Invitation Wording: Divorced, Remarried Parent(s), ect.

Re: Invitation Wording: Divorced, Remarried Parent(s), ect.

• CMGragain member

  

  November 2014 edited November 2014

  davischic2009 said:

  Hi everyone,

  
  

  I'm wondering if there is anyway to potentially avoid addressing my father's new wife on the invitation? Technically, since my parent's divorced and one remarried it should be:

  Ms. Jane Smith (divorced mother)

  Mr. and Mrs. Joe Smith (divorced father, remarried to new wife)

  and Mr. and Mrs. Adam Doe (fiance's parents)

  request the honour of your presence

  at the marriage of their children...

  
  

  I don't want to have any hard feelings which has become a bounty due to the sensitive topics (and people tend to think you are picking sides). It's not that I don't like my father's new wife, I haven't actually met her (besides a quick skype call where she happened to be in the background). So should I leave the new wife off? Or should I counsel my father about his thoughts? I think it goes without saying my mother would rather the new wife was not listed on the invitation (or at the wedding). 

  
  

  Advice or thoughts would be appreciated! 

  Thanks!

  
  

  Who is HOSTING your wedding?  Is your father acting as a host?  Is your mother acting as a host? Are your FILs hosting, too?   This is the important information needed to word your invitation.
  

  

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• CMGragain member

  

  November 2014 edited November 2014

  Here is one non-traditional suggestion:
  
  Together with their parents (families)
  Bride's Full Name
  and
  Groom's Full Name
  request the honour of your presence (church wedding)
  as they are united in marriage (the Sacrament Holy Matrimony if you're Catholic)
  Day, date
  time o'clock
  Church Name
  Address
  City, State
  

  

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• CMGragain member

  

  November 2014 edited November 2014

  davischic2009 said:

  Hi everyone,

  
  

  I'm wondering if there is anyway to potentially avoid addressing my father's new wife on the invitation? Technically, since my parent's divorced and one remarried it should be:

  Ms. Jane Smith (divorced mother)

  Mr. and Mrs. Joe Smith (divorced father, remarried to new wife)

  and Mr. and Mrs. Adam Doe (fiance's parents)

  request the honour of your presence

  at the marriage of their children...

  
  

  I don't want to have any hard feelings which has become a bounty due to the sensitive topics (and people tend to think you are picking sides). It's not that I don't like my father's new wife, I haven't actually met her (besides a quick skype call where she happened to be in the background). So should I leave the new wife off? Or should I counsel my father about his thoughts? I think it goes without saying my mother would rather the new wife was not listed on the invitation (or at the wedding). 

  
  

  Advice or thoughts would be appreciated! 

  Thanks!

  
  

  It is inexcusable not to invite your father's new wife.  She MUST be invited.  Your Mom needs to get a grip on reality.
  A wedding invitation is a simple note from the HOST to the guests, telling them who, what, when and where.  It is not a family tree.  It is not a place to "list" relatives, no matter who they are.
  

  

  Report1 Reply
• Jen4948 member

  

  November 2014

  davischic2009 said:

  Hi everyone,

  
  

  I'm wondering if there is anyway to potentially avoid addressing my father's new wife on the invitation? Technically, since my parent's divorced and one remarried it should be:

  Ms. Jane Smith (divorced mother)

  Mr. and Mrs. Joe Smith (divorced father, remarried to new wife)

  and Mr. and Mrs. Adam Doe (fiance's parents)

  request the honour of your presence

  at the marriage of their children...

  
  

  I don't want to have any hard feelings which has become a bounty due to the sensitive topics (and people tend to think you are picking sides). It's not that I don't like my father's new wife, I haven't actually met her (besides a quick skype call where she happened to be in the background). So should I leave the new wife off? Or should I counsel my father about his thoughts? I think it goes without saying my mother would rather the new wife was not listed on the invitation (or at the wedding). 

  
  

  Advice or thoughts would be appreciated! 

  Thanks!

  
  

  As much as you might want to make your mother happy, it can't be at the expense of the new wife.  That will 1) impair any future relationship you might have with her and 2) definitely impair your relationship with your father.  So I think you will have to let your mother know that although she'd prefer that the new wife not be involved, that's a non-starter because your father is still your father and it's important to you to have a good relationship with him, even if that means including and recognizing his new wife as such.
  
