Help! Anyone already have an engagement party?

snr1293 · July 2014

Hi there!

I just recently got engaged, and I want to have an engagement party, but I don't even know what to do! I have never been to an engagement party, and I just recently heard of it. What exactly is an engagement party? Do I make a registry? Who should we invite? What kinds of things do we do? How long should we plan it for? What type of food should we have?

If anyone has any advice, it would be greatly appreciated! Thanks so much!

Shannon

chibiyui · July 2014

snr1293 said:
Hi there!
I just recently got engaged, and I want to have an engagement party, but I don't even know what to do! I have never been to an engagement party, and I just recently heard of it. What exactly is an engagement party? Do I make a registry? Who should we invite? What kinds of things do we do? How long should we plan it for? What type of food should we have?
If anyone has any advice, it would be greatly appreciated! Thanks so much!
Shannon

Generally, somebody throws an engagement party for you, Many people consider it rude to throw a party for yourself.

Traditionally, an engagement party is thrown by the bride's parents to announce the engagement to the parents social circle and introduce the two families.

I would not make a registry for an engagement party. And registry information never goes on invites, unless it is for a shower.

Anyone can be invited to an engagement party, but anyone invited must be invited to the wedding.

It's not a theme party, people just talk, eat and mingle.

Length and food served would depend on your budget, the day and time it happens, formallity, etc. Any party that occurs during a meal time must serve a meal, or enough food to make a meal. Otherwise it's very open, you could serve pizza or filet mignon.

My recommendation would be to skip an engagement party especially as it is not common in your social circle. If you want to celebrate, just throw a regular party and skip mentioning anything about your impending nuptials. Most likely, if your engagement is recent, people will congratulate you anyway.

TL:Dr, engagement parties are for old money and people who want to pretend to be old money. Skip it and put the money towards your wedding or honeymoon

Lauderdale Pink · July 2014

@chibiyui- I agree with everything you said, and hope the bride does as well, up until the last paragraph. My family is definitely not what you would consider to be "old money" neither to we pretend to be. However, our family has a long standing tradition of engagement parties, especially as a way to bring both families together in a non-stress, fun, relaxed situation.

chibiyui · July 2014

Lauderdale Pink said:

@chibiyui- I agree with everything you said, and hope the bride does as well, up until the last paragraph. My family is definitely not what you would consider to be "old money" neither to we pretend to be. However, our family has a long standing tradition of engagement parties, especially as a way to bring both families together in a non-stress, fun, relaxed situation.

I would add the caveat that my "pretending to be old money" comment would not apply to situations where engagement parties are normal/actually thrown.

The OP does not seem to fit into this caveat.

And full disclosure, I did not have an engagment party. They are not done in my family, and very, very rarely in my social circle. Actually, never in my social circle, maybe in H's families social circle.

AddieCake · July 2014

No, you should not make a registry. People should not feel obligated to bring you a gift for getting engaged. This is the kind of event where people will maybe bring you a bottle of wine, not a toaster.

LondonLisa · July 2014

The good news is you don't have to worry about the planning and details of an engagement party, that is the host/hostess's job. You only have an engagement party if someone else offers to throw you one. It is rude to throw one in your own honour. The host will plan it and the menu. As for the guest list, everyone invited MUST be invited to the wedding. Definitely do not register. It's like a shower or bachelorette- never plan them yourself! They are a gift someone else offers to give you.

[Deleted User] · August 2014

Generally, somebody throws an engagement party for you, Many people consider it rude to throw a party for yourself. Traditionally, an engagement party is thrown by the bride's parents to announce the engagement to the parents social circle and introduce the two families. I would not make a registry for an engagement party. And registry information never goes on invites, unless it is for a shower. Anyone can be invited to an engagement party, but anyone invited must be invited to the wedding. It's not a theme party, people just talk, eat and mingle. Length and food served would depend on your budget, the day and time it happens, formallity, etc. Any party that occurs during a meal time must serve a meal, or enough food to make a meal. Otherwise it's very open, you could serve pizza or filet mignon. My recommendation would be to skip an engagement party especially as it is not common in your social circle. If you want to celebrate, just throw a regular party and skip mentioning anything about your impending nuptials. Most likely, if your engagement is recent, people will congratulate you anyway. TL:Dr, engagement parties are for old money and people who want to pretend to be old money. Skip it and put the money towards your wedding or honeymoon

Is it just me or does the term "old money" remind you of the Molly Brown scene of Titanic?? I'm pro engagement party. I think any excuse to drink with family and friends is a winner in my book.

JCbride2015 · August 2014

snr1293 said:

Hi there!
I just recently got engaged, and I want to have an engagement party, but I don't even know what to do! I have never been to an engagement party, and I just recently heard of it. What exactly is an engagement party?

