    happyleigh92 said:
    So I joined this community simply to tell my story and get some feedback. I'm the daughter of a minister, a man I love and respect very much. Recently, at a family dinner, he informed me that he has a man in mind for me. I thought it was funny and laughed and said, "Oh yah? Who?" He shook his head and said he was praying about it. Since then my sister has informed me that the man my father "has in mind for me" is someone I've met, but haven't seen in several years. Apparently, they all had a family meeting on it and agreed that this person and I would make a great couple. So with the one detail I know about him (that I haven't seen him in several years) there's only one that comes to my mind. He will be SO on this forum simply because what else will I call him? Apparently, my father has already talked to SO's father. My family is not a cult at all. Fairly typical modern Christian family. I'm torn between feeling very amused and running away. So...thoughts? (For the record, my father would never actually arrange my marriage. In the past I have made some awful choices that landed me in very abusive relationships and I think he's just trying to genuinely help. He has heard me mention wanting to get married several times, so please don't picture him a cultish ogre!)
    Also, JIC...
    "Stuart was scared, but he loved Margalo, Mommy. And there is nothing bigger than love." -The Bean
     "His farts smell like Satan's asshole mixed with a skunk's vagina. But it's okay, because I love him." -CSousa









    Report Reply
  • phiraphira member
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    Person spends minutes of their day posting on a forum.
    People spend minutes of their days replying to posts.
    Initial person: You all have NO LIVES!
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    now with ~* INCREASED SASSINESS *~
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  • speakeasy14speakeasy14 member
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  • GoldenPenguinGoldenPenguin mod
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    happyleigh92 said:
    Ah well. I suppose my whole post would seem outrageous. I'm not inclined to sit here and try to convince a bunch of Knotties of the legitimacy of my story so I'm glad at least I've amused some of you. I was, however, surprised to see someone accuse me of being thirteen. I hadn't realized that it came across quite that outrageous! Was there actually a point to a single one of your comments? Hm, I'm sort of disappointed. I was trying to catch people attention with the title. Anywho, my friends and I are having fun with this so I suppose the web's response is irrelevant.
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