To invite or not to invite?

Re: To invite or not to invite?

• lc07 member

  

  November 2014

  ChristinaS85 said:

  So my FI and I were going through our guest list last night.  He didn't really say anything about the people listed except for one girl on my list.

  
  

  I was friends with this girl back in high school.  We went our separate ways after that, but we still kept in touch via Myspace and Facebook.  I still consider her a good friend, even though we don't talk to each other too often.  Maybe on Facebook once or twice every couple months.

  
  

  So why does he not want her coming to the wedding?

  
  

  Because he went out on a date with her back in college.
  

  
  

  ONE DATE.  ONE DATE THAT DIDN'T WORK OUT. 
  

  
  

  That is it.
  

  
  

  I was surprised to say the least, but I am not upset over it.  This happened WAY before we met.  Like SEVEN years before we met.
  

  
  

  I think he is silly for not wanting her to come to the wedding.  I don't know if it's because it will bring back bad memories (he didn't tell me how their date went), or if it's because he's nervous about seeing her again, or if it will create an awkward situation between the three of us.
  

  
  

  I want to invite her to the wedding, because she was such a good friend to me, but I don't want to go against my FI's wishes, either.
  

  
  

  What would you do?
  

  
  How long have you and your FI been together? How has your friendship with her not come up before?

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• Nymeru member

  

  November 2014

  I'd hash it out with your FI and see what the real reason is.  It seems a little odd that he is so bent out of shape about a girl he dated once. 
  
  In the scheme of things though, chances are, you'll be so busy at the wedding that you'll hardly see her at all, so if he is really unhappy with her being there, I'd nix her off of the list.  There will be enough drama around the wedding without creating more over one guest.
  

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• loro929 member

  

  November 2014

  Nymeru said:

  I'd hash it out with your FI and see what the real reason is.  It seems a little odd that he is so bent out of shape about a girl he dated once. 
  
  In the scheme of things though, chances are, you'll be so busy at the wedding that you'll hardly see her at all, so if he is really unhappy with her being there, I'd nix her off of the list.  There will be enough drama around the wedding without creating more over one guest.
  

  This. There might be something else going on that makes him feel uncomfortable. I know that on our wedding day I want both of us to feel as comfortable as possible. So I think that a good heart to heart with your FI to see why it is bothering him plus considering how much you are willing to possibly give up his comfort to have her come might help come to a solution.

  

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• Maggie0829 member

  

  November 2014

  Honestly, you rarely talk to this person and when you do it is over FB.  Sorry but that to me does not signify and good friend.  That signifies a high school acquaintance that you have decided to randomly keep in touch with.  And if this girls name has never come up in conversation with your FI until now then again I question how good of friends you really are.

  
  

  Personally I wouldn't invite her because A) your FI is uncomfortable with it and someone that you only talk to on FB once every couple of months does not seem like a close enough person to invite to your wedding.

  
  

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• theartistformerlyknownas member

  

  November 2014

  Maggie0829 said:

  Honestly, you rarely talk to this person and when you do it is over FB.  Sorry but that to me does not signify and good friend.  That signifies a high school acquaintance that you have decided to randomly keep in touch with.  And if this girls name has never come up in conversation with your FI until now then again I question how good of friends you really are.

  
  

  Personally I wouldn't invite her because A) your FI is uncomfortable with it and someone that you only talk to on FB once every couple of months does not seem like a close enough person to invite to your wedding.

  This. I don't know why this is a fight worth having, when you rarely speak to her. Even if the reason he's uncomfortable with her is a tiny, seemingly senseless reason, you don't have much of a leg to stand on TO invite her.

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• peachy13 member

  

  November 2014

  Agreeing with Maggie on this one. I have a very similar-sounding relationship with a girl I went to HS with and used to be pretty good friends with. We drifted apart after HS and college and it would honestly be a huge stretch for me to invite her to my wedding. 

  
  

  It doesn't sound like you're really that close to this person, and if your FI is not comfortable with having her there, I would say don't invite.

  
  
  
  

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• lovegood90 member

  

  November 2014 edited November 2014

  Agree with everyone else. Also, wouldn't you want your FI to do you the same courtesy of making you feel comfortable at your own wedding, even if it's for a seemingly small reason?

