How did you ask your flower girl?

marie2785 · October 2014

I'm curious how everyone asked their flower girls to be in their wedding. Did everyone ask the girls themselves, or just let it filter down from the kid's parents?

In our case, the flower girl is my FI's 8 year old goddaughter, and the two of them are very close. Her parents already know she'll be in the wedding, can't wait to buy her dress, are so excited, etc (they're just an awesome family all around). BUT her parents haven't told her, so I'd like to formally ask her to be in the wedding so that she knows it's not just my FI, but also me who wants her to have this "VERY important" role. Our friend is hosting an engagement party for us this weekend and she'll be there, so I thought I'd ask her then.I want to make it special somehow though. I am thinking of pulling her aside and giving her a tiny bouquet of flowers and asking her, or something similar.

Thoughts/Ideas? Did any of you do anything special for your flower girls when you asked them?

peachy13 · October 2014

I told their parents first (I have 2 flower girls) who are my aunt and uncle for their OK (obviously they were happy!) and then told them that my FI and I would ask the girls in a special way.

At our engagement party, I gave them a card that I decorated with glitter and stickers and stuff asking if they would be our flower girls, and we also gave them each a gift card to their favorite toy store, nothing crazy just a little sweet gesture. We kind of waited for a good opportunity when the girls were near their parents so that their parents could overhear my FI and I asking them/explaining their role in our wedding.

Good luck!

lalapalooza2222 · October 2014

I maybe a be my flower girl box with little gifts in it and a detailed letter explaining how important she is to me and how excited I am to have her be in my wedding.

The box I made was similar to my be my bridesmaids boxes but slightly smaller. I also had a ballon tied to the box with confetti and a be my flower girl message for her to pop the question before opening the box.

Hope it helps.

naynay1985 · October 2014

My FH and I haven't asked yet, but when my brother and SIL asked my niece to be their flower girl, they sat her down at a family party and gave her a little present. It was a book about being a flower girl with a note inside asking her to be part of their special day. It's something she can keep her whole life to remind her of the wedding.

kmmssg · October 2014

bearcubbaby1985 said:
My FH and I haven't asked yet, but when my brother and SIL asked my niece to be their flower girl, they sat her down at a family party and gave her a little present. It was a book about being a flower girl with a note inside asking her to be part of their special day. It's something she can keep her whole life to remind her of the wedding.

Love all the ideas so far, especially love the book.

Jen4948 · October 2014

I don't think I'd give the kid a present, because that might seem like a bribe and depending on how young she is, she may well not understand it. Probably, once I'd gotten her parents' consent, I'd let her know how much I love her, ask her if she'd like to be my flower girl, and tell her that it would be extra special for me if she would. But there are no girls in my life young enough to be a flower girl for me so it's an academic question.

AddieCake · October 2014

I asked her parents and then sent her a card, which I designed myself and personalized on Zazzle. Neither the parents nor the child said a single word to me about the card, which, frankly, annoyed me since I had clearly put a lot of time and thought into it.

That's one of the reasons I advocate for not doing cutesy cards or cutesy ways of asking people. I did it for the ushers, the flower girl, and the ring bearer and heard not a single word of appreciation about them.

In the end, I had a falling out with her parents and lost my flower girl as a result.

ETA: The falling out was not over the cards or anything wedding-related.

Alikat9614 · October 2014

We hadn't planned on having any- we got married the weekend right after school started and didn't want anyone to feel obligated to have to come (or come early for the rehearsal), especially since my family was coming from about 6 hours away. My 8 year old nephew asked me when DH and I were visiting "Sister and I would be your weddin' kids if you need any!" It was adorable, and then I asked "Do you want to be our weddin' kids" and they were thrilled!

doeydo · October 2014

If I were to have one, I would first consult with the parents in private, if they were on board then I would ask the child. I would probably say something like "Amy, you know how John and I are getting married in a few months? Would you like to be our flower girl?" sort of thing.

short+sassy · October 2014

Sorry, a bit off topic for the post...but I saw the cutest story where a 4-year-old girl told her mom she wanted to be someone's flower girl. Unfortunately, the mother did not know anyone getting married soon. So she dressed her daughter up in a pretty dress and gave her a little basket of rose petals. The two of them then went down to City Hall and asked the first couple in line waiting to get married if they would like a flower girl for their ceremony.

Of course, the couple said yes...I mean how could you not with such a sweet little girl asking!

[Deleted User] · October 2014

short+sassy said:

Sorry, a bit off topic for the post...but I saw the cutest story where a 4-year-old girl told her mom she wanted to be someone's flower girl. Unfortunately, the mother did not know anyone getting married soon. So she dressed her daughter up in a pretty dress and gave her a little basket of rose petals. The two of them then went down to City Hall and asked the first couple in line waiting to get married if they would like a flower girl for their ceremony.

Of course, the couple said yes...I mean how could you not with such a sweet little girl asking!

Look up Improv Everywhere. It's a group that does street improv. There's one where they have a wedding reception set up outside city hall and pick a random couple to have a reception complete with speeches, cake, and gifts. Watch the video and read the story about it (because apparently they were planning on doing several receptions for several different couples, but the first one was just so good that they just kept running with it. "Up for anything" they were.)

