My Maid of Honor is Pregnant

Knottie44669788 · October 2014

My Maid of Honor just told me she is pregnant and due around 6 weeks before our wedding. She told me it will all be okay with the bachelorette party, she will be able to go out the second weekend in June "just fine". I don't have children, so I am not sure if that is even healthy or if she will even be up to it. Any ideas on how to approach her about this? She's one of those people that doesn't face the facts of the situation.

Also, does anyone have suggestions about getting measured for her dress size?

Overall, I'm just looking for advice. I was taken off guard a bit by the news.

Thanks!

thisismynickname2 · October 2014

Knottie44669788 said:

My Maid of Honor just told me she is pregnant and due around May 15. Our wedding is June 27. She told me it will all be okay with the bachelorette party, she will be able to go out the second weekend in June "just fine". I don't have children, so I am not sure if that is even healthy or if she will even be up to it. Any ideas on how to approach her about this? She's one of those people that doesn't face the facts of the situation.

Also, does anyone have suggestions about getting measured for her dress size?

Thanks!

What exciting news! So, a bachelorette a month after giving birth. Tough one... she may very well still be breastfeeding which means she cannot be away from the baby for too long.

I think it's important to know, to provide you with advice, if she volunteered this information to you (and offered to throw you the party on that date) or if you asked her to plan this for you on that date. Was there an original tentative plan (just dinner and a night out, or a full day of activities)?

For the record, I had a close friend with a pregnancy while I was engaged, and we choose to have a very early bachelorette partially so she could attend while pregnant rather than while dealing with newborn needs.

Do you have other bridesmaids? Are they aware of this situation? How have they reacted to the pregnancy (besides surely excitement)?

Maggie0829 · October 2014

Knottie44669788 said:

My Maid of Honor just told me she is pregnant and due around May 15. Our wedding is June 27. She told me it will all be okay with the bachelorette party, she will be able to go out the second weekend in June "just fine". I don't have children, so I am not sure if that is even healthy or if she will even be up to it. Any ideas on how to approach her about this? She's one of those people that doesn't face the facts of the situation.

Also, does anyone have suggestions about getting measured for her dress size?

Thanks!

You shouldn't approach her about anything. This is her decision, not yours. Just don't be surprised if she changes her mind at the last minute because honestly she really won't know what she is and is not up to until her baby arrives.

As for her dress, I would ask the bridal salon what they suggest. They will most likely tell her to order a larger size then she currently is because it is always better to have to take it in then have to struggle to let it out. And she will have no clue what her body will be like after she has her baby.

atlastmrsg · October 2014

Your friend can handle things from here. She can decide whether to pump and dump to drink/attend your party or whether she'll just drop in to say hi, what dress to buy, all the details... She's an adult. Don't micro-manage her or put a lot of expectations on her. Obviously she's decided she can handle being in your wedding and having a baby, which means that she's capable of getting a dress and showing up at the appointed time.

[Deleted User] · October 2014

Yay for babies! You jumped up and down and cheered for your friend, right? You didn't make her pregnancy all about your wedding, did you? Looks like you might have a baby shower to plan for her while she's planning a bridal shower for you. Sounds like you guys are going to have a great Spring!!!

OliveOilsMom · October 2014

The other posters gave great advice regarding the b-party. Just go with the flow until your friend says she can't make it. But let her be the one to decide. _______________________________________________________________________________ As for the dress, can you just let all your girls buy a neutral colored dress? That way your MOH can buy her dress after the baby is born. Your wedding is a month and a half past her due date, her body could be almost any size! If she is BFing, her breasts may be huge! Her hips may have changed too. The easiest thing to do would be to tell all your girls to go buy any navy (for example) dress. Your MOH could wait until the week before your wedding to purchase something off the rack and her body shouldn't change much more in the final week. ______________________________________________________________________________ My BFF was in a wedding where the bride made her get measured for her dress while 8 months pregnant. By the time the wedding came (and there was more than enough time to wait until after the baby was born to get measured and order), my friend lost a lot of the baby weight and the dress had to get ripped apart, all the boning removed, and restructured. She spent just as much on alterations as the dress cost. So please consider this when you ask your MOH to purchase a dress that may end up being way too big for her - post baby.

alpacalunch · October 2014

That's so exciting!!! Yay for babies!! One of my BMs is due about three months before my FI and I are getting hitched, and it's so much happiness I can hardly stand it!

