trying to get things done

Re: trying to get things done

• Options

  canadianhearts member

  

  October 2014 edited October 2014

  This seems like something between you and your fiance. It's hard for anyone to give you advice on the internet, but I can tell you what I would do if I was in this situation.

  
  

  First, I would figure out what is actually going on with my fiance that is making him hesitant about the wedding planning. You said that he is not having second thoughts about you, but I would still look into some pre-wedding counselling (not saying you have a problem, just speaking about what I would personally do) in order to help you get aligned and on the same page about the wedding and marriage.

  
  

  Maybe he truly just doesn't know how involved the process is and the timeline of it, but then you have to talk and make sure he understands. We got engaged early and made the decision to get married a couple of years later just because we didn't want to rush the process of wedding planning since we were so busy starting our careers, etc. There is nothing wrong with a longer engagement as long as you both are on the same page and it's for the right reasons.

  
  

  Maybe he would feel better about waiting a bit and taking on the financial responsibility of it instead of having to go with your parents' schedule. I genuinely don't know since I don't know either of you, but this wedding should be about you two starting your life together, and no one else. So you should have a talk and decide whether or not you want to get married right away or opt for a longer engagement where you have more money saved up and more control over the wedding - where he gets to make more of the choices instead of your parents.

  
  

  Or maybe you want to get married right away, but he doesn't want to plan for the next year so you can choose to not have a big, expensive wedding and opt for a smaller celebration (not a traditional venua) that you both can pay for and plan in a shorter period of time. Venues are really a big deal - ours took almost a full year to book, so I understand the rush, but you both need to be on the same page before taking the next step.

  
  

  Good luck and congratulations! Wishing you both all the best!

  Report1 Reply
• Options

  KelParedes member

  

  November 2014

  My fiance and I argued a lot at the beginning of the planning. (We also planned the whole thing in 5 months)
  I wanted to start with the guest list. He didn't. I wanted to look at venues. He'd look at prices and say- 'Hey this one is in budget.' And I'd say- 'How can you tell? We don't know if we're inviting 25 or 250 people, so price per person doesn't mean anything till we know how many people. Also- we haven't set a budget yet so how do we know it's in budget?' We had this exact conversation for days. He was mad, I was frustrated, it was awful.
  
  Then I bought the dress because he had no say in what I wore, and I could do that part without him in my timeline. Then I developed a strategy. What could he do, what would he want to do without me?
  
  Then I got him talking about venues- what he liked, what he didn't, what he wanted, what he didn't. And he finally started contributing. Once I knew what he wanted in a venue, I was able to get his half of the guest list.
  
  I guess the key for me was finding the things he wanted to work on, like music. I let him have music all to himself. And he went nuts listening to DJs, finding music for the ceremony, playing songs he thought I might like for our first dance, and booking the DJ. Once he was done with that task, he realized how long a single project could take. One decision seems to lead to three more decisions. Vendors sometimes take forever to get back to you, etc. When he was done with the DJ, he came to me and said 'What should I work on next?' Seriously, those words made me fall in love all over again. From then on, he was on board with the planning.
  
  Good luck!
  

  Report3 Reply