I want a dry wedding, he doesn't

Knottie45896913 · October 2014

So my fiancé and I are having problems figuring this out. I would rather not have people getting drunk and causing problems at my wedding, so I am in favor of no alcohol. He, however, is greatly opposed to no alcohol. We are from different cultures (I'm white and he is Hispanic) and he has told me that his family would consider it very rude if we did not provide alcohol. I suggested a limit, maybe 3 drinks a person, but he says that that would be worse than no alcohol at all, because people would get buzzed but not be able to have any more. What should we do?? I've suggested the 3-drink limit to be paid by us, and then having anything they want over that be on the guests, but I'm afraid that would just lead to drunk people anyway. I'm afraid some of his family will get rather rowdy and I would just really love to avoid the stress of dealing with that. How can we best deal with this? No alcohol, an open bar, a drink limit? Open to other suggestions too- just at the cocktail hour, maybe?

holyguacamole79 · October 2014

Knottie45896913 said:

So my fiancé and I are having problems figuring this out. I would rather not have people getting drunk and causing problems at my wedding, so I am in favor of no alcohol. He, however, is greatly opposed to no alcohol. We are from different cultures (I'm white and he is Hispanic) and he has told me that his family would consider it very rude if we did not provide alcohol. I suggested a limit, maybe 3 drinks a person, but he says that that would be worse than no alcohol at all, because people would get buzzed but not be able to have any more. What should we do?? I've suggested the 3-drink limit to be paid by us, and then having anything they want over that be on the guests, but I'm afraid that would just lead to drunk people anyway. I'm afraid some of his family will get rather rowdy and I would just really love to avoid the stress of dealing with that. How can we best deal with this? No alcohol, an open bar, a drink limit? Open to other suggestions too- just at the cocktail hour, maybe?

Whatever you do, you need to be consistent. If a guest at your wedding goes to the bar for a 4th drink and is told that they have to pay, that would be off-putting and rude. Also, you can't only serve alcohol at a certain point in the wedding day.

Here are your options:
1) Completely dry wedding.
2) Open Bar
3) Limited Bar (beer & wine, for example)

Who's paying for the wedding?

Maggie0829 · October 2014

Knottie45896913 said:

So my fiancé and I are having problems figuring this out. I would rather not have people getting drunk and causing problems at my wedding, so I am in favor of no alcohol. He, however, is greatly opposed to no alcohol. We are from different cultures (I'm white and he is Hispanic) and he has told me that his family would consider it very rude if we did not provide alcohol. I suggested a limit, maybe 3 drinks a person, but he says that that would be worse than no alcohol at all, because people would get buzzed but not be able to have any more. What should we do?? I've suggested the 3-drink limit to be paid by us, and then having anything they want over that be on the guests, but I'm afraid that would just lead to drunk people anyway. I'm afraid some of his family will get rather rowdy and I would just really love to avoid the stress of dealing with that. How can we best deal with this? No alcohol, an open bar, a drink limit? Open to other suggestions too- just at the cocktail hour, maybe?

What you need to do is not to try and control your guests. By excluding alcohol because you want to make sure no one gets drunk because you don't want to deal with possible rowdiness is you trying to control your guests. Now if you said that you just don't have the budget for it or it is a religious thing then that is one thing, but the fact that you want to control your guests behavior is another.

If you do have a bar you should not set a drink limit. Again that is you trying to control you guests. And if you do serve alcohol you need to serve it all night. Taking it away is rude and again you trying to control how much your guests drink.

You have to remember that bartenders are trained to deal with people who may have had too much to drink. They know when to cut people off if it comes to that. Also, you could speak with your venue that you would like them to keep an eye out for anyone that may have had too much to drink. But unless these guests, when they drink, start smashing things and fighting I don't see the problem in having a bar.

