It's True You're Having a PPD and Nobody Wants To Pay For It

LakeR2014 · November 2014

DEAR ABBY: Our son and daughter-in-law were married last year at a courthouse. They are now planning a "real" wedding. Our daughter-in-law thinks we should pay for the rehearsal dinner, and my husband thinks he isn't required to. Please help with this dilemma. Are we expected to pay for a rehearsal dinner since they have been married a year already? -- NEW MOTHER-IN-LAW IN OHIO

DEAR MOTHER-IN-LAW: Celebrations of this kind are gifts. Regardless of what your daughter-in-law is saying, they are not mandatory. While she may expect you to pay for the dinner, no rule of etiquette requires you to do it. Please tell your husband I said to hang onto his wallet.

esstee33 · November 2014

Well, this would be true even if it weren't a PPD.

ChemFanatic25 · November 2014

That's pretty rude. I don't understand where people get the audacity to demand (not even ask) that someone pay for their event. Seriously? I didn't chose for you two to marry, you did. If I have to pay out of pocket for your special one day event, then I chose you go to the court house and pay the license and nothing more. The only time I'll pay is if I offer and FEEL ABSOLUTELY NO pressure from the receiving parties . . .call me crazy.

novella1186 · November 2014

They're seriously having a rehearsal dinner? Didn't they already "rehearse" getting married? Ya know, back at the courthouse? At their "fake" wedding?

esstee33 · November 2014

novella1186 said:

They're seriously having a rehearsal dinner? Didn't they already "rehearse" getting married? Ya know, back at the courthouse? At their "fake" wedding?

Just like any good play, there must be a rehearsal first.

wrigleyville · November 2014

I really wish Abby had said something about the whole "real" wedding nonsense.

mrs4everhart · November 2014

This has nothing to do with the style wedding they're having and everything to do with the fact that only a complete horses's ass "demands" anything from another adult. I hope the FIL says no, but only because it's not his duty to provide dinner for guests at an event he hasn't offered to host.

theartistformerlyknownas · November 2014

mrs4everhart said:
This has nothing to do with the style wedding they're having and everything to do with the fact that only a complete horses's ass "demands" anything from another adult. I hope the FIL says no, but only because it's not his duty to provide dinner for guests at an event he hasn't offered to host.

Go away.

mrs4everhart · November 2014

lolo883 said:

This has nothing to do with the style wedding they're having and everything to do with the fact that only a complete horses's ass "demands" anything from another adult. I hope the FIL says no, but only because it's not his duty to provide dinner for guests at an event he hasn't offered to host.
Go away.

No.

beethery · November 2014

mrs4everhart said:

lolo883 said:

This has nothing to do with the style wedding they're having and everything to do with the fact that only a complete horses's ass "demands" anything from another adult. I hope the FIL says no, but only because it's not his duty to provide dinner for guests at an event he hasn't offered to host.
Go away.

No.

I didn't think I'd get to break this out twice today, but here we are:

The only other people who appreciate your nonsense are the same who are comfortable lying to their families and loved ones about their marital status.

There's this thing out there called proboards and so many of those people who are into your same kind of event planning would be ECSTATIC if you had your own place to carry on about this shit.

Or you can stay here and shit-stir like always and everyone with half a brain will continue to dislike you more and more. If that's what you want, go right ahead.

I really don't know how to make it more apparent than with big text.

WE ALL KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING.

IT IS OBNOXIOUS AND TROLLY.

CUT THE SHIT.

Stop stirring the pot just for your personal entertainment or FUCKING MOSEY.

mrs4everhart · November 2014

beethery said:

mrs4everhart said:

lolo883 said:

mrs4everhart said:
This has nothing to do with the style wedding they're having and everything to do with the fact that only a complete horses's ass "demands" anything from another adult. I hope the FIL says no, but only because it's not his duty to provide dinner for guests at an event he hasn't offered to host.
Go away.

No.

I didn't think I'd get to break this out twice today, but here we are:

The only other people who appreciate your nonsense are the same who are comfortable lying to their families and loved ones about their marital status.

