Ok, I never threw one and I am very unclear about the etiquette behind this. Just bare with me here.
I had lunch with one of my Bridesmaids recently and she inquired information about an After Party. I was taken aback by this as I had no plans to throw one. I told her that once the reception party was over, everything was done and everyone had to leave. I simply said that I intended spend my evening with my husband once the party was done with. To my surprise, She was very confused about this as I was put off that she didn't understand the rationale behind my reasoning of wanting to spend the rest of my night alone with my new husband. She had a LONG after party right after her wedding past midnight (I went home because I was tired and could not afford the hotel room she expected me to pay for after I spent $700 to be her bridesmaid); she likes to party and I am the quiet, introverted person. It also didn't help that my fiance, who was tagging along, chimed in about wanting to go to an After Party and mentioned about my father having plans to throw one. This totally threw me right under the bus.
I remember my dad telling me on multiple occasions that he was throwing one, but didn't tell me or my fiance who he was planning to invite. So I told the bridesmaid that I will check details.
After getting in contact with my parents, they were totally offended about me asking if my bridesmaid was invited. My dad said that the party was for the parents of the bride and groom only and that they did not want to invite my friends or bridal party to their house. He also went off about how my fiance and I were not even invited and that we should be in our own hotel room "banging each other" on our wedding night (the wedding ends at 6 pm). My mom informed my dad that this "rule" with after parties has changed and that bride and groom can participate in it and she doesn't have a problem with her showing up.
I am extremely confused by this question and the etiquette behind it since I did not plan to throw one. I know that as an introverted person and having to deal with 80 people in one day, I am going to need some downtime and want to have the rest of the evening off with my husband once the wedding was over. I need to figure out a way to inform my bridesmaids about my parents not inviting the bridal party to their home and how to mediate it. As it stands, they do NOT have a hotel room (I offered that option to them, but they live an hour away and prefer to drive) and I do not want to bring people into my bridal suite. I am planning to speak to my fiance about the conversation earlier and how we need to be on the same page with wedding plans before we give people information (I was totally not prepared about being asked for an after party and like my dad, I did not know that this was an expectation of a wedding!).
If it helps, this bridesmaid is the same person who was a bride at the last wedding I went to and had issues with me bringing my SO to her rehearsal dinner.