Wedding Party Disaster! Help!

Re: Wedding Party Disaster! Help!

• Maggie0829 member

  

  October 2014

  hiswatergal said:

  First:

  My FI has clearly stated he highly dislikes my best friend (Who is a guy, we will call him C). So he does NOT want him to be a GM and is not comfortable with him being a "Man of Honor" on my side. I have grown up with C and we have anyways said that I would be his Best Woman and he would be my Man of Honor. I'm very understanding of my FI's opinion here, the issue is finding a way to honor C without him actually being in the wedding party.

  I had an idea where C will present the bible (which my FI gave to me as a promise ring since we don't do rings) to me during the ceremony, so that I can give it back to my FI as a surpirse. Similiar to how a MOH would give the ring to the Bride during the exchanging of the rings. Opinions?

  
  

  Second:

  I have 7 BM's (2 sisters, 2 cousins, 2 current sil's, and 1 BF) and my FI has 4. He doesn't want that many people in the bridal party but has said that I could just use my brothers in the last three spots... only problem is, I have 4 brothers....I don't think I can pick and choose which one brother would be left out. Would it be bad to have 2 brothers and a bro-in-law as GM and the other 2 brothers as ushers to walk my two grandmothers in?

  Why does your FI not like your friend C?  Unless this guy has physically harmed your FI or tried to seduce you then he really has no say over who you have in your bridal party.  Making him a GM would not be your choice anyway, since it is your FI choice as to who is on his side of the wedding party.  But if you want C to be your man of honor then I think your FI needs to suck it up and realize that you deserve to have your nearest and dearest up there with you.

  
  

  As for the second portion of your post.  Sides do not have to be even.  So you have your 7 and he has his 4 and call it a day.

  
  

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• [Deleted User] member

  

  October 2014

  I agree with Maggie.

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• hiswatergal member

  

  October 2014

  I will honor my FI opinion about C being a GM/ManOH.... but would it be weird for him to be sitting with the other guests and just walk up to dedicate the bible to my FI then sit back down?

  
  

  I've seen weddings where the sides were uneven and it bothers me, but I don't want to force my FI to have more GM then he has already given in to... would having 2 brothers being GM and the other 2 being ushers be completely insulting?

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• climbingsingle member

  

  October 2014

  Why are you letting your FI dictate your bridal party?

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• AddieCake member

  

  October 2014

  So it's ok for him to hand you a Bible but not to stand there and hand you a ring? What kind of nonsensical fuckery is this?

  What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14

  

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• Jen4948 member

  

  October 2014

  Your FI doesn't have to include him on his side, but it's not up to him who's included on your side.  If you want C, then he can be a bridesman.  Your FI needs to get over it should you choose him.  But don't base your decisions about your wedding party on whose feelings will get hurt if you do or don't choose someone.  That never works out.
  

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• flantastic member

  

  October 2014

  Unless your best friend is in love with you, "honoring" this request of your FI's is not what it means to honor your future husband, and it certainly isn't what is meant by him honoring you. It's immature.

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• Viczaesar member

  

  October 2014

  Is this the day of the controlling FIs?
  

  
  
  
  

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• sarahjane222 member

  

  October 2014

  I've got some flack in another post about discussing the bridal party with your FI instead of just choosing who you want and disregarding FI's feelings....and I don't see it as a control issue - it's just being respectful that it's both of your day (not just yours). Having "C" sit with the guests and present the Bible is a fine idea - as long as you're happy with it. If it's killing you to not have him stand up next to you, then talk to FI some more about it and tell him how important to you it is. Ultimately, it won't really effect him much. 

  
  As for the 2nd) what you suggested sounds fine...but PP's are right, you don't need to have matching sides. 

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• pearlluo member

  

  October 2014

  Lady often think too much of this BF/FI's ideal.I usued to and finally I found I nearly don't have a true male friend after I break up with my exe BF.
  

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• Maggie0829 member

  

  October 2014

  hiswatergal said:

  I will honor my FI opinion about C being a GM/ManOH.... but would it be weird for him to be sitting with the other guests and just walk up to dedicate the bible to my FI then sit back down?

  
  

  I've seen weddings where the sides were uneven and it bothers me, but I don't want to force my FI to have more GM then he has already given in to... would having 2 brothers being GM and the other 2 being ushers be completely insulting?

  Sorry but I think your FI is being kind of a douche.  He doesn't have to like all of your friends but he should respect you and your relationships.  He is basically controlling who you are allowed to have in your bridal party.  That is not cool.

  
  

  You should not be deciding his side of the wedding party for your FI (just like he should not be deciding your side).  Why exactly does the uneven look bother you?  Your wedding party is not about numbers, it is about having your nearest and dearest up there with you when you get married.  And yes I think it would be incredibly insulting to your brothers to have two be GMs and the other 2 be ushers because you want your sides to be even. Talk about using people as props.

