Thank you!

31315 · November 2014

I reread what I wrote in the heat of the moment and I was crazy. I talked to him and the feedback brought some perspective. I think I had my bridezilla moment.

arrrghmatey · November 2014

Knottie16866598 said:

I am so mad that my fiancé doesn't think it is necessary for him to write his vows down. He want to just get up there and say whatever he has planned in his head. I don't like this idea at all. Quite honestly I was disappointed in his proposal. I had such high expectations due to a conversation we had about it, but when it actually happened the first thing I felt was disappointment that the moment was really it, because it didn't feel like a proposal at all. He didn't tell me why he wanted to marry me, he basically asked if I could get used to a fancy life style, due to his career choice. It felt so shallow. And I was laying on a beach chair when he got down on one knee for like 30s. I was so sad, because I feel like the most exciting part about the proposal is watching the guy get down on one knee and symbolize the ultimate gesture of vulnerability to a woman! Maybe its silly of me, but that is all I wanted! I wanted to be private, not stare up at him with two half naked people right behind him (we were at the beach). But that is getting besides the point...
I was disappointed that he didn't really plan much, which made it feel like he didn't care enough to make it special, which I know is not true. I love him and knew I wanted to be with him so of course I said yes, but now he wants to just wing the wedding vows and I think that is ridiculous. He doesn't think he needs to and that he will know what to say, but I know that with everything going on, there is no way he will remember everything he wants to say. Is it horrible that I don't think he will deliver sweet vows ? I just don't want to feel disappointed again on the most important day that will mark the beginning of a brand new journey together. I mean there are no do overs. Its not like I plan on every marrying anyone else ever! Sometimes I don't think he understands how important this is and I have already compromised so much. I always told him I wanted a year and instead I have less than 6 months to plan, and he wanted to be by the beach, so that is where we got the venue, and I wanted to give my bridesmaids options with dress style and just have them get the dress in the same color, but he said it would drive him crazy if they weren't uniform. AM I over reacting? I mean at the end of the day we love each other and its about the fact that we are becoming husband and wife and I don't want anyone else, but I just wish he would understand the importance of writing down the vows. I don't want to write them together, because I want it to be a sweet surprise. It would just feel more romantic. Any suggestions on how to make him understand? Should I ask him to have somebody read it ?

Im sorry this is long and not very well written, but I have been loosing sleep, I guess I just need to vent to women that understand the stress that comes along with this craziness of wedding planning.

To the first and second bolded -- You need to stop watching those wedding shows/movies where everything looks so perfect. You've created high expectations, which sounds like your FI will never be able to meet, because they are ridiculous. My FI got down on one knee and simply asked "Will you marry me?" on the beach with no elaborate speech (it's not his thing), and it was perfect, as far as I was concerned. You probably shouldn't have even had a conversation about your proposal to begin with, because that sounds like you're hinting that you want it to be done a certain way. He wants to marry you. He proposed. You said yes. Isn't that enough?

To the third bolded -- I think you demanding that he write his vows is ridiculous. Even if he does give in to your demand to writing them down, the odds are that he will not read them, anyway. Wouldn't it be more romantic if he said his vows from the heart, in the heat of the moment, when he sees his beautiful bride standing in front of him that he is about to marry? Looking you in the eye rather than reading from a piece of paper?

To the fourth bolded -- This is not stress from wedding planning. This is stress from having high, demanding expectations and losing sight of what's important at the end of the day (psst, it's marrying the person you love and want to spend the rest of your life with).

mikenberger · November 2014

Sounds like you want your fiance to be a man that he isn't. You want him to be loving and tender and well thought out. Sounds like he's the opposite. You need to let go of your expectations or you're setting yourself up for a lifetime of disappointment and regret.

slothiegal · November 2014

Seriously. I couldn't even get past your first point of being "disappointed" in his proposal. I can't IMAGINE how hurt my H would be if I said something like that. It wasn't the proposal I had always dreamed of as a little girl. But it was perfect, because my best friend was asking to spend the REST OF HIS LIFE with me. That's pretty fucking awesome.

lyndausvi · November 2014

I can't relate. My husband stopped me on a smelly work loading dock to tell me he had asked his boss off for the first week of July so he can met my parents and ask them for their blessing.

