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DH and his hospitality at my expense

CMGragainCMGragain member
10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
in Chit Chat
DH just informed me that he has invited three people over here for Christmas Day.  I had not planned on entertaining on Christmas.  We have no family in the area.  I was looking forward to a quiet day at home, just the two of us and the cat.  One person has already accepted.  Damn!  Guess who gets to cook Christmas dinner, not to mention clean the house!  Grr!
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Re: DH and his hospitality at my expense

  • mikenbergermikenberger member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    CMGragain said:

    DH just informed me that he has invited three people over here for Christmas Day.  I had not planned on entertaining on Christmas.  We have no family in the area.  I was looking forward to a quiet day at home, just the two of us and the cat.  One person has already accepted.  Damn!  Guess who gets to cook Christmas dinner, not to mention clean the house!  Grr!

    Hear hear. With the rationing "well we weren't doing anything anyways"...THATS NOT THE POINT. Ugh.

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  • Sugargirl1019Sugargirl1019 member
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Combo Breaker
    Rawr. I propose they bring a side dish to the dinner.

    We asked my MIL last year to bring a side dish because we were cooking for 15 people and didn't have the stove space to cook everything - she brought the ingredients only! We were left scratching our head and went without her side dish. Hopefully they aren't THOSE kinds of guests! :)

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  • larrygagalarrygaga member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    lc07 said:

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    DH?

    No she's the woman she should do it.
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  • RebeccaFlowerRebeccaFlower member
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    I hear Whole Foods does amazing pre-made meals. Send DH. 
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  • novella1186novella1186 member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    Ew. I'm sorry, that's a bummer. But hey, maybe it will turn out really fun! And I agree with the PPs, make DH do stuff. 
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  • princessofgenoviaprincessofgenovia member
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    lc07 said:
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    DH?
    That's what I was gonna say.

    FI did something similar when our parents were discussing Thanksgiving plans last month he pipes up "Oh, we'll host everyone at our place!", oh we will? Yeah, he's in charge of it all. I'll be there on Thursday, smiling, fetching drinks for our guests, and being a good host day of, but he can do the leg work. 
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  • lovegood90lovegood90 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    Oh man that's annoying! BF does this kind of thing to me sometimes, except with houseguests. I usually don't mind because he cleans just as much as me, if not more. But the houseguests, no matter who they are, never seem to clean up after themselves or help out at all. So after about one day I'm ready for them to leave. Thankfully he's gotten better at asking me first!

    Formerly martha1818

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  • lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    Holds my head in shame:    I do the same to my DH. 

     A few months ago I told DH "I was talking to my aunt and decided to he invite her to come out for Thanksgiving with my parents.  Of course she said yes AND she is staying 3 days longer than my parents. "

    Luckily he is okay with that.    He does the cooking in the house. Thanksgiving will be him cooking a big breakfast t-day morning, then him cooking at the club where will go for dinner.  He just went out to get her favorite liquor.  He is also helping with the cleaning tomorrow.

    DH will say to me "oh I invited some people over after work as he is walking in the house after work".   It's all good.

    But yeah, he needs to be helping get ready and cook.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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  • cafarriecafarrie member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments 5 Answers Name Dropper
    Ugh, I hate this.  H did something similar this weekend.  We're leaving after work tonight to go back to our college town for a football game tomorrow and staying all weekend.  Car rides are seriously some of my favorite times alone with DH, we get some majorly good talking in.  A kid at H's work asked if he could tag along yesterday and H said yes without checking with me first (i've never met this kid, now i have to spend 6+ hours with him in the car and possibly hang out with all day tomorrow).  In the grand scheme of things, it's not that big a big deal - just frustrating that he does it without consulting me. 
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  • wandajune6wandajune6 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    DH pulled something similar once. He invited a bunch of people over for dinner on a Sunday night. He got an ugly response when he was reminded that I was leaving Sunday afternoon for a business trip- and still had work to do in preparation. He got stuck with all of the cleaning and cooking.

