BRIDESMAIDS DRIVING ME CRRAZY!!!

jencrabb07 · October 2014

Okay so my wedding isn't until Sept 15'.. However I have had to make 3 different appointments for davids bridal because some of the girls keep complaining that some want to lose weight before the wedding, or they dont want to wear knee length dresses because of scars on their knees.... I ended up getting into a pretty big fight with one of my bridesmaids because she constantly making excuses as to why she can not try on dresses. So all of us finally got together, except the excuse maker. I found some dresses I really liked, they all liked them and some decided they were going to buy the next week. However the shop told us that the dresses i picked were limited edition and weren't sure how long they would be on the shelves. So i sent a mass message to everyone saying that they will have to buy soon because i do not know how long they will be at the store for. NOOOOW i am getting messages back that they want to buy the dresses closer to the wedding since they want to lose weight and now they arent buying....So now I basically said screw it because I am so sick of the BS from the bridesmaids...and said heres the color swatches, buy dresses that fit the theme and have it by June..... I also had to give the excuse maker an ultimatum, be there this day, this time, other wise you are out of the wedding. I am just going to go crazy!!! PLUS my mom.....ughh she is trying to change everything....I tell her my plans....ohhh noooo you shouldn't do that, do this.... any one else have similar issues??

NYCMercedes · October 2014

jencrabb07 said:

Okay so my wedding isn't until Sept 15'.. However I have had to make 3 different appointments for davids bridal because some of the girls keep complaining that some want to lose weight before the wedding, or they dont want to wear knee length dresses because of scars on their knees.... I ended up getting into a pretty big fight with one of my bridesmaids because she constantly making excuses as to why she can not try on dresses. So all of us finally got together, except the excuse maker. I found some dresses I really liked, they all liked them and some decided they were going to buy the next week. However the shop told us that the dresses i picked were limited edition and weren't sure how long they would be on the shelves. So i sent a mass message to everyone saying that they will have to buy soon because i do not know how long they will be at the store for. NOOOOW i am getting messages back that they want to buy the dresses closer to the wedding since they want to lose weight and now they arent buying....So now I basically said screw it because I am so sick of the BS from the bridesmaids...and said heres the color swatches, buy dresses that fit the theme and have it by June..... I also had to give the excuse maker an ultimatum, be there this day, this time, other wise you are out of the wedding. I am just going to go crazy!!! PLUS my mom.....ughh she is trying to change everything....I tell her my plans....ohhh noooo you shouldn't do that, do this.... any one else have similar issues??

David's Bridal can get BM dresses in three months or less so it's way too early to even think about ordering them. It's good you gave them the color and leeway to pick a flattering style, but they can wait at least six months before they even need to look. Chill. Drink.

If your Mom isn't paying, she need not know your details. If she is, well, her involvement is what you get for accepting her money.

You're 11 months out. All you need now is to have your venue(s) booked. You can start looking at photographers, florists, DJ's at a relaxed pace. Chill. Drink.

sarahjane222 · October 2014

Ya, you've got tons of time so I don't know why you're freaking out so much. Chill out and let your BM's lose the weight they want to and go sometime in the new year when you can all be excited about it.

As for your mother - PP is right - if she's paying then she gets a solid say in what happens. If she's not paying then stand your ground and do what you'd like to do.

allysia02 · October 2014

jencrabb07 said:

....So now I basically said screw it because I am so sick of the BS from the bridesmaids...and said heres the color swatches, buy dresses that fit the theme and have it by June.....

I would have just gone with this in the first place. If your BMs want to lose weight there's no point buying the dresses now anyway, you have so much time. Also, you don't need to hold their hands through this process. Have faith in the people you chose, they are adults capable of being able to get their own dresses no need to work yourself up unnecessarily.

lc07 · October 2014

I ordered a DB dress in the middle of August. It came in by the end of August. For a Sept wedding. My weight changed by 30 lbs over the past year due to medical issues. Alterations are EXPENSIVE! Plus what looked good on my body at one weight did not at another. No way did I want to buy a dress almost a year in advance. And I would think YOU were crazy for asking me to.

