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South Asian Weddings

Skipping the Vidaai - Help

Ever since I had pictured my fiance and I getting engaged, the thought of having a vidaai right after the wedding has been especially painful. Unlike most brides who have one, I truly WILL be leaving my family and will be moving from the US to London. I know that the vidaai will be overwhelming for my family and I and I want it to be a happy day. I know I will cry uncontrollably and my parents will be totally heartbroken. It's a happy day for all of us and I want to skip this. I want to say whatever goodbyes (whether they are symbolic or not) in private. We have a distant family member who also removed the vidaai from her wedding because she didn't want it to bring the occasion down. Every time I see a bride who is having a vidaai knowing she'll be seeing her family on a regular basis, my heart just tightens up. I understand the symbolism of starting a new life, but this would be too much for me.

What should I do instead? Have any of you also considered doing this? It's very hard for me to leave them and has a big issue that we've debated over and over. I have even put off getting engaged because I didn't want to move. I love my parents and brother dearly and we're very close, so this is so difficult for me.

Re: Skipping the Vidaai - Help

  • I can't even imagine all the emotions that you must be going through already knowing that after the wedding you'll be an ocean away from your family.  I am sure those feelings will be magnified on your actual wedding day.

    You can certainly skip it and since you've already had a family member do this, then it may not be surprising to a lot of people. Your guests will already know that you are literally leaving and moving away, so I doubt they would be upset if you removed this tradition from your ceremony. And if they are, that's just too bad, because it's not their place to say what's right and wrong for you.

    After our ceremony was over, we hugged and received ashirvaad from both sets of parents and then literally just walked out of the ceremony back down the aisle together as our guests threw rose petals.

    We told our DJ ahead of time that we will not be having a vidaai and that once the ceremony was over to just start playing upbeat Hindi songs to really signal that it's a happy celebration.

  • We also skipped the Vidaai since it is not a part of the ceremony I was too excited about.  Also, I didn't have my makeup redone before the reception so I didn't want to ruin it.  Similar to raangoli, we got blessings from both sets of parents and walked down the aisle out of the ceremony together.  Our Dj also played upbeat music after we walked out. 

    Your wedding day is very emotional on many levels.
  • Everything Raangoli and Spirit said!

    I'm sure your parents would also prefer a private goodbye and alone time with you under the circumstances.

    The best ending to a ceremony that I've seen was when my friend's 6-year-old brother wouldn't let her leave after the ceremony.  He started trying to talk her husband out of the marriage by saying things like "You know she can't even cook rice, right?" He then tried to block the door of the hall.  Everyone was laughing by then.
  • I like these options - thanks. It's nice to know someone else did this! What "happy music" did you play at the end of the ceremony? Anything in particular?
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