Menu Cards for Vegetarian and Children

cbus13 · November 2014

Hi, I am making menu cards for guests and found a downloadable template on Etsy, so it has been pretty simple to do so far. We tried to make things simple by having a seated dinner where we have a salad, main course (which is a duet of chicken and filet mignon) and wedding cake. However, 2 of our guests are vegetarians so we specifically have ordered vegetarian meals for these 2 people. No one else will have vegetarian. Also, we will be having 8 children at the reception as well, who will be having kids' meals. My question is, do I still put a menu card at each of their plates? Or should I create separate menu cards specifically for them? On a side note, I do not know the specifics of the vegetarian dish because it is "chef's choice."

BlueBirdMB · November 2014

You aren't giving the kids the option of having an adult meal? As a child, I NEVER ate the kids meals because my parents never gave me that. They expected me to eat what adults ate and I loved real food. The few times I was only given a kids meal, I couldn't stomach it and would eat off of my mom's plate.

I'd make a menu card that had vegetarian option listed below and something about "kids option available". Then put the menu at every place setting. It seems odd to give some people the menu and other people no menu. Or you can skip menus all together.

vmj23 · November 2014

I gave meal choices on our RSVP card (and verbally asked my 2 SILs since they had hte only children coming) so I had 2 veg's and a couple kid meals. I still did menu's at everyone's place setting and did not list the vegetarian option, since I had no idea what it would be. (chef's choice). Everyone was still going to be getting the salad, intermezzo, desert, which i had described on the menu. If your guest's will need to give their choices at the table i would list something like "vegetarian option available"

Jen4948 · November 2014

BlueBirdMB said:

You aren't giving the kids the option of having an adult meal? As a child, I NEVER ate the kids meals because my parents never gave me that. They expected me to eat what adults ate and I loved real food. The few times I was only given a kids meal, I couldn't stomach it and would eat off of my mom's plate.

I'd make a menu card that had vegetarian option listed below and something about "kids option available". Then put the menu at every place setting. It seems odd to give some people the menu and other people no menu. Or you can skip menus all together.

But not every kid is like you or has the experience you had. Being forced to eat an adult gourmet meal is not the answer for every kid-especially if they have allergies or intolerances to the food that's being served to adults. And some kids, regardless, are just not going to like what's on the menu-regardless of how open they are to eating adult foods at other times. A wedding reception is not the time or place for a power play over eating what's on your plate.

Viczaesar · November 2014

Jen4948 said:

BlueBirdMB said:

You aren't giving the kids the option of having an adult meal? As a child, I NEVER ate the kids meals because my parents never gave me that. They expected me to eat what adults ate and I loved real food. The few times I was only given a kids meal, I couldn't stomach it and would eat off of my mom's plate.

I'd make a menu card that had vegetarian option listed below and something about "kids option available". Then put the menu at every place setting. It seems odd to give some people the menu and other people no menu. Or you can skip menus all together.

But not every kid is like you or has the experience you had. Being forced to eat an adult gourmet meal is not the answer for every kid-especially if they have allergies or intolerances to the food that's being served to adults. And some kids, regardless, are just not going to like what's on the menu-regardless of how open they are to eating adult foods at other times. A wedding reception is not the time or place for a power play over eating what's on your plate.

Which is why they should be given the choice of a kid's meal or a regular meal.

cbus13 · November 2014

@jenni1221 it sounds like we have a similar situation, so I like how you did it. I will probably just do the same menu at each plate since only a couple people with have the vegetarian.

Also, @BlueBirdMB, while I respect that maybe as a child you did not like kids meals, I am deciding not to give the 3-6 year old children who are attending my wedding filet mignon and boursin-stuffed chicken. I assume they will be perfectly happy with the chicken tenders and milk they will be receiving. If not, then honestly, I still don't look at is as a problem. I feel it is perfectly reasonable to offer kid-appropriate food to my nieces and nephews, who are all under the age of 6. Also, that was not the topic of my question. I wanted to get people's experiences with handling menu cards that may have a couple of variations for certain guests.

BlueBirdMB · November 2014

I never said to not have a kid option. I think there should a kid option. I said you should give the OPTION. And btw, the reason why kid option didn't work for me was because of my allergies. Most include something breaded and I have had a wheat allergies since I was 4 years old. Adult options are pretty free of common allergies (not all just common ones)- a meat, veggie, and potatoes is pretty free of those common allergens..

