Wedding Etiquette Forum

Is this a thing?

Hello! Long time lurker here!

I have a friend who is getting married soon and she was asking for advice for the wording of her RSVP cards. I was looking it over and realized she really had two RSVP's: one for the ceremony and one for the reception! Is that a thing? She asked me to ask you ladies before she sends them.

Thank you!

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Re: Is this a thing?

  • sarawifenowsarawifenow Denver, baby! member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    I have never heard of this before. I think it is really weird and wil confuse people. Can she get rid of the extra line and just have the standard "yes" or "no"?
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
    sassyfrass2014
  • This sounds like a tiered reception.
    sassyfrass2014
  • I thought it was confusing, too! Thank you!

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  • I've heard of this, but I think it should be discouraged. I think if people can only attend on or the other, they'll let her know, i.e., I had a relative write that they'd be attending on their RSVP, then added a note saying they'd be unable to attend the reception. 
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    sassyfrass2014
  • This is very strange. I agree, it's going to confuse people. When they RSVP, you just assume they're going to both because... that's what a wedding is.
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    sassyfrass2014mhoffman17
  • esstee33esstee33 Pittsburgh member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Why does she need separate RSVPs? The invitation should be to the entire event.If for some reason someone can only attend one or the other, they can just note that on the RSVP card when they send it back. 
    sassyfrass2014
  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I've never seen or heard of this before. I also think it's going to confuse people. 

    sassyfrass2014
  • sassyfrass2014sassyfrass2014 ATLien member
    100 Comments 100 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    edited November 2014
    Sent her a text to ask why she wanted the two RSVPs in the first place.

    ETA:

    She got back to me. She said it was to save money.

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    holyguacamole79
  • At my wedding the rude-cousins (that's how I've always referred to them in my head) just showed up for the reception (really there's no good reason to let me know whether they'd make the ceremony or not). I had three people who wrote on their RSVPs or told me verbally that they'd only be attending the ceremony.

    Having two options seems silly. I would hope most adults would know to tell the host if they can't attend the part of the event the host actually needs to pay for.
  • Nope, it's odd. Harmless, but odd. 
  • esstee33 said:
    Sent her a text to ask why she wanted the two RSVPs in the first place.

    ETA:

    She got back to me. She said it was to save money.
    How does ordering double the stationery save money? 
    I think she may mean on the reception... I told her to just do one line and save on the stationery, but I'm not going to push further. I know how much I hate it when people badger me about money issues.

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  • sarawifenowsarawifenow Denver, baby! member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    Sent her a text to ask why she wanted the two RSVPs in the first place.

    ETA:

    She got back to me. She said it was to save money.
    Tacky as fuck!
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    sassyfrass2014
  • esstee33 said:
    Sent her a text to ask why she wanted the two RSVPs in the first place.

    ETA:

    She got back to me. She said it was to save money.
    How does ordering double the stationery save money? 
    I think she may mean on the reception... I told her to just do one line and save on the stationery, but I'm not going to push further. I know how much I hate it when people badger me about money issues.
    Is this a tiered reception? I'm just confused.
    image
  • esstee33 said:
    Sent her a text to ask why she wanted the two RSVPs in the first place.

    ETA:

    She got back to me. She said it was to save money.
    How does ordering double the stationery save money? 
    I think she may mean on the reception... I told her to just do one line and save on the stationery, but I'm not going to push further. I know how much I hate it when people badger me about money issues.
    Is this a tiered reception? I'm just confused.
    I didn't want to think that of her, but I think it is! But... a weird one... where guests decide if they're tiered?

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  • esstee33 said:
    Sent her a text to ask why she wanted the two RSVPs in the first place.

    ETA:

    She got back to me. She said it was to save money.
    How does ordering double the stationery save money? 
    I think she may mean on the reception... I told her to just do one line and save on the stationery, but I'm not going to push further. I know how much I hate it when people badger me about money issues.
    Is this a tiered reception? I'm just confused.
    I didn't want to think that of her, but I think it is! But... a weird one... where guests decide if they're tiered?
    Oh boy...
    image
  • Too confusing... I'll tell her she's being rude later when it's not over text.