  As for the wording, as @CMGragain points out, it really depends on who's hosting.  If your mother is the sole host, then you could make an argument for just listing her, but if your father and/or your FI's parents are also hosting, they should also be listed (and if your father is also hosting, you would of necessity have to include his wife as his co-hostess).  Your safest bet might be to use the "together with their families" wording @CMGragain lists above on the invitations and list everyone on a wedding program, or use a "no host" wording that would read:
  
  The honour of your presence (for a ceremony at a house of worship)/
  The pleasure of your company (for all other ceremonies)
  is requested at the marriage of/
  is requested at the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony of (for a Catholic ceremony)
  Bride
  and
  Groom
  etc.
  

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• southernbelle0915 mod

  

  November 2014

  CMGragain said:

  davischic2009 said:

  Hi everyone,

  
  

  I'm wondering if there is anyway to potentially avoid addressing my father's new wife on the invitation? Technically, since my parent's divorced and one remarried it should be:

  Ms. Jane Smith (divorced mother)

  Mr. and Mrs. Joe Smith (divorced father, remarried to new wife)

  and Mr. and Mrs. Adam Doe (fiance's parents)

  request the honour of your presence

  at the marriage of their children...

  
  

  I don't want to have any hard feelings which has become a bounty due to the sensitive topics (and people tend to think you are picking sides). It's not that I don't like my father's new wife, I haven't actually met her (besides a quick skype call where she happened to be in the background). So should I leave the new wife off? Or should I counsel my father about his thoughts? I think it goes without saying my mother would rather the new wife was not listed on the invitation (or at the wedding). 

  
  

  Advice or thoughts would be appreciated! 

  Thanks!

  
  

  It is inexcusable not to invite your father's new wife.  She MUST be invited.  Your Mom needs to get a grip on reality.
  A wedding invitation is a simple note from the HOST to the guests, telling them who, what, when and where.  It is not a family tree.  It is not a place to "list" relatives, no matter who they are.
  

  This. 

  
  

  If you're inviting your dad, you invite his wife. Period. Your mom needs to grow up. I'm sorry she's even expressing these things to you, it puts awkward pressure on you and I'm sure it's uncomfortable.

  
  

  If everyone is HOSTING, I would use "Together with their parents" - that covers everyone and is a lot less confusing than what you're currently trying to do.. You can list people out by name in your program.

  *********************************************************************************

  
  

  

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• futuremartin2015 member

  

  November 2014

  I understand where you are coming from, my parent's are divorced and it makes for an awkward situation.

  
  

  I'm going the informal route using, "Along with their parents...", but I think it's perfectly acceptable to leave off your step-mom's name on the invitations. You have never met her, therefore I do not believe you would be offending anyone by not putting her on your invitations. I don't think your dad can put pressure on you to include a woman you've never met, even if there isn't bad blood.

  

  
  

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• Jen4948 member

  

  November 2014

  stephaniamaxine said:

  I understand where you are coming from, my parent's are divorced and it makes for an awkward situation.

  
  

  I'm going the informal route using, "Along with their parents...", but I think it's perfectly acceptable to leave off your step-mom's name on the invitations. You have never met her, therefore I do not believe you would be offending anyone by not putting her on your invitations. I don't think your dad can put pressure on you to include a woman you've never met, even if there isn't bad blood.

  Unfortunately the bolded is not the case.
  
  Married couples, whether one has met them or not, need to be treated on invitations as couples.  Just because the OP has never met her father's wife is not an excuse for leaving her out of the wording, and you can bet he will put pressure on the OP to include her-and will be intensely offended if she doesn't-assuming he is hosting.  If he is, then his wife must be acknowledged as his co-hostess.
  
  Also, the correct wording for including one's parents as hosts without listing them by name is "Together with their parents/families."  It sounds nitpicky, I know, but there are those who are sticklers for absolutely correct etiquette who would say the same thing.
  

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• CMGragain member

  

  November 2014

  Jen4948 said:

  stephaniamaxine said:

  I understand where you are coming from, my parent's are divorced and it makes for an awkward situation.

