Etiquette

Just need reassurance...

My FMIL has been amazing through my entire relationship with FI, who is her oldest son. She knows my personality is not prissy, but can't help herself with offering spa days, mani-pedis, facials, etc... I did get a "makeover" for my 25th birthday, and went for a girls' day out for mani-pedis with FMIL and FSIL. I enjoyed spending time with them; however, the activities are just not my style. I'm a wash-n-wear, throw on some mascara, jeans and a tee, hair in a ponytail and out the door kinda girl, who's idea of a fun day is go-karts, drag strip, or shooting range, and the occasional lazy day at the beach. Recently, FMIL celebrated her anniversary at the beach and spent almost the entire time riding around checking out possible rehearsal dinner spots, hotels for guests, etc. I appreciate all she and FFIL do, but I had to fuss at them that it was THEIR time, they should be enjoying each other, not worrying about FI and I. They brought home some wonderful information for us to look over, and she had pointed out one of the local salon's menus for bridal services. It would be a whole morning event, with brunch/champagne and pampering for myself, bridal party and her. I hadn't really given any thought to anything other than hair and pro make-up so my skin is nice and even in the pictures, and FI has been telling me to "just go with it, she enjoys doing this kinda thing." I guess I'm strange, I just can't wrap my head around an entire morning spent with multiple "attendants" fussing over me and my bridal party. I have plenty of time to mull it over, and I'm thinking it will be a nice way to relax before the day really kicks off.... I just feel awkward having people do things for me...does that make sense?
weddingcactusbnwright0721

Re: Just need reassurance...

  • LondonLisaLondonLisa London, UK
    Sixth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member
    You shouldn't do anything that you are not comfortable with or will make you uneasy, especially on the morning of your wedding. In an ideal situation, what is the way you envisage spending the morning of your wedding: Is it sleeping in and breakfast in bed? Yoga and some peaceful meditation? A long walk with your dog? etc etc.

    Whilst it sounds like you have no problem with going along with the spa day, it doesn't sound exactly how you would like to spend it. Maybe suggest having this the day before the wedding. How do you want your makeup for the wedding? Hair? If you are a no  makeup kind of person, you don't HAVE to have the full face and false eyelashes. First of all, if you DO go the makeup/ hair route, make sure that you have these people do a trial on you. If you are not used to wearing makeup, even basic foundation and eye liner can make you feel like Elizabeth Taylor in Cleopatra. This is a day where you want to feel like the most beautiful version of YOU.

    Whether you go or not, just think if it will make you on edge, or if you can just have fun with it. If you will be uncomfortable, I think it would be fair to say "FMIL, that is so sweet, could we do it the day/ weekend/whatever before the wedding? The morning of the wedding, I would really prefer to have it be a bit more quiet"

    Although one thing that WOULD be fantastic if you go for the spa would be a de-stressing massage. 
    simplyelise
  • My FMIL has been amazing through my entire relationship with FI, who is her oldest son. She knows my personality is not prissy, but can't help herself with offering spa days, mani-pedis, facials, etc... I did get a "makeover" for my 25th birthday, and went for a girls' day out for mani-pedis with FMIL and FSIL. I enjoyed spending time with them; however, the activities are just not my style. I'm a wash-n-wear, throw on some mascara, jeans and a tee, hair in a ponytail and out the door kinda girl, who's idea of a fun day is go-karts, drag strip, or shooting range, and the occasional lazy day at the beach. Recently, FMIL celebrated her anniversary at the beach and spent almost the entire time riding around checking out possible rehearsal dinner spots, hotels for guests, etc. I appreciate all she and FFIL do, but I had to fuss at them that it was THEIR time, they should be enjoying each other, not worrying about FI and I. They brought home some wonderful information for us to look over, and she had pointed out one of the local salon's menus for bridal services. It would be a whole morning event, with brunch/champagne and pampering for myself, bridal party and her. I hadn't really given any thought to anything other than hair and pro make-up so my skin is nice and even in the pictures, and FI has been telling me to "just go with it, she enjoys doing this kinda thing." I guess I'm strange, I just can't wrap my head around an entire morning spent with multiple "attendants" fussing over me and my bridal party. I have plenty of time to mull it over, and I'm thinking it will be a nice way to relax before the day really kicks off.... I just feel awkward having people do things for me...does that make sense?
    Paragraphs are your friend.

