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Wedding Etiquette Forum
themosthappy91
member
NWR: Housewarming Shower?
Hi y'all... this isn't about a wedding but since y'all seem to know a lot about etiquette I thought this might be the place ask.
My best friend is finishing her Masters this spring along with her girlfriend of two years. Unfortunately they are rather stressed out about what comes next for them money-wise because both of their families cut them off when they came out as gay, so on top of having student loans from the past four years that they need to start paying back they also are struggling to figure out how to afford rent and household goods on their own (both have fortunately been able support themselves- barely- through scholarships and assistantships through their schools up until this point). They are both teachers so they won't have a steady paycheck coming in until when the school year starts in September, to make matters even worse.
So with that backstory in mind, I want to throw them a small (less than 10 people, if that makes a difference) housewarming shower to help them out with some basic household items that I know they're going to have to do without for a while otherwise. Obviously I know that something on this scale won't really set them up with everything they will need, but it's as much about showing them they are supported by their friends as giving them things for their new home. BUT I don't know if this idea is weird/bad etiquette-wise as I have no experience with housewarming parties and even in theory I've only ever heard of them being hosted by the couple moving into the house (apartment), and not like as a shower thrown by friends. So what do you all think?
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Re: NWR: Housewarming Shower?
Some suggestions for stuff: beyond the basics to cook or be comfortable, think about the stuff that it can be a PITA to not have while you are unpacking and getting established - hand soap, TP, paper towels/napkins, cleaning products, good sponges, shower curtain liners (and rings!), dish towels. In other words, not the glamorous stuff but the "where's the <<blank>> stuff?"
I think the important thing here is less being cut off financially (a lot of families do this), and more the getting cut off emotionally and supportively from the family. Many young people that get cut off financially are still welcome at home for a warm bed, food, roll of toilet paper if they need it, etc when they are in financial straits. From what it sounds like, OP's friends don't sound like they have that support.
With that in mind, I think it would be lovely to have a gradation party for them, and bring gifts for their new lives in their new apartment (I would do the basket of essentials, cleaning supplies, toilet paper, stuff like that), and invite y'all's closest friends. It's a message of support to them, as friends. I wouldn't call it a housewarming (that's normally hosted in the new place, like a grand opening or something, and if they barely have essentials they probably don't have the materials to host anyone), and I wouldn't call it a shower (for which the purpose is purely gifts). Call it a graduation party, have it at your place or a nice restaurant, and when you invite people and they go "gee should I get them a present? What should I get?"... You can tell them about how they need a few things for their new apartment, such as "_____"
I think this will accomplish all you are looking to accomplish, without having to put you or them in an awkward gift grabby position.