OP, I answered your question. I suggested one menu card for every person with the variations listed.

southernbelle0915 · November 2014

This is a question for your venue coordinator. They probably have a process that their servers know for indicating specific meals.

My guess is that it'll be something like you giving them a list of tables that have X number of veg/kids' meals. Then on the place cards/escort cards, you might have a colored dot.

theartistformerlyknownas · November 2014

BlueBirdMB said:

I never said to not have a kid option. I think there should a kid option. I said you should give the OPTION. And btw, the reason why kid option didn't work for me was because of my allergies. Most include something breaded and I have had a wheat allergies since I was 4 years old. Adult options are pretty free of common allergies (not all just common ones)- a meat, veggie, and potatoes is pretty free of those common allergens..

OP, I answered your question. I suggested one menu card for every person with the variations listed.

Well I'm assuming she knows her nieces' and nephews' food allergies, and would have asked about allergies in her RSVPs anyway. Lurkers, always give your guests the opportunity to inform you of food allergies/dietary requirements (note: not preferences). Keeping people out of the hospital and from crapping their pants = good hosting.

Lots of kids like the same meals as adults; sure. But etiquette doesn't require that everyone is given something they like. You just can't account for every person's taste, whether adult or child. You just have to do your best to offer something the majority of people will find acceptable, which is appropriate (in type and volume) to the time of day.

doeydo · November 2014

Is this more of an American thing? Giving kids these "special" meals of junk food at weddings? Are some kids that spoiled that they wouldn't eat, say, a chicken and salad like the adults are? If I were looking after that kid, he or she would go hungry if they didn't eat what was in front of them (providing it is not something super gross like escargot).

[Deleted User] · November 2014

doeydo said:

Is this more of an American thing? Giving kids these "special" meals of junk food at weddings? Are some kids that spoiled that they wouldn't eat, say, a chicken and salad like the adults are? If I were looking after that kid, he or she would go hungry if they didn't eat what was in front of them (providing it is not something super gross like escargot).

Thank you doey! I feel the same way! Yes, it's an american thing, I'm sure. We love chicken tenders and french fries! And ketchup! Lots and lots of ketchup! Except my 9 year old niece is a vegetarian. So, at OP's wedding, she's forced to only eat crappy fries because she doesn't get offered the adult vegetarian meal?

VulgarGirl · November 2014

doeydo said:

Is this more of an American thing? Giving kids these "special" meals of junk food at weddings? Are some kids that spoiled that they wouldn't eat, say, a chicken and salad like the adults are? If I were looking after that kid, he or she would go hungry if they didn't eat what was in front of them (providing it is not something super gross like escargot).

If you were looking after my kid, and I told you she ate french fries and chicken tender you didn't want to feed them that and let them go hungry, you'd never look after my kid again because as the non-parent you don't make those decisions.

We had a kid option for SIL at our wedding (well I guess anyone could have gotten it she was the only one who did), it wasn't junk food. It was a more basic version of the adult food being served. Grilled chicken strips, because they're easier for her to eat and were a smaller portion, grilled veggies (same as adults) and basic mac and cheese, one of the adult options had fancier mac and cheese. And of course her servings were smaller cause she's 7 and at 7 eats less then a grown adult.

doeydo · November 2014

MagicInk said:

doeydo said:

Is this more of an American thing? Giving kids these "special" meals of junk food at weddings? Are some kids that spoiled that they wouldn't eat, say, a chicken and salad like the adults are? If I were looking after that kid, he or she would go hungry if they didn't eat what was in front of them (providing it is not something super gross like escargot).

If you were looking after my kid, and I told you she ate french fries and chicken tender you didn't want to feed them that and let them go hungry, you'd never look after my kid again because as the non-parent you don't make those decisions.

We had a kid option for SIL at our wedding (well I guess anyone could have gotten it she was the only one who did), it wasn't junk food. It was a more basic version of the adult food being served. Grilled chicken strips, because they're easier for her to eat and were a smaller portion, grilled veggies (same as adults) and basic mac and cheese, one of the adult options had fancier mac and cheese. And of course her servings were smaller cause she's 7 and at 7 eats less then a grown adult.

