Question on Lateness

pinkcow13 · October 2014

This is really an etiquette question, but you ladies are awesome, so I'll ask here

FI and I are not putting a fake time on our invitations. Ceremony will start at 6 sharp. Our family and friends, though, tend to be late to everything. (We are Hispanic, so 5PM on an invitation means the party starts at 7, and people should arrive at 8). Many people in our crew do the fake time thing, because lateness is such a chronic issue.

My question is this. Would it be rude to stress on our wedding website that our wedding will be starting at 6 SHARP? I'm not going to write a cutesy poem or anything, but maybe something like "Please be aware that the ceremony will be starting promptly at 6PM. We encourage you to arrive a few minutes prior to 6 in order to ensure that you are seated on time." Or something along those lines, I don't have the wording down packed.

Or would this be rude to do, specifically for the few people that we know that arrive on time? Would word of mouth work best in this case?

ETA: Paragraphs of course

kat1114 · October 2014

I would try word of mouth. I also have a Mexican family that is late to everything, specifically my uncles. Without prodding from me, my grandma made sure to tell my uncle he actually has to be there BEFORE the time on the invite. I didn't know this until my nana told me a few weeks ago, but my uncle was actually late to my mom's wedding and missed the ceremony.

Also, I think we might try to knock out some family pics before the ceremony, which should help with the timeliness issue.

lc07 · October 2014

I would spread via word of mouth. If you put something on your website, I would leave it as "promptly at 6 pm". That is not patronizing, however the part about seating yourself prior could come across that way since "promptly at 6" makes that part obvious, KWIM?

bethsmiles · October 2014

I wouldn't be offended if I saw that on your wedding website. I don't know for sure what the etiquette is on this but I think it would be fine.

I also agree with @kat1114 that spreading the hard start time by word of mouth is a good idea.

I really can't stand lateness. It is so rude, especially to an event like a wedding.

pinkcow13 · October 2014

lc07. I can see how that would come across as patronizing. Word of mouth will probably be the best option.

And yea, lateness is so rude. I can't tell you how many times we have had to wait at restaurant bars during b-day dinners because someone was (of course) at least half an hour late. And the hostess would refuse to seat us until the whole party had arrived.

thisismynickname2 · October 2014

I'm not sure if this would work, but here's another idea. Why not put a schedule on the website? Ceremony: 6pm Cocktail Hour: 6:30pm Seated Dinner: 7:30pm To me, that shows that there is no intention of starting late as it would push back the rest of the fun stuff.

pinkcow13 · October 2014

thisismynickname said:

I'm not sure if this would work, but here's another idea. Why not put a schedule on the website? Ceremony: 6pm Cocktail Hour: 6:30pm Seated Dinner: 7:30pm To me, that shows that there is no intention of starting late as it would push back the rest of the fun stuff.

STUCK
This is a good idea! I think I will start with word of mouth. Usually with FI's family, there are huge gatherings around the holidays, so the word will spread fast. And adding in the schedule will show that there won't be any pushing back.

steph861 · October 2014

Definitely try word of mouth. If there's one thing I've learned during the whole wedding planning process, it's that most people don't look at the website in detail, if at all.

princessleia22 · October 2014

Yeah, I thinking it's probably a good idea to state it as promptly at 6:00 p.m. And spread via word of mouth, since not everyone looks at websites or would take it as serious. I would also probably institute a policy that anyone that arrives after the ceremony has started will be seated in the back of the room so as not to interrupt the ceremony... and spread that via word of mouth. My family is also chronically late (we always tell my dad start time is 1/2 hour early... and he usually arrive right on time). But, if someone stated that it would start promptly at 6pm, and anyone late has to sit in the back row, I'd probably try to get there on time if it was anyone I cared at all about.

Sugargirl1019 · October 2014

My venue LOCKED THE CHAPEL DOORS when the ceremony started!! NO ONE was admitted during it.

Mwahahahaha it was awesome.

jynxiie · October 2014

My venue is doing the same thing, they're not letting people in once the ceremony begins.

jynxiie · October 2014

Yeah the layout of our venue would make it impossible.

Everyone is sitting at their tables for the reception, so they'd have to figure out where they're sitting, find that table, etc... So yeah, we're word of mouthing that doors will be closing at 3:15.

doeydo · October 2014

pinkcow13 said:

lc07. I can see how that would come across as patronizing. Word of mouth will probably be the best option.

And yea, lateness is so rude. I can't tell you how many times we have had to wait at restaurant bars during b-day dinners because someone was (of course) at least half an hour late. And the hostess would refuse to seat us until the whole party had arrived.

Ugh, I'd be so pissed I would honestly want to just get seated with the party of 6 instead of 7. Late people that don't give a shit about other people's time can be disappointed not to have a seat when they come halfway through dinner.

raissyrais · October 2014

@pinkcow13 People from the island I come from too are always SOOOOOOO late. 7pm really means 8h30pm. My mother said it would be better to put the time on the invitations 30 mins before the actual start time (everyone in Mauritius does that) but I told her that's not happening since FI's family from the UK and they will be mortified to be on time and having to wait 30mins for late comers. So my mother and MOH are just saying gently but firmly to people that the wedding is starting promptly at 5h30pm and all latecomers will have to stand at the entrance if the bride has already walked down and the ceremony has started. They can then take a seat quietly but of course they'll look bad and not you! I cannot stand lateness and I have no idea why it has become so acceptable to some people.

