Religious family vs Non-religious family

Re: Religious family vs Non-religious family

• NYCMercedes member

  

  October 2014 edited October 2014

  jenteal75 said:

  I was raised is a very religious Lutheran family. All of the relatives on my side are also very religious. My fiance's side is composed of almost all atheists and agnostics (he is agnostic himself). As I grew older, I began to consider myself more spiritual and don't have a religious bone in my body - I do believe in a higher power though. We plan on having a secular wedding but I was wondering if there was anything I could incorporate for the religious guests at our wedding (which will be the majority). Has anyone been in a similar situation and maybe has some ideas?  Thanks!     

  
  I would look inward. Is there anything still significant to you from your religious upbringing? Is there anything spiritual you and your FI agree on that you'd like to share? This might backfire horribly, but you might considering asking your parents if there is one thing religious they might like to see in your wedding. You have to be pretty brave to do that, of course. Opening a can of worms, of course.

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• [Deleted User] member

  

  October 2014

  First, I wouldn't incorporate anything for the guests in your ceremony. The ceremony is really the one part of the wedding that is ONLY about you and your FI. You need to do what is right for you guys, not what you think other people want.

  That said, if both you and your FI want a spiritual element to your ceremony, go for it! I would suggest working with your officiant to customize the ceremony wording to your feelings and wishes. There doesn't have to be a formal prayer or anything.

  But again, do what YOU GUYS want!

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• holyguacamole79 member

  

  October 2014

  IndianapolisJane said:

  First, I wouldn't incorporate anything for the guests in your ceremony. The ceremony is really the one part of the wedding that is ONLY about you and your FI. You need to do what is right for you guys, not what you think other people want.

  That said, if both you and your FI want a spiritual element to your ceremony, go for it! I would suggest working with your officiant to customize the ceremony wording to your feelings and wishes. There doesn't have to be a formal prayer or anything.

  But again, do what YOU GUYS want!

  100% this. 
  

  
  
  
  
  

  

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• wanderwoman135 member

  

  October 2014

  jenteal75 said:

  I was raised is a very religious Lutheran family. All of the relatives on my side are also very religious. My fiance's side is composed of almost all atheists and agnostics (he is agnostic himself). As I grew older, I began to consider myself more spiritual and don't have a religious bone in my body - I do believe in a higher power though. We plan on having a secular wedding but I was wondering if there was anything I could incorporate for the religious guests at our wedding (which will be the majority). Has anyone been in a similar situation and maybe has some ideas?  Thanks!     

  I am very religious myself, so perhaps I'm not the best person to answer this but I'm gonna give it a go anyway

  
  

  IndianapolisJane that the ceremony is about you and your FI and what the two of you believe. It would be better to make them feel a little squirmy that you aren't acknowledging God as much as they'd like than to include something that you don't actually believe. If they're your family they should love you and be happy for you no matter what type of a ceremony you have. 

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• Fairyjen1 member

  

  October 2014

      We have the same dynamic. My fiance's family is Christian and my family is...not. My mom is an Ex-catholic and my dad follows the teachings of Buddha. I'm not anything. I believe in a higher power, but I don't understand Jesus as the son of god as I wasn't raised that way. 

  
  

      I'm spiritual, but not religious. Fiance' is Christian, but doesn't practice any religion. The officiant for our ceremony sent us several ceremonies to look at that range from completely secular to extremely Christian. We combined a secular one that focuses on love and friendship and combined it with a spiritual one that references God, but not Jesus. We included a bible verse (love is patient, love is kind, etc). Us and our families are all comfortable with it. 

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• amelisha member

  

  October 2014

  In your situation, I'd maybe include a short prayer/grace before dinner and leave it at that. If you aren't religious (I'm not either) I think incorporating anything during the ceremony is just going to feel uncomfortable/fake. I'd certainly feel weird about it. And "fake" is pretty much the worst thing to be feeling during your wedding ceremony. But the only request I made to my officiant was "please, zero references to God/Zeus/Allah/The Flying Spaghetti Monster/Baby Jesus/etc," so I might be the wrong person for advice here.

  
  

  
  

  
  

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• chibiyui member

  

  October 2014

  H is agnostic, and I consider myself Christian. We had a pretty generic Christian ceremony. Our two readings were Ecclesatasties 4:9-12 and an excerpt from the Amber Spy Glass. So you know, we had the bible and "religion is a farce" represented.
  
  I'd recommend if there are any biblical passages you like or traditions, incorporate those. But do it for you, not your guests.