But that's all the kid eats? Breakfast, lunch, and dinner? Or do they just get to eat whatever they want, say, an ice cream sundae for breakfast, pancakes with lots of syrup for lunch, and french fries and other deep fried stuff for dinner? IDK, maybe it was just the way I was raised, I always had what everyone else was having (minus the fact that I had GF versions of their bread or whatever).

VulgarGirl · November 2014

doeydo said:

MagicInk said:

doeydo said:

Is this more of an American thing? Giving kids these "special" meals of junk food at weddings? Are some kids that spoiled that they wouldn't eat, say, a chicken and salad like the adults are? If I were looking after that kid, he or she would go hungry if they didn't eat what was in front of them (providing it is not something super gross like escargot).

If you were looking after my kid, and I told you she ate french fries and chicken tender you didn't want to feed them that and let them go hungry, you'd never look after my kid again because as the non-parent you don't make those decisions.

We had a kid option for SIL at our wedding (well I guess anyone could have gotten it she was the only one who did), it wasn't junk food. It was a more basic version of the adult food being served. Grilled chicken strips, because they're easier for her to eat and were a smaller portion, grilled veggies (same as adults) and basic mac and cheese, one of the adult options had fancier mac and cheese. And of course her servings were smaller cause she's 7 and at 7 eats less then a grown adult.

But that's all the kid eats? Breakfast, lunch, and dinner? Or do they just get to eat whatever they want, say, an ice cream sundae for breakfast, pancakes with lots of syrup for lunch, and french fries and other deep fried stuff for dinner? IDK, maybe it was just the way I was raised, I always had what everyone else was having (minus the fact that I had GF versions of their bread or whatever).

If you're not the parent, it doesn't matter. You can dislike it all you want. You can think they're shit parents. But if they leave a kid in your care, and tell you what to feed them, you don't get to change the rules. You. Are. Not. The. Parent.

My parents pretty much always served me the same food they ate (aside from fish cause I don't like fish), and I always ate it for the most part. I'm not a picky eater. But when I was in charge of my little brothers, I fed them what I was told to feed them. My youngest brother used to have a lot of issues eating foods, so he ate more specialized foods then the rest of us (he has since gotten over this and will eat anything that is not nailed down). I didn't question it because I was not their parent. I mean in less you're told to feed them ground glass or something, you feed the kid in your care what you're told to feed them.

redoryx · November 2014

doeydo said:

Is this more of an American thing? Giving kids these "special" meals of junk food at weddings? Are some kids that spoiled that they wouldn't eat, say, a chicken and salad like the adults are? If I were looking after that kid, he or she would go hungry if they didn't eat what was in front of them (providing it is not something super gross like escargot).

It's not that kids are spoiled, I think it's a belief that most children don't have palate mature or refined enough to like/appreciate the "special" meals the adults are eating and wouldn't in fact eat that, but they will eat chicken nuggets and fries. (Obviously not every child is like that and some kids would like the adult meal)

doeydo · November 2014

MagicInk said:

doeydo said:

MagicInk said:

doeydo said:

Is this more of an American thing? Giving kids these "special" meals of junk food at weddings? Are some kids that spoiled that they wouldn't eat, say, a chicken and salad like the adults are? If I were looking after that kid, he or she would go hungry if they didn't eat what was in front of them (providing it is not something super gross like escargot).

If you were looking after my kid, and I told you she ate french fries and chicken tender you didn't want to feed them that and let them go hungry, you'd never look after my kid again because as the non-parent you don't make those decisions.

We had a kid option for SIL at our wedding (well I guess anyone could have gotten it she was the only one who did), it wasn't junk food. It was a more basic version of the adult food being served. Grilled chicken strips, because they're easier for her to eat and were a smaller portion, grilled veggies (same as adults) and basic mac and cheese, one of the adult options had fancier mac and cheese. And of course her servings were smaller cause she's 7 and at 7 eats less then a grown adult.

But that's all the kid eats? Breakfast, lunch, and dinner? Or do they just get to eat whatever they want, say, an ice cream sundae for breakfast, pancakes with lots of syrup for lunch, and french fries and other deep fried stuff for dinner? IDK, maybe it was just the way I was raised, I always had what everyone else was having (minus the fact that I had GF versions of their bread or whatever).