That was in FEBRUARY.

By the time July came around i had designed my own ring and he just handed it to me right after he met my parents.

We didn't write our own vows. We have been married for over 6 years now.

You sound whiny.

misshart00 · November 2014

Why don't you guys have traditional vows? Then you won't be disappointed when he doesn't wax poetic to you on your wedding day.

VulgarGirl · November 2014

The proposal was not up to your standards. And now you're concerned the vows won't be either?

Can I ask...why do you want to get married? It doesn't sound like you want a life partner. It sounds like you want an accessory that will do everything you fantasized about since you were a little girl. And I'm very sorry to break this to you but, that is not what marriage is. At all.

I asked my wife during our planning process if she had ever had a dream proposal. She laughed and said yes, when she was younger she'd imagine being proposed to in December, with the snow falling outside, and the ring would be an ornament on the tree (this was a commercial for a jewelry store FYI) and then she turn around and her partner would be on bended knee.

I popped the question in May, cuddling her on a couch in the middle of a tiny coffee shop listing to an indie band play. So...basically not at all like she pictured. So I asked her if she had any regret to the way I proposed and said "My best friend, the woman I love, wanted to marry me, honey you could have been standing in dog shit and I still would have said yes, doesn't matter how you proposed, it matters that you did".

It's not the words, it's not the fantasy, it's the feelings and emotions behind it.

Maggie0829 · November 2014

Okay, so I really didn't feel like reading the wall of text you had going on there so I am going to just go by the title of your post....his vows, his choice. If you don't like the vows he says from his heart on your wedding day then you are one cold hearted bride.

esstee33 · November 2014

Why don't you just write his vows for him to your standards, and then he can just recite them so he's sure not to disappoint you? Make sure there aren't any unfamiliar words in there so he doesn't accidentally mispronounce them or anything.

Jesus. You need a serious reality check.

My FI didn't have a chance to propose during the romantic hiking trip he was planning to do it on, so instead he randomly did it three days later, after waking me up at 6:30 in the morning. I had just finished telling him about a weird dream I had, I was hardly even awake to even understand what was going on, and I looked like Gene fucking Wilder. And IT WAS PERFECT BECAUSE HE ASKED ME TO MARRY HIM.

lacqueredlover · November 2014

Um, why do you want to marry this guy? All I see here are complaints (proposal wasn't up to your standards of how long he should have been down on one knee, he's dictating how long your engagement can be and what your bridesmaids can wear, etc.)

And for the record, literally the only thing I remember about my engagement is the fact that I got engaged to my best friend and that he wanted us to spend our lives together. I have absolutely no recollection of what he said. And it doesn't matter. What mattered is that we decided to spend our lives together.

beethery · November 2014

I hope for the sake of those surrounding you that you are just making this up for giggles on the internet.

Between this, and the bullshit you posted in the other thread, I REALLY hope this is MUD.

lacqueredlover · November 2014

Haha I just read all of your other responses. You are literally the worst. Please stop giving advice. Read other people's advice.

themosthappy91 · November 2014

How has no one commented on the fact that he is forcing her bridesmaids to be "in uniform"? Like yeah she's being shallow about the proposal and stuff but that's kind of a red flag to me in terms of controlling behavior on his part...

lacqueredlover · November 2014

The fact that she's allowing him to steam roll the wedding because she's pouting about the proposal isnt' surprising to me at all.

VulgarGirl · November 2014

Yay for @arrrghmatey with the quoting! Woot!

Knottie16866598 if you plan on sticking around, I suggest changing your screen name. Cause all the Knottie#'s start to blend together. Also dirty delete, not cool, lurkers could use that information if they're having the same freak out.

31315 · November 2014

I feel bad. I should not have posted this. It was a stupid freak out and the comments definitely put me in my place.

Thank you!

Re: Thank you!

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