Impatiently Waiting...

stainedglassmermaid · October 2014

My Boyfriend and I have been dating for a bit over 1 1/2 years, and we've been ready to get engaged/married, but finances haven't been on our side. Luckily though, his dad came over for a visit and gave him my boyfriend's mom's engagement ring (she passed away). So, since we've been ready to move to this new step, i've been expecting it to happen any moment, only problem is..it hasn't. I have to wait for him to get it resized, and then wait for him to propose. In all of this waiting, our roommates have gotten engaged, and now I feel like if he WAS going to propose, he can't now, as we don't want to steal their thunder...so it's a toss up at this point...i'm obviously being a spoiled brat about the whole situation lol, but idk I'd like my engagement/wedding to just go smoothly...

Hummingbird125 · October 2014

First of all, I definitely feel you on the finances side of things, but if you want a wedding with a reception and a decent # of guests, that's still going to cost you money. Your BF might be waiting until he's confident you both can afford the wedding that you want, and while getting an engagement ring for free is wonderful, it doesn't solve that problem.

Secondly, your roommates getting engaged should not impact your relationship timeline whatsoever. However.... the fact that you HAVE roommates might. Do you two live with another couple? Are you ready/financially able to move into your own place within the near future? Surely you don't want to start your married life while living with another couple. Again, this could be something else your BF is waiting for/working towards before proposing.

Basically, it's wonderful to get a ring handed down from family, both for the sentimental value and the (free!) cost, but having a ring does not necessarily mean you're both ready to be engaged quite yet - even if your relationship is ready for it, there are other things to consider.

You haven't been together for a very long time, so I say to keep enjoying the BF/GF stage for now - you'll never get it back! You'll have plenty of time to enjoy being engaged when that happens!

Swazzle · October 2014

@Hummingbird125 is wise.

cu97tiger · October 2014

Ditto @hummingbird125. I'll also say that if you're mature enough to get married, you're mature enough to have a conversation with your BF about this. Talk about whether the finances are something that should put your engagement off for awhile. Talk about whether you feel like you should give your friends some time (I'm talking a couple weeks here, not months or until after their wedding) to enjoy their engagement before you follow suit.

phira · October 2014

There's definitely nothing wrong with having a conversation with your boyfriend.

speakeasy14 · October 2014

Posted on the other and then saw everyone else was responding to this one so deleted that response:

First: Find ways to distract yourself so you don't focus on when it is going to happen. Enjoy this time being his gf, because it is the last time you will have that label.

Second: If your finances are not in order, then I would focus on fixing that. Planning a wedding costs money, and you do not need to go into debt because you didn't have the funds necessary. Also, the number one thing couples fight about is finances. You do not want to go into a marriage with that kind of tension. So I highly suggest taking this time where you don't have to spend money, to get all your finances taken care of, and that you are your bf are on the same page.

Then when he proposes it'll be a surprise because you won't even be thinking about when it will happen.

*edit not awake enough and words are hard

[Deleted User] · October 2014

Accidentally posted in the other thread too.

You won't steal your roommate's thunder if you get engaged. If they're your friends, I'm sure they would be just as happy for you as you were for them. That's not something that should be bothering you at all.

Also getting married doesn't have to cost a lot of money. If both of y'all are uncomfortable with getting engaged because your finances aren't straight then wait and save if that would make you feel better.

Don't worry about your engagement/wedding going or not going smoothly yet...after all you're not engaged. Focus your energy on your relationship or other things and let it happen naturally. In the meantime, stick around and we can distract you! Are you a student? What do you do?

AuroraRose41 · October 2014

I'm in a very similar position right now where BF and I have been talking about getting engaged for a while now. Some financial things did impact that, and I was okay with that, but it's been a few months since all of that was solved. So I am in a similar stage of "when is it going to happen?".

That said, I can't stress enough to find something else to occupy your time. I just joined the planning committee for a club at work dedicated to throwing events for new hires (0-3 years with the company), and have been putting all of my free time into that lately instead of thinking about the upcoming engagement. It's made me a lot happier and able to just enjoy time with my BF now.

Also, the ladies here are right about your roommates. If they are your friends, they will be happy for you when it happens. I wouldn't stress about that one bit.

stainedglassmermaid · October 2014

thank you ladies for all your advice. After reading most of your responses, i agree with the "distract yourself" option. Since it's been a little while since my roommates got engaged, i've allowed the more rational part of my brain to take charge, and I realize now that i'm comfortable with just knowing that eventually it's going to happen, and until then I can just start saving up money for whatever it is we decide to do, and etc...

Impatiently Waiting...

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