I am going to a Wedding in a few weeks

psychbabe314 · November 2014

But, myself and four other friends a bit a confused as to how the day is supposed to go down. Their website says there is a ceremony, receiving line and then after there will be a small family dinner that is invite only. I would say that this means that there is no reception and we should leave after the receiving line, but one of my friends is convinced that there will be a reception without dinner? There is about 2 hours between the ceremony and the family dinner, so I suppose there could be something.

psychbabe314 · November 2014

Oops! Forgot to actually pose the question :-) Is it okay to ask the bride/groom?

manateehugger · November 2014

psychbabe314 said:

But, myself and four other friends a bit a confused as to how the day is supposed to go down. Their website says there is a ceremony, receiving line and then after there will be a small family dinner that is invite only. I would say that this means that there is no reception and we should leave after the receiving line, but one of my friends is convinced that there will be a reception without dinner? There is about 2 hours between the ceremony and the family dinner, so I suppose there could be something.

This means your friend is being a thoughtless jerk.

If she's hosting a small cake and punch reception immediately after the ceremony (one would hope so) that's perfectly fine, but then she needs to take the family dinner information off her website. But since she does have it on the website, I'm going to guess that she's hosting nothing for the majority of her guests.

I'd just shoot her a text and say, "Just wanted to clarify, there's no reception for your wedding?" or something along those lines. And if she says no, I would reconsider going, especially if you have to travel.

AddieCake · November 2014

Ditto Manatee. I would just ask.

hyechica81 · November 2014

how rude sounds like she wants to invite people just to get a nice gift but shes not willing to properly host all her guests.

most likely she is doing the ceremony earlier in the day so as many people she wanted could attend and also at a time where a meal is not expected. the two hour gap is so that her family can just leave and come back later for the dinner

that's my take on it and if so its so rude you and your friends should reconsider going. its a waste of gas waste of your time you have to dress up maybe you wear something in your closet but you ran out of stockings need to spend money on those.

it should be all or nothing ceremony and reception.

psychbabe314 · November 2014

I just checked the church's website and found the event on the calendar. The church has listed the reception as a receiving line and cake cutting observance. This answers my question at least! I think that I will have to leave earlier in the day to get lunch before the ceremony :-)

Thanks for all of your advice :-)

Blue_Bird · November 2014

psychbabe314 said:

I just checked the church's website and found the event on the calendar. The church has listed the reception as a receiving line and cake cutting observance. This answers my question at least! I think that I will have to leave earlier in the day to get lunch before the ceremony :-)

Thanks for all of your advice :-)

Cake cutting "observance"?

CMGragain · November 2014

You are actually GOING to this train wreck?

aurianna · November 2014

Ummm... does that mean you watch them cut the cake but you don't actually get any?

The reception is a thank you to your guests for coming to see your wedding ceremony. If they are not hosting some sort of reception (with the amount of food and drink appropriate for time of day) then they are not thank you for coming to their wedding and it's crappy of them.

If this wedding is at, say, 2pm, and you DO get cake, then I guess it's ok (though their letting people know that the important people get dinner isn't in great taste)

But if they aren't giving you any food at all, or if this is at a meal time (like between 11-1) and you aren't getting a full lunch and just cake, then they are being super rude to you guys.
Personally I wouldn't go, and if I did, I wouldn't bring a [large] gift.

What time is the ceremony?

Feel free to ask them. I'd be more brazen and say something like:
"Can't wait for your wedding! Is the reception at the church or is there a restaurant/hall we're supposed to go to after the ceremony?"
"Oh, it's at the church"
"Oh good and convenient! I didn't realize they had an area set up for eating."
*awkward silence*

I just like stirring up trouble though.

psychbabe314 · November 2014

Blue_Bird said:

psychbabe314 said:

I just checked the church's website and found the event on the calendar. The church has listed the reception as a receiving line and cake cutting observance. This answers my question at least! I think that I will have to leave earlier in the day to get lunch before the ceremony :-)

Thanks for all of your advice :-)

Cake cutting "observance"?

I agree, it is a strange choice of words... I assume we will get to eat cake, lol

psychbabe314 · November 2014

CMGragain said:

You are actually GOING to this train wreck?

