this is the code for the render ad
Community› Wedding Discussion Boards› Second Weddings
Second Weddings
New Discussion

Pre-marital counseling?

vegasbride2015vegasbride2015 member
100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
in Second Weddings
My parents were up here to visit last week. My fiance proposed and we made it official. We discussed the wedding, where it is being held, etc... No objections at all. My dad had a chat with my fiance about pre-marital counseling though. It's really strange. My parents are divorced (and yes, vacationed together, it's weird), I am divorced once, and my sister and her husband have been separated in the past w/ some issues going on now. I am thinking he asked because he is concerned about the potential threat of a divorce down the road. I get where my dad is coming from, but this time around is so different. One, I'm not 23. I'm 36 (well, will be almost 37 next year during the wedding). Two, this time I WANT to get married. Three, this feels right. Four, I can see my whole future with my fiance. This time around I feel peace, and like I have a SOLID foundation underneath. We are doing everything we can to ensure that we are taking the necessary steps to create a good life together. 

So while I get my father's concerns, I hope he realizes that I know what I am doing this time around. He does know that my fiance makes me a lot happier than I have ever been. However, I have taken his question about pre-marital counseling (which he suggested) into serious consideration. My fiance has been more about it than I have too. I talked with my therapist about it and there are different approaches to counseling. I agree with the "keep it positive" counseling, to see what has made us grow strong as a couple. 

Backstory: I tend to freak out at the thought of marital counseling, or any kind of couples counseling. Why? I had a failed bout in my last marriage, but that marriage should never have happened, and by then we were grasping for straws, plus my then husband did not want to do it. There's a huge difference this time around.

Has anyone done or thought of doing pre-marital counseling?? Thoughts?
Wedding Countdown Ticker
image
Report Reply to Post

Re: Pre-marital counseling?

  • lacqueredloverlacqueredlover member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    We haven't yet but we are going to.  I think it's a wonderful idea.  
    image


    Report Reply
  • Jells2dot0Jells2dot0 mod
    Moderator Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    Counseling is a great idea for many reasons and many situations. When people come out of a divorce, there are always lessons to be learned, things to reflect upon, and goals to set for the future marriage to be stronger. I also recommend it if children are involved. Blending families is TOUGH.

    I knew my divorce was the right thing from the get-go, but I still subconsciously had some things to work through. Talking them out with an unbiased party just made me that much stronger of a person and could bring more to the table in my new relationship. I'd highly encourage it, even if it's only for a few sessions. 

     







    Report Reply
  • vegasbride2015vegasbride2015 member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    He doesn't have kids, but we have my 14 year old daughter. She has been incredibly excited over the wedding and everything. 

    I agree, maybe some counseling for reflection on what works for us and how to keep that spark alive and how to keep our relationship strong. I could cry about how open and honest my fiance is...my ex was not. I have so much ease this time around, in terms of my feelings and there are ZERO hesitations this time around too.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    image
    Report Reply
  • KimCagleKimCagle member
    Third Anniversary First Comment
    We are not currently planning on going to pre-marital counseling but i think its a great idea. I happen to be studying to be a counselor so we try to talk everything out. But this time around, i would definitely go to a counselor if i thought we need an impartial third party for anything. :-)
    Report Reply
  • jacques27jacques27 member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Perhaps if you stop thinking of pre-marital counseling as something to indicate that you aren't ready for marriage and think of it as something to start your marriage off on the right foot (I say this based on your comment of "But this time I'm 30+ and I know what I want...". 

    This isn't necessarily to figure out IF you're right for each other (though a very real consequence might be discovering that after all you aren't).  Think of it this way - since when is communicating in neutral territory ever a bad thing?  Pre-marital counseling is about ensuring a foundation and working through potential issues before they come up and chip away at the foundation and are on the same page before you marry (for instance, finances, particularly when it comes to your child who may want to go to college some day) - it's not about trying to fix something broken (necessarily), which is presumably what you were trying to do with your last relationship when you went to couples counseling.
    Report Reply
  • vegasbride2015vegasbride2015 member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    jacques27 said:
    Perhaps if you stop thinking of pre-marital counseling as something to indicate that you aren't ready for marriage and think of it as something to start your marriage off on the right foot (I say this based on your comment of "But this time I'm 30+ and I know what I want...". 

    This isn't necessarily to figure out IF you're right for each other (though a very real consequence might be discovering that after all you aren't).  Think of it this way - since when is communicating in neutral territory ever a bad thing?  Pre-marital counseling is about ensuring a foundation and working through potential issues before they come up and chip away at the foundation and are on the same page before you marry (for instance, finances, particularly when it comes to your child who may want to go to college some day) - it's not about trying to fix something broken (necessarily), which is presumably what you were trying to do with your last relationship when you went to couples counseling.

    This is so incredibly true. My therapist helped me realize the different forms of therapy and how beneficial they can be for building that foundation (like you said). After our session I felt a lot more open to pre-marital counseling and even my fiancé wants me to set up an appointment, so I will be doing that soon. Thank you!
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    image
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards