RSVP date - how horrible?

tcnoble · October 2014

So we just got our final contract from our venue with some changes we made. Our initial contract said a final count 10 days before, but apparently this was an error. She let me know that final count is due 30 days - but could be pushed to 3 weeks if we needed.

We were originally planning for our RSVP date to be 3 weeks before our wedding - from what I have read this is considered standard. So now we are facing having to put an RSVP date of 4-5 weeks before our wedding - is this the worst thing that we could be doing or will we get a pass from our guests on this? Most are traveling in from OOT so we assume they will know well in advance of 4-5 weeks if they're attending, but for local guests I feel like this is so early...

Our wedding is 3/28/2015 so we are looking at an RSVP date end of February - she will be emailing me back with an exact 3 week date, so I assume we will need an RSVP date by 4 weeks out to ensure we have time to follow up with anyone. Should we be sending invites at the very beginning of January - giving guests 6 weeks to RSVP? Is that adequate?

It seems we don't have much of a choice but I'm still not feeling very good about the position we are in. Hmph.

Maggie0829 · October 2014

Your RSVP is based on your venues needs for final headcount information. If they need it 3 weeks in advance then there is not much you can do about it. Put your RSVP date for 4 weeks prior to your wedding day and send invites out at the 8 week mark. This way your guests have almost a full month to determine if they can go before having to RSVP. This is typically plenty of time.

tcnoble · October 2014

Thanks @maggie0829. Do you mean send the invites 8 weeks prior to the RSVP date, or 8 weeks prior to the wedding date?

Maggie0829 · October 2014

8 weeks prior to the wedding date.

KatWAG · October 2014

I would go back and ask why they need a final head count so far in advance. Seems a bit starnge to me.

theartistformerlyknownas · October 2014

Soooo... I ordered my invitations super early (my dad was ordering them and wanted to jump on it) before I had truly done due diligence on what the real 'drop dead' date was with the venue and what the timeline should really look like. The advice I had seen was similar to Maggie's - to give half the time between when invites are sent and when the wedding is for the RSVP deadline. So we had the RSVP cards printed with a 6-week prior deadline (!!) and planned to send them 12 weeks out. I learned later that was way too early. Mea culpa. But... we carried on, and nobody died. We got almost all of the RSVPs within a week of the deadline, called a few people, and didn't have anyone need to decline due to not knowing their schedule. Do I recommend it? Definitely not. I realize in hindsight that it was dumb. But it's not the end of the world.

Maggie0829 · October 2014

lolo883 said:

Soooo... I ordered my invitations super early (my dad was ordering them and wanted to jump on it) before I had truly done due diligence on what the real 'drop dead' date was with the venue and what the timeline should really look like. The advice I had seen was similar to Maggie's - to give half the time between when invites are sent and when the wedding is for the RSVP deadline. So we had the RSVP cards printed with a 6-week prior deadline (!!) and planned to send them 12 weeks out. I learned later that was way too early. Mea culpa. But... we carried on, and nobody died. We got almost all of the RSVPs within a week of the deadline, called a few people, and didn't have anyone need to decline due to not knowing their schedule. Do I recommend it? Definitely not. I realize in hindsight that it was dumb. But it's not the end of the world.

Yeah I would say sending invites out 8 weeks before the wedding is the earliest you should send them. To me it really all depends on when your RSVP date is. If you have a 4 week prior RSVP date then send them 8 weeks out. If you have a 2 week prior RSVP date then send your invites 6 weeks out. But anything more then 8 weeks is just a lot regardless of your RSVP deadline.

Oh and if your venue needs to have a final headcount more then 30 days in advance I would push back on that super hard because that is just craziness.

tcnoble · October 2014

Our final head count is due 2/27/2015. So while we were thinking of having an RSVP date of 2/20/2015 (a week before), I'm wondering if that's a safe window of time to follow up with anyone who hasn't RSVPd, or to allow for late mailers to come in??

She responded and said that it was an error on the part of the company that handles their contract templates - it's really not a huge inconvenience for us, so it's not something worth causing a fuss with them about. If we had already ordered invites, I would have thrown a fit. But since we were planning to do that this week, it's not a huge deal. She said they have to plan for staffing and product. Whatever, I guess.

Maggie0829 · October 2014

I think a week is plenty of time to allow for late mailers and to call any non-responders.

theartistformerlyknownas · October 2014

tcnoble said:

Our final head count is due 2/27/2015. So while we were thinking of having an RSVP date of 2/20/2015 (a week before), I'm wondering if that's a safe window of time to follow up with anyone who hasn't RSVPd, or to allow for late mailers to come in??

She responded and said that it was an error on the part of the company that handles their contract templates - it's really not a huge inconvenience for us, so it's not something worth causing a fuss with them about. If we had already ordered invites, I would have thrown a fit. But since we were planning to do that this week, it's not a huge deal. She said they have to plan for staffing and product. Whatever, I guess.

That should be fine. If any stragglers drop it in the mail Friday, you should have it Monday. Start calling/texting/smoke signaling on Tuesday. If you need to leave people messages, mention that your you need to know by Thursday at the latest since final numbers are due. Then send your final counts Friday.

natswild · October 2014

wow, I'm envying the US postal system! In Canada (northern Alberta at least), dropping mail on Friday means that you will get it a week to 10 days later. Had 2 different express post that my parents sent me (supposed to take 2 days) take 12 days! It was only 1400 km for pete's sake, I could walk it faster than that!

tcnoble · October 2014

Thanks for all the replies! Now time to press "confirm" and order those invites...!!

theartistformerlyknownas · October 2014

natswild said:
wow, I'm envying the US postal system! In Canada (northern Alberta at least), dropping mail on Friday means that you will get it a week to 10 days later. Had 2 different express post that my parents sent me (supposed to take 2 days) take 12 days! It was only 1400 km for pete's sake, I could walk it faster than that!

