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reluctant bridesmaid

bakers5bakers5 member
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in Wedding Party
I was wondering if anyone ever had a reluctant bridesmaid?  I asked my sister to be a maid and showed her the dress that I liked at this point.  needless to say her having body image issues like any woman became reluctant thinking she's too fat for it.  She went so far as to suggest my niece to be one in her stead.  I asked her because not only is she my sister but she would be able to help with any bridesmaid duties versus my niece who's in grad school.  she thought i was being unreasonable when I suggested her looking for a sleeved dress that she felt comfortable in.  my MOH found a jacket that she's leery about.  any suggestions?
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Re: reluctant bridesmaid

  • zitiqueenzitiqueen member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    bakers5 said:
    I was wondering if anyone ever had a reluctant bridesmaid?  I asked my sister to be a maid and showed her the dress that I liked at this point.  needless to say her having body image issues like any woman became reluctant thinking she's too fat for it.  She went so far as to suggest my niece to be one in her stead.  I asked her because not only is she my sister but she would be able to help with any bridesmaid duties versus my niece who's in grad school.  she thought i was being unreasonable when I suggested her looking for a sleeved dress that she felt comfortable in.  my MOH found a jacket that she's leery about.  any suggestions?
    You're being unreasonable in suggesting that there are BM duties when there are none other than showing up to the wedding in her dress and smiling pretty for the pictures.
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  • beetherybeethery member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    bakers5 said:
    I was wondering if anyone ever had a reluctant bridesmaid?  I asked my sister to be a maid and showed her the dress that I liked at this point.  needless to say her having body image issues like any woman became reluctant thinking she's too fat for it.  She went so far as to suggest my niece to be one in her stead.  I asked her because not only is she my sister but she would be able to help with any bridesmaid duties versus my niece who's in grad school.  she thought i was being unreasonable when I suggested her looking for a sleeved dress that she felt comfortable in.  my MOH found a jacket that she's leery about.  any suggestions?
    Her duties are to show up on time, in her dress.
    --

    I'm the fuck     out.

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  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Ask her because she is your sister. End of story.




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  • mikenbergermikenberger member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    bakers5 said:

    I was wondering if anyone ever had a reluctant bridesmaid?  I asked my sister to be a maid and showed her the dress that I liked at this point.  needless to say her having body image issues like any woman became reluctant thinking she's too fat for it.  She went so far as to suggest my niece to be one in her stead.  I asked her because not only is she my sister but she would be able to help with any bridesmaid duties versus my niece who's in grad school.  she thought i was being unreasonable when I suggested her looking for a sleeved dress that she felt comfortable in.  my MOH found a jacket that she's leery about.  any suggestions?

    She's right. You're being unreasonable. You don't ask someone to be your bridesmaid so they can do stuff for you. You ask them because they are important to you and you want them to be a part of your day.

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  • redoryxredoryx member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    bakers5 said:
    I was wondering if anyone ever had a reluctant bridesmaid?  I asked my sister to be a maid and showed her the dress that I liked at this point.  needless to say her having body image issues like any woman became reluctant thinking she's too fat for it.  She went so far as to suggest my niece to be one in her stead.  I asked her because not only is she my sister but she would be able to help with any bridesmaid duties versus my niece who's in grad school.  she thought i was being unreasonable when I suggested her looking for a sleeved dress that she felt comfortable in.  my MOH found a jacket that she's leery about.  any suggestions?
    As has been covered, there are no duties and selecting someone to stand beside you because you think they are more willing and able to help you with things is the wrong way to go about picking BMs. (And, honestly, if I ever found out that's why any of my friends or family have ever asked me to be a BM or MOH instead of relying on our strength of friendship alone I'd be upset)

    Regarding dresses, did you discuss the dresses and their budget with all of your bridesmaids in advance before showing them one you liked? It's important all of them feel comfortable and confident in the dresses and perhaps you'd let them pick there own out, that way your sister could find something she's happy with.
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  • lc07lc07 member
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Is she uncomfortable to stand up in front of people with you no matter what she's wearing or because of the dress style?

    If it's the latter, I would let her pick the dress. If it's the former you have to let it go if she doesn't want to be a bridesmaid.

    It was silly for her to suggest a replacement. And PPs are correct, you should choose those who you can't imagine getting married without, not people who can do things for you. 
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  • atlastmrsgatlastmrsg member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    Some people aren't into being a bridesmaid.  Either it's too girly, it puts them on the spot having to be looked at during the ceremony, it's a financial commitment to buy a hideous dress that you'll never wear again, etc.  If she is reluctant, don't try to force her.  Let it go and plan a fantastic wedding where she'll have a great time as a guest.
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  • novella1186novella1186 member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    edited November 2014
    People are free to decide whether or not they want to be part of a wedding party. It's supposed to honor them, so if they choose to decline, it's ok. If this is something your sister truly does not want to do, don't push it. If she's not comfortable with the idea now, she's not going to be any more comfortable with it when she's standing in front of a crowd of people. 

    And side note, if the only reason you wouldn't pick your niece to be a BM is because she's busy with grad school and won't have time for "BM duties," that is petty and not nice at all. As PPs have said, BM duties don't exist. 
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  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    bakers5 said:
    I was wondering if anyone ever had a reluctant bridesmaid?  I asked my sister to be a maid and showed her the dress that I liked at this point.  needless to say her having body image issues like any woman became reluctant thinking she's too fat for it.  She went so far as to suggest my niece to be one in her stead.  I asked her because not only is she my sister but she would be able to help with any bridesmaid duties versus my niece who's in grad school.  she thought i was being unreasonable when I suggested her looking for a sleeved dress that she felt comfortable in.  my MOH found a jacket that she's leery about.  any suggestions?
    1st, you need to talk to your BM's individually and ask them what their budget for a dress is.  THEN you start looking at dresses.

    Also, having been in over 10 weddings and having had to wear dresses I was not comfortable wearing I STRONGLY suggest that you let your BM's pick their own dresses.  This is what I did, and everyone was soooooooo happy about it.  I gave my BM's 5 color swatches and told them to pick any knee length dress in one of those 5 colors.  All the girls picked different styles of dresses that flattered them, and they all looked gorgeous.

    2nd, there are NO BM duties other than buying the dress and showing up on time and sober for the wedding ceremony.  Any DIY crap that you have planned, you and your FI are responsible for doing all of that.  It's your wedding, not your BM's.  If people offer to help you, great!  Otherwise be prepared to do it all on your own.

    DH and I painted and bejeweled 21 vase centerpieces and ~200 faux mercury glass votive holders ;-)

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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