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Sexual harassment in the workplace

missmarissa14missmarissa14 member
25 Love Its 10 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
in Chit Chat
Hi ladies, I am just looking for some opinions/suggestions on this situation at work: Tomorrow I am putting in my 2 weeks at my job. My boss has made multiple inappropriate comments to me (this is not why I'm quitting.) - Once I was meeting him to go see a client and he saw me on my phone in my car. He knocks on my window and says "I know about you, I know you go out and get drunk and hook up with other guys on the weekends" ---- excuse me, what!?!?!? Totally random and disrespectful thing to say. - He has told me stories about his neighbor cheating on his wife and having sex with another women. - Shortly after I started he told me he looked me up on Facebook and saw a picture of me with an inflatable penis. He said he thought about printing out the picture and bringing it to my interview. - The latest incident, we were meeting with a client where he actually said "yeah, before I hired her, I looked her up on Facebook and saw a picture of her at a bachelorette party with a giant blow up penis!" -- in front of a client!! In a room full of Men! I was mortified. After that last incident, his boss, the director found out about it. The director pulled me into his office to discuss it. Later that day, my boss apologized and told me the director said to him "just let it blow over." - to me that is also inappropriate and not the proper way to handle this kind of situation. He has also had discussions with other people at work about "oh I had sex with this girl or that girl" and was once in the car with a female coworker, picked up the handle of a ice scraper and said "ribbed for her pleasure!" - but I did not witness these things first hand. One of my coworkers who knows I'm leaving suggested telling HR about my boss and negligence of the director before I leave. They also suggested having a lawyer on standby. Is this situation serious enough? I don't want to create hostility only to have nothing happen and he gets to keep his job with no repercussions. I'm not sure what to do.
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Re: Sexual harassment in the workplace

  • missmarissa14missmarissa14 member
    25 Love Its 10 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Sorry, don't know why this posted in one big paragraph!
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  • luckya23luckya23 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer

    Does your company have an exit interview?

    I would definitely bring it up in that sort of fashion.

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  • larrygagalarrygaga member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    edited October 2014
    Maggie0829 said:
    Um, why the hell didn't you go to HR after the first comment he made?!  Why did you allow this to go on for so long?

    And yes, the entire situation is serious enough to warrant a huge ass complaint to HR.  What they hell are you waiting for?
    She was probably afraid to speak up and get into trouble or make it worse. The reality of the world we live in is that there's a chance that nothing good could come out of speaking up. 

    You should tell HR and continue to leave that job! I don't know if they would do anything, and since you are leaving your job I doubt he can do anything to you, so I'm not sure you would need a lawyer. But it might be a good idea to get a lawyer anyway!
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  • novella1186novella1186 member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    Absolutely report it. At the very least, it will be on his record. You might save the next girl from going through that torment. It's not funny and it's not ok. End of story. 
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  • hellosweetie1015hellosweetie1015 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    Go to HR. Like, seriously. None of that is okay. Not a single bit. He should absolutely not be allowed to continue doing that, and the director needs to be made aware that it's not okay to "just let it blow over". 
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 100 Comments First Answer
    ^^^^ THIS.... There was a leader at my company who made comments to me and other women about our clothing and appearance.  Multiple people complained and went to our HR partner, and soon after, that guy had "decided to take another opportunity outside the company".

    You and your other coworkers being harassed is already making it a hostile work environment, I wouldn't think twice about going forward. 
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  • missmarissa14missmarissa14 member
    25 Love Its 10 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Unfortunately, even though I am sort of ashamed to say it.....because of the nature of my company, I did not feel like my job would be safe if I reported it.
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  • theartistformerlyknownastheartistformerlyknownas member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    Definitely bring it up now as a contributing factor to why you're leaving. 
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  • missmarissa14missmarissa14 member
    25 Love Its 10 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Thanks ladies
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  • steph861steph861 member
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    When I finally made a complaint about one of my coworkers (this was several years ago in a different office) I found out that other people had complained as well. You probably wouldn't be the first to complain either. He ended up leaving within a month.
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  • daria24daria24 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    Please bring this up to HR. I work in a very male-dominated industry and endured years of sexual harassment without speaking up, and I really regret it. At this point you have nothing to lose. I would also mention to other women in your office who have had similar comments that you are going to tell HR about what you personally experienced, maybe they will feel comfortable coming forward if they know they aren't alone. 
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  • wandajune6wandajune6 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    You absolutely need to go to HR. Also, make sure you document as much as possible. If it did cause you problems with your job, it's best to have everything documented -- including names of people at the clients who have heard his comments.