There's this thing out there called proboards and so many of those people who are into your same kind of event planning would be ECSTATIC if you had your own place to carry on about this shit.

Or you can stay here and shit-stir like always and everyone with half a brain will continue to dislike you more and more. If that's what you want, go right ahead.

I really don't know how to make it more apparent than with big text.

WE ALL KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING.

IT IS OBNOXIOUS AND TROLLY.

CUT THE SHIT.

Stop stirring the pot just for your personal entertainment or FUCKING MOSEY.

I think it's hysterical that any dissenting opinion is considered "trolly." Guess what? Life is full of opinions that differ than the ones generally found here and I'll give mine when and where I please. If you, or anyone else on this big, blue sphere has an issue with it, too bad. Do you think, for one second, I have any fucks at all to give whether a bunch of Internet strangers like me? I barely have any fucks to give about people IRL liking me. Either ya do or ya don't and either way it's all good by me. So now that we've come to the conclusion that I will continue to voice my opinion when, where, and how I see fit you can go google some gifs you find witty. Carry on.

mrs4everhart · November 2014

mrs4everhart said:

beethery said:

mrs4everhart said:

lolo883 said:

mrs4everhart said:
This has nothing to do with the style wedding they're having and everything to do with the fact that only a complete horses's ass "demands" anything from another adult. I hope the FIL says no, but only because it's not his duty to provide dinner for guests at an event he hasn't offered to host.
Go away.

No.

I didn't think I'd get to break this out twice today, but here we are:

The only other people who appreciate your nonsense are the same who are comfortable lying to their families and loved ones about their marital status.

There's this thing out there called proboards and so many of those people who are into your same kind of event planning would be ECSTATIC if you had your own place to carry on about this shit.

Or you can stay here and shit-stir like always and everyone with half a brain will continue to dislike you more and more. If that's what you want, go right ahead.

I really don't know how to make it more apparent than with big text.

WE ALL KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING.

IT IS OBNOXIOUS AND TROLLY.

CUT THE SHIT.

Stop stirring the pot just for your personal entertainment or FUCKING MOSEY.

------------------boxes---------------------------------------

I think it's hysterical that any dissenting opinion is considered "trolly." Guess what? Life is full of opinions that differ than the ones generally found here and I'll give mine when and where I please. If you, or anyone else on this big, blue sphere has an issue with it, too bad. Do you think, for one second, I have any fucks at all to give whether a bunch of Internet strangers like me? I barely have any fucks to give about people IRL liking me. Either ya do or ya don't and either way it's all good by me. So now that we've come to the conclusion that I will continue to voice my opinion when, where, and how I see fit you can go google some gifs you find witty. Carry on.

MobKaz · November 2014

Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. One response is bad enough. The last thing this board needs is a double whammy from someone who does not understand care about the meaning of etiquette.

beethery · November 2014

Everhart, get a fucking blog. Stir shit elsewhere. Dissenting opinion is one thing, showing up to stir shit is another.

PhoneCardLady · November 2014

mrs4everhart said:

This has nothing to do with the style wedding they're having and everything to do with the fact that only a complete horses's ass "demands" anything from another adult. I hope the FIL says no, but only because it's not his duty to provide dinner for guests at an event he hasn't offered to host.

Speaking of horses' asses, did anyone hear that the house where they shot The Godfather was up for sale??

MobKaz · November 2014

beethery said:

Everhart, get a fucking blog. Stir shit elsewhere. Dissenting opinion is one thing, showing up to stir shit is another.

You know what they say........

And, I am disappointed that after reading the beginning of phonecardlady's post, it did not have the ending I anticipated.

mrs4everhart · November 2014

beethery said:

Everhart, get a fucking blog. Stir shit elsewhere. Dissenting opinion is one thing, showing up to stir shit is another.

A blog would be nice, but I'm afraid any good blog would take more time and effort than I currently have to give it. This is easy - anything that interests me or I feel compelled to comment on, I can and do. I'm not obligated in any way like I would be with a blog of my very own. I'm not big on obligating myself to much if I can avoid it.