  
  

  I'm going the informal route using, "Along with their parents...", but I think it's perfectly acceptable to leave off your step-mom's name on the invitations. You have never met her, therefore I do not believe you would be offending anyone by not putting her on your invitations. I don't think your dad can put pressure on you to include a woman you've never met, even if there isn't bad blood.

  Unfortunately the bolded is not the case.
  
  Married couples, whether one has met them or not, need to be treated on invitations as couples.  Just because the OP has never met her father's wife is not an excuse for leaving her out of the wording, and you can bet he will put pressure on the OP to include her-and will be intensely offended if she doesn't-assuming he is hosting.  If he is, then his wife must be acknowledged as his co-hostess.
  
  Also, the correct wording for including one's parents as hosts without listing them by name is "Together with their parents/families."  It sounds nitpicky, I know, but there are those who are sticklers for absolutely correct etiquette who would say the same thing.
  

  This is not true.  The rule that says that the husband and wife must be together is for inviting guests, not for extending invitations.  Emily Post, Amy Vanderbilt.
  

  

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• Jen4948 member

  

  November 2014

  CMGragain said:

  Jen4948 said:

  stephaniamaxine said:

  I understand where you are coming from, my parent's are divorced and it makes for an awkward situation.

  
  

  I'm going the informal route using, "Along with their parents...", but I think it's perfectly acceptable to leave off your step-mom's name on the invitations. You have never met her, therefore I do not believe you would be offending anyone by not putting her on your invitations. I don't think your dad can put pressure on you to include a woman you've never met, even if there isn't bad blood.

  Unfortunately the bolded is not the case.
  
  Married couples, whether one has met them or not, need to be treated on invitations as couples.  Just because the OP has never met her father's wife is not an excuse for leaving her out of the wording, and you can bet he will put pressure on the OP to include her-and will be intensely offended if she doesn't-assuming he is hosting.  If he is, then his wife must be acknowledged as his co-hostess.
  
  Also, the correct wording for including one's parents as hosts without listing them by name is "Together with their parents/families."  It sounds nitpicky, I know, but there are those who are sticklers for absolutely correct etiquette who would say the same thing.
  

  This is not true.  The rule that says that the husband and wife must be together is for inviting guests, not for extending invitations.  Emily Post, Amy Vanderbilt.
  

  OK.  But I'd be willing to bet that not listing the wife on the invitation, even though the OP hasn't met her, will only cause ugliness between her and her father. 
  
  This is not to say that I don't understand where the OP is coming from, because I can understand being unhappy about having to recognize someone you've never met as your father's wife.  And if she's not hosting (and contributing financially doesn't = hosting, of course), then yes, it doesn't make sense to include her.  But if she is co-hosting along with the OP's father, then she needs to be listed on the invitations as a hostess.
  

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• Bunnylove18 member

  

  November 2014

  Honestly it makes it quite confusing to include all parents by name, Depending on who is hosting changes everything but not meeting her and any woman would be uncomfortable to be around her exhusbands new wife. Ask your mom just to put aside their issue for 6 hours, and make sure not to seat them together to avoid drama. in etiquette you do need to invite your dads wife. Ask your dad for his thoughts there was some reason he married the woman.

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• CMGragain member

  

  November 2014

  Bunnylove18 said:

  Honestly it makes it quite confusing to include all parents by name, Depending on who is hosting changes everything but not meeting her and any woman would be uncomfortable to be around her exhusbands new wife. Ask your mom just to put aside their issue for 6 hours, and make sure not to seat them together to avoid drama. in etiquette you do need to invite your dads wife. Ask your dad for his thoughts there was some reason he married the woman.

  Actually, there are many couples who remain friends after divorce and remarriage.  Don't just assume that because two people choose to end their marriage that there are hard feelings.  Many divorced people put their childrens' needs first.
  

  

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• Bunnylove18 member

  

  November 2014

  Depending on the reason for the divorce and how messy and bad it was going through the proceedings It all depends how it ended I've seen all portions of the spectrum, If the MOB doesn't want his new wife at the wedding theres some sort of bad blood and as I said ask them to put the issue aside and not seat them at the same table.

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