Oh and don't have a cash bar. As one can see by going to your local bar on any day of the week, people will still get drunk even if they have to pay for their drinks. And having your guests open their wallets at your wedding is rude anyways.

climbingsingle · October 2014

Knottie45896913 said:

So my fiancé and I are having problems figuring this out. I would rather not have people getting drunk and causing problems at my wedding, so I am in favor of no alcohol. He, however, is greatly opposed to no alcohol. We are from different cultures (I'm white and he is Hispanic) and he has told me that his family would consider it very rude if we did not provide alcohol. I suggested a limit, maybe 3 drinks a person, but he says that that would be worse than no alcohol at all, because people would get buzzed but not be able to have any more. What should we do?? I've suggested the 3-drink limit to be paid by us, and then having anything they want over that be on the guests, but I'm afraid that would just lead to drunk people anyway. I'm afraid some of his family will get rather rowdy and I would just really love to avoid the stress of dealing with that. How can we best deal with this? No alcohol, an open bar, a drink limit? Open to other suggestions too- just at the cocktail hour, maybe?

Why do drunk people get such a bum rap?

Seriously though. I've been two countless weddings. Have there been drunk people there? Maybe at a few. None of them caused any problems though. There may have been one or two drunk people at my wedding. Honestly, I barely noticed. Even if people get a little rowdy, I don't see what the big deal is. They're having a good time. *shrug*

lyndausvi · October 2014

As a white person who likes to drink and have attended over 50 weddings all with open bars and worked another 30 weddings a year all with open bars I've never once seen fight (average wedding have been around 150 people). I've never really seen overly unruly guests. Never seen puking on the floor. Sure there have been one or two obnoxious people, but considering the amount of people and alcohol consumed it's a very, very, very small percentage of people.

Have they happened? Sure, we have all seen on the news fights at weddings. but if you think of how many people get married on an average Saturday the number of problems is so slim.

If you want a dry wedding, have a dry wedding. But do not limit people's drinks. That is ridiculous and actually rarely works. From what I've heard people who don't drink just give their tickets to those who do. Someone like my DH would just bribe the bartender for more drinks anyway.

atlastmrsg · October 2014

Beer and wine tend to slow people down since you get full faster, but someone who's going to get drunk will do so regardless of the type of alcohol.

If cost is in the back of your mind, and these are your justifications, a beer/wine bar would be cheaper.

ohannabelle · October 2014

Knottie45896913 said:

So my fiancé and I are having problems figuring this out. I would rather not have people getting drunk and causing problems at my wedding, so I am in favor of no alcohol. He, however, is greatly opposed to no alcohol. We are from different cultures (I'm white and he is Hispanic) and he has told me that his family would consider it very rude if we did not provide alcohol. I suggested a limit, maybe 3 drinks a person, but he says that that would be worse than no alcohol at all, because people would get buzzed but not be able to have any more. What should we do?? I've suggested the 3-drink limit to be paid by us, and then having anything they want over that be on the guests, but I'm afraid that would just lead to drunk people anyway. I'm afraid some of his family will get rather rowdy and I would just really love to avoid the stress of dealing with that. How can we best deal with this? No alcohol, an open bar, a drink limit? Open to other suggestions too- just at the cocktail hour, maybe?

Why is it you assume that people are going to get drunk and cause problems? Aren't your guests adults? Because I've been to a lot of weddings, and I've never seen it happen. Sometimes people get a little silly, but I've never seen a fight or puking or anything like that.

And nope, it's rude to set a limit. Your guests aren't children, and you can't tell them how to behave without seeming rude and controlling.

southernbelle0915 · October 2014

I get not wanting to have people getting in drunk fights at your wedding. Who does?

If you do a cash bar (rude), it's is no different from a bar. Do "those" people get that way at the bar? Probably. If you do drink tickets (rude), "those" people will use drink tickets from other people/DDs. If you don't have alcohol, "those" people will probably leave and get booze.

