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You Know What Really Grinds My Gears?

themosthappy91themosthappy91 member
500 Love Its 500 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper
in Snarky Brides
Has anyone else had this issue: since the moment we got engaged, the majority of people in our lives have assumed that FI is having nothing to do with planning the wedding and it annoys the heck out of me!  Like to the point where people will say things to me like "Why are you making FI go with you to [insert wedding planning event here- check out reception space, meet with the caterer, pick out the invites etc.]!? Guys are just bored to death with all this wedding stuff!"  And people only ever address wedding related questions to me and actually apologize to FI when they talk about the wedding in front of him- "I'm sure this is all over your head!".   GAH it makes me so mad!  FI is literally doing everything I'm doing to plan the wedding and has been involved in every step of the process... and when he tells people that they just give him an "Oh poor you!" look and act like I'm the devil for asking a man (gasp!) to care about a wedding.

Anyone else out there having a similar experience?
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Re: You Know What Really Grinds My Gears?

  • vulpiepopvulpiepop member
    500 Comments 250 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    I've been doing the vast majority of the planning because FI works so late but he's been included in everything, including the dress shopping. He's not always interested (although the closer we get to the date, the more excited and the more involved he wants to be) but it's his day too and he wants to have a wedding that he's happy with too. I don't force these things down his throat; in fact he explicitly stated he wanted to be involved in everything if it's possible.

    When we talk to other people about the wedding, they give him that "poor you" look and a couple people have even gone so far as to tell me that I shouldn't involve him in the planning or that I shouldn't make him sit through all of this with me. Excuse me?! I'm not making him do anything and who are you to tell me who should and shouldn't be involved in the wedding planning?

    It's super annoying and kind of frustrating. At this point, when people ask about the wedding, I quickly change the subject unless they're part of the bridal party (now all the wedding planning and decorations and stuff will be a secret between FI and me, muahahaha).

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  • themosthappy91themosthappy91 member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    I also find it hilarious that most of this comes from my future in-laws, who are the very reason that we're actually having a traditional wedding rather than just going to a courthouse... like, it's HIS family who has all these wedding expectations, how is he not going to be involved in the planning???  
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  • flantasticflantastic member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I have made it pretty clear to people like this that I have about the same level of interest in planning this stuff as my FI does (medium to high about a few things, low in most others) and that in any case it is not my job to plan our wedding just because I am the woman.
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  • allispainallispain member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    When DH and I went to do our cake tasting, he got all excited and ended up designing the entire cake. I just sat back and watched. At the reception, a number of people complimented me on it, assuming that as the bride I was the one who did. DH proudly said it was all him. I was amused as hell watching people back pedal. One of his aunts even tried to say something along the lines of "How could I have missed that? It looks so masculine." Bull. It was a beautiful cake, but definitely not a "masculine" cake, whatever the hell that means. 

    No one did the "poor groom" routine on us, which is probably a good thing given that this was during our reception...
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  • larrygagalarrygaga member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    edited October 2014
    Yes, this happens to us a lot. Sexism works both ways, unfortunately. I don't really feel that bad for FI because honestly he got to be a man in this life. It's his turn to experience it. 

    I'm pretty laid back about everything, but if I have even on opinion I get called bridezilla. Fuck the haters!
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  • themosthappy91themosthappy91 member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    allispain said:
    When DH and I went to do our cake tasting, he got all excited and ended up designing the entire cake. I just sat back and watched. At the reception, a number of people complimented me on it, assuming that as the bride I was the one who did. DH proudly said it was all him. I was amused as hell watching people back pedal. One of his aunts even tried to say something along the lines of "How could I have missed that? It looks so masculine." Bull. It was a beautiful cake, but definitely not a "masculine" cake, whatever the hell that means. 

    No one did the "poor groom" routine on us, which is probably a good thing given that this was during our reception...

    SITB: I'm cracking up trying to imagine what a "masculine cake" would look like... all I'm coming up with is like a cake shaped like a truck or something.  I've never really thought of foods as being explicitly gendered...  
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  • anjemonanjemon member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    Yes! My FI has been really good about wanting to be involved/interested in everything. 

    I researched all the photographers, but he came to all the appointments with me. And after our first venue idea fell through he helped me look (and suggested) our new venue. 