--It's a party thrown by a friend or family member, traditionally to announce the engagement. Now they are done more to introduce the families and have a low-key celebration of the engagement.

Do I make a registry?

--No. Definitely not.

Who should we invite?

--Very close family and friends. But this depends on how many people the host has offered to accommodate.

What kinds of things do we do?

--Have some food, maybe some booze, and eat/drink/chat. No games or activities necessary.

How long should we plan it for?

--The length of time of a meal and some mingling. Ours was about 3 hours.

What type of food should we have?

--Anything appropriate to the time of day. Ours was at 1pm, so we served a brunch buffet.
If anyone has any advice, it would be greatly appreciated! Thanks so much!

--General advice as you have probably picked up from PPs: it is rude to host your own e-party, e-parties are nice but not required, and it's probably something you can skip unless somebody else wants to throw one for you.
Shannon

peachy13 · August 2014

Hi! Sorry I'm late to the post but I wanted to respond because we had our engagement party over the summer and it was so much fun. It's been three months and when I see people who attended, they are still telling me how much fun they had.

I was indifferent about having one, but my mother wanted to throw one, and have it at our house, mostly because she likes to entertain and no one in my family is graduating or anything this year. My FI's parents offered to chip in $ but my mom politely declined yet asked if they wouldn't mind doing a couple tasks (picking up some alcohol, making some food, etc.) which they were happy to do. In fact most of my aunts and close friends were very willing to help out in some way which took a lot of weight off my mom's shoulders. All the food was homemade and plentiful! We also had a lot of booze (keg, gallons of sangria, lots of wine), great music pumping through the house, and some backyard games set up.

We also used the party as an excuse to get a guest list going. I know some people only invite immediate family to the engagement party, or family plus the wedding party. We wanted to invite everyone who we plan to invite to the wedding, so now the guest list is all done which is great. We sent out invitations but they were pretty casual (I ordered them off vistaprint for quite cheap).

There's no serious deadline of you need to have one, but it should be within a reasonable time between your engagement and your wedding. My FI and I were engaged at the time of the party for 7 months, with over a year to go before the wedding. We did not register and I definitely don't suggest doing so, otherwise you're basically asking for gifts. Even though most of our guests did bring gifts, we did not open them until the next day because otherwise, opening them in front of everyone and making into a big thing implies that you expected gifts. I promptly thanked everyone for their gifts within a week via a handwritten card.

In the end, it felt a bit like a mini wedding. I walked around the party the whole night with my FI, barely eating or drinking anything because we were going from person to person to chat and thank them for coming. It was so great for both families to come together, as well as our wedding party to finally be in the same room. It was so much fun and I was so pleased to see that the guests were having a great time as well. It was also so generous of most of my guests to bring us gifts, even though they certainly weren't expected. With the gifts we received, my FI and I opened up a wedding savings account which will be used to make sure our guests have an even better time at our wedding.

Another tip: Have the party on a Saturday so everyone can let loose!

jm465 · September 2014

Hello!

Not sure if you've already had an e-party or decided yet but we just had ours at the end of July. My Mom and Step-Dad hosted at there place (as per etiquette typically the brides parents host).

We had all of our immediate family (which is a lot of people on its own as we both come from blended families), our close friends and some Aunts and Uncles who could make it. It was around 45 people. We had the party in my parents backyard on their patio. They decorate it beautifully with lights and flowers, rented a few extra tables and chairs so people could sit.

They hired a caterer to come to the house and they BBQ'd beef and turkey burgers, pizzas, cooked a bunch of appetizers and mini desserts (all finger foods). And they bought the alcohol and set it up in iced bins with glasses set up on a table.

The invites (e-vites) said the party started at 7pm, most people stayed until 1am, with the last few leaving at 2:30am.

It was a ton of fun and a really good way for all of our immediate family to meet before the wedding without it being awkward!

graciegra · October 2014

I recently hosted an engagement party for friends. Their families aren't near and I think they did have one thrown by the bride's mom as well but that was for hometown friends/on the opposite coast. The bride & groom made a list (we told them whoever) and the list was basically all the local people they planned to invite so it was mostly a group of friends from school, friends from the bride's work, and a few others. A group of us from school all hosted together so we had I think three of us cooking. It was at one friend's house in her living room. Sort of a cocktail party with heavy apps. Perhaps since it was all young people, no one brought gifts other than bottles of champagne.

I also went to a party for friends who are getting married that they threw themselves. It was in a park, they provided drinks and grilled meat plus a few other dishes (and a gorgeous cake) and then many of the guests also brought food though it was more of a "feel free to bring a dish to share" than "must bring food." They invited everyone by email maybe 3 weeks in advance, the whole thing was very casual.

Just two alternatives to your parents hosting.

Help! Anyone already have an engagement party?

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