Do you have "those" people? If so, either don't invite them or hire security. Because no matter what you do, people who want to get raging drunk and get into a fight are going to get raging drunk and get into a fight.

sarahjane222 · October 2014

I agree with a couple of the PP's. I think your compromise here would be beer & wine only at the bar - fills people up and keeps costs down. It sounds like you have some rowdy family members on your fiance's side? Try not to stress too much about it. It's not your responsibility to make your guests behave - trust that they will (or else you also won't have a good time!)

cowgirl8238 · October 2014

I think you limiting the bar (tickets/turning to cash/whetever) is not going to stop anything. Honestly it is rude to punish all of your guests because you are afraid one person may get out of hand.

Story: I was at a dry wedding once. It was the type of family that celebrated everything with booze. Twenty minutes into the dry reception two of them snuck out and got some liquor. They returned and the family started drinking the liquor. No one got crazy...they just had a good time.

Story two: I was out with a few of my girlfriends two weeks ago. One of them ordered a beer with dinner and the other wine. After the frist beer my friend was getting a little tipsy (She weighs like 105 lbs and is such a 'light weight'). Both of them ordered seconds. My friend was gone by beer two and the other was buzzed on her second glass of wine. Your idea of drink tickets wouldn't have prevented this at all...plus as PP's have mentioned, it won't stop them from giving all of their tickets to someone else.

Bottom Line: Just host a dry reception or host an open bar (all the same throughout the night) and trust that people know their limits. besides someone getting stupid drunk only reflects poorly on them and has NOTHING to do with you!

vulpiepop · October 2014

For the record, I agree with PPs.

Just a thought, if you don't want a limited bar or an open bar, is there another way to compromise? I don't know how late your reception runs but if it doesn't end too late, could you have an after party with an open or limited bar?

We're having a dry wedding just because of budget and we can't justify the cost of an open bar since the majority of our invited guests don't really drink but we're thinking of getting a case of wine and beer for an after party for those who do enjoy to drink (we can't bring our own alcohol to our venue and even their limited bar is very expensive - way out of our budget). Our reception ends at 5 or 6 though so it's still pretty early.

JoanE2012 · October 2014

Knottie45896913 said:

So my fiancé and I are having problems figuring this out. I would rather not have people getting drunk and causing problems at my wedding, so I am in favor of no alcohol. He, however, is greatly opposed to no alcohol. We are from different cultures (I'm white and he is Hispanic) and he has told me that his family would consider it very rude if we did not provide alcohol. I suggested a limit, maybe 3 drinks a person, but he says that that would be worse than no alcohol at all, because people would get buzzed but not be able to have any more. What should we do?? I've suggested the 3-drink limit to be paid by us, and then having anything they want over that be on the guests, but I'm afraid that would just lead to drunk people anyway. I'm afraid some of his family will get rather rowdy and I would just really love to avoid the stress of dealing with that. How can we best deal with this? No alcohol, an open bar, a drink limit? Open to other suggestions too- just at the cocktail hour, maybe?

Don't treat your adult guests like children.

harriet emily · October 2014

I've worked at wedding venues for the past 5-6 years, and at least 50% of the weddings organise a free bar for a selected period of time - usually from when the guests arrive at the venue up until the meal is over, or they'll set a tab limit of a few hundred £. After that, the guests pay for themselves.

The guests don't feel like they're being "controlled" and they're not pissed that someone took their alcohol off them. They're just appreciative that there was even an open bar at all. I've never had any bad reactions after telling a guest that the tab has closed and they have to pay for their own drinks now.

Maggie0829 · October 2014

harriet emily said:

I've worked at wedding venues for the past 5-6 years, and at least 50% of the weddings organise a free bar for a selected period of time - usually from when the guests arrive at the venue up until the meal is over, or they'll set a tab limit of a few hundred £. After that, the guests pay for themselves.

The guests don't feel like they're being "controlled" and they're not pissed that someone took their alcohol off them. They're just appreciative that there was even an open bar at all. I've never had any bad reactions after telling a guest that the tab has closed and they have to pay for their own drinks now.