I'm going to let her dictate what she is and isn't up to, and to be extra forgiving if she needs to back out of things last minute.

I also have no kids yet, so it's hard to know what is and isn't a good idea, so I highly recommend backing off, and letting her enjoy this time.

Just celebrate with your friend, don't focus on how it'll impact you.

[Deleted User] · October 2014

I vote cross that bridge when you get to it. Like you said, it's hard to predict how she is going to be at that time. She may be great, but if there are complications, she may not be able to do anything. Do you have any other BM, friend or family member that can help her out with the planning to lighten her planning load & who can take over in case she isn't able to attend after having the baby? I'm guessing someone else would probably be doing the bridal shower based on when showers normally take place prior to the wedding & when her due date is. If so, after the holidays, just have them approach your MOH and say "If there is anything I can do to help with the planning of everything, please feel free to ask."

[Deleted User] · October 2014

Erikan73 said:

I vote cross that bridge when you get to it. Like you said, it's hard to predict how she is going to be at that time. She may be great, but if there are complications, she may not be able to do anything. Do you have any other BM, friend or family member that can help her out with the planning to lighten her planning load & who can take over in case she isn't able to attend after having the baby? I'm guessing someone else would probably be doing the bridal shower based on when showers normally take place prior to the wedding & when her due date is. If so, after the holidays, just have them approach your MOH and say "If there is anything I can do to help with the planning of everything, please feel free to ask."

----------------------SITB--------------------------------------
NO. Do not suggest that another of your bridesmaids, sisters, friends, mothers, aunts, or anybody else seek out MOH to help. Now, if they approach each other, all is fine, but do not suggest it. She's having a baby, not going through chemo! Be there as her friend to be excited for her pregnancy. If she asks for your help with something, try to assist. But do not, Do Not, DO NOT request people help her out. If she or anybody else does not throw you a party, you don't get a party.

cowgirl8238 · October 2014

I would do the following:

A) Celebrate there's a bby coming

Don't worry about the B-Party or Bridal Shower. If she is able to host/attend she will. If not, that sucks but it happens. While we all hope for a smooth and easy 9 months, sometimes things happen. She may be breast feeding, she may not. I say let her decide what to do.

C) Have her choose a dress off the rack before the wedding. This is by far the easiest thing to do. It is especially easy since she is the MOH (i.e. a different color will look intentional to help her stand out). Also, you can just let all your BM's pick their own dresses in a certain color/color pallet.

D) DON'T push her or anyone else into doing things. Make sure you are not expecting too much (i.e. more than getting a dress and showing up on time, sober and smiling on the wedidng day).

Don't worry, you will still have a great day!

SachaBee · October 2014

I want to be nice, and you've gotten a lot of good, measured advice so far, but all I can really say is:

Your bachelorette party is 6000% less important than your friend's baby. IT ISN'T EVEN THE WEDDING.

Knottie44669788 · October 2014

In the end, the bachelorette party isn't really what I'm worried about.. It's about my soon-to-be husband and I, not going out to party "one last time". I shouldn't say I am worried at all... I am very excited for her! I was just taken off guard, that's all, and was looking for advice on how people dealt with it, advice they had, etc. That's all!

abbyj700 · October 2014

Knottie44669788 said:

In the end, the bachelorette party isn't really what I'm worried about.. It's about my soon-to-be husband and I, not going out to party "one last time". I shouldn't say I am worried at all... I am very excited for her! I was just taken off guard, that's all, and was looking for advice on how people dealt with it, advice they had, etc. That's all!

Huh? How are you somehow worried about your soon to be husband and you because your friend is having a baby?

You were taken off guard? And need advice on how to deal with a joyous occassion in your friends life that happens to be taking place in the same year as your wedding?

Liatris2010 · October 2014

Knottie44669788 said:

In the end, the bachelorette party isn't really what I'm worried about.. It's about my soon-to-be husband and I, not going out to party "one last time". I shouldn't say I am worried at all... I am very excited for her! I was just taken off guard, that's all, and was looking for advice on how people dealt with it, advice they had, etc. That's all!