  
  

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• climbingsingle member

  

  October 2014

  pearlluo said:

  Lady often think too much of this BF/FI's ideal.I usued to and finally I found I nearly don't have a true male friend after I break up with my exe BF.
  

  Huh?

  
  

  OP, what has this person done that has made your FI dislike him so much? 

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• Maggie0829 member

  

  October 2014

  sarahjane222 said:

  I've got some flack in another post about discussing the bridal party with your FI instead of just choosing who you want and disregarding FI's feelings....and I don't see it as a control issue - it's just being respectful that it's both of your day (not just yours). Having "C" sit with the guests and present the Bible is a fine idea - as long as you're happy with it. If it's killing you to not have him stand up next to you, then talk to FI some more about it and tell him how important to you it is. Ultimately, it won't really effect him much. 

  
  As for the 2nd) what you suggested sounds fine...but PP's are right, you don't need to have matching sides. 

  I agree the wedding is both of theirs, HOWEVER, when it comes to each side of the wedding party it should not be up to the other person as to whether a close friend gets to be included.  If my H had told me that I could not have my friend because he didn't like her then that would have been a huge issue.  I don't always like all of my H's friends but I respect his relationship with them and I am certainly not going to tell him that he can't speak to them or hang out with them because I don't want to be a controlling bitch.

  
  

  And in regards to OP, I don't see how it is okay for C to still be a part of the ceremony but presenting the bible but it is not okay for him to be a bridesman.  I mean this guy will still be at the wedding so her FI will have to deal with him regardless.  Her FI telling her that she can't have her friend be in the wedding party is just a douche move.

  
  

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• redoryx member

  

  October 2014

  OP, I think you and your FI are confused as to how wedding parties work. This is an opportunity for the B&G to pick the people who are nearest and dearest to them, the people they want to honor by asking them to stand beside you at your wedding. Only YOU know who is your nearest and dearest and if C is that person, than your FI needs to respect that decision. I've seen female friends have friendships with male friends fall apart after a wedding because their husband didn't like the guy or felt threatened by a male friend or whatever and it's really, really heartbreaking. If C is such a close friend, he's going to be in your life and your future husband needs to just suck it up. This is your chance to honor your friends and he doesn't get to dictate that.

  Likewise, your FI gets to pick his side and if he doesn't want 7 he doesn't have to have them. If he does, however, want to ask your brothers to stand by his side then HE needs to choose which ones to ask. The fact that he's making you pick among your brothers is not cool.

  

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• LondonLisa member

  

  October 2014

  For someone who states how important the Bible is to your relationship, your Fi holding grudges, being petty, and asking you to essentially not be friends with someone isn't very "Christian" behaviour.

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• Bubblegum5586 member

  

  October 2014

  Maggie0829 said:

  sarahjane222 said:

  I've got some flack in another post about discussing the bridal party with your FI instead of just choosing who you want and disregarding FI's feelings....and I don't see it as a control issue - it's just being respectful that it's both of your day (not just yours). Having "C" sit with the guests and present the Bible is a fine idea - as long as you're happy with it. If it's killing you to not have him stand up next to you, then talk to FI some more about it and tell him how important to you it is. Ultimately, it won't really effect him much. 

  
  As for the 2nd) what you suggested sounds fine...but PP's are right, you don't need to have matching sides. 

  I agree the wedding is both of theirs, HOWEVER, when it comes to each side of the wedding party it should not be up to the other person as to whether a close friend gets to be included.  If my H had told me that I could not have my friend because he didn't like her then that would have been a huge issue.  I don't always like all of my H's friends but I respect his relationship with them and I am certainly not going to tell him that he can't speak to them or hang out with them because I don't want to be a controlling bitch.

  
  

  And in regards to OP, I don't see how it is okay for C to still be a part of the ceremony but presenting the bible but it is not okay for him to be a bridesman.  I mean this guy will still be at the wedding so her FI will have to deal with him regardless.  Her FI telling her that she can't have her friend be in the wedding party is just a douche move.

  I am confused how having C present a promise bible for you to give your FI (something personal and intimate) is ok but standing next you as a man of honor is not. That seems backwards to me.

  
  

  
  

  
  

  

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• levioosa member

  

  October 2014 edited October 2014

  This is silly.
  
  Sides don't have to be even, and your bridal party should consist of your nearest and dearest.  FI needs to get over himself.  Unless C has harmed one of you or tried to seduce you, having him as a bridesman should be a non-issue.  

  
  

  ETF: words

  
  

  
  

  

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• [Deleted User] member

  

  October 2014

  levioosa said:

  This is silly.
  