Did you actually speak to all the guests and ask them their true feelings? No. Most people put on a nice smile in front of others because they don't want to be rude to the hosts, but when they are alone with their SO or close friends, that is when they start bitching and complaining.

It is rude to offer something for free and then take it away after an hour or two. It would be like having a buffet open and then after an hour start charging the guests who may be coming back for seconds. Rude.

climbingsingle · October 2014

harriet emily said:

I've worked at wedding venues for the past 5-6 years, and at least 50% of the weddings organise a free bar for a selected period of time - usually from when the guests arrive at the venue up until the meal is over, or they'll set a tab limit of a few hundred £. After that, the guests pay for themselves.

The guests don't feel like they're being "controlled" and they're not pissed that someone took their alcohol off them. They're just appreciative that there was even an open bar at all. I've never had any bad reactions after telling a guest that the tab has closed and they have to pay for their own drinks now.

That's interesting. So at each event, you poll the guests at these weddings?

A guest at a wedding should never have to open their wallets to pay for ANYTHING. That's how you properly host an event.

Would you invite someone to your house, give them 2 glasses of wine and them tell them they had to pay you for the third?

redoryx · October 2014

When my cousin got married she had, I believe, a cash bar (It was so long ago, I seriously don't remember). Her brothers-in-law (the men married to her sisters) knew this in advance and so arrived to the reception prepared with their own cooler of beer in the trunk of one of their cars and they would periodically sneak away from the reception and just go drink the parking lot. I've heard similar stories from dry weddings.

If people want to drink, they will find a way and chances are my cousins probably drank more out of the trunk of their car than if the bride had just allowed for an open bar of some kind, even if just a beer/wine bar.

LondonLisa · October 2014

harriet emily said:

I've worked at wedding venues for the past 5-6 years, and at least 50% of the weddings organise a free bar for a selected period of time - usually from when the guests arrive at the venue up until the meal is over, or they'll set a tab limit of a few hundred £. After that, the guests pay for themselves.

The guests don't feel like they're being "controlled" and they're not pissed that someone took their alcohol off them. They're just appreciative that there was even an open bar at all. I've never had any bad reactions after telling a guest that the tab has closed and they have to pay for their own drinks now.

Ever wedding I have been to where they have done this, there has been major whinging! Cash bars are rude, fullstop. Just because you have an hour of open bar and then cash bar doesn't make it any less rude. What do you do to the people that don't have cash on them? Would you offer people chicken and then let them upgrade to steak for £20?

Cash bars in any form say "My vision is more important than hosting my guests properly, so I am glad you enjoyed the extra money I spent on centrepieces instead of hosting you. Now that will be£4.50 for a small rioja".

southernbelle0915 · October 2014

harriet emily said:

I've worked at wedding venues for the past 5-6 years, and at least 50% of the weddings organise a free bar for a selected period of time - usually from when the guests arrive at the venue up until the meal is over, or they'll set a tab limit of a few hundred £. After that, the guests pay for themselves.

The guests don't feel like they're being "controlled" and they're not pissed that someone took their alcohol off them. They're just appreciative that there was even an open bar at all. I've never had any bad reactions after telling a guest that the tab has closed and they have to pay for their own drinks now.

This approach is rude and demonstrates bad hosting. I've been to a couple of weddings like this and never once did I discuss my personal feelings with the venue staff. Who would honestly do that?

I find it interesting that you think your assumptions constitute fact.

[Deleted User] · October 2014

Maggie0829 said:

Knottie45896913 said:

So my fiancé and I are having problems figuring this out. I would rather not have people getting drunk and causing problems at my wedding, so I am in favor of no alcohol. He, however, is greatly opposed to no alcohol. We are from different cultures (I'm white and he is Hispanic) and he has told me that his family would consider it very rude if we did not provide alcohol. I suggested a limit, maybe 3 drinks a person, but he says that that would be worse than no alcohol at all, because people would get buzzed but not be able to have any more. What should we do?? I've suggested the 3-drink limit to be paid by us, and then having anything they want over that be on the guests, but I'm afraid that would just lead to drunk people anyway. I'm afraid some of his family will get rather rowdy and I would just really love to avoid the stress of dealing with that. How can we best deal with this? No alcohol, an open bar, a drink limit? Open to other suggestions too- just at the cocktail hour, maybe?

