Thanksgiving family problem

cotton8744 · October 2014

Ok what would you do? My fiancé and I have been together for several years, and have a baby together. He was adopted and I am close with his bio family, but have never met his adoptive family (they live on the other side of the country). His adoptive dad is dead, and his adoptive mother has severe dementia. FI was married 9 years ago, for 2 years, resulting in my 8yr old SD. He and her go out to visit FI's aunt and uncles on his adopted side (all in their 80's) for thanksgiving. Ex wife has SD this yr for thanksgiving. FI always goes out there for thanksgiving, and wanted me to come along and show our baby to his family. I was very excited. Last night FI talked to his sister. She says that she talked to their aunt and uncle, and they are VERY uncomfortable with us coming to thanksgiving because they are religious, we have a child out of wedlock and are living together. So they don't want us to come. I was heartbroken. I realize it is THEIR home and their party, however I don't want my daughter to miss out for this ridiculous reason. Yes, she is too young to remember, but one of the uncles is a WW2 vet and wont be around much longer so FI wanted to get a picture of them together. FI says he will call them tonight and see what the deal is. A part of me now thinks he should take the baby and go so he can see his family, but then Im out in the cold. I could go to my family but they would be all "where are FI and the baby?" and be upset. I don't want to explain this to them. I don't want FI to pressure them into inviting us since they obviously don't want us there. I think FI should just go alone if he really wants to go. side notes- FI mentioned back in march before he told everyone about the baby that he has a serious gf and would like to bring her to THNKSGVNG. They said sure. They only met ex wife once, and never came to the wedding. There are a several divorced family members who will be there, a family member who has been to jail several times, and a cousin who has finally managed to recover from substance abuse. Butttttttt my child and I are satans clones because FI and I don't have a wedding license. wtfffff.

southernbelle0915 · October 2014

cotton8744 said:
Ok what would you do?

My fiancé and I have been together for several years, and have a baby together. He was adopted and I am close with his bio family, but have never met his adoptive family (they live on the other side of the country). His adoptive dad is dead, and his adoptive mother has severe dementia. FI was married 9 years ago, for 2 years, resulting in my 8yr old SD. He and her go out to visit FI's aunt and uncles on his adopted side (all in their 80's) for thanksgiving. Ex wife has SD this yr for thanksgiving. FI always goes out there for thanksgiving, and wanted me to come along and show our baby to his family. I was very excited.

Last night FI talked to his sister. She says that she talked to their aunt and uncle, and they are VERY uncomfortable with us coming to thanksgiving because they are religious, we have a child out of wedlock and are living together. So they don't want us to come. I was heartbroken. I realize it is THEIR home and their party, however I don't want my daughter to miss out for this ridiculous reason. Yes, she is too young to remember, but one of the uncles is a WW2 vet and wont be around much longer so FI wanted to get a picture of them together. FI says he will call them tonight and see what the deal is. A part of me now thinks he should take the baby and go so he can see his family, but then Im out in the cold. I could go to my family but they would be all "where are FI and the baby?" and be upset. I don't want to explain this to them. I don't want FI to pressure them into inviting us since they obviously don't want us there. I think FI should just go alone if he really wants to go.

side notes- FI mentioned back in march before he told everyone about the baby that he has a serious gf and would like to bring her to THNKSGVNG. They said sure.

They only met ex wife once, and never came to the wedding.

There are a several divorced family members who will be there, a family member who has been to jail several times, and a cousin who has finally managed to recover from substance abuse. Butttttttt my child and I are satans clones because FI and I don't have a wedding license. wtfffff.

Um, if someone said me and/or my child weren't welcome in their home because the child was born out of wedlock, it would be a pretty easy decision on what to do..... NOT GO.

Look, they've already made you feel like shit so why on earth does your FI give a shit about having a photo with someone there? If he really wants that picture, go visit just that person some other time.

He should be standing up for you, btw. Not worried about a damn photograph. FFS. Take your FI and daughter to your parents house, where presumably, they're happy to have you and love you unconditionally.

doeydo · October 2014

cotton8744 said:

Ok what would you do? My fiancé and I have been together for several years, and have a baby together. He was adopted and I am close with his bio family, but have never met his adoptive family (they live on the other side of the country). His adoptive dad is dead, and his adoptive mother has severe dementia. FI was married 9 years ago, for 2 years, resulting in my 8yr old SD. He and her go out to visit FI's aunt and uncles on his adopted side (all in their 80's) for thanksgiving. Ex wife has SD this yr for thanksgiving. FI always goes out there for thanksgiving, and wanted me to come along and show our baby to his family. I was very excited. Last night FI talked to his sister. She says that she talked to their aunt and uncle, and they are VERY uncomfortable with us coming to thanksgiving because they are religious, we have a child out of wedlock and are living together. So they don't want us to come. I was heartbroken. I realize it is THEIR home and their party, however I don't want my daughter to miss out for this ridiculous reason. Yes, she is too young to remember, but one of the uncles is a WW2 vet and wont be around much longer so FI wanted to get a picture of them together. FI says he will call them tonight and see what the deal is. A part of me now thinks he should take the baby and go so he can see his family, but then Im out in the cold. I could go to my family but they would be all "where are FI and the baby?" and be upset. I don't want to explain this to them. I don't want FI to pressure them into inviting us since they obviously don't want us there. I think FI should just go alone if he really wants to go. side notes- FI mentioned back in march before he told everyone about the baby that he has a serious gf and would like to bring her to THNKSGVNG. They said sure. They only met ex wife once, and never came to the wedding. There are a several divorced family members who will be there, a family member who has been to jail several times, and a cousin who has finally managed to recover from substance abuse. Butttttttt my child and I are satans clones because FI and I don't have a wedding license. wtfffff.

