Sorry, this will be a long vent but I just want to get it out of my system because I don't want to upset my mom.
So I don't always enjoy the holidays especially since probably my last year of high school when I took on the responsibility of cooking. My dad was already in a decline and I didn't want the holidays ruined for everyone. My mom has always been one of those people who is "family comes first", "but we're family", etc. That's no big deal except she only quotes it when it's convenient for her. For example I wanted to come visit her for the weekend, something I never do, mostly because I hate traveling. She was excited but then had her girlfriend come over and almost completely ignored me the entire two days I was there. When her girlfriend wasn't there, she was on the phone texting her or talking to her and it really bothered me because when I went to leave (I left early - saw no reason to stay) she got upset and said something about "family coming first". That was the most recent incident so I have been less then tolerable of how I have been treated lately.
The past three holidays have been kind of stressful and I have been trying to put some space between me and her, just because I have always had the responsibility of giving gifts, providing the food, making sure everyone was happy. It also stresses my sister out because she is in college and has a decent part time job but feels obligated to purchase gifts because my mom constantly says that she can't get any gifts but then states what she wants. I have the higher paying job so I believe in my mom's mind it's my responsibility to take care of her and my siblings.
Well this Thanksgiving I was going to back off, not really plan anything. I saw that my mom wasn't going to plan anything and all of my siblings were in college and to be honest, I didn't want my siblings to go without a holiday because I was being stubborn. I have now offered to make all of the food and I arranged for it to be on the weekend when none of my siblings or mom is working. I am trying to cut back on how much I spend this year because previous years I could easily spend between $1000-$5000 on my family and basically deplete my savings which isn't smart. I told my mom this, I would not be buying a huge turkey not going crazy on the food and she said that leftovers are good and that my brothers will eat her out of the house. Her words were "You're single ChemFanatic . . . you don't have your brothers living with you and it's only once awhile we get together." It makes me feel used. Maybe I'm overreacting but I'm going out of my way to provide a meal for my siblings and mom. To be honest, it hurts. I feel like every time I communicate with my mom it's because she wants me to fix some issue with my siblings, provide some kind of money (thankfully this isn't as often), some kind of problem that she will lay the guilt on heavy with my sister and I, or something about duty to family.
I think for Christmas I will be avoiding hosting or at least cooking because I just don't want to go through a whole bunch of stress of feeling used and "duty to family" and spend a crap ton of money. I'm already upset about Thanksgiving and it's not even the weekend yet.
So thanks for letting me vent. I didn't want to snark reply to my mom. That would really upset her and I don't really know how to reply so I'm not. If I am in the wrong please let me know. Maybe I'm just being selfish but I really just do not enjoy the holidays whatsoever.