    We're going to a wedding show together this weekend - I just mentioned that I was planning to ask a friend to come with me because I didn't think he'd be interested. Instead he says he is interested and so we're going to go together. 

    I'm most annoyed at how people assume I'm not going to let FI have any input. I want him to be happy with this wedding too. 
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  • goldchocobo.defunct635829490514903826goldchocobo.defunct635829490514903826 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    I actually said this...to FI!

    "I can handle the flowers.  I mean, guys aren't really interested in that stuff, right?  If you can't make the appointment I can just go."

    *Hangs head in complete shame*

    FI was able to attend the flower meeting (yay!) and has been very active in planning.  People haven't been asking about that stuff so much, but maybe because I say "We" a lot: We found an officiant, we're off to see a wedding show, etc.

    The only thing he totally isn't involved in is the dress.

    The whole "It's the bride's day" mentality really annoys me though.  More than once a vendor has turned to me for a final answer.  
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  • KatieinBklnKatieinBkln member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer First Anniversary
    Yeah, this annoys me too. Although I think FI is more interested in being involved conceptually than in reality (this reminds me to nag at him to GIVE ME HIS FINAL GUEST LIST GAH).
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    This baby knows exactly how I feel
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  • flantasticflantastic member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    FI was in charge of our cake, because he wanted an actual cake and I could have cared less if it was a wedding cake or some other form of dessert.

    When he went back (separate from the tasting) to order the cake (with my dad and brothers who wanted to come along for the ride) he got "Your fiancee must trust you a lot - just boys here today?"

    But yeah @KatieinBkln, I don't know the number of times we've talked about the same damn aspect of the wedding and there's not an obvious answer about what we should do, so he just moves on to other things. At some point I tell him that unless he expresses a definite plan of action by the end of the day, I'm just going to pick something and he's going to be happy with it.
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  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    FI started thinking I'd do all the planning because it's the brides' day. When it turned out his mom was giving us the most money and had the most specific guest desires, I made it clear to him that I was not responsible for spending his family's money.

    He actually got pretty into it. I'd say, "If you can't make this time with x vendor, that's fine, I'll go..." and then he'd come and voice many more opinions than me.

    Grooms care about weddings, folks! 
    ________________________________


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  • AlexaF2014AlexaF2014 member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary First Answer
    themosthappy91 said:
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    Not the first image on google for "Masculine Wedding Cake," but certainly the most snark worthy.
    image
    image
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  • KatieinBklnKatieinBkln member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer First Anniversary
    AlexaF2014 said:
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    Not the first image on google for "Masculine Wedding Cake," but certainly the most snark worthy.
    image
    Not masculine enough. It should have penises all over it.
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    This baby knows exactly how I feel
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  • beetherybeethery member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    KatieinBkln said:
    Not masculine enough. It should have penises all over it.
    I feel like that would be less 'masculine' and more 'Pompeiian'.

    Pompeii would be a fun wedding theme. Dicks everywhere!
    --

    I'm the fuck     out.

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  • falsarafalsara member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer

    Late to the party,

    This bugs me to NO end.  FI has picked our date, decided on the color scheme, and is planning on designing our cake.  He also went with me to both our ceremony and reception venue before we decided to finalize.  He has even decided that he wants blue table cloths with silver runners.  Instead of the white table cloths I was thinking of.

    There are some things he's not interested in; mainly flowers, my dress, what my BMs are wearing. But I don't make any decisions without his input.  We will be meeting all major vendors together.

    The idea that the wedding is all about the bride is why we have such SS coming on here with their rude ideas.  If you pay attention to their wording its all about I was planning on doing this, vs WE  were planning on doing this.

                                               

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  • NegativityNegativity member
    10 Comments 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    FI actually has done quite a bit of our planning as well, and has been involved in everything including the dress.  Good thing too, I really didn't give a crap about anything besides the dress and cake, everything else he's either taken care of or given me the kick in the ass I needed to figure it out.
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  • jynxiiejynxiie member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments First Answer Name Dropper
    Luckily that hasn't happened too much with us.

    Fi has been really involved in our wedding. He's wanted to come to wedding shows (I believe he went to two of them). 
    He went to the florist with me.
    He decided the cake with me. (Flavors and design)
    He's done all the music, I barely picked any of the songs (he's the music buff).
    He made the favors and picked out the edible ones too.
    He picked where the groomsmen got their suits from - I picked colour.