I don't understand. How does MOH's pregnancy affect FI's bachelor party plans?

I also don't get the one last time thing. My H and I still go out to party, together and separately. Why does getting married mean you have to stay home and be boring?

Also, so what if MOH can't attend or plan a bachelorette party for you? Someone else will offer or you won't have one. NBD, you can plan a girls' night out anytime you wish.

YourDogDontKnowSit · October 2014

I'm pretty sure she was saying that her wedding day, and all of the hoopla leading up to it, is about her and her future husband - so she's not concerned about the pregnant MOH "ruining" her fun, she only cares that she ends up married, and she was just asking advice. So OP has a good attitude.

perdonami · October 2014

YourDogDontKnowSit said:

I'm pretty sure she was saying that her wedding day, and all of the hoopla leading up to it, is about her and her future husband - so she's not concerned about the pregnant MOH "ruining" her fun, she only cares that she ends up married, and she was just asking advice. So OP has a good attitude.

Agreed, sometimes we are too quick to attack.

OliveOilsMom.

OliveOilsMom said:

The other posters gave great advice regarding the b-party. Just go with the flow until your friend says she can't make it. But let her be the one to decide. _______________________________________________________________________________ As for the dress, can you just let all your girls buy a neutral colored dress? That way your MOH can buy her dress after the baby is born. Your wedding is a month and a half past her due date, her body could be almost any size! If she is BFing, her breasts may be huge! Her hips may have changed too. The easiest thing to do would be to tell all your girls to go buy any navy (for example) dress. Your MOH could wait until the week before your wedding to purchase something off the rack and her body shouldn't change much more in the final week. ______________________________________________________________________________

This is some really good advice to consider.

southernbelle0915 · October 2014

Sometimes I think it's cool when the MOH is in a different dress than the other BMs. In your scenario, this might work really well because they can buy the dress they need and then your MOH can pick something out closer to the wedding after she has her kid. You could go shopping together and it'd be fun! Here are some pics to show you what I mean:

Knottie44669788 · October 2014

Thank you. I guess I wasn't clear.. You are right on what I meant. I'm not concerned about all the parties and everything leading up to it. In the end, it's about me and my fiance getting married.

I am excited for my friend. All I was looking for advice on how people handled dress shopping and whatnot! People were too quick to react. I did not mean for this to be a negative post what-so-ever.

Maggie0829 · October 2014

Knottie44669788 said:

Thank you. I guess I wasn't clear.. You are right on what I meant. I'm not concerned about all the parties and everything leading up to it. In the end, it's about me and my fiance getting married.

I am excited for my friend. All I was looking for advice on how people handled dress shopping and whatnot! People were too quick to react. I did not mean for this to be a negative post what-so-ever.

I'm sorry but your OP was not just about how to handle the dress issue. The main portion was about how to talk to your friend about the bach party and whether or not you think she will be up to attending. Everyone answered your question and in a pretty calm manner as well so I don't think anyone was too quick to react.

And if you weren't concerned about any of the parties leading up to the wedding then you wouldn't even be questioning how to talk to your friend about her attending your bach party. You would instead just let things happen how they happen. So to say you don't care is a bit untrue,

We can only go buy what you write so unfortunately sometimes misinterpretation of what you write, especially in your second post when things aren't super clear, happens.

knottie75e99fe4be548d97 · October 2014

My cousin was pregnant when we were picking out dresses. I think by the time we ordered she may have had the baby, but was carrying extra lbs. I let her choose the size she wanted and left it to her to own (I mean that in the nicest way - it was something I had no control over, so why stress?) I actually thought she chose a dress too small, but didn't say anything other than letting her know what size fit me for a reference point and let her own the issue. Ultimately, she showed up in the dress and all was well. I know you want to help your friend, but really the only thing to do (if she asks for your input!) would be to suggest ordering a larger size and having her go the week or two beforehand for alterations to bring it in to however small she gets. As for the parties, again, let her decide how she wants to handle and if she'll attend. It is hard to know so far in advance how she'll feel, but it sounds like she wants to be there to support you, so I would trust she will be unless something really unexpected happens.

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