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What to do with "loud, unfiltered" guests?

KCDolphinKCDolphin member
in Wedding Etiquette Forum

OK knotties, help me out here please.  A few of the guests invited to my wedding don't exactly have the best table manners.  They are very close friends of the family, but their behavior (4 adults) can leave other people feeling uncomfortable.  They often discuss issues like personal health (in gory detail) while at restaurants or in other public venues in very loud voices.  They often don't realize that they are upsetting the people around them.  These people are like a second family to my family, and I don't want to hurt their feelings (they tend to get very emotional).  How do I politely ask them to keep topics of discussion appropriate so as not to gross out other guests during the wedding reception?  As I said, they are very close to the family and have already been invited, but I don't want them to cause a huge scene during dinner.  (Which they do quite often)


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Re: What to do with "loud, unfiltered" guests?

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    MrsMarendeMrsMarende member
    5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    Sit them at a table alone lol
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    AddieCakeAddieCake member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Seat them with members of your family who already know the deal.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    auriannaaurianna member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited November 2014
    Agree with PPs. Seat them at a table with people they are already close to who know the deal, or other people who are similar and/or are not easily offended.

    ETA:
    Assuming they are adults, you can't tell them how to behave without coming off as horrible. It's possible they do know how to behave on formal occasions and will find any instructions very condescending and insulting, or they'll feel like you don't like them for who they are. And they might do it anyway even if you do ask them not to, and it's possible they'll be even worse about it to spite you for micromanaging them.
    Best to not say anything at all to them or feelings will be hurt.
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    theartistformerlyknownastheartistformerlyknownas member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    You can't dictate what they talk about. Just sit them with each other, in a far corner of the room. Maybe with a speaker between them and everyone else.
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    climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    You do nothing. Seat them with people you know they'll get along with.
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    Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    You can't dictate the topics of conversation, but you can seat them at a table of their own, away from those persons who are most likely to be upset by their behavior.  Let any videographers know to avoid that table.
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    banana468banana468 member
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    Don't worry about it. Seat them only with each other and if people don't want to talk about flare ups of colon issues they'll go somewhere else.
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    MobKazMobKaz member
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    KCDolphin said:

    OK knotties, help me out here please.  A few of the guests invited to my wedding don't exactly have the best table manners.  They are very close friends of the family, but their behavior (4 adults) can leave other people feeling uncomfortable.  They often discuss issues like personal health (in gory detail) while at restaurants or in other public venues in very loud voices.  They often don't realize that they are upsetting the people around them.  These people are like a second family to my family, and I don't want to hurt their feelings (they tend to get very emotional).  How do I politely ask them to keep topics of discussion appropriate so as not to gross out other guests during the wedding reception?  As I said, they are very close to the family and have already been invited, but I don't want them to cause a huge scene during dinner.  (Which they do quite often)


    Perhaps you could also dictate what they wear.  Demand they wear something really uncomfortable and they might leave the reception early.  OP, they have been invited.  There is no polite way to tell them to behave in a way that has been accepted and tolerated by your family for years.
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    climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited November 2014
    Now that I'm not on my phone, I wanted to type out a longer response. You can't let these things bother you. There will always be people like this. Here are two examples. 

    My H's ex-girlfriend was invited to our wedding (long story). I knew there was a good chance that she would act a little crazy. And she did. She introduced herself as my H's ex wife (they were never even engaged). She loudly asked my MIL three times who paid for the wedding. Most people laughed (sadly) at her. 

    My aunt's on again/off again boyfriend made a joke in front of many people about being at my first wedding 10 years ago. It was pretty off-color, IMO, and it takes a lot to offend me. Was I let it going to ruin such a happy day? Nope. People judged him for bringing it up; they didn't judge me. 

    So my advice is to not pay these things any mind. 
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    Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Slap some duct tape over their mouths?  

    But in all seriousness there is nothing that you can do that won't make you come across as a huge controlling ass.

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    bizzy592bizzy592 member
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    OP, I'd appreciate a clarification, if you don't mind. Do you think that they are lacking in self-awareness, or that they're trying to get attention?
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    southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Poetry. 

    People are like "omg this poem is so CUTE! lol!" and not like "really? she's really telling me what topics of conversation are ok? Ugh, why is she so rude?"