    He's really been great. He says he's so thankful that I planned everything but looking back he just doesn't realize how much he helped too! 

    image

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  • raissyraisraissyrais member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    @themosthappy91 Completely unrelated, but do you love European history as much as I do (Tudor related in particular?)
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  • themosthappy91themosthappy91 member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    raissyrais said:
    @themosthappy91 Completely unrelated, but do you love European history as much as I do (Tudor related in particular?)
    Yes!!!  Anne Boleyn is my girl, it makes me so happy someone got the reference!  
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  • raissyraisraissyrais member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    themosthappy91 said:
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    Yes!!!  Anne Boleyn is my girl, it makes me so happy someone got the reference!  
    Well let's be friends forever shall we? I love European history and have a fixation on a few periods, with Tudor being one of them. I have been to Hampton Court already and can't wait to go to Heaver Castle next month! I'm begging FI to take me. If you ever come to London, let me know :)
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  • themosthappy91themosthappy91 member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    raissyrais said:
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    Well let's be friends forever shall we? I love European history and have a fixation on a few periods, with Tudor being one of them. I have been to Hampton Court already and can't wait to go to Heaver Castle next month! I'm begging FI to take me. If you ever come to London, let me know :)
    Omgggggg dying of jealousy over here!  
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  • raissyraisraissyrais member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    themosthappy91 said:
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    Omgggggg dying of jealousy over here!  
    Careful, that was one of Anne's main flaws ;) 
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  • lovesclimbinglovesclimbing member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    beethery said:
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    I feel like that would be less 'masculine' and more 'Pompeiian'.

    Pompeii would be a fun wedding theme. Dicks everywhere!
    Hmm, I don't get the reference, and I'm slightly afraid of googling it.  The only Pompeii I can think of is the ancient Rome volcano disaster.
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  • beetherybeethery member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    lovesclimbing said:
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    Hmm, I don't get the reference, and I'm slightly afraid of googling it.  The only Pompeii I can think of is the ancient Rome volcano disaster.
    Pre-disaster, Pompeii was like... the roman version of disneyland. Dickneyland! and everyone there was his biggest fan. Dicks decorated everything. The more I think about it, it really was like dickneyland. Instead of hidden mickeys, there was hidden well.. you get the idea. Also not really hidden. Blatantly everywhere.

    (Priapus was a Roman fertility god with a humongous erection that had to be held up by a string so it didn't drag the ground.)
    --

    I'm the fuck     out.

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  • ohannabelleohannabelle member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer First Anniversary
    themosthappy91 said:
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    Yes!!!  Anne Boleyn is my girl, it makes me so happy someone got the reference!  
    I wondered this when I saw your screen name. Another fan of Tudor era history here!
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  • APDSS22APDSS22 member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer

    ohannabelle said:
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    I wondered this when I saw your screen name. Another fan of Tudor era history here!
    I was wondering if it was in reference to Anne's motto when I saw her sn too, but I just assumed I was the only one geeky enough to make that connection...
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  • raissyraisraissyrais member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    APDSS22 said:

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    I was wondering if it was in reference to Anne's motto when I saw her sn too, but I just assumed I was the only one geeky enough to make that connection...
    I'll remove "geeky" and put "brainy" here...;p
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  • alpacalunchalpacalunch member
    500 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    beethery said:
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    Pre-disaster, Pompeii was like... the roman version of disneyland. Dickneyland! and everyone there was his biggest fan. Dicks decorated everything. The more I think about it, it really was like dickneyland. Instead of hidden mickeys, there was hidden well.. you get the idea. Also not really hidden. Blatantly everywhere.

    (Priapus was a Roman fertility god with a humongous erection that had to be held up by a string so it didn't drag the ground.)
    Priapism - when a boner won't go away, a la the viagra commercials ("If you have an erection lasting longer than four hours, speak to a doctor")
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  • beetherybeethery member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    chrisandcait said:
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    Priapism - when a boner won't go away, a la the viagra commercials ("If you have an erection lasting longer than four hours, speak to a doctor")
    Yep! That's where they got that term from
    --

    I'm the fuck     out.

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