Dream Venue, Nightmare Price

Knottie51205592 · October 2014

So I'm not engaged yet, but my Significant other and I have basically decided we are getting married. I'm fully aware things could change, in the mean time, I'm beginning to plan my dream wedding.

I came across the St Regis Monarch Beach Resort in Dana Point CA only 20 minutes from the church we want to be married at. It is everything i've ever dreamed of and I dreamt of the stair cases before ever seeing them on pint rest (which happened a day after the dream)

One problem, it's approximately $30-40K to have a reception there. Granted they include many things. However I have no idea how I'm going to come up with that type of money in 4-5 years. Yes 4-5 years is a long time. However I'm not on a great income. He's doing well, and i don't know how much my parents will contribute.

I'm looking for advice on long term savings and how I could save money while still having my dream venue.

We plan on a Sunday afternoon wedding with an evening reception.

Any money saving suggestions for a worried bride to be.

XrebeccaX · October 2014

If your timeline is 4-5 years, I wouldn't worry about it too much just yet.

When you get engaged, talk with your fiance and your families to find out who is contributing to the budget and to what extent. Then when you have your number, you start planning in earnest. The budget really will impact most of your planning decisions, so it comes first.

In the meantime...begin putting money in a savings account, let it earn interest and work toward your goal. Never a bad idea in any circumstance...and you'll have it no matter what happens.

KeptInStitches · October 2014

XrebeccaX said:

If your timeline is 4-5 years, I wouldn't worry about it too much just yet.

When you get engaged, talk with your fiance and your families to find out who is contributing to the budget and to what extent. Then when you have your number, you start planning in earnest. The budget really will impact most of your planning decisions, so it comes first.

In the meantime...begin putting money in a savings account, let it earn interest and work toward your goal. Never a bad idea in any circumstance...and you'll have it no matter what happens.

All of this, but especially the bolded. No sense in borrowing trouble from tomorrow - today has enough trouble already.

bethsmiles · October 2014

This is my new gif for every time a newbie posts the whole I'm planning a wedding without being engaged bullshit:

20 Reasons "Modern Family's" Cameron Tucker Is A Total Gem

Okay...seriously though there is zero reason to be worrying about this you can start saving, everyone should have savings, but you need to realize that a lot can change in 4-5 years so what seems like the best venue ever might not even be in the running when you actually are engaged.

kaitlynmichelle · October 2014

XrebeccaX said:
If your timeline is 4-5 years, I wouldn't worry about it too much just yet.

When you get engaged, talk with your fiance and your families to find out who is contributing to the budget and to what extent. Then when you have your number, you start planning in earnest. The budget really will impact most of your planning decisions, so it comes first.

In the meantime...begin putting money in a savings account, let it earn interest and work toward your goal. Never a bad idea in any circumstance...and you'll have it no matter what happens.

I agree about not worrying about this until you are engaged. I disagree with asking your families what they are contributing to the wedding. If they offer money, awesome! But let them make the offer, you shouldn't ask them to contribute. Expect to pay for it yourselves.

WildMagelet · October 2014

You've got plenty of time to worry about it if its 4-5 years. Work out a budget based on how much you currently make and start setting some aside in a savings account each month and don't touch it. When you get engaged your FI and I will need to talk about how much you can realistically afford as far as a wedding goes based on current savings and how much additional you can set aside each month and what you're comfortable paying. Personally, I wouldn't be comfortable spending $30-40k on a party. That's the price of a starter home where I'm from. It gets brought up a lot on this board that the only things required to get married are a couple, a marriage license, and (depending on your state) an officiant and/or witnesses. Everything else is "fluff." It helps put all the expensive details that add up into perspective.

FWIW, I have a lot of venues that I would have considered "dream venues" at one point but there's typically something off about them. One doesn't allow alcohol, one came back and decided they didn't want to do weddings, one ended up closing due to lack of funding, one didn't have a reasonable plan B, and several have been more expensive than I'm comfortable spending, etc.

---

XrebeccaX said:
When you get engaged, talk with your fiance and your families to find out who is contributing to the budget and to what extent. Then when you have your number, you start planning in earnest. The budget really will impact most of your planning decisions, so it comes first.

