Wedding Etiquette Forum

Officiant What???????

Why didn't anyone tell me that officiants cost SO much money????

Does anyone know of an officiant that does not cost an arm and a leg in Long Island, NY or in the New York City area?

I do not wish to pay over $500 just for someone to come, say a few words, sign the license and leave.

OR! does anyone have another solution?

Re: Officiant What???????

  • My fiance and I are having one of his friends officiate the wedding.  I'm not sure if NY has something like this, but in DC anyone can basically become an officiant for the day, so long as they pay the city like $50 (which obviously FI and I are paying).  It's also nice to have someone that you love actually officiate the wedding.

     

    Although - as "payment," we are paying for the officiant's hotel room for Friday and Saturday nights, so I don't think it's really costing us less than $500.

  • We had a friend marry us. He's an ordained minister with the Universal Life Church. 
  • One of our friends officiated for us.  He too is an ordained minister with the Universal Life Church.  It cost us $100 and a six pack of his favorite beer LOL.
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  • We had a friend marry us. He's an ordained minister with the Universal Life Church. 
    Same here.

    Check with your local government to see if a friend or family member can become ordained to legally marry you.  Then get them a very nice thank you gift.

  • jerkyannejerkyanne member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    edited October 2014
    In NY you can have someone with the ULC marry you. Someone you know can get ordained online for free.

    ETF: Stupid autocorrect
  • I'll be your officiant! Just pay me in candy corn.

    Sorry, too excited for Halloween.

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  • We paid $400 for ours in Chicago; would have been $500 if we'd had a rehearsal. 
    To be fair, our officiant had great customer service. He had an entire folder full of options to choose from, in the order things would happen, and we could choose our own readings and prayers had we wanted.  Even without a full rehearsal, he met with us and walked us through every detail. He answered all my questions over e-mail promptly. During the ceremony and prior to, he made sure everything was on track. He also has the really important job of making sure things are filed properly, legally.  With the time invested for us, I didn't think the cost was unjustified.  In the end, we got a ton of compliments on how nice our ceremony was.  
    There was one officiant who did two weddings in my circle who charged half the amount. He mispronounced names frequently and one friend had a cow over the fact that he wore a Daffy Duck tie for the ceremony.  Sometimes you get what you pay for.
    But otherwise, entrusting friends is a great idea too! 
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  • jerkyanne said:
    In NY you can have someone with the ULC marry you. Someone you know can get ordained online for free. ETF: Stupid autocorrect
    I got ordained by the Universal Life Church.  It wasn't free.  It cost a whopping $6.50 to get ordained and an additional $7.50 to get a certificate mailed to you.  
  • I think $500 sounds pretty resonable. Granted, I am in Denver, but our officiant was $550. We then gave him a $50 tip, so everything cost us $600 for him. He was amazing, though, and I am so glad that we paid the money for him.
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  • novella1186novella1186 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited October 2014
    I don't know if this is true for every state, but my dad (who is a lawyer) says that a lawyer can marry you. When we were having trouble finding an officiant, he offered to call some of his lawyer friends for us because any of them would have done it for free. We ended up finding a secular officiant that we hired, though. 

    What about asking a JOP to come to your ceremony venue if the lawyer thing isn't an option? Captain of a ship? lol. If you have any close friends or relatives, maybe they have a good relationship with a pastor or something who will do the ceremony just for a donation to their church or whatever? (but that probably won't be secular, I'm sure they'll sneak a prayer or two in, so if you're looking to do something non-religious that may not work too well) 

    Edited cuz monday 
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  • Talk to friends and family, reach out to different folks! We were a little alarmed at prices and difficulty of finding someone - and then we posted on Facebook. Several friends recommended people - and we ended up with an Officiant that we LOVE - who's cost even with a rehearsal came in at a whooping $200! She's a friend of friend who was ordained by ULC and has done several weddings in the past. She came with ideas, and has helped us so much in the ceremony planning process. I'm so happy I didn't just cave after getting prices in the $500 range and end up just trying to find someone cheap and not perfect for us.
  • I don't know if this is true for every state, but my dad (who is a lawyer) says that a lawyer can marry you. When we were having trouble finding an officiant, he offered to call some of his lawyer friends for us because any of them would have done it for free. We ended up finding a secular officiant that we hired, though. 

    What about asking a JOP to come to your ceremony venue if the lawyer thing isn't an option? Captain of a ship? lol. If you have any close friends or relatives, maybe they have a good relationship with a pastor or something who will do the ceremony just for a donation to their church or whatever? (but that probably won't be secular, I'm sure they'll sneak a prayer or two in, so if you're looking to do something non-religious that may not work too well) 

    Edited cuz monday 

    This is usually not true unless the lawyer also happens to be a judge.  I've actually never heard of it being true unless the lawyer is a judge, because an ordinary lawyer is not an officer of the courts.  So if you want to go this route, I would DEFINITELY check to make sure the officiant is allowed to do it - I think most states have a way for non-religious officials to officiate the wedding.
  • ssautter said:
    I don't know if this is true for every state, but my dad (who is a lawyer) says that a lawyer can marry you. When we were having trouble finding an officiant, he offered to call some of his lawyer friends for us because any of them would have done it for free. We ended up finding a secular officiant that we hired, though. 

