Wedding Party

Should I invite my best friend to by wedding after ditching my bridal shower?

My best friend did not show up to my bridals shower and I have yet to recieve an apology or an explanation on why she did not go. The last I heard she gave money for my bachlorete party, I am not going into too much details but I text her after letting her know that her money will be return because I do not want her help. She then did text back only to tell me that I am ridiculous, Of course I get upset and I told her how I felt about the whole situation and her response was "Well am I invited to your wedding or not". I feel that she cares more about going to my wedding as a social event than about my friendship with her. I just don't know what I should do. I don't want to regret my decision later on in life.  
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Re: Should I invite my best friend to by wedding after ditching my bridal shower?

  • You definitely owe her an apology. A shower invitation is not a summons; some people just hate showers.
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  • Since she was invited to your bridal shower even though she didn't attend, yes, you still owe her a wedding invitation.

    Telling her you're returning the money she was willing to contribute to your bachelorette party was rude and inflammatory.  And if she declined the invitation to the shower and didn't just no-show after RSVPing yes to it, she doesn't owe you an explanation for why she wasn't there.  It sucks that she didn't make it, but holding a grudge about it won't do good for you.  I'd stop texting her and take the high road on this, but given how you reacted over the bachelorette party, she may well decline your wedding invitation.



  • No one needs to come to your bridal shower, or explain to you why they can't or won't be going.

    It doesn't sound like she's been anything but a great friend to you, including calling you out on your overinflated sense of self-importance. Invite her to the wedding.

  • You WERE being ridiculous. It's an invitation, not a subpoena.

    You owe her a huge apology.
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  • Your comments to her were Completely uncalled for. You owe her an apology.
  • Yes you need to invite her.  Right after you apologize to her.

    You should probably also grow up.  
  • I had several people not go to my shower. My cousin, a bridesmaid, lives 3 hours away and didn't attend any pre wedding events. It never once occurred to me to be even a little mad about any of it. If you are lucky, your friend will forgive you. I honestly wouldn't blame her if she is too hurt to forgive you for a while.
  • Do you not realize that THE most important event surrounding your wedding, is the actual wedding ceremony, right?  You are being unreasonable to your friend.  You seem more mad that she failed to attend a gift giving occasion.  

    Also, you had more than one bridal shower and the guest lists overlapped?  Way to loo gift grabby.
  • What you did was ridiculous and really, really fucking rude.  What a stupid thing to get your panties in a bunch about.
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  • That is an awful way to treat your friend. It blows my mind that you're considering not inviting her to your wedding because she didn't make it to your bridal shower. Petty and immature. 

    Most of my bridesmaids and a lot of close friends didn't make it to my engagement party and I don't expect them to make it to my bridal shower either. A lot of them live OOT or just have other things going on. It is NOT a legitimate reason to get mad. 

    I'm kind of surprised you have any friends at all if this is how you treat people, and if you blow up over something as silly as not attending a party. What would happen if a friend wasn't able to attend your wedding? Would you fire them out of a cannon? 
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  • Your reaction was completly uncalled for.  You need to apologize and hope she will forgive and I would be surprised if she even accepted the wedding invitation.
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  • What bothers me even more about this, with what everyone else has said, is what a shower actually is.  A shower is not some major life event. The reason I declined to have a shower is because I think they're ridiculous- a party for the sole purpose of opening presents?  It's not even the wedding, the real event. It's to open presents in honor of the real event.  You're upset that someone didn't come watch you open presents?  No one is running for president here.  This was so important to you that you'd disinvite her to your bachelorette and wedding?  End a friendship?  REALLY???
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  • I get that you're hurt. One of my friends flaked on my shower/bachelorette party and sent me a text the day before telling me she couldn't make it, because some guy she's jonesing on asked her to go away with him for the weekend. I was SUPER hurt. 

    But when you're in middle school and your friend hurts your feelings, you lash out like a drama queen and do things like un-invite them places and give back gifts they gave. 

    When you're an adult and your friend hurts your feelings, you write back a very polite text that says, "I'm so bummed you won't be able to make it! But have fun this weekend and can't wait to see you at the wedding!" Because that's just what you do.

    (Then you talk shit to your other friends about her horrible life decisions.... kidding! Sort of!) 
  • I call MUD.
    This.

    OP, your friend is a meanie for not attending your shower. Not only should you throw her bach money back in her face but you should post all over facebook how mean she is. Then defriend her. Tell her she's absolutely NOT invited to your wedding because friendship means presents at your shower and she didn't fulfill that role as BFF. Report her to the Better BFF Bureau for a breach of duty. And this is for you:
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  • larrygagalarrygaga member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    edited October 2014
  • You probably shouldn't invite her. She may get fat and look bad in your pictures. She's such a terrible friend for not coming, she probably will try to steal your FI and special day too.

    But really, FFS, stop it. Grow up.

  • I can understand you are hurt that she didn't give you an explanation. (Not saying she, or anyone, owes you an explanation--unless she RSVPd and then didn't show up--just that I get being peeved over it.) But the shower isn't the wedding. Most people think showers are huge drags. So try not to let it bother you. She's your friend. Unless she has a long and annoying history of flaking on events or hangouts and you are totally ready to call it quits, then just try to forgive and forget here. 

    And you definitely need to invite her. You need to invite everyone who is invited to a pre-wedding event to the actual wedding. That's pretty ironclad, so even if you guys aren't as close by then, she's still owed an invitation. 
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