    Learn these phrases and love them:

    "Thanks so much for the information/thoughts/opinions/ideas. We'll think about it."
    "That's very interesting. Thanks for sharing."
    "How nice of you to think of us. [subject change]"
    "We haven't decided what we're doing about that, but thanks for bringing this up."

    Don't do anything you don't want to do. Don't verbally commit to anything. People love weddings. They'll offer up all kinds of unsolicited advice and ideas. Just say the things above. You'll want to feel like yourself on your wedding day. If feeling like yourself isn't being fawned over and sipping champagne all morning, don't do it. Simple as that. Do what you want here. No apologies. 

    You can do other things with your FMIL if you WANT to. I invited my FMIL to get mani/pedis the day before the wedding with everyone. She felt a part of things, but she was on her own for getting ready the day of. 
    *********************************************************************************

    image
  • Thanks for the advice :) I didn't think of going the day before to have the spa day.  

    We're having a late afternoon ceremony so that the sun will just begin to set over the bay and we'll still be able to have a few pics after. We're doing first look and most of our pics before hand so we can spend most of cocktail hour and the reception with our guests. Honestly, I was hoping to sleep in a little, have a nice breakfast with FI and then have time to prepare for the evening. 

    As for hair/make-up, I planned on setting up a trial run with the recommended stylist at the salon. I want to try airbrush make-up if they offer it, only because when I went for the "makeover" the girl at Clinique caked my face so thick (at least it felt very thick) that I felt very fake and I was afraid to smile because I thought the foundation/powder/goop would crack! I agree that I want to look as much like myself as possible on our wedding day; however, every make-up artist I've spoken with at various bridal events has warned me that in pictures my "DIY" approach will not show up very well and I may look blotchy and as if I have no eyelashes. I don't want to look like Mimi from Drew Carey, but I do want to have some professional tips and advice so I can enhance what I am already used to doing.




  • APDSS22APDSS22 O-K-L-A-H-O-M-A is OK
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    member

    Thanks for the advice :) I didn't think of going the day before to have the spa day.  


    We're having a late afternoon ceremony so that the sun will just begin to set over the bay and we'll still be able to have a few pics after. We're doing first look and most of our pics before hand so we can spend most of cocktail hour and the reception with our guests. Honestly, I was hoping to sleep in a little, have a nice breakfast with FI and then have time to prepare for the evening. 

    As for hair/make-up, I planned on setting up a trial run with the recommended stylist at the salon. I want to try airbrush make-up if they offer it, only because when I went for the "makeover" the girl at Clinique caked my face so thick (at least it felt very thick) that I felt very fake and I was afraid to smile because I thought the foundation/powder/goop would crack! I agree that I want to look as much like myself as possible on our wedding day; however, every make-up artist I've spoken with at various bridal events has warned me that in pictures my "DIY" approach will not show up very well and I may look blotchy and as if I have no eyelashes. I don't want to look like Mimi from Drew Carey, but I do want to have some professional tips and advice so I can enhance what I am already used to doing.




    I know what you mean. When I got married last year, I was just like you. I don't wear makeup or style my hair, I just put it up and go. I ended up getting my nails done with my SIL and MIL as well as my sister (MOH) my mom and my other bridesmaid the day before and makeup and hair the morning of with everyone.

    I found a salon that let me pick the music and we were just goofy, which helped me loosen up. I ended up with really understated makeup but false eyelashes (my first time wearing them) which helped them stand out for pictures. So more makeup than I'd ever worn but not crazy thick. At the trial, definitely mention you don't usually wear a lot of makeup and see what they do.

  • huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 Boston Suburbs
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    member
    You can find a makeup artist that will go more natural. That's what trials are for.

    My FMIL had her makeup done for her other son's wedding, and it came out so heavy, my husband said he didn't recognize her. 

    For our wedding, my makeup artist gave her natural makeup and she looked great.

    If you think the makeup was too heavy, find a different person.
    image
    image

    image


  • That may be the route I take, @APDSS22 ... I have been looking in to false lashes, and plan to get my nails done, no acrylic though. My nails are pretty good naturally (even with all than hand washing at the hospitals!), so I would prefer a nice simple manicure in a pale pink or French with my natural nails. 

