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Indian Wedding Questions

slg00006slg00006 member
Fourth Anniversary
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
First time poster, but I have been lurking for a while. My BF told me 2 days ago that we are invited to the wedding for one of the men on his team, who is Indian. The wedding is Nov 8. I thought possible B- list situation, but BF told me that that this guy came to his office and said that we really wanted BF there. BF said he has to go to show support for his people that have been under lots of pressure lately. The invite was emailed (yes, emailed!) to BF yesterday. I have not seen it yet. Ceremony starts at 3, and reception starts at 6. I have no idea if this a gap or an actual 3 hour ceremony. BF says I do not have to go, but in that pitiful way that means he REALLY, REALLY wants me to be with him. So I'm going... 2 questions: 1) What do we wear? It's a Saturday nighttime wedding, but the invitation is via email. I assume most people will be in traditional Indian attire, so we will stick out like sore thumbs no matter what. I was thinking LBD for me and sports coat for BF? But if I recall, Indian weddings are very colorful (Bride does not wear white) because it's a celebration. Maybe black is too subdued? 2) What do we give? BF did not remember seeing a registry on the invite. If there is one, we'll give one of the nicer items. If it comes to cash, we're at a loss. BF does not mind being generous ($500), but I want to be sure there is no offense in giving too much. Is it a possibility BF could be viewed as "hey, look at me. I can give lots because I'm your boss and make more money than you"? On the plus side, we LOVE Indian food! I expect the food will be awesome and plentiful, so I'm getting ready to chow down on some curry. Thanks for you help! (I hope this post has the paragraphs I intended.)
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Re: Indian Wedding Questions

  • manateehuggermanateehugger member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    1. There may not a gap. Hindu ceremonies are long (2-3 hours is common). If they're including the baraat in the ceremony time, that can take a bit too. You aren't however, generally expected to sit and watch the whole time. There's usually refreshments hanging around and people get up to chat. 

    2. Black is fine, though I always vote for more color, so I'd jazz it up with some statement jewelry at least. As you said, Hindu weddings are typically colorful affairs. I'd look more at venue/time of day than simply email to determine dress (we've gotten emailed invites for some weddings simply because they invite 500 people from all around the world). 

    3. Just give an amount you typically give for co-worker/acquaintance weddings - you're overthinking. Though I would give an amount ending in 1 (i.e. $51, $501) as it's considered more auspicious for Hindus. 

    4. Because I can't not say it: curry is an anglicized word that the British used to describe sauces; it can be a bazillion different things/flavors from a bazillion different Indian regions/cultures, and it is used by Westerners for dishes by across South and Southeast Asia, not just India. The word doesn't really have meaning when actually in India. 
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  • JoanE2012JoanE2012 member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    I think it's strange that you're invited a week before the wedding.  I'd personally say, "Oh, I'd love to go, but I already have plans for NEXT weekend.....too bad I didn't know earlier....I hope you have a wonderful day!".  And yes, I'd do that no matter the relationship.  If someone really wanted me there, I would have had an invite or an indication that I was going to be invited in advance of one week.

    That said, if you go, I think a LBD is fine.  I wore one for an Indian wedding and dressed it up with accessories.  DH also wore a dark suit.  I think that is more appropriate than a sport coat.

    As for gift, give what you typically do.  In NJ, we give money, so that's what I would do.  I wouldn't be super generous and give extra just because the groom reports to your BF.  
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  • southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    Moderator 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary
    We went to a traditional Indian wedding this year and @manateehugger helped me a ton! She is wise.

    I wore a saree for the ceremony then changed for the reception. Everyone wore super bright colors - very festive. The temple required covered shoulders and covered heads. So the women who weren't wearing traditional Indian clothing brought scarves or wraps and covered their head with that. They temple provided head covers for the men. Men and women sat on opposite sides of the aisle for the ceremony.

    We sat on the floor for the ceremony so if their wedding is like this, I would NOT wear a short dress.

    $500 seems like a lot for an employee's wedding but I don't know y'all so...

    And if their wedding is anything like the one we went to, there was a TON of food and dancing. It was awesome! Go ready to have a lot of fun and wear dancing shoes!
    *********************************************************************************

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  • zizibetzizibet member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    Joan, for an Indian wedding, it's not that strange. It's a cultural thing.

    OP, Manateehugger is wise.
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  • JoanE2012JoanE2012 member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    zizibet said:
    Joan, for an Indian wedding, it's not that strange. It's a cultural thing.

    OP, Manateehugger is wise.
    The Indian wedding I went to sent invitations about 10 weeks before the wedding.  I also know of a girl at work who planned her Indian wedding and while I was not invited, I do know they sent invites around the 2 month mark.  I never heard of the cultural tradition of sending invites the week before.
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  • minskat30minskat30 member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its Name Dropper

    An invite for a wedding in a week (Indian or not) is a B-list invite.  If you guys decide to go, I second the idea of wearing something colorful but don't wear red (usually the bride's color). A LBD is fine of course but you may be sitting on the ground at the temple so plan accordingly.

    As far as a gift, I would just bring a card with an amount of cash you feel comfortable giving.  Cash is usually the gift received at Indian weddings (one I went to actually said "No Boxed Gifts" on the invite...cringe...but H (who is Indian) said it was typical). 

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  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    My best friend is Indian. In her family, invitations tend to be way less formal. It's not a B list and it's not meant to be rude. In her family, their wedding celebrations end up having close to 1,000 people and a lot of people are invited in person. 
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    Wear sequins.  Or dress up the LBD with big glittery jewelry; necklace, giant chandelier earrings, tons of bracelets, and rings!  I went to an Indian wedding years ago in the great hall of Union Station in Chicago.  Both the bride and groom were born in the US, but all their family members, including older siblings, were born in India.  They had a traditional service that was in Sanskrit, but had a program explaining what was happening.  I don't remember it taking too long.  Cocktail hour was in a smaller room while they moved the chairs from the ceremony space to around the already set tables.  Then we had delicious food and lots of raucous dancing.  And I got to decide at 10:00pm if I was going to get on the 10:05pm train to get home or if I was going to wait an hour for the 11:05pm train.
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