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Bachelorette Question

loveislouderloveislouder member
1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
edited October 2014 in Chit Chat
So I know this has been answered more than once, but I don't know what to do.

My bachelorette party was brought up at Thanksgiving over the weekend, and my sisters indicated they were planning a trip to a strip club and then bar hopping. Neither of those things appeal to me, at all and one of my bridesmaids is 14.  I asked them if we could do something a little more low key - pizza, movies, a few drinks. They said no, and that I don't have a say and that I have to show up.

Can I tell them I just like, won't show up? I feel like I tried to decline already and now I'm confused.

Could be part of my turkey coma, but I need advice.

Thanks!

ETA: I feel super bitchy about telling them no.  Is it bitchy?
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Re: Bachelorette Question

  • novella1186novella1186 member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    There's no law stating that you HAVE to have someone throw you a bachelorette party. The party is hosted for you as a nice thing, so if it's not what you want to do, you are free to decline. It sounds like they're kind of being jerks about it. 

    This is what my sister tried to do to me. She wanted all my bridesmaids to travel to HER city, which I don't even like to go to, which would be a far drive for me and even farther for some of my BMs so it just did not appeal to me to even go there at all. And she wanted us to all go do something that SHE loves to do and knows that  I can't stand. I tried talking to her about it and trying to compromise but she was dead-set on her big fun weekend that would be all about her and pretty much for her, and would be everything I didn't like. I finally just said no thanks. If that means I don't get a bachelorette party at all, that's ok with me. 
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  • bethsmilesbethsmiles member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Be firm with them and make it clear that you have no interest in the party they are planning and will not be forced to attend. I don't understand why people would throw a party for someone and then not take into account what that person would actually enjoy.


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  • Bubblegum5586Bubblegum5586 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    I don't understand when people think its ok to force things on the bride because they *think* that is what they want! While planning my BFF Bachelorette we planned a tie dye theme and asked all the girls attending to wear some tie dye (no rules on colors, pattern or type of shirt). A few of the bride's cousins decided that we would wear those to the beach but NOT out that night as that is not cute and no one will buy us drinks.... and that the bride MUST be the center of attention at all costs and must look as hot as possible as this is her "last fling before the ring" they picked out some skimpy hot pink tube top dress that I knew the bride would HATE! Luckily I got a few others on board to back up the tie dye theme and it all worked out. Bride was furious when she heard her cousins plans! (and bride did look like a smoke show in her tie dye!)

    As others have said you can decline the party, or maybe a heart to heart with them one at a time and express your concern. If they still disregard your feelings then decline I guess...
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    If what they are planning is not something that you are comfortable with you have every right to tell them so and to say that if they go ahead with the plans that you will not show.  Yes, they are planning this party for your and you should be grateful for what they plan BUT they should be planning something that you will enjoy, not something that they will enjoy (which is exactly what it sounds like they have done).

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  • IrishPirate60IrishPirate60 member
    Seventh Anniversary 250 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    edited October 2014
    I say take the 14 year old out and have fun. She'll be a better partier than those other dames!
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  • southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    Moderator 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary
    Yup, I'd just decline the party. Why would you go do things you don't like to do at a party that's supposed to be in your honor. 

    I'd probably be like "So at Thanksgiving I asked if we could do something else because I don't like strip clubs or bar hopping. Y'all said no. I've given it some thought and I'll be declining the party. I appreciate what y'all have done so far, but it doesn't make sense to me to do things I don't like to do at a party that's supposed to be for me." 

    I think a lot of people plan parties that THEY want. Which is obviously bullshit, but I think it happens a lot more often than it should. I'm sorry it's happening to you.
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  • beetherybeethery member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    "I appreciate it, but strip clubs and bars aren't my deal. You guys have fun though!"

    rinse/repeat.
    --

    I'm the fuck     out.

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  • loveislouderloveislouder member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    Second question: Can I ask them that it be 14 year old appropriate? Like, if they plan a Passion Party technically they're planning something I'd "enjoy" but my 14 year old BM can't come.
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  • southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    Moderator 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary
    loveislouder said:
    Second question: Can I ask them that it be 14 year old appropriate? Like, if they plan a Passion Party technically they're planning something I'd "enjoy" but my 14 year old BM can't come.
    Yes, I think you can request this. And if they're like "STRIP CLUBS AND DILDOSSSSSSSSSSSSS" you can always decline.
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    loveislouder said:
    Second question: Can I ask them that it be 14 year old appropriate? Like, if they plan a Passion Party technically they're planning something I'd "enjoy" but my 14 year old BM can't come.
    Yes, I think that is appropriate.  I think it is unfair to plan an entire party that cannot include someone young at at least part of it.  She is a BM and she shouldn't be left out of things just because she is 14.

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  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I agree with PPs.  I would also decline a bachelorette party like this.  You're totally fine, @loveislouder




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  • Alikat9614Alikat9614 member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    I would have been livid if anyone threw me a bachelorette like that. My MOH kind of dropped the ball and said she had planned something and then bailed at the last minute, leaving me at home and upset while DH went out (but not long- he found out I was home alone and came back because he is sweet). Anyway- she ended up booking us "friends" massages and mani/pedi appointments the day before the wedding to make up for it and it was perfect! Stand your ground!
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  • Sugargirl1019Sugargirl1019 member
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Combo Breaker
    Perfectly acceptable. We went to a pottery painting studio that did awesome group party events, and then afterwards the youngins went home and we went out to a bar to celebrate a little more crazy style.

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  • raissyraisraissyrais member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    What is it with stripclubs anyway? (I get the hype I went to one for my own BP) but if you don't like that, you just don't. Nobody should force you!
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