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  • theartistformerlyknownastheartistformerlyknownas peaced out. member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    edited November 2014
    The only way that would save her money is if some people are invited to only the ceremony and that is RUDE. She cannot do that under any circumstances.

    Generally, people will not choose to go to only the ceremony and skip the reception. Since it's not a normal occurrence, those people will let the host know if they can only attend the ceremony and miss the part that's actually costing you money. My brother and niece could only attend the ceremony, so they told me so, and I didn't plan on a meal for them.

    Sometimes people must miss the ceremony for scheduling reasons and only attend the reception. But there's no need to call that out on the RSVP card because the ceremony is the cheap part! You're counting on a meal, it doesn't affect you as the host if you're a few people short for the ceremony.

    Send her over here.

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    sassyfrass2014indianaalumluckysnorkel
  • JennyColadaJennyColada Awesometown, CA member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    When I read this topic, I wasn't so much of thinking of it as a tiered reception, and it sounds like everyone is invite to everything, but I think she's just encouraging people to pick one and let her know which one(s) they are going to so that she doesn't buy 50 meals but only need 49 or put out 50 chars for the reception and only need 48.

    Sounds like a needless logistical headache though. Seems much easier to just assume 100% both ways.
    levioosa
  • esstee33esstee33 Pittsburgh member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Yeah, she needs to be inviting everyone to both things. If she's not trying to have a tiered reception, she's OK, but she's complicating the hell out of her life totally unnecessarily. Most people are going to come to both, and the very few who don't will just tell her that. 
  • photokittyphotokitty where I want to be mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    I'm guessing she is having a gap and is from the school of thought that lots of people skip one or the other due to said rude ass gap.

    I would tell her to only have one rsvp and no gap if that's the underlying reason.
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

  • auriannaaurianna member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited November 2014
    Is it at all possible that her ceremony venue is at a botanical gardens / theme park / who knows what where she has to pay the venue money per person who's at the ceremony, or perhaps parking. So she'd need to know specifically if people are coming to the ceremony, and some people skip the ceremony without telling the couple they plan to do so, so she's trying to curb that?
    Going out on a limb... it's fishy.
  • HaileyDancingbearHaileyDancingbear Arkham Asylum member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited November 2014
    People seem to already have a hard time just getting one RSVP in the mail.  Tracking down two RSVP's per person just seems like a hassle.

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    slothiegalesstee33
  • I've seen these a lot in our geographical area.  Not a fan.  Everybody's invited to everything, but a lot of people seem to go to one or the other and not necessarily both.  
    Formerly known as flutterbride2b
    image
  • bethsmilesbethsmiles Denver, CO member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    It doesn't sound like a tiered reception to me. It sounds like she's over-thinking it and doesn't want to pay for a plate at the reception if someone can only make it to the ceremony so she figures if she has two lines she will know if anyone is planning on coming to the ceremony but not the reception and thus she would save money on the food.

    I think a gap would be more likely her etiquette faux pas since usually if the ceremony and reception are planned properly the majority of people stay for both but if there is a gap a lot of people might choose one or the other.

    I would just tell her this is going to end up being way more hassle than it's worth.


  • raissyraisraissyrais London member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    The only way that would save her money is if some people are invited to only the ceremony and that is RUDE. She cannot do that under any circumstances.

    Generally, people will not choose to go to only the ceremony and skip the reception. Since it's not a normal occurrence, those people will let the host know if they can only attend the ceremony and miss the part that's actually costing you money. My brother and niece could only attend the ceremony, so they told me so, and I didn't plan on a meal for them.

    Sometimes people must miss the ceremony for scheduling reasons and only attend the reception. But there's no need to call that out on the RSVP card because the ceremony is the cheap part! You're counting on a meal, it doesn't affect you as the host if you're a few people short for the ceremony.

    Send her over here.
    I want to put my head in my hands and BAWL. My FSIL is doing that. And it's all over FB...whyyyyyyyyyyyyyy does someone like that have to be part of my future family?! Thank God she's not blood related to FI (she's the fiancee of my FI's brother.)
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  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Maybe she is trying to save on chair rentals? Maybe its common for a lot of people to skip the ceremony in the bride's family/circle of friends? Either way, whatever bride's reason, it's weird.
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