What you need to do is not to try and control your guests. By excluding alcohol because you want to make sure no one gets drunk because you don't want to deal with possible rowdiness is you trying to control your guests. Now if you said that you just don't have the budget for it or it is a religious thing then that is one thing, but the fact that you want to control your guests behavior is another.

If you do have a bar you should not set a drink limit. Again that is you trying to control you guests. And if you do serve alcohol you need to serve it all night. Taking it away is rude and again you trying to control how much your guests drink.

You have to remember that bartenders are trained to deal with people who may have had too much to drink. They know when to cut people off if it comes to that. Also, you could speak with your venue that you would like them to keep an eye out for anyone that may have had too much to drink. But unless these guests, when they drink, start smashing things and fighting I don't see the problem in having a bar.

Oh and don't have a cash bar. As one can see by going to your local bar on any day of the week, people will still get drunk even if they have to pay for their drinks. And having your guests open their wallets at your wedding is rude anyways.

I agree with most of what you said in this post and that in general brides and grooms should not try to control their guests' behaviour, but I think that in certain circumstances it can be reasonable. Some family members or friends may be alcoholics who are not in recovery, some may become aggressive and combative when under the influence, others may start crying uncontrollably. These types of behaviours cause drama at any event and such drama is particularly disruptive at a wedding because such an effort has been made to make the event perfect.

I don't know if that's the type of concern that the OP has, but if it's the case, then her concerns are definitely reasonable.

Maggie0829 · October 2014

crimsonsaffron said:

Maggie0829 said:

Knottie45896913 said:

So my fiancé and I are having problems figuring this out. I would rather not have people getting drunk and causing problems at my wedding, so I am in favor of no alcohol. He, however, is greatly opposed to no alcohol. We are from different cultures (I'm white and he is Hispanic) and he has told me that his family would consider it very rude if we did not provide alcohol. I suggested a limit, maybe 3 drinks a person, but he says that that would be worse than no alcohol at all, because people would get buzzed but not be able to have any more. What should we do?? I've suggested the 3-drink limit to be paid by us, and then having anything they want over that be on the guests, but I'm afraid that would just lead to drunk people anyway. I'm afraid some of his family will get rather rowdy and I would just really love to avoid the stress of dealing with that. How can we best deal with this? No alcohol, an open bar, a drink limit? Open to other suggestions too- just at the cocktail hour, maybe?

What you need to do is not to try and control your guests. By excluding alcohol because you want to make sure no one gets drunk because you don't want to deal with possible rowdiness is you trying to control your guests. Now if you said that you just don't have the budget for it or it is a religious thing then that is one thing, but the fact that you want to control your guests behavior is another.

If you do have a bar you should not set a drink limit. Again that is you trying to control you guests. And if you do serve alcohol you need to serve it all night. Taking it away is rude and again you trying to control how much your guests drink.

You have to remember that bartenders are trained to deal with people who may have had too much to drink. They know when to cut people off if it comes to that. Also, you could speak with your venue that you would like them to keep an eye out for anyone that may have had too much to drink. But unless these guests, when they drink, start smashing things and fighting I don't see the problem in having a bar.

Oh and don't have a cash bar. As one can see by going to your local bar on any day of the week, people will still get drunk even if they have to pay for their drinks. And having your guests open their wallets at your wedding is rude anyways.

I agree with most of what you said in this post and that in general brides and grooms should not try to control their guests' behaviour, but I think that in certain circumstances it can be reasonable. Some family members or friends may be alcoholics who are not in recovery, some may become aggressive and combative when under the influence, others may start crying uncontrollably. These types of behaviours cause drama at any event and such drama is particularly disruptive at a wedding because such an effort has been made to make the event perfect.

I don't know if that's the type of concern that the OP has, but if it's the case, then her concerns are definitely reasonable.

Again, this is you trying to control your guests. And controlling your guests no matter the circumstances is not okay. These people are adults, not children. And just because you may have one or two bad apples does not mean that it is okay to control the whole bunch.

cupcait927 · October 2014

redoryx said:

When my cousin got married she had, I believe, a cash bar (It was so long ago, I seriously don't remember). Her brothers-in-law (the men married to her sisters) knew this in advance and so arrived to the reception prepared with their own cooler of beer in the trunk of one of their cars and they would periodically sneak away from the reception and just go drink the parking lot. I've heard similar stories from dry weddings.
If people want to drink, they will find a way and chances are my cousins probably drank more out of the trunk of their car than if the bride had just allowed for an open bar of some kind, even if just a beer/wine bar.

I had a limited open bar at my wedding- wine/beer, no liquor - and one of my BFFs snuck her flask in (there is a particularly classy shot of me with a flask in one hand and a glass of champagne in the other). People who want to drink WILL find a way.

MyNameIsNot · October 2014

crimsonsaffron said:

Maggie0829 said:

Knottie45896913 said:

So my fiancé and I are having problems figuring this out. I would rather not have people getting drunk and causing problems at my wedding, so I am in favor of no alcohol. He, however, is greatly opposed to no alcohol. We are from different cultures (I'm white and he is Hispanic) and he has told me that his family would consider it very rude if we did not provide alcohol. I suggested a limit, maybe 3 drinks a person, but he says that that would be worse than no alcohol at all, because people would get buzzed but not be able to have any more. What should we do?? I've suggested the 3-drink limit to be paid by us, and then having anything they want over that be on the guests, but I'm afraid that would just lead to drunk people anyway. I'm afraid some of his family will get rather rowdy and I would just really love to avoid the stress of dealing with that. How can we best deal with this? No alcohol, an open bar, a drink limit? Open to other suggestions too- just at the cocktail hour, maybe?

What you need to do is not to try and control your guests. By excluding alcohol because you want to make sure no one gets drunk because you don't want to deal with possible rowdiness is you trying to control your guests. Now if you said that you just don't have the budget for it or it is a religious thing then that is one thing, but the fact that you want to control your guests behavior is another.

If you do have a bar you should not set a drink limit. Again that is you trying to control you guests. And if you do serve alcohol you need to serve it all night. Taking it away is rude and again you trying to control how much your guests drink.

You have to remember that bartenders are trained to deal with people who may have had too much to drink. They know when to cut people off if it comes to that. Also, you could speak with your venue that you would like them to keep an eye out for anyone that may have had too much to drink. But unless these guests, when they drink, start smashing things and fighting I don't see the problem in having a bar.

Oh and don't have a cash bar. As one can see by going to your local bar on any day of the week, people will still get drunk even if they have to pay for their drinks. And having your guests open their wallets at your wedding is rude anyways.

I agree with most of what you said in this post and that in general brides and grooms should not try to control their guests' behaviour, but I think that in certain circumstances it can be reasonable. Some family members or friends may be alcoholics who are not in recovery, some may become aggressive and combative when under the influence, others may start crying uncontrollably. These types of behaviours cause drama at any event and such drama is particularly disruptive at a wedding because such an effort has been made to make the event perfect.

I don't know if that's the type of concern that the OP has, but if it's the case, then her concerns are definitely reasonable.

There is no such thing as a perfect event or a perfect wedding. If you want everything tidy, don't invite guests.

When you invite guests, you invite them to be human. That includes being imperfect and often doing things you wouldn't choose for them to do. You don't invite them and then try to make them into something they aren't. If you don't want alcoholics (who are not in recovery) misbehaving, don't invite them to your wedding.