If you're not the parent, it doesn't matter. You can dislike it all you want. You can think they're shit parents. But if they leave a kid in your care, and tell you what to feed them, you don't get to change the rules. You. Are. Not. The. Parent.

My parents pretty much always served me the same food they ate (aside from fish cause I don't like fish), and I always ate it for the most part. I'm not a picky eater. But when I was in charge of my little brothers, I fed them what I was told to feed them. My youngest brother used to have a lot of issues eating foods, so he ate more specialized foods then the rest of us (he has since gotten over this and will eat anything that is not nailed down). I didn't question it because I was not their parent. I mean in less you're told to feed them ground glass or something, you feed the kid in your care what you're told to feed them.

Am I the only one that thinks it is rude that you (in this hypothetical) would demand what specific food I feed your child? Is it not proper etiquette to accept what is given to you, as long as I provide adequate food for the time of day?

cbus13 · November 2014

This is the last comment I'm going to post on this thread because honestly reading these comments regarding kids' meals is making me upset. My original question related to creating menu cards to put at each seat. I didn't realize it would turn into criticism over a choice of kids' meal. Frankly, my venue's caterer stated, "since you are having a few kids at your wedding, would you like to offer them the kids meal. This is what we offer." And I figured it would be a nice gesture to choose a meal that would cater more to a child's taste. If the parent does not wanting them to eat that kind of food, then (1) they could have specified dietary restrictions, or (2) plan accordingly by bringing snacks in their purse if it is that big of a deal.

Also, I think it is rude to label children as spoiled just because an option is to have a children's choice. And it is completely conclusory for you to assume that because a child eats chicken tenders for dinner that means they will have an ice cream sundae for breakfast, pancakes with lots of syrup for lunch, etc... This is one night of the year. If the parents do not usually allow their child to eat that way, then that is their prerogative for the other days.

doeydo · November 2014

I didn't mean to criticize you or your meal in particular OP, in fact, I see this a lot on TK. IRL, though, I have never seen this kind of thing.

southernbelle0915 · November 2014

MagicInk said:

doeydo said:

MagicInk said:

doeydo said:

Is this more of an American thing? Giving kids these "special" meals of junk food at weddings? Are some kids that spoiled that they wouldn't eat, say, a chicken and salad like the adults are? If I were looking after that kid, he or she would go hungry if they didn't eat what was in front of them (providing it is not something super gross like escargot).

If you were looking after my kid, and I told you she ate french fries and chicken tender you didn't want to feed them that and let them go hungry, you'd never look after my kid again because as the non-parent you don't make those decisions.

We had a kid option for SIL at our wedding (well I guess anyone could have gotten it she was the only one who did), it wasn't junk food. It was a more basic version of the adult food being served. Grilled chicken strips, because they're easier for her to eat and were a smaller portion, grilled veggies (same as adults) and basic mac and cheese, one of the adult options had fancier mac and cheese. And of course her servings were smaller cause she's 7 and at 7 eats less then a grown adult.

But that's all the kid eats? Breakfast, lunch, and dinner? Or do they just get to eat whatever they want, say, an ice cream sundae for breakfast, pancakes with lots of syrup for lunch, and french fries and other deep fried stuff for dinner? IDK, maybe it was just the way I was raised, I always had what everyone else was having (minus the fact that I had GF versions of their bread or whatever).

If you're not the parent, it doesn't matter. You can dislike it all you want. You can think they're shit parents. But if they leave a kid in your care, and tell you what to feed them, you don't get to change the rules. You. Are. Not. The. Parent.

My parents pretty much always served me the same food they ate (aside from fish cause I don't like fish), and I always ate it for the most part. I'm not a picky eater. But when I was in charge of my little brothers, I fed them what I was told to feed them. My youngest brother used to have a lot of issues eating foods, so he ate more specialized foods then the rest of us (he has since gotten over this and will eat anything that is not nailed down). I didn't question it because I was not their parent. I mean in less you're told to feed them ground glass or something, you feed the kid in your care what you're told to feed them.

I don't really agree with this. If I offered your child a meal (like chicken and salad, in doey's example) and you demanded that I feed your child a special menu of chicken tenders and French fries, I would tell you to take your FWP kid to McDonalds. If you pulled the child from my care because of it, I would thank you. It's super rude to demand that a host come up with a special menu for a picky eater kid. We aren't talking dietary restrictions here, we are talking preference.