ElcaB · October 2014

Not only would I add that to the website, but I'd spread the word, too. Lots of people don't look at wedding websites.

It wouldn't offend me at all to read that.

melbenso · October 2014

I'd go with word of mouth as well. DH's family is perpetually, drasticly late, but they were on time for our ceremony. I simply mentioned to my MIL (and stressed it again the night before the ceremony) that our ceremony would be starting at 4, just like the invitation said. And that anyone who wasn't there was just going to miss it. Everyone was there by 4 when i walked down the aisle.

sarahufl · October 2014

I would put it on the website. I think the way you have it worded is fine. I would also spread it by word of mouth.

On a side note, Hispanic or not, I cannot fathom why people think this is ok!!! My friend is Cuban, getting married in a few weeks. They put a fake start time on their invites because of this. The invite said 3:30, they plan to start at 4. I just can't imagine not getting my act together in time to be at SOMEONE'S WEDDING.

That said, I will be at the church at 3:20 to make sure I get a good seat and get situated. I am not a late person.

pinkcow13 · October 2014

raissyrais, I think it's the Island culture, everyone is just soo laid back. It's expected at family events that people will be late, which sucks.

sarahufl, I don't get it, either. I just don't understand what is so hard about being able to figure out what time to start getting ready in order to arrive somewhere on time. I'll even forgo doing my nails, or not doing something fancy with my hair if I'm running late to ensure that I don't show up late.

doeydo a couple of years ago for my friends birthday, she had a bday dinner with about 7 of us. She stressed that everyone please show up on time as the restaurant would not seat us unless the whole party was there. FI and I showed up super early, and we ended up going to a nearby bar to wait for everyone. We were pretty hungry since we knew we would have a big meal. So 6 of us are there on time waiting on one girl. 10 minutes go by, my friend calls, no answer. We waited for this girl for 45 MINUTES, and her phone kept ringing, she was not answering texts. We assumed she flaked, and finally got seated. As we are halfway through our meals, the girl strolls in, and then has the NERVE to order food, which means we then had to wait for her to finish her meal. I was sooooo angry at this inconsiderate fool, and it was my first time meeting her.

princessleia22 · October 2014

At my sisters wedding, she was all ready to walk down the aisle, and then we had a bit of a freak out because her favorite aunt wasn't there yet. While getting ready, my sister mentioned a few times that it felt odd that this aunt wasn't there helping her get ready, so they are very close. We were trying to figure out how far away the aunt was and if we needed to delay the wedding by a few minutes, just start without her, or if we should even let bride know she wasn't there yet. That is probably one of the only people bride would consider starting late for, but we didn't want to inconvenience all the other guests that actually arrived on time. Luckily, they showed up right at the last minute, but it added some major stress.

Ndelible · October 2014

I put a simple "the ceremony is starting promptly at 4pm" I'll have to add to arrive 15 minutes early, per the chapel's instructions. My family is notoriously late for everything, so I have also told them, we are starting on time. Other than I and FH, if no one is there, we getting married. They will just have to deal. Or watch on the internets.

pinkcow13 · October 2014

I guess at the end of the day, there is only so much you can do. Our venue has has these huge glass windows/doors. Maybe the venue will not even allow them in during the ceremony, as I imagine that would be really distracting. Since we are doing a first look, at least the really important family members and friends will definitely be on time!

canadianhearts · October 2014

Two of my best friends and bridesmaids are notoriously late to everything due to their extremely busy schedules. When they said they wanted to come to my wedding dress shopping appointment*, I joked with my FI that I would tell them to meet me two hours before the actual start time to make sure they were only a little late. Of course, I didn't, because I figured: 1.) lying to my friends/family would make me feel bad, 2.) they're adults, 3.) if they really want to be there, they'll make it work with their schedule. Lo and behold, they were the first ones to arrive - and early! For the first time in our adult lives. I genuinely think if it matters to people and they are aware that the event will start without them, they will find a way to be on time.

That being said, I do think that spreading the message by a word of mouth is a good idea, especially if in your family lateness is the norm and ceremonies/events might be sometimes delayed to accommodate late guests.

*Just a fyi: My bridal party chose to come dress shopping since we're all SFAM and they genuinely wanted to be there, this wasn't me being a bridezilla and forcing anyone to attend my special snowflake moment.

abbyj700 · October 2014

canadianhearts said:

Two of my best friends and bridesmaids are notoriously late to everything due to their extremely busy schedules. When they said they wanted to come to my wedding dress shopping appointment*, I joked with my FI that I would tell them to meet me two hours before the actual start time to make sure they were only a little late. Of course, I didn't, because I figured: 1.) lying to my friends/family would make me feel bad, 2.) they're adults, 3.) if they really want to be there, they'll make it work with their schedule. Lo and behold, they were the first ones to arrive - and early! For the first time in our adult lives. I genuinely think if it matters to people and they are aware that the event will start without them, they will find a way to be on time.

That being said, I do think that spreading the message by a word of mouth is a good idea, especially if in your family lateness is the norm and ceremonies/events might be sometimes delayed to accommodate late guests.

*Just a fyi: My bridal party chose to come dress shopping since we're all SFAM and they genuinely wanted to be there, this wasn't me being a bridezilla and forcing anyone to attend my special snowflake moment.

To the bolded - business is not a reason for being rude. Being late is being rude. Don't let them have a free pass.

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