Aunt and uncle would get a giant finger and be told to shove it. Your FI should be all "Um, this is my future wife and my child. We aren't welcome in your home? Fine" and not go. He (and you and the baby) can see his reasonable members of the family.

Also:

theartistformerlyknownas · October 2014

There's no way I would want a picture of my child with a man who would shun her parents and her mere existence like that, veteran or not. Fuck them. You've got better plans - ie anything but visiting those assholes.

climbingsingle · October 2014

southernbelle0915 said:

Ok what would you do? My fiancé and I have been together for several years, and have a baby together. He was adopted and I am close with his bio family, but have never met his adoptive family (they live on the other side of the country). His adoptive dad is dead, and his adoptive mother has severe dementia. FI was married 9 years ago, for 2 years, resulting in my 8yr old SD. He and her go out to visit FI's aunt and uncles on his adopted side (all in their 80's) for thanksgiving. Ex wife has SD this yr for thanksgiving. FI always goes out there for thanksgiving, and wanted me to come along and show our baby to his family. I was very excited. Last night FI talked to his sister. She says that she talked to their aunt and uncle, and they are VERY uncomfortable with us coming to thanksgiving because they are religious, we have a child out of wedlock and are living together. So they don't want us to come. I was heartbroken. I realize it is THEIR home and their party, however I don't want my daughter to miss out for this ridiculous reason. Yes, she is too young to remember, but one of the uncles is a WW2 vet and wont be around much longer so FI wanted to get a picture of them together. FI says he will call them tonight and see what the deal is. A part of me now thinks he should take the baby and go so he can see his family, but then Im out in the cold. I could go to my family but they would be all "where are FI and the baby?" and be upset. I don't want to explain this to them. I don't want FI to pressure them into inviting us since they obviously don't want us there. I think FI should just go alone if he really wants to go. side notes- FI mentioned back in march before he told everyone about the baby that he has a serious gf and would like to bring her to THNKSGVNG. They said sure. They only met ex wife once, and never came to the wedding. There are a several divorced family members who will be there, a family member who has been to jail several times, and a cousin who has finally managed to recover from substance abuse. Butttttttt my child and I are satans clones because FI and I don't have a wedding license. wtfffff.
Um, if someone said me and/or my child weren't welcome in their home because the child was born out of wedlock, it would be a pretty easy decision on what to do..... NOT GO. Look, they've already made you feel like shit so why on earth does your FI give a shit about having a photo with someone there? If he really wants that picture, go visit just that person some other time. He should be standing up for you, btw. Not worried about a damn photograph. FFS. Take your FI and daughter to your parents house, where presumably, they're happy to have you and love you unconditionally.

Yes, a million times THIS.

I'm not welcome because I had a child out of wedlock? Well fuck you very much. Then you don't get to meet me and you don't get to meet my baby. And your FI should be telling them that he won't be attending either. Eff that noise. How rude!

larrygaga · October 2014

Without reading like 80% of that my solution would be to host my own thanksgiving and invite whoever.

People are going to tell you that you were wrong to have a baby out of wedlock. That's just the world we live in. You gotta figure out how to deal with it and come out on top!

thisismynickname2 · October 2014

Uh.... are these people invited to your wedding? I hope not.

Sorry you're dealing with this.

Maggie0829 · October 2014

What does your FI have to say about his own family telling him that his child (the one you and he have together) is not welcomed in their home?

HaileyDancingbear · October 2014

Fuck that noise. Go spend thanksgiving with people who are aware that it's the year 2014. Seriously, uncomfortable with an unmarried couple living together?? Did they notify your sister about that with parchment delivered by a horse-drawn carriage?

I have nothing against religion, but people seriously need to understand that when you look to a book that old for guidance, some things will stand the test of time, but others are going to be outdated and you need to toss those little tidbits as they become obsolete. Hating people for premarital sex? Absolutely obsolete. Toss it out along with leviticus's whole rant about how eating shellfish is abomination. (Seriously, these people will disobey the bible because they don't want to give up eating shrimp, but they won't disobey it to avoid alienating their own family??)

beethery · October 2014

I would not tolerate this bullshit at all and I'd expect my FI to stand with me on something where I'm being excluded.

cotton8744 · October 2014

He was very annoyed but apparently he expected it or something like it-an offhand remark if we went. Thank you everyone for the replies, I feel much better! Noooo they are not invited to the wedding.

Thanksgiving family problem

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