Doey's original comment was basically talking about the concept of kids' meals at weddings on a general level. She said she would not offer a kids meal because she thinks kids can eat adult food (like chicken and salad). And she said if the kid didn't want to eat what was hosted, oh well - because there is no other option.

atlastmrsg · November 2014

Kids' meals are also less expensive. If I would've had kids at my wedding, I'd have saved about $50 per person by registering them as kids with the caterer. I wouldn't spent all that to have a 6 year old look at a filet mignon that they can't even cut. Those kids would have received mac and cheese and whatever the caterer does for kids.

theartistformerlyknownas · November 2014

atlastmrsg said:

Kids' meals are also less expensive. If I would've had kids at my wedding, I'd have saved about $50 per person by registering them as kids with the caterer. I wouldn't spent all that to have a 6 year old look at a filet mignon that they can't even cut. Those kids would have received mac and cheese and whatever the caterer does for kids.

Yup. My kids' meals were $12 versus $32-36 for the adult plates. They were given the option of choosing between the kids' plate or one of the regular options. Every kid chose the organic chicken fingers with fruit cup and veggies over the grilled salmon, spinach-stuffed chicken or mushroom strudel. Color me shocked.

It's not about spoiling kids or assuming they won't eat "real food." But the fact of the matter is lots of kids have less refined palates, and it makes sense to offer them something familiar. Plus, THEY'RE PHYSICALLY SMALLER. Even the kids who are normally great eaters couldn't have finished one of the adult plates. There's no smaller serving size or sharing meals when you have a plated dinner.

My wedding was not the time to force someone else's kid into eating like a grown-up. Should I have paid an additional $360+ to make a statement about the state of kids' diets in America and ended up with hungry, cranky kids leaving early and 18 wasted plates? I think not.

VulgarGirl · November 2014

@doeydo and @southernbelle0915 I wasn't talking about at your wedding. If I'm at your wedding and all you're serving is fish and steamed rice, whatever. I'm gonna say, no go make chicken nuggets.

However doeydo was saying a child "in her care" to me that would be a child you are babysitting in some fashion. If I leave you to watch my child and give you specific instructions on what to feed my kid, you don't get to overrule me. Especially if I leave the food for the damn kid, even if you think it's shitty food, even if it's junk food, even if it's ice cream for breakfast. If the child is in your care and a parent tells you what to feed them (in less it's actually dangerous, ie: ground glass), you feed them that. You don't go "but it's not healthy, it's junk food", cause it ain't your kid.

At your wedding. Your birthday party. Your whatever, that's a different story. You make your menu and people deal with it if they don't like it or their kid doesn't like it. But that's not a child in your care. That child should probably be in the care of their parent at your wedding.

VulgarGirl · November 2014

lolo883 said:

atlastmrsg said:

Kids' meals are also less expensive. If I would've had kids at my wedding, I'd have saved about $50 per person by registering them as kids with the caterer. I wouldn't spent all that to have a 6 year old look at a filet mignon that they can't even cut. Those kids would have received mac and cheese and whatever the caterer does for kids.

Yup. My kids' meals were $12 versus $32-36 for the adult plates. They were given the option of choosing between the kids' plate or one of the regular options. Every kid chose the organic chicken fingers with fruit cup and veggies over the grilled salmon, spinach-stuffed chicken or mushroom strudel. Color me shocked.

It's not about spoiling kids or assuming they won't eat "real food." But the fact of the matter is lots of kids have less refined palates, and it makes sense to offer them something familiar. Plus, THEY'RE PHYSICALLY SMALLER. Even the kids who are normally great eaters couldn't have finished one of the adult plates. There's no smaller serving size or sharing meals when you have a plated dinner.

My wedding was not the time to force someone else's kid into eating like a grown-up. Should I have paid an additional $360+ to make a statement about the state of kids' diets in America and ended up with hungry, cranky kids leaving early and 18 wasted plates? I think not.

What @lolo883 said. Kids eat less then grown ups. I only had one young kid at my wedding (SIL) and she got the kid's food. There were two other kids that got the grown up food, but they were both 12...so much closer to grown-ups/teenagers then kids.

southernbelle0915 · November 2014

@MagicInk - I see the confusion between wedding vs. babysitting. I took her comment as wedding related. We're on the same page about weddings.