---

To the bolded: Please don't ask your families for money. Nobody is responsible for paying for your party but you. If they offer to help, then that's great, you can talk specifics at that point in time. (Also, if someone should offer - don't count on the money until you have it in hand. There's plenty of horror stories on here about couples that were promised money from relatives that ended up falling through and they were stuck scrambling trying to foot the bill.)

WildMagelet · October 2014

bethsmiles said:

This is my new gif for every time a newbie posts the whole I'm planning a wedding without being engaged bullshit:

It's better than what I was told when I first came on here several years ago. My then-FI & I called it "unofficial" because we'd planned our date & everything but didn't have a ring yet. I was then told that God kills kittens every time that phrase was used. (P.S. OP, you don't need a ring or a fancy proposal to be engaged. You just need two people who have decided to get married.)

XrebeccaX · October 2014

Yes, obviously I meant "find out" in a general sense. Do not ask outright. If any help is offered, great!

bethsmiles · October 2014

WildMagelet said:

bethsmiles said:

This is my new gif for every time a newbie posts the whole I'm planning a wedding without being engaged bullshit:

It's better than what I was told when I first came on here several years ago. My then-FI & I called it "unofficial" because we'd planned our date & everything but didn't have a ring yet. I was then told that God kills kittens every time that phrase was used. (P.S. OP, you don't need a ring or a fancy proposal to be engaged. You just need two people who have decided to get married.)

Oh we still use that phrase occasionally. OP didn't call herself "unoffically engaged" though so no need to bring it out.

lilacck28 · October 2014

Knottie51205592 said:

So I'm not engaged yet, but my Significant other and I have basically decided we are getting married. I'm fully aware things could change, in the mean time, I'm beginning to plan my dream wedding.
I came across the St Regis Monarch Beach Resort in Dana Point CA only 20 minutes from the church we want to be married at. It is everything i've ever dreamed of and I dreamt of the stair cases before ever seeing them on pint rest (which happened a day after the dream)
One problem, it's approximately $30-40K to have a reception there. Granted they include many things. However I have no idea how I'm going to come up with that type of money in 4-5 years. Yes 4-5 years is a long time. However I'm not on a great income. He's doing well, and i don't know how much my parents will contribute.
I'm looking for advice on long term savings and how I could save money while still having my dream venue.
We plan on a Sunday afternoon wedding with an evening reception.
Any money saving suggestions for a worried bride to be.

SITB

Second and Third Bold: YES. things definitely change. I had two venues I liked a lot before getting engaged, but they changed when I realized that our guest list was going to be a little larger than expected once we actually got engaged and started planning. You could very well find a different venue you like in 4-5 years. Hell, in 4-5 years you could find a difference fiance! Or have a child! Or move across the country! Or win the lottery! Wait to get engaged before setting your heart on a particular venue.

Fourth Bold: Saving money is a FANTASTIC idea. PP said it all-- put money aside each month, and then when you get engaged, reevaluate how much you and your fiance are putting aside.

Fifth bold: I assume you mean a late afternoon wedding with an early evening reception? So, something like 4pm ceremony, 4:30 cocktail hour, 5:30 reception? Any type of gap in between your ceremony and your cocktail hour/reception is both rude and highly annoying for your guests. Don't do it.

AND, to save money, don't have an evening reception at all! Think about doing a Sunday brunch. Or a Saturday brunch.

In sum, you're 4 to 5 years away from marriage. You are not engaged yet. Enjoy your time with your significant other and slow down. A lot. Be smart and save money, yes, but you don't need to look at specific venues. You're going to wear yourself out, and when you ACTUALLY get engaged, you won't have as much fun and excitement with planning. And/ or you will bum yourself out when the engagement isn't here yet. Talking about marriage is great. Talking about your timeline is very important. But agreeing with your partner that down the road, in 5 years, you'd probably like to marry each other (see first bold) is not at all the same as an engagement.

phira · October 2014

Honestly, 4-5 years is such a long time that the only advice I can give you is that things change a lot in 4-5 years and you should probably focus more on building your savings in general.