AddieCake · October 2014

You gave them the info, now let it go. They will either have dresses on time, or they take themselves out of the wedding. Way too early to worry about this.

climbingsingle · October 2014

Girl, you need to dial it back. You're treading into Bridezilla territory. You're wedding is a year away. Chill and have a glass of wine.

ETA: and apologize to your friends.

novella1186 · October 2014

You gave your bridesmaid an ultimatum? You owe her an apology. That was shitty, and very bridezilla of you. As the other PPs have said, you have a ton of time. There is no reason to be pressuring the BMs into buying their dresses RIGHT NOW. They're right to want to wait. People's weight can change, and you might even change your mind about what style dress you want them to wear.

Stop acting like this towards your friends and tell them you're sorry, then relax.

abbyj700 · October 2014

David's Bridal and a year out from your wedding? Slow your roll.

You were wrong. Apologize. Step back, get some perspective and then and only then continue with your planning.

[Deleted User] · October 2014

One of your bridesmaids could get pregnant and deliver the child before your wedding. I think you have time to buy dresses.

OliveOilsMom · October 2014

If you keep up like this you will give yourself an ulcer trying to plan this wedding. My sister wanted us to buy BM dresses over a year in advance. I told her she was crazy and there was no way in hell I would buy a dress a year out. As it was, we went in March to get BM dresses for her October wedding last year. The dresses were in my April too.

I think that you should look at this the other way and say that YOU are driving your BMs crazy! I was in a wedding this year in July. I didn't get my BM dress from DB until March. I know another BM waited another month past me to get her dress. All of the dresses arrived on time, so really, just calm down.

MyNameIsNot · October 2014

BM dress shopping a year out is crazy. Expecting them to order dresses this early is insane. You need to apologize to everyone for being so unreasonable, especially the one you gave the ultimatum to!

You've given them the color and swatch, good. Now go back and correct yourself. They do not need the dresses by June. They need the dresses by September. Repeat: expecting BMs to buy dresses too far in advance is crazy.

You need to take a chill pill. Trying to micromanage everyone and create ridiculous timelines is always going to blow up in your face. Trust your friends to get dresses before the wedding, and focus your energy where it belongs. If you truly have nothing better to do than worry about what someone else is going to wear to an event 11 months away, open a bottle wine and start looking for volunteer opportunities.

FWIW, I'm a BM in a wedding in April. We aren't planning to make a decision on BM dresses until January, because the bride is not a psychopath. We will have plenty of time. Chillax.

Emilio829 · October 2014

One thing I've learned through this whole wedding planning process is David's Bridal's biggest selling tactic is to tell you either they aren't sure if they'll have it next week or it's only on sale today or they don't know when that dress will be in so you had better choose one today.

Take a deep breath, even if the dress is a limited edition, I'm sure you'll find something else that works when the girls are ready to buy their dresses. You have plenty of time, but I understand how frustrating it can be. You just want everything done!

LittleWohlscheid · October 2014

Emilio829 said:

One thing I've learned through this whole wedding planning process is David's Bridal's biggest selling tactic is to tell you either they aren't sure if they'll have it next week or it's only on sale today or they don't know when that dress will be in so you had better choose one today.
Take a deep breath, even if the dress is a limited edition, I'm sure you'll find something else that works when the girls are ready to buy their dresses. You have plenty of time, but I understand how frustrating it can be. You just want everything done!

DB is HUGE on the "limited sale" tactic. They tried doing that to me when I was getting a wedding dress and when I was getting a bridesmaid dress for my sister's wedding.

Giving them color swatches is good- they can look around for dresses in that color that they might like and that will fit their budget. If you really want them in matching dresses, try getting them together again in late May or sometime around then and go shopping as a group. Let them know if you decide to do something like that though- it would be bad if they already got a dress and then you dropped that on them.

I think PPs have the issue with your mom covered. If she provides money, she gets a say- you can disagree with her and don't have to agree to everything she demands, but she does get unput. If she isn't providing money, listen to her opinion, thank her for her advice and then do what you think is best.

