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Awkward plus one question

Trying to make a long story short: my parents are friends with this couple who just got divorced. They have three adult kids (ages 19-26) who I’ve known my whole life. Families grew up together, vacationed together, etc. All kind of gone our own ways now but the friendship is still there and it was always my intention to invite them to my wedding. The husband cheated and left the family to be with his girlfriend, so there’s a 0% chance he’ll be receiving an invitation. And since none of the kids are in relationships, I was just going to invite the four of them, putting all four of their names on the STD (they all live with the mom). They also all know a significant amount of people going to the wedding.

The mother’s divorce-grieving has been messy. Posting pictures of herself taking shots with “friends” she meets at the bar, driving on motorcycles with random guys, etc. It’s nothing damaging or hurtful, just ugly to watch, especially since it’s really obvious she’s trying to show the world that she’s not a sad, lonely, divorcee. There are a lot of concerning things about her behavior lately, but first things first, I’m worried she’s going to make a comment about not being invited with a date just because of her recent situation. She tends to make snarky comments like that and it wouldn’t surprise me at all if she finds a way to ask me about her plus one situation. I was hoping someone might have a good solution since I’m awful at confrontations like this when I’m put on the spot.

Too long didn’t read: I want this person at my wedding but I don’t want some strange guy she met at the bar with her!

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Re: Awkward plus one question

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    If she's not in a relationship you don't have to invite her with a plus one.
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    How are you doing plus ones in general? Nobody gets one? Only people in long term relationships, etc? 


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    yates2015 said:
    How are you doing plus ones in general? Nobody gets one? Only people in long term relationships, etc? 


    This is what I was going to ask too. It matters
    image
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    yates2015 said:
    How are you doing plus ones in general? Nobody gets one? Only people in long term relationships, etc? 


    This is what I was going to ask too. It matters

    No, it doesn't matter. Anyone in a relationship, regardless of duration (so, short term, too) gets invited with their SO. Couples are invited as a social unit, both people no matter how long they have been dating. Significant others are not the same as plus ones.

    If this woman is not in an actual relationship then you are not required to extend her a Plus One.

    image
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    novella1186novella1186 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited November 2014
    redoryx said:
    yates2015 said:
    How are you doing plus ones in general? Nobody gets one? Only people in long term relationships, etc? 


    This is what I was going to ask too. It matters

    No, it doesn't matter. Anyone in a relationship, regardless of duration (so, short term, too) gets invited with their SO. Couples are invited as a social unit, both people no matter how long they have been dating. Significant others are not the same as plus ones.

    If this woman is not in an actual relationship then you are not required to extend her a Plus One.

    No, my point was that yes it does matter if the OP is allowing EVERYONE invited a plus one, or only allowing certain "circles" a plus one, or not allowing anyone to bring a plus one at all. If no one gets one, then this lady doesn't get one, so no problem. If everyone gets one, then this lady does get one, no excuses.

    ETA: neither of us ever mentioned people who are in a relationship, and this woman is clearly not in a relationship, so what YOU are talking about is inviting SOs. What WE are talking about is PLUS ONES which is a different thing.
    image
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    redoryx said:
    yates2015 said:
    How are you doing plus ones in general? Nobody gets one? Only people in long term relationships, etc? 


    This is what I was going to ask too. It matters

    No, it doesn't matter. Anyone in a relationship, regardless of duration (so, short term, too) gets invited with their SO. Couples are invited as a social unit, both people no matter how long they have been dating. Significant others are not the same as plus ones.

    If this woman is not in an actual relationship then you are not required to extend her a Plus One.

    No, my point was that yes it does matter if the OP is allowing EVERYONE invited a plus one, or only allowing certain "circles" a plus one, or not allowing anyone to bring a plus one at all. If no one gets one, then this lady doesn't get one, so no problem. If everyone gets one, then this lady does get one, no excuses.

    ETA: neither of us ever mentioned people who are in a relationship, and this woman is clearly not in a relationship, so what YOU are talking about is inviting SOs. What WE are talking about is PLUS ONES which is a different thing.

    Actually in Yates2015's original comment, Plus Ones were lumped with people in long-term relationships.
    image
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    redoryx said:
    redoryx said:
    yates2015 said:
    How are you doing plus ones in general? Nobody gets one? Only people in long term relationships, etc? 


    This is what I was going to ask too. It matters

    No, it doesn't matter. Anyone in a relationship, regardless of duration (so, short term, too) gets invited with their SO. Couples are invited as a social unit, both people no matter how long they have been dating. Significant others are not the same as plus ones.

    If this woman is not in an actual relationship then you are not required to extend her a Plus One.

    No, my point was that yes it does matter if the OP is allowing EVERYONE invited a plus one, or only allowing certain "circles" a plus one, or not allowing anyone to bring a plus one at all. If no one gets one, then this lady doesn't get one, so no problem. If everyone gets one, then this lady does get one, no excuses.

    ETA: neither of us ever mentioned people who are in a relationship, and this woman is clearly not in a relationship, so what YOU are talking about is inviting SOs. What WE are talking about is PLUS ONES which is a different thing.

    Actually in Yates2015's original comment, Plus Ones were lumped with people in long-term relationships.

    BOX

    The bolded is what I was getting at. There are multiple question marks for a reason, sorry if that seemed unclear...?
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    yates2015 said:
    redoryx said:
    redoryx said:
    yates2015 said:
    How are you doing plus ones in general? Nobody gets one? Only people in long term relationships, etc? 


    This is what I was going to ask too. It matters

    No, it doesn't matter. Anyone in a relationship, regardless of duration (so, short term, too) gets invited with their SO. Couples are invited as a social unit, both people no matter how long they have been dating. Significant others are not the same as plus ones.

    If this woman is not in an actual relationship then you are not required to extend her a Plus One.

    No, my point was that yes it does matter if the OP is allowing EVERYONE invited a plus one, or only allowing certain "circles" a plus one, or not allowing anyone to bring a plus one at all. If no one gets one, then this lady doesn't get one, so no problem. If everyone gets one, then this lady does get one, no excuses.

    ETA: neither of us ever mentioned people who are in a relationship, and this woman is clearly not in a relationship, so what YOU are talking about is inviting SOs. What WE are talking about is PLUS ONES which is a different thing.

    Actually in Yates2015's original comment, Plus Ones were lumped with people in long-term relationships.

    BOX

    The bolded is what I was getting at. There are multiple question marks for a reason, sorry if that seemed unclear...?

    That's fine and I understand inviting Plus Ones in circles. My point was that relationships -- long term or otherwise -- are not plus ones and should be taken out of the equation when deciding who to extend plus ones to.
    image
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    redoryx said:
    yates2015 said:
    redoryx said:
    redoryx said:
    yates2015 said:
    How are you doing plus ones in general? Nobody gets one? Only people in long term relationships, etc? 


    This is what I was going to ask too. It matters

    No, it doesn't matter. Anyone in a relationship, regardless of duration (so, short term, too) gets invited with their SO. Couples are invited as a social unit, both people no matter how long they have been dating. Significant others are not the same as plus ones.

    If this woman is not in an actual relationship then you are not required to extend her a Plus One.

    No, my point was that yes it does matter if the OP is allowing EVERYONE invited a plus one, or only allowing certain "circles" a plus one, or not allowing anyone to bring a plus one at all. If no one gets one, then this lady doesn't get one, so no problem. If everyone gets one, then this lady does get one, no excuses.

    ETA: neither of us ever mentioned people who are in a relationship, and this woman is clearly not in a relationship, so what YOU are talking about is inviting SOs. What WE are talking about is PLUS ONES which is a different thing.

    Actually in Yates2015's original comment, Plus Ones were lumped with people in long-term relationships.

    BOX

    The bolded is what I was getting at. There are multiple question marks for a reason, sorry if that seemed unclear...?

    That's fine and I understand inviting Plus Ones in circles. My point was that relationships -- long term or otherwise -- are not plus ones and should be taken out of the equation when deciding who to extend plus ones to.
    Truth. OP, you do not have to extend this woman a plus one if she is single, but in that case make sure no one else in her "circle" gets a plus one either. You're right by saying none of her single kids would get a plus one (since they're also in her "circle") but make sure the other guests that she knows/ is in a circle with do not get a plus one, in the case that they're single. You're not wrong for doing this.
    image
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    In your budget and space planning, "plan" for her to have a date.  Just before you address STD check in with her, via facebook or other means to find out if she is in a relationship at the time and if so what the name of that person and address the STD to her and SO by name.  If she isn't just send it to her and check again before you send invites.  You never know what is going to happen in the roughly six months between sending STDs and invites. 
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    If she has a SO by the time you send the invites (or any of the adult children do for that matter as well) then the SO should be invited. If they don't then you are not obligated to give a plus one. I wasn't going to give plus ones to anyone who was single but ended up giving them one in the end.
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    I may be mistaken but shouldn't all children over the age of 18 be given their own invitation even if they live at home?
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
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    Belthil said:
    I may be mistaken but shouldn't all children over the age of 18 be given their own invitation even if they live at home?
    No, this is correct.
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    Belthil said:
    I may be mistaken but shouldn't all children over the age of 18 be given their own invitation even if they live at home?

    Yes for invitations. I don't think this is necessary for save the dates.
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    If she doesn't have a SO, then it's totally fine to invite her solo. If she questions it, just tell her that unfortunately you didn't have room to invite your single guests with plus ones. 
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