Knottie51205592 · October 2014

No I am not engaged, simply because of my significant others affiliations with a military academy. The rule is he must be a junior or later at the academy before getting engaged. We wanted to, but rules are rules. Just because we aren't technically engaged doesn't mean we can't plan a wedding.

phira · October 2014

One thing I've learned from planning a wedding is that you have a budget and a guest list and you work from there. If your perfect venue is outside your budget, it's not the perfect venue.

But again: a lot changes in 4-5 years, so saving up for a specific venue doesn't make a whole lot of sense.

That you would be engaged if it weren't for academy rules doesn't change the fact that you're not planning on getting married for a while.

bethsmiles · October 2014

@Phira is wise, you should listen to her. No matter what your relationship status planning a wedding that is 4-5 years away is not a good plan. The venue you have your heart set on could up it's prices in that time or go out of business completely. And there are a million other things that could change. It's not worth stressing about. Find something else to focus your energies on.

Moiramab · October 2014

OP, there's a reason why the USMA has that rule, and it's not just to focus on school. If he's not a junior yet and you're pushing 4-5 years, then I'm thinking you're/he's a freshman? Then there's so so much that can change!

I get that it's fun in a weird way to plan out and get excited about your potential wedding. My last relationship - about four to five years ago - I even had my guest list written up in a spreadsheet. Too much, too soon, and we broke up right after I graduated.

For now, definitely focus on saving anyway - have that goal amount in mind! If things work out with you and your SO, great, you have that money. If you use it for your first house, even better, because that's getting harder and harder to do for 20-somethings. At bare minimum aim for 3-6 months emergency funds, and make a budget for evvverything. That's really how you save.

Jells2dot0 · October 2014

I agree with others that it's wise to wait to plan. So much can change in that time, including your tastes.

FWIW, I have seen a wedding in the outdoor space at the St. Regis. DH and I were vacationing there and there was a gorgeous Hindu ceremony being held as you walk out toward the pool. Everyone stopped to watch, which personally would have annoyed me as a bride (hence why I eloped to a small private island), but the resort did a fantastic job.

I also had a similarly priced reception for my first wedding. It was incredible, but was it worth the $30K+ we spent on just food and drink? Eh, probably not. That is because my preferences changed as I got older. Yours may as well, so even though it's hard, just be patient!!!

FoxandBunny · October 2014

I echo pps. There is not much reason to plan a wedding more than a year or year and a half out, and to be honest, 4-5 years out is sort of ridiculous. There is so much that can change in that time, such as your taste and prices for everything.

First, I suggest waiting until you're engaged to even start thinking about it past a "Hey, X could be fun whenever we get married." Enjoy your relationship where it is now! I assume you are young by your SO not being a junior in the military academy yet. There is zero reason to rush things. I'm young too (senior in college) and while I understand where you are coming from, trust me when I say that worrying about these things so far in advance will just create unnecessary stress.

I also think it's a great idea to start saving up. Not just for a wedding, but for general life purposes. You can never have too much money saved up and the earlier you start saving the better. If your SO is planning a military life, you never know what could happen, so it's best to be prepared for anything (sudden move, ect).

speakeasy14 · October 2014

I'm completely confused right now...

You either are engaged and having a long engagement or you are not. You do not need a ring to be engaged. But, if you are not engaged, stop planning.

Now if you are engaged and having a long engagement (which I know plenty of people who have put off a wedding for 4+ years so they could save up) then here's my advice:

1. Create a budget - there are so many templates online that can help you as a starting point: in this budget you need to put your monthly income and all expenses. This will then show you what you will be able to put away into savings each month.

2. Create a wedding budget - based off what you are able to save each month, figure out what type of wedding you can afford -- no one else is expected to contribute so you need to create a budget based on what you can afford (if others offer to help then great, but still stick to this budget just in case)

3. Book a venue no more than a year out. You need to have the funds available for a deposit so you shouldn't be booking anything until you have those funds and a wedding budget.

But if you are not engaged, stop planning and just enjoy being boyfriend and girlfriend!!

Swazzle · October 2014

There's absolutely no reason to be planning a wedding when you're not engaged.

There's absolutely no reason to be planning anything for a wedding five years away.

I just, I can't.

GoldenPenguin · October 2014

Dignity100 · October 2014

I'm just going to say the same thing everybody else has said.