Besides, if everyone sat around in agreement all damn day things would get very, very boring and in some cases bad advice would prevail unchallenged. I detest bad advice being left as the standard. That's how shitty ideas take root and become the norm. No thanks.

jenajjthr · November 2014

Ummm, I'm a bad person, I like when mrs4everhart posts.....then I can watch the train wreck, eat some popcorn, enjoy the gifs. Love the "Whammy" one btw!

Sorry, I know, bad person, shouldn't feed the troll. But darn, she is so much fun, in a I can't believe she is real person.

MobKaz · November 2014

jenajjthr said:

Ummm, I'm a bad person, I like when mrs4everhart posts.....then I can watch the train wreck, eat some popcorn, enjoy the gifs. Love the "Whammy" one btw!

Sorry, I know, bad person, shouldn't feed the troll. But darn, she is so much fun, in a I can't believe she is real person.

You are quite generous to consider her a person.

No need to think you are bad just because you feed the beast. As she herself says, "Besides, if everyone sat around in agreement all damn day things would get very, very boring and in some cases bad advice would prevail unchallenged. I detest bad advice being left as the standard. That's how shitty ideas take root and become the norm. No thanks." Much as most of us prefer to ignore her, we cannot let anyone think that her "bad advice and shitty ideas" are acceptable etiquette.

mrs4everhart · November 2014

MobKaz said:

jenajjthr said:

Ummm, I'm a bad person, I like when mrs4everhart posts.....then I can watch the train wreck, eat some popcorn, enjoy the gifs. Love the "Whammy" one btw!

Sorry, I know, bad person, shouldn't feed the troll. But darn, she is so much fun, in a I can't believe she is real person.

You are quite generous to consider her a person.

No need to think you are bad just because you feed the beast. As she herself says, "Besides, if everyone sat around in agreement all damn day things would
get very, very boring and in some cases bad advice would prevail
unchallenged. I detest bad advice being left as the standard. That's how
shitty ideas take root and become the norm. No thanks." Much as most of us prefer to ignore her, we cannot let anyone think that her "bad advice and shitty ideas" are acceptable etiquette.

------------------SIB------------------------------------------

Wow @mobkaz, I never thought I'd see us agree on something!! We both think the other's advice is for shit! Hot diggity!

The nonsense acroynym PPD is my bat signal. Any time I see it, I'll be there to dispute the complete garbage that will inevitably be spewed.

And on and on it'll go.

lyndausvi · November 2014

The STB thing is so boring. I'm actually annoyed at everyone who engages her. She believes what she believes. I do not agree, but I think there is a way to express you do not agree with her without the drama.

In this post dare I say her advice was right on. It actually doesn't matter if this is a real wedding or a PPD or your birthday dinner, no one should be insisting on anyone paying for anything.

[Deleted User] · November 2014

arrippa · November 2014

pinkrevenge said:

I wish she would traverse to the proboards so we could say what we really wanted, laugh, and then ignore her until we got bored again / she flipped her shit and got banned.

You can ignore her by block her. I have her blocked and I only read her posts when someone quotes her. It's much easier this way.

arrrghmatey · November 2014

Wait, what was the topic of this thread again?

Heh, anyway….to the subject at hand, I also agree that it is downright rude to demand anyone pay for anything. I think the aggravating factors here are the fact that the courthouse wedding happened a year ago, and now a rehearsal dinner? Whaaa?? Any help is much appreciated, but demanding money? No, no, no. Getting married, whether in a courthouse, a church, or at a venue, does not entitle anyone to demand financial help.

mikenberger · November 2014

akbride84 said:
Wait, what was the topic of this thread again?

Heh, anyway….to the subject at hand, I also agree that it is downright rude to demand anyone pay for anything. I think the aggravating factors here are the fact that the courthouse wedding happened a year ago, and now a rehearsal dinner? Whaaa?? My FI and I respectfully asked our parents if they would be able to contribute to our wedding, and to what extent was up to them (if they weren't in any position to, we definitely wouldn't ask). Any help is much appreciated, but demanding money? No, no, no. Getting married, whether in a courthouse, a church, or at a venue, does not entitle anyone to demand financial help.

