So about seating...

novella1186 · October 2014

I'm super naive about this. I haven't been to a ton of weddings and have definitely never planned one before. I get the whole thing with the escort cards when you walk in, and it says your name and table number, and then you go find your table. I've done this at other people's weddings. Simple. But I keep seeing photos of place cards at each individual place setting on the tables. Is it normal to tell a person specifically which chair they're supposed to sit in? (I've never witnessed this one in real life from what I can remember). How common is that?

Do you do the escort cards so they find their table but then also have the place cards so they find their exact chair? That seems like a lot of work, and a lot of directing.

For you married ladies, what did you do for your wedding, and how well did it work? Would you do anything different?

slothiegal · October 2014

We did escort cards for each individual, with just a table number--guests were free to choose their own seat once they got to there. We marked each card in the corner; the servers would know how many meals per table, and then once they arrived, they would look at the cards to know which dish to deliver to each seat (ie a red sticker meant they got lamb, a green sticker meant they got the vegetarian option, etc.). It worked out great!

penguin44 · October 2014

I printed and framed a list showing each table number with names underneath. I didn't want to deal with making individual cards.

Place cards are only necessary if you want to assign seats. Escort cards are for them to reserve a seat at the table you assigned. So you don't need both. Or either really.

Maggie0829 · October 2014

I have never been to a wedding where my actual seat was designated. But all weddings I have been to my table was assigned (got to pick my own seat).

I think assigning seats if you have any more then like 15 guests is a bit extreme and controlling. Just assign them to a table and let your guests decide which seat to sit at at that table.

aurianna · October 2014

Confession: We assigned individual seats at our wedding, however most of our tables were long, 30 person tables, so assigning specific seats to everyone was the best way I could think of to make sure friends got to sit together and that any divisions in social groups per table had people with similar interests to bridge the gap
ie table 1 was like this: young work friends to older work friends to mom's work friends to mom's other friends. table 2 was like this: his maternal cousins then my college girl friends I wanted to hook up with his cousins and then my geeky college friends and then his geeky paternal cousins. (and I say geeky with all the love in my heart as I'm a huge nerd).

But if you're doing the standard 8-12 people tables, just assigning tables is prob the way to go

Bubblegum5586 · October 2014

Every wedding I have been to but one was just assigned to a table. There is really no need for more then that unless similar to what @auianna said. The one wedding I went to was one big long table of like 80 so yea those were specifically assigned seats. Which honestly I heard was a nightmare for the B&G. So save yourself the trouble and jsut do tables!

aurianna · October 2014

Our seating chart definitely took a while. I had to draft it and redraft it to make it all fit right (aka sticky notes on a piece of poster board). In the end I think it was well crafted, the room looked amazing, and more than one person told my mother thanks for the people we'd seated them with.
But assigned tables... probably way easier.

JaxInBlue · October 2014

Another confession: There was drama, TONS OF DRAMA, over the seating for our reception. This person couldn't sit with that person. This person needed to sit with that person (not in an SO/family kind of way). My mom wanted to avoid a few people she doesn't enjoy talking to even in group settings.

Andplusalso, our venue wanted a breakdown of meals by table because we had several serious food allergies that needed to be accommodated. With indications on the placecard about who was eating what.

With that, we elected to do an escort board and assigned seats at tables. It took forever but it didn't seem to bother anyone day of. I wouldn't recommend it, but it worked for our situation.

allispain · October 2014

penguin44 said:

I printed and framed a list showing each table number with names underneath. I didn't want to deal with making individual cards. Place cards are only necessary if you want to assign seats. Escort cards are for them to reserve a seat at the table you assigned. So you don't need both. Or either really.

SITB

All of this. Making a board saved me a lot of time, effort, and hassle (I did it DIY) and we only assigned tables.

novella1186 · October 2014

aurianna said:

Confession: We assigned individual seats at our wedding, however most of our tables were long, 30 person tables, so assigning specific seats to everyone was the best way I could think of to make sure friends got to sit together and that any divisions in social groups per table had people with similar interests to bridge the gap
ie table 1 was like this: young work friends to older work friends to mom's work friends to mom's other friends. table 2 was like this: his maternal cousins then my college girl friends I wanted to hook up with his cousins and then my geeky college friends and then his geeky paternal cousins. (and I say geeky with all the love in my heart as I'm a huge nerd).

But if you're doing the standard 8-12 people tables, just assigning tables is prob the way to go

Ok this hadn't even occurred to me. We're doing really long tables as well, about 30 ppl per table. In this case, is it better to assign seats? Does that make it easier for people, or do you Knotties think they'd still prefer to find their own seat? Would friend groups most likely get split up? What would you prefer if you attended a wedding like this?

aurianna · October 2014

There are a few things to take into consideration:
Do you have an extra table or two, or pretty much just enough to fit everyone?
If you have no room to spare you need to at least do assigned tables

How many social groups do you think you'll have per table?
If you're going to have 30 people who all know each other at the table, then it's not as imperative. But if you have three social groups and none of them know each other, it's very possible that groups will get split up.
An alternative to assigned seats is you could try to kind of make "sections" in the table and just assign sections (though I don't have a creative idea on how to do this). But with assigned seats you can control the people on the edges and put people with common interests together (but as long as the parties aren't separated this isn't imperative; just nice).

The only other thing about long tables that made me like the assignments.... when presented with a table and people they don't know, people might leave a a seat or two as a buffer. If the tables are full up, it's possible a couple will come to the table and won't be able to sit together unless possibly 15 people stand up and scoot over taking their water glasses, coats and bags with them. So if you don't assign seats or at least sections, maybe have two seats extra per social group at the table just to make it easier for late comers to find seats at the right place / make it less work if people need to shift a bit.

annieandandy2014 · October 2014

Meh. I'm controlling so I'll do both escort and place cards with meal choice indicated. I don't need to, but I want a visual in my brain of who will be where. It's definitely not necessary, but it makes me feel better. I won't notice/care if people move day of, but right now I like to know the details!

lc07 · October 2014

Most weddings I attend just have escort cards and then we pick the seats we want at the table. People seem to be courteous and sit side by side so couples can sit together.

I have attended a couple weddings where there was a seating chart - not cards - given to find your table, and then once you got to the table, there were place cards telling you which seat was yours. That worked well, too.

Nymeru · October 2014

We made a chart that told people which table to sit at, and then had individual name cards at each seat. It took some time to do, but worked out really well.

simplyelise · October 2014

I've been to about 20 weddings and only one has had assigned seating! Most just reserve tables for family and wedding party.

But the one I went to with assignments had a large framed poster with each table number and the guests assigned there. It worked really well. If you decide to do cards at the plate, I'd definitely recommend only doing a sign for the entrance.

Liatris2010 · October 2014

novella1186 said:

aurianna said:

Confession: We assigned individual seats at our wedding, however most of our tables were long, 30 person tables, so assigning specific seats to everyone was the best way I could think of to make sure friends got to sit together and that any divisions in social groups per table had people with similar interests to bridge the gap
ie table 1 was like this: young work friends to older work friends to mom's work friends to mom's other friends. table 2 was like this: his maternal cousins then my college girl friends I wanted to hook up with his cousins and then my geeky college friends and then his geeky paternal cousins. (and I say geeky with all the love in my heart as I'm a huge nerd).

But if you're doing the standard 8-12 people tables, just assigning tables is prob the way to go

Ok this hadn't even occurred to me. We're doing really long tables as well, about 30 ppl per table. In this case, is it better to assign seats? Does that make it easier for people, or do you Knotties think they'd still prefer to find their own seat? Would friend groups most likely get split up? What would you prefer if you attended a wedding like this?

Yes. I think it makes it better. I'd also sit spouses across from another.

MandyMost · October 2014

Liatris2010 said:

novella1186 said:

aurianna said:

Confession: We assigned individual seats at our wedding, however most of our tables were long, 30 person tables, so assigning specific seats to everyone was the best way I could think of to make sure friends got to sit together and that any divisions in social groups per table had people with similar interests to bridge the gap
ie table 1 was like this: young work friends to older work friends to mom's work friends to mom's other friends. table 2 was like this: his maternal cousins then my college girl friends I wanted to hook up with his cousins and then my geeky college friends and then his geeky paternal cousins. (and I say geeky with all the love in my heart as I'm a huge nerd).