Don't plan a wedding before you consider yourself engaged.
Don't book/put money down on things before you consider yourself engaged and until you know 100% sure you can afford it and it meets the vision of your wedding. Many times a wedding vision changes after getting engaged and that's OK.
Don't book/put money down before you know your REAL budget. You already said, you don't make much; what's more important to you a lavish wedding, a deposit on a house/condo, a new car, etc?
Don't plan on others helping out with your wedding. I see it all the time where parents say 'we'll help cover the food' and then the parents get the $5000+ bill and say 'We really only budgeted for $3000, how can we cut this down' -- or families say 'we can't help out at this time' when the engaged party was expecting help.
No wedding is worth going into debt over. If you can't afford it, don't do it.

eilis1228 · October 2014

I echo PP's responses. I can maybe understand looking at pricing to get an idea of what to save, but there's no reason to do any actual planning until you're engaged. Additionally, like other PP's have said, go ahead and start a savings account just to have it. It's always smart to have savings on hand in case something comes up, and that account doesn't have to be solely for your way-down-the-road wedding. Many MANY things can change between now and then, so there's no need to put the cart before horse. Additionally, plan as if you're paying for everything. If that situation changes once you're engaged, awesome! If not, you're still covered.

phira · October 2014

@eilis1228 And even then, there's a difference between pricing out the general cost of getting married in a particular area/season, and what the OP is starting to do, which is that she's found a venue on Pinterest, decided it's perfect, even though she's not getting married for a long time and doesn't have a budget figured out.

eilis1228 · October 2014

@phira Very true! And even if OP is still 100% set on that venue 5 years from now, the price will have changed drastically. She can maybe factor in 3% increase for inflation each year, but there's no telling how accurate that estimate will be. At this point my best advice would be for OP to research the average cost for a wedding in her area, and try to come up with a savings plan based around that number. OP can budget for more or less, but that number can give her some perspective. But even then, weddings can be made to fit any budget. Just depends on what they end up wanting in the end.

AuroraRose41 · October 2014

Again echoing PP's responses. BF and I did do some research to get an idea of what things cost and get an estimate of how much we would need to save up and how long saving that amount will realistically take. We also did the same thing for a down payment for a house, and combined the two numbers to reach a savings goal. I wouldn't go any further than that, but it is a great idea to be saving up, even if plans change.

I highly recommend getting a savings account through Ally bank (LINK). They have a 0.9% annual interest rate (compounded daily though!), and no fees to open/maintain it. This is what BF and I are using for our savings, as over 3 years with our current savings plan we will have earned about $1k extra in interest in the account compared to a traditional savings account.

WildMagelet · October 2014

AuroraRose41 said:

Again echoing PP's responses. BF and I did do some research to get an idea of what things cost and get an estimate of how much we would need to save up and how long saving that amount will realistically take. We also did the same thing for a down payment for a house, and combined the two numbers to reach a savings goal. I wouldn't go any further than that, but it is a great idea to be saving up, even if plans change.

I highly recommend getting a savings account through Ally bank (LINK). They have a 0.9% annual interest rate (compounded daily though!), and no fees to open/maintain it. This is what BF and I are using for our savings, as over 3 years with our current savings plan we will have earned about $1k extra in interest in the account compared to a traditional savings account.

That's awesome! You won't find rates like that outside of a CU.

AuroraRose41 · October 2014

@WildMagelet the CU's around where BF and I live suck for interest rates too compared to Ally. We have a joint checking/savings account through a local CU to pay for rent/utilities/groceries etc. (in addition to our own personal accounts), and the interest rate is like 0.05% for the savings account through them. I think the highest I saw at any of them was 0.1%.

WildMagelet · October 2014

AuroraRose41 said:

@WildMagelet the CU's around where BF and I live suck for interest rates too compared to Ally. We have a joint checking/savings account through a local CU to pay for rent/utilities/groceries etc. (in addition to our own personal accounts), and the interest rate is like 0.05% for the savings account through them. I think the highest I saw at any of them was 0.1%.

Ours are usually fairly low (but still higher than banks). Occasionally they'll run limited-time specials where they have APY bonuses. I may have to start an ally account of my own

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