  Sides don't have to be even, and your bridal party should consist of your nearest and dearest.  FI needs to get over himself.  Unless C has harmed one of you or tried to seduce you, having him as a groomsman bridesman should be a non-issue.  

  Actually it would be an issue if she was choosing her groom's attendants.  But since she wants C to stand on her side, I don't see the problem.

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• levioosa member

  

  October 2014

  adk19 said:

  levioosa said:

  This is silly.
  
  Sides don't have to be even, and your bridal party should consist of your nearest and dearest.  FI needs to get over himself.  Unless C has harmed one of you or tried to seduce you, having him as a groomsman bridesman should be a non-issue.  

  Actually it would be an issue if she was choosing her groom's attendants.  But since she wants C to stand on her side, I don't see the problem.

  My bad.  That's what I meant.  Knotting at work. >.<

  
  

  
  

  

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• aurianna member

  

  October 2014 edited October 2014

  So... telling two of your brothers that you don't want them to stand up with you as much as you want your other two brothers to... so essentially telling your brothers how you rank them in importance and desire to share your day with them... bothers you less than one side of a picture possibly having two more people on it?
  
  Really?
  
  I agree with PPs that your side of the bridal party is your nearest and dearest and his side is his. I have to assume that C is going to remain in your life even after you're married, so knowing that, your husband to be's stilling throwing a fit about your closest friend standing next to you at your wedding is a big red flag.
  
  
  ...But I'm still stuck on the brother thing. What does being even vs not impact. At all. Pictures may be uneven or have some guys on the "girls'" side. You might have a bridesmaid walking with two groomsmen instead of one?
  vs
  Possibly hurting your brothers' feelings
  
  Oh... yeah, obviously that makes total sense.
  No. It doesn't.
  Unless you are honestly just really close with two brothers and not the other two, ask all brothers to stand up with you, or none.
  

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• lc07 member

  

  October 2014

  I just can't.

  
  

  
  

  I literally began typing 4 different responses but I can't even begin properly with all the nonsense that needs to be addressed. 

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• zitiqueen member

  

  October 2014

  sarahjane222 said:

  I've got some flack in another post about discussing the bridal party with your FI instead of just choosing who you want and disregarding FI's feelings....and I don't see it as a control issue - it's just being respectful that it's both of your day (not just yours). Having "C" sit with the guests and present the Bible is a fine idea - as long as you're happy with it. If it's killing you to not have him stand up next to you, then talk to FI some more about it and tell him how important to you it is. Ultimately, it won't really effect him much. 

  
  As for the 2nd) what you suggested sounds fine...but PP's are right, you don't need to have matching sides. 

  So it's her responsibility to be "respectful" of it being his day in addition to hers, but he's not expected to extend her the same courtesy?

  
  

  Have fun with your Hs insisting on making all of your decisions for you for the rest of your lives.

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• southernbelle0915 mod

  

  October 2014

  LondonLisa said:

  For someone who states how important the Bible is to your relationship, your Fi holding grudges, being petty, and asking you to essentially not be friends with someone isn't very "Christian" behaviour.

  This. Your FI does not seem to be walking the walk, so to speak.

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• LittlePeachBlossom member

  

  October 2014

  bubblegum1309 said:

  Maggie0829 said:

  sarahjane222 said:

  I've got some flack in another post about discussing the bridal party with your FI instead of just choosing who you want and disregarding FI's feelings....and I don't see it as a control issue - it's just being respectful that it's both of your day (not just yours). Having "C" sit with the guests and present the Bible is a fine idea - as long as you're happy with it. If it's killing you to not have him stand up next to you, then talk to FI some more about it and tell him how important to you it is. Ultimately, it won't really effect him much. 

  
  As for the 2nd) what you suggested sounds fine...but PP's are right, you don't need to have matching sides. 

  I agree the wedding is both of theirs, HOWEVER, when it comes to each side of the wedding party it should not be up to the other person as to whether a close friend gets to be included.  If my H had told me that I could not have my friend because he didn't like her then that would have been a huge issue.  I don't always like all of my H's friends but I respect his relationship with them and I am certainly not going to tell him that he can't speak to them or hang out with them because I don't want to be a controlling bitch.

  
  

  And in regards to OP, I don't see how it is okay for C to still be a part of the ceremony but presenting the bible but it is not okay for him to be a bridesman.  I mean this guy will still be at the wedding so her FI will have to deal with him regardless.  Her FI telling her that she can't have her friend be in the wedding party is just a douche move.

  I am confused how having C present a promise bible for you to give your FI (something personal and intimate) is ok but standing next you as a man of honor is not. That seems backwards to me.

  This. I also think this is more personal and intimate. I think your FI is being unreasonable unless there is more to this that we're not aware of. You should have a thorough conversation with your FI about his feelings and concerns regarding your friendship with C.

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