    Can you get this catered? Or at least partially catered?
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  • pinkcow13pinkcow13 member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    That is annoying!!!! FI kinda does this with his mom. I don't even have time to clean when she invites herself over, and he obliges. I don't cook though, because she is the worlds pickiest eater and doesn't eat most things we keep at home. And what she does eat, we don't have, like white pasta, chips, and candy. 

    Other than that he is good for the most part with inviting people over. If he does invite people spontaneously, he knows he is ordering takeout lol.
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  • abbyj700abbyj700 member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    I do this to FI....except I know I have to do the cleaning and cooking when I invite others over for dinner. If I wait for him to invite people over that's when we're stuck figuring out what to serve the night before or day of. I like to plan so that drives me a little nutty - but I love to entertain so I can't get too upset. 
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  • LabLove86LabLove86 member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    BF did this to me for Thanksgiving this year.


    I will cook because if he does we will have frozen pizzas.


    But I told him he is responsible for cleaning and figuring out where all 13 people will be sitting in our 800 sq ft apartment. I think he has the tough job honestly.
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  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
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    Yeah, if my H did that, he'd be the one cooking and cleaning. 
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  • amelishaamelisha member
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    Lord, you all are way less controlling than I am. I might manage to threaten to make him to do the cooking and cleaning, sure, but there would be absolutely no way I'd be able to sit on my hands and let that actually happen. I think the stress of not making sure everything was exactly to my specifications would be worse than the stress of actually doing it.

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  • RebeccaB88RebeccaB88 member
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    lc07 said:
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    DH?
    In this case, it stands for Damn Husband.

    He cleans. He cooks or he picks up the takeout.  And he's in charge of the entertainment.  His party, his responsibility. 

    I'd order pizza or chinese takeout.
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  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    His latest idea is to make it a Christmas hot tub party!
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  • lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    Sounds good to me.  It's getting cold out here in CO






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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  • raissyraisraissyrais member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    amelisha said:
    Lord, you all are way less controlling than I am. I might manage to threaten to make him to do the cooking and cleaning, sure, but there would be absolutely no way I'd be able to sit on my hands and let that actually happen. I think the stress of not making sure everything was exactly to my specifications would be worse than the stress of actually doing it.
    Yep me too! Too anal for that. And FI is not a very good cook poor thing.
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  • amelishaamelisha member
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    raissyrais said:
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    Yep me too! Too anal for that. And FI is not a very good cook poor thing.

    Mine got himself through university as a line cook so he makes a good sous chef for me at home, but he's not much good if he doesn't get very specific instructions. Excellent to have around for grilling, prep work, and stirring though, haha.

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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    His invite, his responsibility.
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  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    We are having trouble with Thanksgiving dinner, too.  We have a total of 8 people - no kids.  DH impulsively invited another man at church Sunday without checking.  He is mentally ill, but harmless.  One of my guests has had many dealings with him, and doesn't want him to come.  It reminds me of the brides who worry about people who don't get along coming to their wedding.
    If he shows, then he shows.  I won't turn him away, but I only have a service for 8, and I will have to get out the card table to fit him in.  We'll see what happens!
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  • BlergbotBlergbot member
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    edited November 2014
    Your H sounds like a kind and genrous man...in theory. He means well, but he also means that you should do the work. It's a problem, and I hope you enlighten him--particularly given the fact that you may not be up for hosting 8 people.

    As for the Hot Tub party idea, just don't do this (second question down): 
    http://www.slate.com/articles/life/dear_prudence/2014/11/dear_prudence_our_midwives_are_anti_vaccination_activists_should_we_fire.2.html
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  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    LOL!  Thank you for that!  DH loves that hot tub, but I don't think he would want to go naked in front of our church friends.  We were inviting the pastor!
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  • melbensomelbenso member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Third Anniversary First Answer
    CMGragain said:
    DH just informed me that he has invited three people over here for Christmas Day.  I had not planned on entertaining on Christmas.  We have no family in the area.  I was looking forward to a quiet day at home, just the two of us and the cat.  One person has already accepted.  Damn!  Guess who gets to cook Christmas dinner, not to mention clean the house!  Grr!
    Sounds to me like your husband gets to cook Christmas dinner and clean the house.  :)
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