Addressing STD's to Married Couples Etiquette Q?

traditionallyuntraditional · October 2014

I know the formal way to address a married couple with the same name is Mr. and Mrs. John Doe but is it horribly rude if I include the wife's name? I always feel like she deserves to have her name there too but my feelings don't dictate etiquette so I figured best to ask. So if you saw Mr. John and Mrs. Jane Doe would you side eye that? These are for save the dates. The calligrapher will be doing a special design for the the actual invite which will list everyone's name with proper titles on the actual invites. I am not using the calligrapher for the STDs.

msuprincess04 · October 2014

STDs are less formal. If you'd like to put both names on there, go for it.

Teddy917 · October 2014

I think you're plan sounds great. I actually prefer if my name is on there.

theartistformerlyknownas · October 2014

traditionallyuntraditional said:

I know the formal way to address a married couple with the same name is Mr. and Mrs. John Doe but is it horribly rude if I include the wife's name? I always feel like she deserves to have her name there too but my feelings don't dictate etiquette so I figured best to ask. So if you saw Mr. John and Mrs. Jane Doe would you side eye that? These are for save the dates. The calligrapher will be doing a special design for the the actual invite which will list everyone's name with proper titles on the actual invites. I am not using the calligrapher for the STDs.

I actually hate this way of writing them out. It sounds like you're calling him "Mr. John," plus the woman is traditionally supposed to precede the man, and the man's first name shouldn't be separated from his last name (sexist, I know).

To address both people using first names and titles should be Mrs. Jane Doe and Mr. John Doe.

Personally, I went informal on my Save the Dates and just went "Jane and John Doe."

lalalorelai · October 2014

Personally, I went informal on my Save the Dates and just went "Jane and John Doe."

I did the same thing. My mom was so mad at me, so I was worried I made some big etiquette mistake. Glad to hear it wasn't the end of the world

dcbride86 · October 2014

lalalorelai said:

Personally, I went informal on my Save the Dates and just went "Jane and John Doe."

I did the same thing. My mom was so mad at me, so I was worried I made some big etiquette mistake. Glad to hear it wasn't the end of the world

I've been doing this, too. After all, the STD says "FORMAL invitation to follow" - my mom said that means I could just go first names for the STDs

climbingsingle · October 2014

I went informal on the STDs too - Jane and John Smith.

I hate excluding the wife's name, so I included it on my invitations too.

peachy13 · October 2014

Thanks for this post! I asked a similar question on the invites/paper board and think I'm going to go with this:

Mr. and Mrs. John Smith (for the later generation-- FI's elderly aunt and uncle, our parents, etc...)

Jane and John Smith (our married friends, married relatives who are young-ish)

John Smith and Jane Lewis (unmarried couples)

I know the age thing doesn't really matter, I just really want to be a little less formal but don't to offend anyone at the same time. Hoping my style makes the best of both worlds.

huskypuppy14 · October 2014

peachy13 said:

Thanks for this post! I asked a similar question on the invites/paper board and think I'm going to go with this:

Mr. and Mrs. John Smith (for the later generation-- FI's elderly aunt and uncle, our parents, etc...)

Jane and John Smith (our married friends, married relatives who are young-ish)

John Smith and Jane Lewis (unmarried couples)

I know the age thing doesn't really matter, I just really want to be a little less formal but don't to offend anyone at the same time. Hoping my style makes the best of both worlds.

Do you have any married couples with different last names? What you have as the unmarried couple should be for a married couple. Unmarried couples are on separate lines with no "and".

peachy13 · October 2014

huskypuppy14 said:

peachy13 said:

Thanks for this post! I asked a similar question on the invites/paper board and think I'm going to go with this:

Mr. and Mrs. John Smith (for the later generation-- FI's elderly aunt and uncle, our parents, etc...)

Jane and John Smith (our married friends, married relatives who are young-ish)

John Smith and Jane Lewis (unmarried couples)

I know the age thing doesn't really matter, I just really want to be a little less formal but don't to offend anyone at the same time. Hoping my style makes the best of both worlds.

Do you have any married couples with different last names? What you have as the unmarried couple should be for a married couple. Unmarried couples are on separate lines with no "and".

All the married couples we are inviting have the same last name, and I am definitely doing separate lines and no "and" for unmarried couple on the invitations. STDs I was under the assumption was a bit less formal.

traditionallyuntraditional · October 2014

Thanks everyone I'm just going to go with the John and Jane Doe. For these and leave the formal stuff for the actual invites.

marie2785 · October 2014

This btw is a really handy how-to guide: http://www.emilypost.com/forms-of-address/titles/96-guide-to-addressing-correspondence. I think the key thing is--know your audience. The older generation are often ok with Mr and Mrs. John Doe. Many younger couples find that very offensive and prefer the woman FN is also on the invite. And NEVER forget someone's PhD/MD, military, or "honorable" designation, and make sure they lead the invite regardless of gender.

I am looking forward to writing "The Honorable Judge Doe and the Honorable Judge Doe" on an invite soon for a married couple where both are judges. They can debate which one refers to each of them

Addressing STD's to Married Couples Etiquette Q?

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