What?! That's crazy! Granted, I have my fair share of complaints about the USPS, buy generally regular mail is OK. We actually got our first RSVP back the day after we mailed our invites!

lc07 · October 2014

Sounds a little strange that the venue wants your counts so early but they do! I wouldn't be annoyed as a guest.

What WAS annoying to me as a guest was receiving a wedding invite 3 months before a wedding with no RSVP by date. The wedding was on the weekend after Thanksgiving and I didn't know what my plans were that far out. I called to inquire about when I needed to RSVP by and was told one month before the wedding. Okay, great. No problem. I can figure it out by then. Then TWO MONTHS OUT the host starts bugging me about getting my RSVP in. Annoying.

Nymeru · October 2014

I think you'll be fine. We sent our invitations out two months before the wedding, with an RSVP date of 4 weeks before the wedding, which gave us a week and a half before we had to have the final numbers in to wait for stragglers to pop things in the mail (and SO many people sent theirs the day of the deadline) and call the rest.

AlexaF2014 · October 2014

natswild said:

wow, I'm envying the US postal system! In Canada (northern Alberta at least), dropping mail on Friday means that you will get it a week to 10 days later. Had 2 different express post that my parents sent me (supposed to take 2 days) take 12 days! It was only 1400 km for pete's sake, I could walk it faster than that!

1400KM is about 870 miles, for the non-metric minded.

Also, I will never complain about USPS again. Was this a package or just a letter?

futuremrsr2015 · October 2014

natswild said:

wow, I'm envying the US postal system! In Canada (northern Alberta at least), dropping mail on Friday means that you will get it a week to 10 days later. Had 2 different express post that my parents sent me (supposed to take 2 days) take 12 days! It was only 1400 km for pete's sake, I could walk it faster than that!

@natswild if you pay for Xpresspost with Canada Post and it takes more than 2-3 days your parents can just go to the post office and they will refund the full shipping charges. We use Xpresspost all the time for work and have had to get refunds a couple times.

mhoffman17 · October 2014

4-5 weeks is not a big deal! When I get my saved the date months in advance, I know right then and there if I am attending a wedding. A wedding is not a party I may or may not be able to make based on how many errands I have to run that weekend and I certainly don't wait and see if something better is coming along. Most people plan weddings into their calendar when they find out about them. I wouldn't worry that this is too early. There is nothing you can do if your vendor needs the final count.

lc07 · October 2014

mhoffman17 said:

4-5 weeks is not a big deal! When I get my saved the date months in advance, I know right then and there if I am attending a wedding. A wedding is not a party I may or may not be able to make based on how many errands I have to run that weekend and I certainly don't wait and see if something better is coming along. Most people plan weddings into their calendar when they find out about them. I wouldn't worry that this is too early. There is nothing you can do if your vendor needs the final count.

I disagree. I imagine most people don't know if they can get time off work, or can afford to travel if travel is involved, or have a babysitter that they trust, know that it won't interfere with some other important family function or child's event obligations, etc.

Kauris · October 2014

My venue basically had a hard and soft deadline. My soft deadline was two weeks out and after I gave that number, I couldn't go lower. My hard deadline was three days out and if I needed to go up I could.

huskypuppy14 · October 2014

kasmith1 said:

My venue basically had a hard and soft deadline. My soft deadline was two weeks out and after I gave that number, I couldn't go lower. My hard deadline was three days out and if I needed to go up I could.

This is a good point. Ask your venue about that.

I had an RSVP date 1 month before my wedding. I had all but 3 RSVP cards back by then. ( I realize this is rare, due to the stories on this forum.)

I wouldn't have your RSVP date earlier than that.

tcnoble · October 2014

@huskypuppy14 I thought we had a soft and hard count, but turns out they want the hard count 30 days in advance... so our RSVP date is one week before that. Not ideal, but it'll work. Hope we have your luck with timely RSVPs!

goin2vegas · October 2014

natswild said:

wow, I'm envying the US postal system! In Canada (northern Alberta at least), dropping mail on Friday means that you will get it a week to 10 days later. Had 2 different express post that my parents sent me (supposed to take 2 days) take 12 days! It was only 1400 km for pete's sake, I could walk it faster than that!

It is the worst! Had family send invites from Calgary to High River (about 65km south) and it has taken a week to get here! Our mail system here is terrible!! It will definitely be taken into consideration when the invites go out when we're ready to send them.

SP29 · October 2014

I think requesting an RSVP 4 weeks out is fine, giving you one week.

30 days is crazy, but what are you going to do eh? I thought it was a bit weird our venue wanted hard numbers 14 days out.

Traditionally invites are sent out 6-8 weeks prior. We sent ours out pretty early (we didn't have STDs), but our RSVP date was still 3 weeks prior to the wedding.

CanadaPost annoys me. Sending a letter or package from Edmonton, AB to southern ON usually takes 7-10 days. But I have had situations where I didn't receive one of our RSVPs, and once when a large, important package arrived 2 weeks late!

FYI- There are many people who do not know their ability to take time off work until quite close to the event date. At my job we have a vacation request calendar that comes out in Jan and runs April- March. My friend is getting married this March (so still covered under this years vacation calendar). She didn't have her wedding date picked yet in January (just got engaged- of course not!), so there was nothing to request time off for. I got the STD this summer, I know when I want the time off, I have submitted my request for time off already, but because it's not in the vacation planner my employer does not have to let me know if my request is granted until 6 weeks before (to ensure casual coverage). So I'm absolutely PLANNING on going to my friend's wedding, but because it involves a plane flight I need time off work and I won't know that until right around her RSVP date.

RSVP date - how horrible?

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