    What about asking a JOP to come to your ceremony venue if the lawyer thing isn't an option? Captain of a ship? lol. If you have any close friends or relatives, maybe they have a good relationship with a pastor or something who will do the ceremony just for a donation to their church or whatever? (but that probably won't be secular, I'm sure they'll sneak a prayer or two in, so if you're looking to do something non-religious that may not work too well) 

    Edited cuz monday 

    This is usually not true unless the lawyer also happens to be a judge.  I've actually never heard of it being true unless the lawyer is a judge, because an ordinary lawyer is not an officer of the courts.  So if you want to go this route, I would DEFINITELY check to make sure the officiant is allowed to do it - I think most states have a way for non-religious officials to officiate the wedding.
    hm... maybe my dad was offering to call judges for us? Lol. I don't always pay attention very well :P 
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  • Thanks for all your replies guys. I still feel $500 or more is ridic!

    I am going to look and see if a friend or family member can get licensed and marry us.

    Will also continue to look around Long Island or New York and see if there is someone cheaper.
  • In CT. $900 for a Rabbi. :(

    And we're not even religious... oh well.
  • Are you serious????

    See, I don't have that type of money and sheesh!

    I am just going to have to do my research. I don't even want anything religious or crazy, just someone to marry us.
  • We're having my FI's brother marry us. It costs $25, plus the notary fee and a trip to the courthouse to file the paperwork. But in my city, anyone can marry you with that filed, or you can marry yourselves. 

    Another group to look into is the Humanist Society. They have "celebrants" who can do a secular ceremony. I'm not sure what their fees are like, but you can look through celebrants in your state to find their contact info.  
  • lilacck28lilacck28 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    edited October 2014
    Yeah... it's pretty ridiculous. We called a lot of different Rabbis, and 900/1000 was the going rate. I think it would be less if we went to temple regularly? $900 is much more than I spent on my dress.... and the officiant was much less important to me than that! But  it was important to the older generations of my family, so I made room in the budget for it.

    Other officiants (Justice of the Peace, my initial preferance) in my area looked to be in the $500-$800 range.
  • Like abbyj700, daughter made one simple FB post- any recommendations for wedding officiants? And got a lot of really good recommendations. 
    Her officiant, weirdly, ended up being a friend she had met when she was playing a bridesmaid in the show "Tony n Tina's Wedding." He was an actual licensed minister who had played the part of the priest, which I thought was funny. 
    He was an excellent officiant, refused to accept any payment at all, and was a very charming guest. So even though I usually advise against putting wedding related things on Facebook, it worked out perfectly. 
  • Are you getting married in a church? Or a venue that has approval on who performs the ceremony? If so, they might have rules on who can perform the ceremony in their space.

    My church "fee" was $1000, which included 3 meetings with the pastor, the church on the day of, a rehearsal the night before, advice on programs, songs, readings, etc., printed programs, someone there the day of, etc.

    We could have used another pastor, but it would have to have been approved, and we still would have the fee. I'd suggest double checking with the ceremony space, especially if it's a church, chapel, etc. 
  • XrebeccaXXrebeccaX member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited October 2014
    We had a humanist and the fee was €500! He was terrific, though, and we loved our ceremony.
  • NYC here, and we're paying $650 which seemed pretty standard across the board (we interviewed 5 and easily Googled two dozen before hand) for a semi-customized (i.e. pick from a list of pre-made ceremony options and can sub in a reading or ceremony) officiant. For that we're getting a draft of the ceremony with unlimited re-writes, she coordinates on her own with DJ, venue, etc. for rehsersal and ceremony, and paperwork.

    For a super customized ceremony where you went over every line with them and basically made eveything up yourself (which seemed over the top to me) several officiants were charging well over $1k. 

    So I have no advice lol, just know that the pricing is pretty normal. It's one of the only catagories that I came in over budget with so far!
  • Have you checked into magistrates/judges? Sometimes they'll perform a wedding for around $50-60, depending on your county.

    Also, if you haven't done this already, be sure to post on your local board. You might get more NY-specific answers there.
  • Every state is different...In NY you can married by someone ordained online (whereas PA won't acknowledge that option).  I have been to many a LI wedding and most of my friends went with a JOP.  I hear they are more reasonable in price, but you get the bonus of someone to help you formulate your ceremony and someone who is used to the public speaking side of things.

    I think this comes down to a few things...how professional of a speaker do you want?  How much help with the ceremony do you want?  How much of a budget do you have for this and can you make up for it elsewhere?

  • Every state is different...In NY you can married by someone ordained online (whereas PA won't acknowledge that option).  I have been to many a LI wedding and most of my friends went with a JOP.  I hear they are more reasonable in price, but you get the bonus of someone to help you formulate your ceremony and someone who is used to the public speaking side of things.

    I think this comes down to a few things...how professional of a speaker do you want?  How much help with the ceremony do you want?  How much of a budget do you have for this and can you make up for it elsewhere?

    I got ordained online in order to perform my sister's wedding.  I may not be a professional, but I'm an extreme attention whore and love being in front of a crowd.  I read very well in front of people AND I'm an excellent writer.  So, my sister and I shared a google document of her ceremony, I started it, she made changes, I made more changes, and so on until I took away her access (so she couldn't make changes and couldn't stress out about the details) a week before she left for the island.  I'm currently in the process of writing my own ceremony so whoever I ask to perform my wedding has to do nothing buy show up, read, and sign the papers.  My problem is that since I"m the attention whore in the family, who am I supposed to ask to do MY wedding?
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