    Also, while this is not your fault at all, you still need to lock down your Facebook. @sarahbear31's instructions are good. Make sure your boss and any potential future employers can't see your photos. As a general rule, I don't post anything that I wouldn't be ok with my boss, my clients, and my MIL seeing.
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  • Couggal12Couggal12 member
    500 Comments 250 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    As someone who works in HR, I advise you to go to them immediately. Even though you are leaving they will will be able to have it on record and investiage the situation. If he is talking to other people in an inappropriate manner too then it's likely he is making other employees uncomfortable. Most companies have a non retaliation policy so that way employees can come to HR or their supervisors without the fear or repercussions. 


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  • atlastmrsgatlastmrsg member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    This is also a good lesson in setting boundaries for yourself.  I think women have a tendency to look past things or ignore them to be polite, to not create a stir, or to not have it impact job negatively.  The net impact is worse though--if a person like this is testing you, then each time you look past it, you're setting them up to think that you'll look past an advance, touching you, or worse.  Set appropriate boundaries in your next job.
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 100 Comments First Answer
    missmarissa14 said:
    Unfortunately, even though I am sort of ashamed to say it.....because of the nature of my company, I did not feel like my job would be safe if I reported it.
    I know every company is different, and things don't always work like this with office politics, but there often is an HR policy around Whistleblower Protection for anyone who reports illegal or unethical behavior.
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  • Couggal12Couggal12 member
    500 Comments 250 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    missmarissa14 Just remember you have every right to feel safe at your place of employment. He should not be allowed to make you feel uncomfortable or embarrass you in front of coworkers, clients, etc. He is your boss and that is an abuse of power if he is continuing to harass you if you are making it clear what he is doing is making you feel uncomfortable and not appropriate. 
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  • mrsmagicgeekmrsmagicgeek member
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    I was in a similar situation once with one of the board members of a company where I used to work. Their "investigation" consisted of them asking him if he did anything, he said no, and a permanent note went on MY record. I no longer work there.

    Good luck, OP. I know it sucks. Since you're leaving anyway, I would make sure that BS was known as being part of the reason why.
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  • KatWAGKatWAG member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited October 2014

    First you need to clean up your facebook profile. I am not surprised at all that your employer checked it out. I look up (and judge) everyone I interview.

    Second, yes you should go to HR and report your boss. Do you have anything in writing? Or was anyone else around that can confirm what your boss said to you? Honestly, I dont know how good it will do. Your company doesnt have much of an incentive to take it seriously since you are leaving.. I dont see a point in getting a lawyer unless you want to press charges against him.

    edit: spelling

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  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    @missmarissa14, I also took a few screenshots showing how to lock-down your Facebook albums.  Let me know if you'd like me to share them w/ you.




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  • KatWAGKatWAG member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    @missmarissa14 do you have instagram? if you do, make that private also.
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  • abbyj700abbyj700 member
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    I wish you would have gone to HR before - but DEFINITELY go now.


    Ladies - my biggest plea with others is the responsibility to protect one another. Every time we don't report these crimes - these people can go on and harm other women. It's scary, and painful and usually a terrible process. As a PP wrote - sometimes we are the ones who end up with a mark on our record. In some cases - our private life is paraded out in public to prove we had provoked or "asked for it." The way we dress is discussed...our sex lives, our facebook, the company we keep. It isn't easy. BUT for me - reporting these issues is something that we do to be strong and help all those other women out there. 

    I know not everyone can do it. But know that you are not alone. That you CAN stand strong and take a step against sexual harassment.
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  • kat1114kat1114 member
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    I would definitely tell HR. If you feel like they don't take it seriously, I would file a complaint with the EEOC. Yes, you won't be working there anymore, but as PPs have stated, you can help stop this behavior from happening other women at your current workplace.
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