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  

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• 00kim00 member

  

  October 2014

  jenteal75 said:

  I was raised is a very religious Lutheran family. All of the relatives on my side are also very religious. My fiance's side is composed of almost all atheists and agnostics (he is agnostic himself). As I grew older, I began to consider myself more spiritual and don't have a religious bone in my body - I do believe in a higher power though. We plan on having a secular wedding but I was wondering if there was anything I could incorporate for the religious guests at our wedding (which will be the majority). Has anyone been in a similar situation and maybe has some ideas?  Thanks!     

  As someone whose faith is extremely important to her,I would say please don't. Incorporating something your guests may view as holy for show when you don't believe in it is insulting. Its similar to using the neighbor's cute baby in a wagon as a fflower girl" or taking great aunt Betty's antique tea set and letting the kids use it to rinse paint brushes when they play. Taking something very important to someone and using it as a pretty prop devalues it and disrespects the person who values it. If i know you well,I know if you share my faith and I'd much rather see you own your own beliefs than try to mimic mine

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• jenteal75 member

  

  October 2014

  Fairyjen1 said:

      We have the same dynamic. My fiance's family is Christian and my family is...not. My mom is an Ex-catholic and my dad follows the teachings of Buddha. I'm not anything. I believe in a higher power, but I don't understand Jesus as the son of god as I wasn't raised that way. 

  
  

      I'm spiritual, but not religious. Fiance' is Christian, but doesn't practice any religion. The officiant for our ceremony sent us several ceremonies to look at that range from completely secular to extremely Christian. We combined a secular one that focuses on love and friendship and combined it with a spiritual one that references God, but not Jesus. We included a bible verse (love is patient, love is kind, etc). Us and our families are all comfortable with it. 

  Love this idea!

  
  

  Thanks everyone. Don't get me wrong, we're not trying to pretend anything. As I mentioned, I do believe in a higher power so giving a nod in that direction would be all about me.  

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• southernbelle0915 mod

  

  October 2014

  The ceremony is for YOU and your FI. It is not to please any guests, it is not to cater to the beliefs of various people. Do as you please and what speaks to you. 

  
  

  FI is Catholic, I was raised Methodist but basically consider myself agnostic. My family is split between Catholics and Christian Reformed. Our friends are mostly athiest or non-denominational Christians. Some are Muslim and a couple are Hindu. How did we please all these people? We didn't. We wrote our own ceremony and vows. We got married outside and did as we pleased.

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• [Deleted User] member

  

  October 2014

  I helped my sister write her secular wedding ceremony.  Her husband's family is extremely religious, she hasn't been to church since 8th grade (except for Christmas Eve serves when we sit together and giggle like we're still children).  I think we did a great job making the ceremony meaningful without religion.  I think those who wanted to could "find God" in the words that were spoken.  And since a higher power was never mentioned, it was never denied either.  Just make your ceremony meaningful, don't include anything hokey or any inside jokes, and I'm sure the religious folks there will enjoy myself as much as the athiest.

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• weddingcactus member

  

  October 2014

  I think previous posters have made great suggestions to incorporate the religious or spiritual beliefs that you and your fiance share and nothing more. Your guests are there to see your union to each other and will be happier to see you include the spiritual aspects that have significance to you than to incorporate any religious traditions that do not have meaning. Hopefully your families will love you for who you are and be happy to see you joined in a way that is meaningful to you even if it is not catering to their own beliefs. 

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• mrs4everhart member

  

  October 2014

  Please don't incorporate anything into your ceremony just to please others.
  
  I did this with my first wedding. I was young. And broke. And it was my Dad's purview that "proper" weddings are held in churches. And of course if he was going to pay...... I'm sure you can see where this is going. So off to the local Presbyterian church we went. I spent most of the ceremony silently mocking the words of the minister. When it was over sure, my ex and I were married, but I felt very little personal connection to the ceremony itself.
  
  My recent wedding was everything I could hope for. We didn't incorporate anyone else's faith or ideas of what was "proper" or "supposed to be done." We wrote it ourselves and it was personal, wonderful and perfect.
  
  Knowing what I know now my best advice is to make your ceremony solely for you and your FI. Because after all it's YOUR wedding. The religious folks in your life get to incorporate their faith in to their weddings!

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• slothiegal member

  

  October 2014 edited October 2014

  PPs have some good advice, but I just had to jump in and say....
  
  chibiyui said: H is agnostic, and I consider myself Christian. We had a pretty generic Christian ceremony. Our two readings were Ecclesatasties 4:9-12 and an excerpt from the Amber Spy Glass. So you know, we had the bible and "religion is a farce" represented. I'd recommend if there are any biblical passages you like or traditions, incorporate those. But do it for you, not your guests.
  
  
  ...every time I hear more about your wedding, I can't help but think, "damn that sounds like an awesome a wedding, I wish I could've gone".

  

  
  

  
  

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