But if you're doing the standard 8-12 people tables, just assigning tables is prob the way to go

Ok this hadn't even occurred to me. We're doing really long tables as well, about 30 ppl per table. In this case, is it better to assign seats? Does that make it easier for people, or do you Knotties think they'd still prefer to find their own seat? Would friend groups most likely get split up? What would you prefer if you attended a wedding like this?

Yes. I think it makes it better. I'd also sit spouses across from another.

My rehearsal dinner will be about 30 people, and we're going to have 2 long tables. I'm planning to assign seating, since we have 3 clearly separate social groupings and also some very different political/religious views...I also think it is nice to have that sort of formal dinner party feel. I was wondering if it was typical to sit couples across or next to each other. I mean, my fiance and I were planning to sit next to each other...so it would seem weird to put other couples across from each other, right? What do you all think?!

graciegra · October 2014

MandyMost said:

Liatris2010 said:

novella1186 said:

aurianna said:

Confession: We assigned individual seats at our wedding, however most of our tables were long, 30 person tables, so assigning specific seats to everyone was the best way I could think of to make sure friends got to sit together and that any divisions in social groups per table had people with similar interests to bridge the gap
ie table 1 was like this: young work friends to older work friends to mom's work friends to mom's other friends. table 2 was like this: his maternal cousins then my college girl friends I wanted to hook up with his cousins and then my geeky college friends and then his geeky paternal cousins. (and I say geeky with all the love in my heart as I'm a huge nerd).

But if you're doing the standard 8-12 people tables, just assigning tables is prob the way to go

Ok this hadn't even occurred to me. We're doing really long tables as well, about 30 ppl per table. In this case, is it better to assign seats? Does that make it easier for people, or do you Knotties think they'd still prefer to find their own seat? Would friend groups most likely get split up? What would you prefer if you attended a wedding like this?

Yes. I think it makes it better. I'd also sit spouses across from another.

My rehearsal dinner will be about 30 people, and we're going to have 2 long tables. I'm planning to assign seating, since we have 3 clearly separate social groupings and also some very different political/religious views...I also think it is nice to have that sort of formal dinner party feel. I was wondering if it was typical to sit couples across or next to each other. I mean, my fiance and I were planning to sit next to each other...so it would seem weird to put other couples across from each other, right? What do you all think?!

So for a smaller dinner party, I encourage breaking up couples though it adds to the planning. For a large party, especially a wedding, I'd put the couples near each other. Next to each other will encourage them to talk to others more as they'll be looking across to someone new.

novella1186 · October 2014

So if you ladies went to a wedding with seating like this that had place cards for each person, you wouldn't be annoyed and totally side-eye?

Nymeru · October 2014

Not at all. I'd respect that you'd taken the time to arrange the seating. I'd just be praying that the people around me were people I liked/would get along with.

aurianna · October 2014

novella1186 said:

So if you ladies went to a wedding with seating like this that had place cards for each person, you wouldn't be annoyed and totally side-eye?

oof. I hope not, or we made a mistake!

Some people might find it a little controlling but I'm hoping that the majority will like not having to worry about who to sit with and might even enjoy getting put with people they like.

thisismynickname2 · October 2014

Just to add some reassurance, assigning tables wasn't nearly as difficult as I thought it was going to be. In fact, it was a little like playing Tetris! I grouped everyone on a spreadsheet and color-coded it. The blue set all went to college together. The red set all went to high school together. The green set is this branch of that family. Since groups don't come in neat packages of 8-12 (or 30, wow), then it came down to numbers. Would this small group of four fit socially with this or that group of 6? Could I split this group of 12 and put them with other smaller groups they'd click with? FI and I worked in a shared Google doc for maybe an hour, and had his mom double-check the family assignments. I was very pleasantly surprised on how easy it turned out. I think you can apply the same logic to smaller sections of very large long tables. TK is going to eat my paragraphs, I know it...

So about seating...

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