Yes. When I thought about it more, they both just graduated and I had heard money was tight. I really should just be happy to be able to see them on their big day. Plus, when I got engaged she was so nice to me. Bought me a little book about wedding planning and her fiance chipped in to buy us an expensive bottle of whiskey as a celebratory gift.

psychbabe314 · November 2014

aurianna said:

Ummm... does that mean you watch them cut the cake but you don't actually get any?

The reception is a thank you to your guests for coming to see your wedding ceremony. If they are not hosting some sort of reception (with the amount of food and drink appropriate for time of day) then they are not thank you for coming to their wedding and it's crappy of them.

If this wedding is at, say, 2pm, and you DO get cake, then I guess it's ok (though their letting people know that the important people get dinner isn't in great taste)

But if they aren't giving you any food at all, or if this is at a meal time (like between 11-1) and you aren't getting a full lunch and just cake, then they are being super rude to you guys.
Personally I wouldn't go, and if I did, I wouldn't bring a [large] gift.

What time is the ceremony?

Feel free to ask them. I'd be more brazen and say something like:
"Can't wait for your wedding! Is the reception at the church or is there a restaurant/hall we're supposed to go to after the ceremony?"
"Oh, it's at the church"
"Oh good and convenient! I didn't realize they had an area set up for eating."
*awkward silence*

I just like stirring up trouble though.

lol, ya :-) However, we did decide that we would buy one of their bigger gifts ($100) but split it between four people because 1. we all have to travel pretty far and 2. the dinner thing.

aurianna · November 2014

What time is the ceremony? How far are you traveling?

Being tight on money really isn't an excuse for being rude to your guests.

Instead of doing dinner for a "select few" they could have easily done sandwiches in the park... grilling in someone's backyard... hell, they could have ordered pizzas. Pizza is def better than no reception meal at all). They could also have waited to get married and saved up.
Instead they are choosing to invite people to an event where they might not host them. It's just not cool

Glad you guys are splitting the gift. (they didn't put their registry info in the invitation, by any chance, did they?)
Please let us know what ended up happening!

psychbabe314 · November 2014

aurianna said:

What time is the ceremony? How far are you traveling?

Being tight on money really isn't an excuse for being rude to your guests.

Instead of doing dinner for a "select few" they could have easily done sandwiches in the park... grilling in someone's backyard... hell, they could have ordered pizzas. Pizza is def better than no reception meal at all). They could also have waited to get married and saved up.
Instead they are choosing to invite people to an event where they might not host them. It's just not cool

Glad you guys are splitting the gift. (they didn't put their registry info in the invitation, by any chance, did they?)
Please let us know what ended up happening!

the ceremony is at 2:30 and I am driving 5 hours roundtrip on a Friday. No registry information in the invitation :-)

aurianna · November 2014

Since the wedding is at 2:30, then I agree that cake & punch is appropriate.

Now, personally, if I knew a lot of people would be traveling from out of town, I'd try to change my plans to include more food, but if she can't do it, she can't do it.

She should really take the dinner thing off the website though.

esstee33 · November 2014

scribe95 said:

Other than putting the dinner info on the website I don't really see anything wrong here.

This what we tell brides to do if they have a small budget - have a wedding and cake/punch at a non mealtime. That is the reception. She is providing for everyone. What she does later in the evening with family shouldn't matter. She has done what she is supposed to.

Assuming she actually serves the cake they're cutting at their "observance."

climbingsingle · November 2014

Yeah, she should not have made mention of the dinner, and made the cake serving more clear. But everything else seems OK.

psychbabe314 · November 2014

scribe95 said:

Other than putting the dinner info on the website I don't really see anything wrong here.

This what we tell brides to do if they have a small budget - have a wedding and cake/punch at a non mealtime. That is the reception. She is providing for everyone. What she does later in the evening with family shouldn't matter. She has done what she is supposed to.

Ya, I think the thing that annoyed me was the putting the dinner information on the website as well as the invitation did not state anything about cake and punch afterwards. It did not even say it on their websites. I happened to glance at the church's calendar on the the church's website and find the "cake observance" listed under her last name as a separate event after the ceremony.

I am going to a Wedding in a few weeks

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