    "Please politely refrain
    from conversing about your ailments,
    like your bowl movements or impairments.
    What is ok you ask?
    Not your growths or your gas!
    Just stick to the essentials
    Like weather and travels!

    Then only put this poem at their place settings. No where else because you wouldn't want to offend anyone...
    *********************************************************************************

    image
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    mrsk616mrsk616 member
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    I think you would be to busy to notice them. Try to ignore them and enjoy your time.
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    jenijoykjenijoyk member
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    edited November 2014
    jlemmo89 said:
    I think you would be to busy to notice them. Try to ignore them and enjoy your time.


    This for sure. I totally get you. I went all control-freaky before my wedding like you have no idea. Luckily, just in my head and in long, pointless freak-out fests with my husband. There were so many things I was worried about. Creepy uncles hitting on my friends. Friends leaving my wedding to watch sports in the bar next door. People getting wasted and falling in the fountain. People throwing up in the fountain. People showing up in not-formal-enough clothes. My MIL wanting to wear a floor length white gown. People saying things that would offend my very sensitive and prim mother.

    On the day of, none of this even crossed my mind. At all. Some people did go in the sports bar next door, but it was fine. One guy wore jeans, I was still pumped to see him. One guy fell in the fountain, and I didn't hear about it until the next day. Someone probably threw up. But they survived and the cops didn't show up to throw me out of the venue. My mom.... well, she ended up wasted, barefoot, and attempting to double-dutch on the dance floor. It was aaallll fine. And wonderful!

    You will give zero worries about this on the day of your wedding, I promise. I know people told me that too, and I didn't believe them, but the best thing for you to do is just contain all crazy impulses to voice control freak anxieties to anyone other than your fiance and anonymous people on the internet. You will be so glad you did and you won't even think about this on your wedding day.  

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    BlueBirdMBBlueBirdMB member
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    I do not lie when I say we took all the obnoxious, rude people and sat them at a table together.  We literally thought the table might explode but... they had a FANTASTIC time together.  There was a crazy amount of laughter and very loud chatter from that table all night.  Lol!  Don't worry about it.  You're going to be super busy and won't notice anybody's rudeness that day.
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    downtondivadowntondiva member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    All you can do is seat them with/near people that you don't think their loud talking, etc. will bother. They are adults and are responsible for their own behavior, and so long as you don't think they will hurt anyone (which doesn't seem to be a concern), there isn't anything else you can or should do about it. 

    I don't have a lot of experience with weddings, but I think most people understand that brides and grooms often have to invite people with whom they may not be entirely comfortable. Your other guests are not going to think badly of you just because one group at the wedding doesn't have the best manners.


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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    Sit them together at a table with your vendors and then make sure to tip your vendors accordingly for being tortured while they ate. You can't save your guests all night, but you can save them during dinner. This will only work if you are able to do your seating so there are no empty chairs at other tables so that they can move. I know it sounds rough, but I had to do that at my wedding. One of the GM & his SO, well let's just say, she was in the process of being certified as mentally disabled at the time of our wedding so she wouldn't have to work and in my opinion, she would be qualified. She was so out there we had security on alert out of fear that if my BM got to close to the GM that the SO would start a fight with the BM due to stories the SO told us of how & why she beat up people in the past. Would have preferred not to invite her, but you know the rules, she was the SO of a GM, so had to invite her.

     

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    Jen4948Jen4948 member
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    Erikan73 said:

    Sit them together at a table with your vendors and then make sure to tip your vendors accordingly for being tortured while they ate. You can't save your guests all night, but you can save them during dinner. This will only work if you are able to do your seating so there are no empty chairs at other tables so that they can move. I know it sounds rough, but I had to do that at my wedding. One of the GM & his SO, well let's just say, she was in the process of being certified as mentally disabled at the time of our wedding so she wouldn't have to work and in my opinion, she would be qualified. She was so out there we had security on alert out of fear that if my BM got to close to the GM that the SO would start a fight with the BM due to stories the SO told us of how & why she beat up people in the past. Would have preferred not to invite her, but you know the rules, she was the SO of a GM, so had to invite her.

     

    I wouldn't seat them with the vendors.  The vendors don't deserve that.  I'd give them a table of their own and spare anyone else from having to sit with them.
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    annakay511annakay511 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment Name Dropper
    Sit them in a back table with people who know them :)
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