Respectfully asking or even hinting is still poor form. If your parents offer, fantastic. But you should never ask for money. Rude rude rude. Even if they were in a position to help you. Its not their job to pay for your wedding.

XrebeccaX · November 2014

It's a very prevalent attitude though (not legitimizing mind you). I was getting my nails done this weekend and overheard someone talking about holding off on getting married because "her parents would have to pay for it, that's tradition" and they weren't "in a position to do that right now."

She then went on to say "it's just a piece of paper and a ring anyway!" soooooooooo.

mikenberger · November 2014

XrebeccaX said:
It's a very prevalent attitude though (not legitimizing mind you). I was getting my nails done this weekend and overheard someone talking about holding off on getting married because "her parents would have to pay for it, that's tradition" and they weren't "in a position to do that right now."

She then went on to say "it's just a piece of paper and a ring anyway!" soooooooooo.

Yeah, I have friends like this. They're only getting married because her parents are paying for it and her words "I deserve the wedding that I WANT." Ughhhh. No. You're an adult. Adults pay for their own things. Your parents owe you nothing.

XrebeccaX · November 2014

mikenberger said:

It's a very prevalent attitude though (not legitimizing mind you). I was getting my nails done this weekend and overheard someone talking about holding off on getting married because "her parents would have to pay for it, that's tradition" and they weren't "in a position to do that right now."

She then went on to say "it's just a piece of paper and a ring anyway!" soooooooooo.
Yeah, I have friends like this. They're only getting married because her parents are paying for it and her words "I deserve the wedding that I WANT." Ughhhh. No. You're an adult. Adults pay for their own things. Your parents owe you nothing.

Yeah no one "deserves" a wedding, gahhhhh!

JCbride2015 · November 2014

XrebeccaX said:
It's a very prevalent attitude though (not legitimizing mind you). I was getting my nails done this weekend and overheard someone talking about holding off on getting married because "her parents would have to pay for it, that's tradition" and they weren't "in a position to do that right now."

She then went on to say "it's just a piece of paper and a ring anyway!" soooooooooo.

Yes. I've had so many friends say, "why don't you just ask your dad?" Girl, I've been engaged for two years. If he wanted to pay for the wedding he would have offered at some point.

arrrghmatey · November 2014

mikenberger said:

Wait, what was the topic of this thread again?

Heh, anyway….to the subject at hand, I also agree that it is downright rude to demand anyone pay for anything. I think the aggravating factors here are the fact that the courthouse wedding happened a year ago, and now a rehearsal dinner? Whaaa?? My FI and I respectfully asked our parents if they would be able to contribute to our wedding, and to what extent was up to them (if they weren't in any position to, we definitely wouldn't ask). Any help is much appreciated, but demanding money? No, no, no. Getting married, whether in a courthouse, a church, or at a venue, does not entitle anyone to demand financial help.
Respectfully asking or even hinting is still poor form. If your parents offer, fantastic. But you should never ask for money. Rude rude rude. Even if they were in a position to help you. Its not their job to pay for your wedding.

I should clarify a little: my folks had made it clear in the past that whenever I were to be married they would help my groom and I out, and it was an unsolicited offer. I have two older sisters, and my parents paid for both of their entire weddings (one was married twice and had two weddings). So when it came time for my FI and I to do our budget, and my mom had already sent over my parents' portion of the guest list (which takes up a 1/3 of our entire guest list, not including family), then yes, I went to them and asked if they were still willing to help out so we could accommodate the people they wanted to invite, and they happy obliged to help us. Otherwise, we would have been determined to cover everything ourselves with a smaller guest count.

Not everyone is in the same situation, though. And I do agree that demanding or expecting someone to pay for a part of a wedding just out of the blue like that is not right.

It's True You're Having a PPD and Nobody Wants To Pay For It

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