I agree with you that if a parent drops of certain food with a babysitter and says "my kids eats this" then fine - your kid eats that. Awesome - less work for me! But if the parent does NOT drop off food and says "my kid only eats chicken tenders and french fries because preference" (not dietary restriction) well, sorry Charlie, we don't have that in our house so you can eat what we have. I would reasonably accommodate the kid (like leave tomato sauce off pasta if they didn't like it), but I would not make a separate trip to the grocery store and cook a completely separate meal. I would tell the parent that before they left and they can either leave the kid with me or not. Up to them. Sorrynotsorry.

VulgarGirl · November 2014

southernbelle0915 said:

@MagicInk - I see the confusion between wedding vs. babysitting. I took her comment as wedding related. We're on the same page about weddings.

I agree with you that if a parent drops of certain food with a babysitter and says "my kids eats this" then fine - your kid eats that. Awesome - less work for me! But if the parent does NOT drop off food and says "my kid only eats chicken tenders and french fries because preference" (not dietary restriction) well, sorry Charlie, we don't have that in our house so you can eat what we have. I would reasonably accommodate the kid (like leave tomato sauce off pasta if they didn't like it), but I would not make a separate trip to the grocery store and cook a completely separate meal. I would tell the parent that before they left and they can either leave the kid with me or not. Up to them. Sorrynotsorry.

I've known kids with non-dietary restriction food issues. I'm mostly thinking of kid with autism and other sensory disorders. While they're perfectly fine eating something else, they actually cannot handle the texture/taste/feeling/ect. I've seen kids gag on what should be a totally normal easy for kids to eat meal. So given that, I have a hard time jumping to, you just have a picky eater quit giving in and they'll eat the food. Because just because someone doesn't have an allergic reaction doesn't mean they can't eat it.

However, if you leave a kid in my care and they only eat X food, don't assume I have that food. Bring that food with you. Or maybe give me money to go get that food. Like my friend's kid went through this time where he would only eat McDonald's nuggets with the breading removed. He'd remove the breading himself, but they had to be from McDonalds. So she'd give who ever was watching him cash to go get the nuggets from McDonalds cause he didn't like them reheated either. Thankfully he can now eat normal food...well...he still has some issues with foods but he'll eat any kind of chicken.

Of course there are people (and children) who are just picky for the sake of being picky. I know these people too and they annoy the fuck out of me. But given the kids I've known with sensory issues, I try to give some people the benefit of the doubt.

southernbelle0915 · November 2014

@MagicInk - yes, I would include sensory issues in "dietary restrictions". I'm talking picky eaters here.

God bless your friend with the breading free, fresh chicken nugget child. F that noise. Those types of stories put my ovaries out of commission. Unless it was my own blood, I would not babysit a kid where I had to make a special trip to McDonald's multiple times a day because he wants peeled chicken nuggets - fresh only. No way!

VulgarGirl · November 2014

southernbelle0915 said:

@MagicInk - yes, I would include sensory issues in "dietary restrictions". I'm talking picky eaters here.

God bless your friend with the breading free, fresh chicken nugget child. F that noise. Those types of stories put my ovaries out of commission. Unless it was my own blood, I would not babysit a kid where I had to make a special trip to McDonald's multiple times a day because he wants peeled chicken nuggets - fresh only. No way!

He'd eat that, dry Cheerios, and strawberry ice cream. It was...fuck it was hard. He's still not great with food. But it's better. And nothing can touch. Ever.

Now he's...10 or 11, so he's aware that he eats differently from other boys and seems to make a real effort to eat like everyone else. It's really sad when he gets upset because he wants to be normal. When he was little he never noticed he wasn't "normal"...mostly because small children are fucking weird anyways. Now his friends are like "What do you mean you don't eat pizza", yeah he doesn't eat pizza because everything touches.

I remember it being a huge issue when he was in daycare. They wouldn't let her bring his nuggets, and would always make him cereal with milk, so basically he'd just go hungry all day and get in trouble for not eating. Finally having the autism diganosis was like a godsend. He got an in-home respite care provider who could give him his exact foods and got to get into some therapy that helped eat a few different things. Eventually.

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