    FI's cousins live in the area where we will be having our wedding and both used the same salon I am looking at. I will get the inside info from them about how laid back the consultants/stylists are...I can imagine they are pretty laid back with it being a beach town. Maybe they will allow us to choose some music and be goofy :)
  • lovesclimbinglovesclimbing Alaska
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    member
    Thanks for the advice :) I didn't think of going the day before to have the spa day.  

    We're having a late afternoon ceremony so that the sun will just begin to set over the bay and we'll still be able to have a few pics after. We're doing first look and most of our pics before hand so we can spend most of cocktail hour and the reception with our guests. Honestly, I was hoping to sleep in a little, have a nice breakfast with FI and then have time to prepare for the evening. 

    As for hair/make-up, I planned on setting up a trial run with the recommended stylist at the salon. I want to try airbrush make-up if they offer it, only because when I went for the "makeover" the girl at Clinique caked my face so thick (at least it felt very thick) that I felt very fake and I was afraid to smile because I thought the foundation/powder/goop would crack! I agree that I want to look as much like myself as possible on our wedding day; however, every make-up artist I've spoken with at various bridal events has warned me that in pictures my "DIY" approach will not show up very well and I may look blotchy and as if I have no eyelashes. I don't want to look like Mimi from Drew Carey, but I do want to have some professional tips and advice so I can enhance what I am already used to doing.




    Yea, they're saying this because they want you to book through them and get your money.

    My mom (a Mary Kay consultant, so not a professional make up artist, but she did know what she was doing) helped with my make up.  I used the regular foundation I use every day. I certainly did not look blotchy, and my eyelashes showed up just fine (with just mascara, no falsies).  I look absolutely gorgeous in my wedding photos!

  • I'm not one to do spa things as well - am most definitely wash and go lol. I am getting hair and makeup done the morning of the wedding. A few days before my mom and I are getting mani-pedis done as a treat. I've only had a mani-pedi once and mom never has so its definitely a treat. There isn't anything wrong with a little pampering for a once in a lifetime event. But if you would rather do something else then speak up.
  • I think a full morning of pampering would probably be a bit much for most brides, even those that like that sort of thing. coordinating doing that for the wedding party even more so. I'm not quite sure what the proposed pampering involves, but I generally associate that word with massages, facials, and nails. For weddings I've been in at 3 or 4 in the afternoon you'd be surprised at how much of a time crunch it ends up being just to get hair and make up done for the bridal party and the bride, get to the ceremony location, get dressed, and get pictures done before the ceremony. 

    Even if your wedding is a little later, I'd be surprised to know you could fit much more than that in. I would recommend doing any "pampering" the day before, especially including things like nails. I also wouldn't get a facial closer than a week before the wedding in case your skin ends up having a reaction or gets very exfoliated. I love massages, but again, I think lying there getting a massage would be a better day before activity. 
    image
  • melbensomelbenso Hoth, apparently
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Third Anniversary First Answer
    member
    edited October 2014
    I too am not a girly girl.  I spend about 20 minutes getting ready each morning, including my shower.  But I did do a salon morning with my bridesmaids and my mom the day of the wedding (also invited MIL, but she declined).  We didn't do the whole facials, massages thing by plan.  But we did do hair and make up, and the salon by my house gives mini-facials or hand massages while you are being shampooed. We also had champagne and sandwiches (because our appointments ran into lunch and starving on your wedding day is bad).  It was actually a lot of fun.

    And as a non-girly girl, not having to worry about getting my hair and make up right on my own was really nice.  You will have a million little things to worry/stress about the morning of your wedding, even if you are usually laid back and calm. While a full spa morning seems a bit much, getting your hair and/or make up done might be something you want to consider - assuming it's not price prohibitive - just so you have one less thing to worry about.

    ETA - I also got a manicure/pedicure and had my eyebrows waxed two days before the wedding, for a little pre-wedding pampering.
    image
  • Definitely plan on pro hair, my idea of "doing my hair" is blow drying and running a flat iron through it ...I want to do a make-up trial, or a few, to see what looks nice and feels comfortable without going overboard. 
    @lovesclimbing...I use Mabelline Falsies in blackest black mascara, and in a the pics that my FI's stepdad took of us for various occasions (engagement, prom, homecoming etc), and candids (parties,events) it depends on how close-up the shot is whether you can tell I'm wearing anything at all :( ... I know professionals have much better equipment and higher def lenses etc, I just want to look nice. I honestly don't even know how to apply make-up other than chap stick and mascara! 
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards