November 2014 Weddings

Wedding Day Fears

I'm wondering if any of you are having "fears" of things that might happen at your wedding.

I think the biggest thing I'm worried about is someone cutting into my cake or taking all of the cookies before it's time. It sounds a little silly but there are a few kids who I can see walking up to the table across the room and thinking "Mmmm...Cake AND Cookies?!?!" cutting into it with their fork and loading their plate up with cookies. I can see FI's 13 year old doing it (or not talking about anything else - he has Aspergers) and another kids who's dad has common sense but mom has little class (and thinks everything her kids does is the most amazing/funniest thing ever). Not like it's a big deal, it's all meant to be eaten, but that would just take away from "that moment" and pictures (which I'm starting to care more about since we have a photographer).

If that's all that goes "wrong" at my wedding, I think I'll be okay!!!

Re: Wedding Day Fears

  • I just worry about timing.  My venue seems pretty strict on like, show up at 2pm, get out of here by 10pm.  And general transportation issues, people getting to and from the town where the venue is (the hotel we're all staying at provides a shuttle to the venue, at least).  

    That's about it.  I suppose those are minor, people are going to make it work somehow and I can't worry about everyone?

    Also I hope my hair doesn't suck.  LOL
  • I'm worried about timing too.  I made an event schedule and I have an idea of who arrives when etc but I worry my ceremony will be too short or dinner will run too long or whatever.  People made fun of me for having an event schedule!  "Sheesh, Gold, that's a lot of detail!"  No it's not!  It's when everything happens *eyerolls*

    FI is worried his mother will embarrass him but I said "That's on her.  She can only do that to herself.  Either way, we come up roses."  No way people think that was our fault.  I actually don't think she'll make a fuss.  I think she'll behave on the day.  She worries what people think of her.  That will keep her in check.

    I'm actually worried that (TMI!!) my mother won't wear deodorant or won't wear enough.  There's just some people that aren't huge on anti-perspirant and my mother is one of them.  I actually polled my coworkers and a few of them said they knew someone like that, and we all decided I'm putting an extra deodorant in my clutch just in case. I'll have a heart to heart with her offline if something comes up.
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  • I'm worried about
    -my breasts leaking all over my dress (I'm breast feeding)
    -my baby spitting up all over my dress
    -my baby (who's a preemie) will get passed around like a football and no one will take into consideration washing their hands or illnesses
    - FI mom won't show due to various reasons (doesn't have money for gas, has to work ect)
    - FI dads wife 'M' will complain about everything because nothing is up to her standards (she typically does nothing aside from staying home and watches tv or goes to work)
    - 'M' making comments about how she disapproves of the wedding we chose to have instead of eloping at the courthouse in order to not have a bastard child

    Of coarse FI doesn't see any issues since most of them deal with his family. It probably would have been better to either completely elope or to plan a bigger wedding so I wouldn't have to hear his dad and 'M' bitch about every little thing but we planned the wedding WE could afford and plus also i didn't see his dad opening his wallet to ensure his wants were met.
  • My worries:
    - FI's mother showing up uninvited and making a scene
    - Timing- I feel like there's so much to cram into 5 hours!
    - My mother stressing me out and making me and everyone around her insane
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  • My biggest fear is that FMIL continues to invite people who weren't invited. 
  • @CTYankeeBrofe I want to say I've missed something, but it kind of rings a bell...FI's mother isn't invited?
    My FI doesn't have the best relationship with his mom and she keeps saying "If I'm not invited I'll understand"...but all I talk about with her is wedding, so she wouldn't be invited why?!? All I know is she will be sitting with her kids and exhusband and NO ONE ELSE! It could make for a lovely scene, but that doesn't mean she can't wonder around. EEK!!!!
  • FI's mother was indeed not invited. 

    Short version: she has no respect for FI and treats him (and his sister, but that's her battle) and pretty much everyone else like absolute crap.  

    Longer version: 
    She has undermined FI repeatedly and has no respect for his ability to parent his children (examples: FI's son was not allowed to watch TV for a day because of his behavior.  She came over and told FI's son, "you don't have to listen to dad, he's not your mother, go watch TV." At another point she told FI's daughter to go hide food in her bedroom because she is sure daddy does not feed her (both children eat a perfectly fine diet and are in perfect health). We went to a graduation for FI's nephew at West Point and she snatched his children from him when he walked by her with them). 

    When FI was getting divorced she called him daily telling him how terrible this was and how his ex-wife was going to flee the country with his children.  When she met me, she liked me fine. When he told her we were engaged, she flipped a switch and said he should be moving in with her and had no business getting married.  In front of an entire bridal shower's worth of people (his nephew's bride's shower) she told FI's daughter "CTYankeeBride doesn't love you, only mom and grandma love you." She followed that up by yanking FI's daughter's sweater off of her because "it's warm out and CTYankeeBride isn't the boss." When I politely told daughter she can wear the sweater or not, FI's mother screamed at me "you are not the boss! Grandma is the boss! I am the boss!" and was asked to leave.

    I am the ONLY person who has told FI that maybe he should talk to his mother and maybe there's some hope here (his own sister has told him he's justified in cutting all ties). Yet I'm the enemy where she's concerned.  He told his mother that I'm the only one in her court and her response was "I don't want to hear that woman's name, and I hope (ex-wife) leaves with my grandchildren and you never see them again."  

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  • My coordinator was fired yesterday.  I have no DOC.

    I am at the point where I can run this thing myself, but now I fear my FI will get stressed out.  I assured him I can run this thing from the parking lot.  I mean, honestly.  Now my weekend timeline isn't a case of "Gold over-plans! HA HA" to "Gosh, glad Gold wrote everything down."  *eyerolls*

    Looks like we all have FMIL probs :(:(
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  • @goldchocobo, it is SUCH a good thing you had that timeline prepped!! 

    Is there any way the venue/ company can get you a DOC in time who can work off of your timeline or has that ship sailed?  We don't have a DOC- our venue manager keeps the ceremony on time and the banquet manager keeps the reception moving and our DJ is going to keep our reception moving according to our timeline. Maybe get your DJ (if you're having one) a timeline and they can help out?

    FMIL problems are abundant, for sure.
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  • I don't have a DOC or DJ but I was basically my sister's DOC so she's returning the favor. I'm a little worried that we'll fall behind but we'll be okay. Ceremony, food, cake, the end!
  • We spoke to an employee who's been assisting with weddings there since January.  She's filled in when all the other DOC's left.  I'll touch base with her at noon on Sunday.  FI was concerned because her blase attitude of "Oh, no worries, I'll look over your file and we'll get it done!" He's like "You havent even looked at my file???"  I told him there's a wedding there on Saturday.  Those people are also in the same state of shock.  Let her deal with the saturday wedding first. I too have the file, so let's just do what we CAN control.

    MY DJ is also a wedding planner, and she's a preferred vendor.  She's our time keeper, pretty much.  She's just awesome, and she does almost all the weddings there.  She was pricy, but she's so worth it right now.

    Our officiant does weddings at our venue all the time.  She's so comfortable with them.  We're meeting her today so we'll touch base on this new plot development.

    I'm emailing my florist and photographer to mention the new contact person today.  The new person is taking calls from the old DOC's extension, so it's not a huge deal.  These vendors also have my cell phone number and FI's. 
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  • smilyariessmilyaries member
    Third Anniversary 10 Comments 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited November 2014
    @lookame3639‌ I'm so sorry abt your FI step mom. It is not her day, it is YOUR DAY and your FI day!!! Do what is best for you and your FI and especially your baby. There is always someone who will criticize abt anything, such as the color choices or venue choices. The only people who can have a saying are those who are helping pay for the wedding. I hope it works out for you :-)
  • @CTYankeeBride‌ omg that is horrible of your FI M. She has no right to control her grandchildren. She had her turn raising her children, now it's their turn. I would do the same thing, not to invite her. I do not want to sound harsh but maybe have an usher by the entrance door or tell the workers at your venue not to let her in. I know it's harsh but by the sound of her personality, she deserves it.
  • My fears are having more people coming than we expected, tardiness (which I do not tolerate), and a stormy day.
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