  Formerly martha1818

  

  
  

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• loveislouder member

  

  November 2014

  ChristinaS85 said:

  So my FI and I were going through our guest list last night.  He didn't really say anything about the people listed except for one girl on my list.

  
  

  I was friends with this girl back in high school.  We went our separate ways after that, but we still kept in touch via Myspace and Facebook.  I still consider her a good friend, even though we don't talk to each other too often.  Maybe on Facebook once or twice every couple months.

  
  

  So why does he not want her coming to the wedding?

  
  

  Because he went out on a date with her back in college.
  

  
  

  ONE DATE.  ONE DATE THAT DIDN'T WORK OUT. 
  

  
  

  That is it.
  

  
  

  I was surprised to say the least, but I am not upset over it.  This happened WAY before we met.  Like SEVEN years before we met.
  

  
  

  I think he is silly for not wanting her to come to the wedding.  I don't know if it's because it will bring back bad memories (he didn't tell me how their date went), or if it's because he's nervous about seeing her again, or if it will create an awkward situation between the three of us.
  

  
  

  I want to invite her to the wedding, because she was such a good friend to me, but I don't want to go against my FI's wishes, either.
  

  
  

  What would you do?
  

  I'm thinking it might be that there's more to the story. This is not the reaction someone would have to one bad date.
  

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• jacques27 member

  

  November 2014 edited November 2014

  ChristinaS85 said:

  So my FI and I were going through our guest list last night.  He didn't really say anything about the people listed except for one girl on my list.

  
  

  I was friends with this girl back in high school.  We went our separate ways after that, but we still kept in touch via Myspace and Facebook.  I still consider her a good friend, even though we don't talk to each other too often.  Maybe on Facebook once or twice every couple months.

  
  

  So why does he not want her coming to the wedding?

  
  

  Because he went out on a date with her back in college.
  

  
  

  ONE DATE.  ONE DATE THAT DIDN'T WORK OUT. 
  

  
  

  That is it.
  

  
  

  I was surprised to say the least, but I am not upset over it.  This happened WAY before we met.  Like SEVEN years before we met.
  

  
  

  I think he is silly for not wanting her to come to the wedding.  I don't know if it's because it will bring back bad memories (he didn't tell me how their date went), or if it's because he's nervous about seeing her again, or if it will create an awkward situation between the three of us.
  

  
  

  I want to invite her to the wedding, because she was such a good friend to me, but I don't want to go against my FI's wishes, either.
  

  
  

  What would you do?
  

  You used past tense.  So what is she to you currently?
  
  There are lots of people in high school and college I would have considered good friends at the time.  And I'm sure if we ever cross paths we will have a nice time catching up and maybe periodically exchange sentiments over social media.  But there's a difference between being friends and being friendly.  I wouldn't invite these people to my wedding to honor of what we once had, as lovely as that once was, if the current relationship didn't support it (i.e. is this a friend I could call if stranded on the side of the road or call in the middle of the night if I had a family emergency, etc.).
  
  So, while I kind of think your FI has a bit of a lameduck excuse (I mean one date over seven years ago seems like a pretty insignificant thing to still be holding on to unless he was secretly pining for her for years and that date went horribly wrong), nothing in your post suggests to me that this is a good enough of a friend to make this the hill you want to die on.  But only you really know how good of a relationship this really is - I have one or two friends where we just pick up where we left off even if it's been months, but I think that is the exception rather than the rule with Facebook "friends" usually.
  

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• esstee33 member

  

  November 2014

  Yeah, I'd really rather err on the side of caution and NOT invite someone I'm not even close to that my FI expressly asked to not invite.

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• ChristinaS85 member

  

  November 2014

  Thanks for the replies everyone.

  
  

  I do agree with you all.  This is our wedding day, and I don't want either of us feeling uneasy or uncomfortable with a guest that we don't want there.  So yeah, I'm nixing her from the list.  You want people there who are closest to you, not people who are distant and only talk to you once in a blue moon.  And whatever his reasoning is as to why he doesn't want her there, I am not going to go against him.  I am going to respect his wishes.

  
  

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