But seriously, chill out. Your marriage won't be ruined if drunk uncle gets drunk. Have your bartenders cut off anyone who takes it too far and have the venue staff escort anyone who starts a scene out.

wrigleyville · October 2014

Every time I go to a dry wedding, people sneak in flasks or tailgate in the parking lot. Every. Single. Time.

annakay511 · November 2014

I think you should compromise by offering beer and wine to guests. It is a lot harder to get out of control with these options! If your fiance really wants a liquor option, you could compromise by offering a "signature drink" that is a mixed liquor drink. Maybe his favorite drink, or something that celebrates his culture?

However, keep in mind, bartenders are professionals and there are laws about over-serving. They aren't going to serve someone to the point that it is dangerous or they are passing out at the tables.

Cash bars are rude and dry weddings typically have people "pre-gaming" before the ceremony or between the ceremony and reception in the parking lot, or sneaking in flasks...you are way more likely to get guests who are too drunk in that situation because there is no professional making sure they are drinking responsibly.

[Deleted User] · November 2014

[Deleted User] · November 2014

PrettyGirlLost · November 2014

cupcait927 said:

redoryx said:

When my cousin got married she had, I believe, a cash bar (It was so long ago, I seriously don't remember). Her brothers-in-law (the men married to her sisters) knew this in advance and so arrived to the reception prepared with their own cooler of beer in the trunk of one of their cars and they would periodically sneak away from the reception and just go drink the parking lot. I've heard similar stories from dry weddings.
If people want to drink, they will find a way and chances are my cousins probably drank more out of the trunk of their car than if the bride had just allowed for an open bar of some kind, even if just a beer/wine bar.

I had a limited open bar at my wedding- wine/beer, no liquor - and one of my BFFs snuck her flask in (there is a particularly classy shot of me with a flask in one hand and a glass of champagne in the other). People who want to drink WILL find a way.

Yep. We had a limited bar of beer, wine, and a champagne cocktail and yet somehow people were walking around with Scotch. . .

Oh and everyone was pretty much tipsy, some were drunk, and everyone was having a good time. No one got out of control, got into a fight, etc.

wrigleyville · November 2014

pinkrevenge said:

wrigleyville said:

Every time I go to a dry wedding, people sneak in flasks or tailgate in the parking lot. Every. Single. Time.

I did that when I was younger, but now that I'm older that makes me feel dirty.

So instead I grab like-minded guests, leave early, and we drink in the hotel room / a local bar.

So yeah, people will find a way, even if it means they just leave.

Agreed. We used to bring flasks when we were in our early 20s, but now we either have a couple drinks before we head over or we leave early. More often than not, we eat dinner, thank the bride and groom, and leave.

kmrak688 · November 2014

Just curious, when you say you don't want people getting drunk and unruly, do you have specific people in mind, or do you mean your guests in general? If it's only a few people you're worried about, maybe have a friend or family member agree to just casually keep their eye on them and intervene if they notice a problem starting?

indianaalum · November 2014

1) It is TERRRIBLY rude to have "3 drink limit" paid by you because that suggests that the rest of the night it a cash bar which is a HUGE HUGE no-no.

2) the 3 drink limit wouldn't work anyway. It would just create an awkward "borrowing" of drink tickets from non-drinkers. This will turn your wedding into a joke, and you will probably end up with the dreaded drunk people you fear so much in the end anyhow.

3) You and your hubby will need to sit down and have a heart to heart on this. We can't really help.

indianaalum · November 2014

harriet emily said:

I've worked at wedding venues for the past 5-6 years, and at least 50% of the weddings organise a free bar for a selected period of time - usually from when the guests arrive at the venue up until the meal is over, or they'll set a tab limit of a few hundred £. After that, the guests pay for themselves.

The guests don't feel like they're being "controlled" and they're not pissed that someone took their alcohol off them. They're just appreciative that there was even an open bar at all. I've never had any bad reactions after telling a guest that the tab has closed and they have to pay for their own drinks now.

Ignore this person, it is soooooooooooooo rude and against etiquette.

I want a dry wedding, he doesn't

Re: I want a dry wedding, he doesn't

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