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We need advice!

I got engaged on July 14th, 2010. My fiance and I are having some trouble figuring out what year we want to get married. There are a few factors in determining this and we are both stressing out about how to make everything work. First of all, we are both sophomores in college. We have decided not to live with each other until we are married. I am paying for school all by myself, my fiance is getting his schooling paid for by his parents as long as he stays "dependent" (not married). This is their way of keeping him from doing something that they don't want him to do. They don't exactly approve us being engaged so soon. My parents couldn't be happier about it. This gives us our first option, wait until after graduation and make his parents happy along with getting his schooling paid for. Which would mean that we would not get married until 2013. Or, we could get married the spring/summer of 2012 and only have to worry about paying for one year of his college tuition, live together, and be happy. This is what we truly want for ourselves. We want to start our lives together as soon as possible but we have the issues of his parents and money. We just can't figure out what to do. We are at a stand still and it is stressing us out. Please give us advice!

Re: We need advice!

  • It's definitely nice that your FI's parents pay for his school. However, I think that as two adults who have decided to be married, regardless of where you are in life, you should be financially responsible for yourselves.  If you can pay for his school in cash for his last year, and will not rely on loans, I say go for it. You may qualify for Pell Grant and other aid as independents. Just don't rush into something that you can't afford or handle though; only be married while in school if you are really going to be independent.
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  • Personally I think it would be hard to save for a wedding and pay for schooling. I said 2012 because I am against people trying to control others by using money. That is ridiculous. If you can afford to do it in 2012 (meaning you and FI pay for it yourselves) then do it. However, his financial aid status will change and that will affect how much he has to pay. 
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  • To me, it sounds like you know what you want. Do not make a decision and regret it because you made it to please other people. This is about you and your FI. You should honor your parents and his parents and listen to them but you do not have to do everything exactly how they think you should.
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  • Plus being engaged until 2013 is a really long time! Are you prepared to wait out the whole other year?
    What about getting married over thanksgiving or winter break of 2012 and only having 1 more semester?
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  • Only you and your FI can decide which is more important - getting married in 2012 or waiting a year, having his tuition paid, and possible having his parents be happy for you. None of us can tell you what to do. We can tell you what we might do or share similar experiences but in the end the two of you will have to decide.

    It sounds like you (and your FI?) are leaning towards getting married in 2012, there will be consequences (FI's parents not paying for his school anymore) to that and as adults you will have deal with that. But if thats what the two of you really want and you think you can handle then go for it.


  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_students_need-advice-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:684Discussion:4e38b0bb-4aab-49dc-a1f1-7689a57d6fc6Post:bca4043a-94c6-4086-9a65-7067bb9f82a8">Re: We need advice!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Plus being engaged until 2013 is a really long time! Are you prepared to wait out the whole other year? <strong>What about getting married over thanksgiving or winter break of 2012 and only having 1 more semester?
    </strong>Posted by lmrini89[/QUOTE]

    This is what we did.  We got engaged our junior year and fully intended to wait until after graduation to get married.  However, we realized very quickly that was not going to happen, so we got married the first Saturday of Christmas break instead.  It was a little hectic and stressful, I won't lie, but we were so glad to be married and not have to wait anymore.

    My parents were also paying for my school and H's was all paid by scholarships.  My parents had always told me that they wouldn't continue to pay once I was married.  We made the decision to get married knowing we'd have to cover that last semester ourselves.  My parents shocked us by saying they were 100% ok with us getting married before graduation and that they wanted to cover my last semester, as a wedding gift.

    Do you know for sure his parents feel this way - they've already told you - or is he going off of things they've said before?  For my parents, it was a great way to keep me from getting married and dropping out, which is what my dad did.  By the time we got engaged and set a date, they knew I was serious about finishing school so they weren't worried.  Maybe the same is true for your fi's parents?
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_students_need-advice-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:684Discussion:4e38b0bb-4aab-49dc-a1f1-7689a57d6fc6Post:bfa89dda-544b-4087-9452-8f7f1e808987">Re: We need advice!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I say wait until 2013. I think you will be grateful that you don't have to worry about any  extra student loans. Its unfortunate that his parents don't approve of your engagement.
    Posted by bethsmiles[/QUOTE]

    Pretty much this. Student loans are not ideal when it could get paid for by his parents. Is it manipulative? Yes. Does it suck? Yes. Does it mean you should maybe worry about <em>why</em> they think that you should wait? Yeah, a little. Does it mean you should base your entire choice on them? Nope. Do I have too many questions on this? Obviously. :) SORRY, I just did something for my education class......

    Anyways. I like the idea about maybe winter 2012. If that isn't ideal, there are other breaks. And you will probably be fine paying for the last year, it just wouldn't be ideal. I have friends that did exactly that and ended up not finishing on time.
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  • I think you should marry in 2013, but about this:

    />>We would have to rely on loans for his schooling.

    Why do you say that?  It's my understanding that there is much more financial aid and scholarships available to married students who are independent from their parents.  Go talk to someone in your college's financial aid office and ask some questions about how your financial aid and his fianancial aid will change if you both submit your 2012 FAFSA's as MARRIED.
  • Fasfa is actually filled out in the spring, so if you get married in the summer your marital status will still be single and you will still be dependent and get less aid than if you were married.  As far as i know there is no way to change it once you get married in the summer because financial aid will have already been awarded.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_students_need-advice-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:684Discussion:4e38b0bb-4aab-49dc-a1f1-7689a57d6fc6Post:edd23b3c-260f-4293-aaec-8c6a71fb0f8a">Re: We need advice!</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>Fasfa is actually filled out in the spring</strong>, so if you get married in the summer your marital status will still be single and you will still be dependent and get less aid than if you were married.  As far as i know there is no way to change it once you get married in the summer because financial aid will have already been awarded.
    Posted by mkmistretta[/QUOTE]

    I just filled out Fafsa a few weeks ago and got my FA award last week for next semester. But I guess it would depend on when tuition had to be paid by, if they had to pay tuition for fall semester before getting married I guess this wouldn't matter.
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