Viczaesar · October 2014

jencrabb07 said:

Okay so my wedding isn't until Sept 15'.. However I have had to make 3 different appointments for davids bridal because some of the girls keep complaining that some want to lose weight before the wedding, or they dont want to wear knee length dresses because of scars on their knees.... I ended up getting into a pretty big fight with one of my bridesmaids because she constantly making excuses as to why she can not try on dresses. So all of us finally got together, except the excuse maker. I found some dresses I really liked, they all liked them and some decided they were going to buy the next week. However the shop told us that the dresses i picked were limited edition and weren't sure how long they would be on the shelves. So i sent a mass message to everyone saying that they will have to buy soon because i do not know how long they will be at the store for. NOOOOW i am getting messages back that they want to buy the dresses closer to the wedding since they want to lose weight and now they arent buying....So now I basically said screw it because I am so sick of the BS from the bridesmaids...and said heres the color swatches, buy dresses that fit the theme and have it by June..... I also had to give the excuse maker an ultimatum, be there this day, this time, other wise you are out of the wedding. I am just going to go crazy!!! PLUS my mom.....ughh she is trying to change everything....I tell her my plans....ohhh noooo you shouldn't do that, do this.... any one else have similar issues??

1. No wonder they didn't want to go shopping and didn't want to buy their dresses now - it's almost a year until the wedding! This is ridiculously early and frankly inappropriate for you to ask them to spend money now to buy a dress that will just hang in their closets for a year and which may not even fit them properly in a year's time.
2. The bolded is a much better approach, but the June deadline is, again, unnecessarily early and just unnecessary in general. They don't need to have the dress in their hands 3 months before your wedding. If they have it by the day of the wedding itself they should be just fine. Don't go bridezilla over this.

lovesclimbing · October 2014

jencrabb07 said:

Okay so my wedding isn't until Sept 15'.. However I have had to make 3 different appointments for davids bridal because some of the girls keep complaining that some want to lose weight before the wedding, or they dont want to wear knee length dresses because of scars on their knees.... I ended up getting into a pretty big fight with one of my bridesmaids because she constantly making excuses as to why she can not try on dresses. So all of us finally got together, except the excuse maker. I found some dresses I really liked, they all liked them and some decided they were going to buy the next week. However the shop told us that the dresses i picked were limited edition and weren't sure how long they would be on the shelves. So i sent a mass message to everyone saying that they will have to buy soon because i do not know how long they will be at the store for. NOOOOW i am getting messages back that they want to buy the dresses closer to the wedding since they want to lose weight and now they arent buying....So now I basically said screw it because I am so sick of the BS from the bridesmaids...and said heres the color swatches, buy dresses that fit the theme and have it by June..... I also had to give the excuse maker an ultimatum, be there this day, this time, other wise you are out of the wedding. I am just going to go crazy!!! PLUS my mom.....ughh she is trying to change everything....I tell her my plans....ohhh noooo you shouldn't do that, do this.... any one else have similar issues??

If your bridesmaid doesn't really want to show her scars, you really shouldn't make her wear a knee length dress. Can you find something in a tea-length, or just below the knee?

I agree with some PPs that this is really too soon to buy dresses. People could lose or gain a considerable amount of weight in a year.

As far as your mom, when she says "Oh you should do this," just say "Thank you for your thoughts, I'll keep that in mind/I'll consider it" and then move on.

charlieyankee03 · October 2014

I'm fairly new here, but I've been lurking for a bit. Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't it way early to even select your BMs, let alone go dress shopping?

A lot can change in a year. You may find yourself distanced from one or more of them by the time your wedding approaches. It's a bit late to do anything now, but I think you should take a wine break and relax. There will be far bigger hurdles to jump over in the next 11 months. Good luck!

[Deleted User] · October 2014

charlieyankee03 said:

I'm fairly new here, but I've been lurking for a bit. Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't it way early to even select your BMs, let alone go dress shopping?
A lot can change in a year. You may find yourself distanced from one or more of them by the time your wedding approaches. It's a bit late to do anything now, but I think you should take a wine break and relax. There will be far bigger hurdles to jump over in the next 11 months. Good luck!

Way to go, newbie! Good call!

BRIDESMAIDS DRIVING ME CRRAZY!!!

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