Jen4948 · October 2014

short+sassy said:

Sorry, a bit off topic for the post...but I saw the cutest story where a 4-year-old girl told her mom she wanted to be someone's flower girl. Unfortunately, the mother did not know anyone getting married soon. So she dressed her daughter up in a pretty dress and gave her a little basket of rose petals. The two of them then went down to City Hall and asked the first couple in line waiting to get married if they would like a flower girl for their ceremony.

Of course, the couple said yes...I mean how could you not with such a sweet little girl asking!

Stuck in box...

That's exactly what makes this wrong. Regardless of how "sweet" the little girl was, it is not appropriate to ask someone if you or someone else can be in their wedding party. It's their choice, and they have the right not to have any flower girls-especially strangers.

erinlin25 · October 2014

I just asked the mother (my best friend). My flower girl was young, so first wanted to be sure her mom & dad was OK with it in general, and that they thought it was something FG could even do--they were so excited she was going to be involved. She was young, so there were no expectations whatever. FG was perfect day of and loved every second of it...and still calls me Princess, lol.

lc07 · November 2014

short+sassy said:

Sorry, a bit off topic for the post...but I saw the cutest story where a 4-year-old girl told her mom she wanted to be someone's flower girl. Unfortunately, the mother did not know anyone getting married soon. So she dressed her daughter up in a pretty dress and gave her a little basket of rose petals. The two of them then went down to City Hall and asked the first couple in line waiting to get married if they would like a flower girl for their ceremony.

Of course, the couple said yes...I mean how could you not with such a sweet little girl asking!

I'm with Jen. This just sounds super strange to me.

AddieCake · November 2014

I think the city hall flower girl story is cute, but I agree with Jen. That just teaches the child that it is appropriate to ask people to be part of their wedding. They could have had a pretend wedding at home and let her play dress up with that instead.

annakay511 · November 2014

I asked the parents first, since there is a time and financial responsibility to having your child in a wedding. However, both the parents (the flower girl's mom and the ring bearer's dad) are in our BP.

Our flower girl will be 3 and our ring bearer will be 6. We got personalized coloring books (www.personalizationmall.com) with their names and our names on it about being in the bridal party, they turned out sooo cute! I was really impressed with the quality of the coloring books and that they are personalized throughout, not just on the front cover. I found a cute poem on etsy as inspiration and instead of buying the cards from there, just wrote my own little poems to go with the gift

Jen4948 · November 2014

annakay511 said:

I asked the parents first, since there is a time and financial responsibility to having your child in a wedding. However, both the parents (the flower girl's mom and the ring bearer's dad) are in our BP.

Our flower girl will be 3 and our ring bearer will be 6. We got personalized coloring books (www.personalizationmall.com) with their names and our names on it about being in the bridal party, they turned out sooo cute! I was really impressed with the quality of the coloring books and that they are personalized throughout, not just on the front cover. I found a cute poem on etsy as inspiration and instead of buying the cards from there, just wrote my own little poems to go with the gift

And what will you do with them if your flower girl and ring bearer don't like them, no matter how cute you think they are-or don't want to be in the wedding?

As cute as these gifts may be, you may be overdoing it, especially the poems.

klk111415 · November 2014

I gave my flower girl a book called "One Little Flower Girl." She's almost 4 years old, but had trouble grasping the concept of what a flower girl does. She absolutely loved the book and she recites lines in it to me all the time. Super adorable!

lovesclimbing · November 2014

Parents. My flower girl was my cousin and I lived a in another city. Her parents told her.

Jen4948 · November 2014

lovesclimbing said:
Parents. My flower girl was my cousin and I lived a in another city. Her parents told her.

Was it something she wanted to do?

LarraO2530 · December 2014

Good ideas here! I popped in bc FI and I finally have our date/venue and planned to ask his cousins if their children could be flower girls and ring bearers at his mom's Christmas Eve party. We only have 2 little girls and 2 little boys so we planned on asking all 4... We don't want anyone to feel left out, epecially being so young!

Knottie23250625 · December 2014

I made these for my flower girls.

briannamarie1024 · January 2015

I got our flower girl a little story book about how to be the perfect flower girl, its a cute little story and just talks about wearing a pretty dress and throwing petals. I found it on Amazon for $8 (there is one that goes with it for ring bearers we got our little guy as well). I also got her a Disney princess wedding sticker book. She is super into Disney Princesses right now, so it was perfect! We got our ring bearer a Star Wars sticker book because that's what he likes.

My aunt has reported that the kids love their books!

plainjane0415 · January 2015

We are having a beach wedding, and so when we were on vacation this past summer I got each of them a sand castle building kit, and wrote a little funny poem in a card and gave to them. None of them can read, so their parents and I had to read it to them. I'm not a super big fan of asking in a cutesy way either, but it just kind of fit because we were on vacation at the time.

lovesclimbing · January 2015

Jen4948 said:

show previous quotes
Parents. My flower girl was my cousin and I lived a in another city. Her parents told her.
Was it something she wanted to do?

As far as I know. If she didn't want to, neither she nor her parents told me.

[Deleted User] · January 2015

I gave my niece a "I can't say 'I Do' without you, Will you be my Flower Girl?" homemade card and a chocolate tulip (it was around Easter time). She loved it.

How did you ask your flower girl?

Re: How did you ask your flower girl?

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