Wedding 911

What can my 16 year cousin role be in my bridal party.

I got engaged over a year ago and my wedding is five months form now. When I got engaged it was a big family event with a lot of extended family around. Well, apparently on that day my mother promised my 16 year old cousin that she could be part of my bridal party. There problem is that I already have 10 people lined up for my bridesmaids, we been friends since middle school, and my fiancé only has five so adding more to my side seems unfair.

Now that my know my cousin has been looking forward to this for a year I can't take it away form her (I could just imagine how ecstatic I would have been when I was 16 to get a chance to dress up and wear a fancy dress) and I don't mind her being a part of the wedding I just need a role for her to play. I feel that Jr. bridesmaid and flower girl are for younger girls but there has got to be position for her.

Does anyone have any creative ideas they are doing or have seen done before?

Re: What can my 16 year cousin role be in my bridal party.

  • IrishPirate60IrishPirate60 Clare Island member
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    Can she do a reading during the ceremony?
    OliveOilsMomsouthernbelle0915chibiyui
  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 a taco truck in Houston member
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    ceebs87 said:

    I got engaged over a year ago and my wedding is five months form now. When I got engaged it was a big family event with a lot of extended family around. Well, apparently on that day my mother promised my 16 year old cousin that she could be part of my bridal party. There problem is that I already have 10 people lined up for my bridesmaids, we been friends since middle school, and my fiancé only has five so adding more to my side seems unfair.

    Now that my know my cousin has been looking forward to this for a year I can't take it away form her (I could just imagine how ecstatic I would have been when I was 16 to get a chance to dress up and wear a fancy dress) and I don't mind her being a part of the wedding I just need a role for her to play. I feel that Jr. bridesmaid and flower girl are for younger girls but there has got to be position for her.

    Does anyone have any creative ideas they are doing or have seen done before?

    That's nice that you're trying to include her, but you really don't NEED a role for her. I like @IrishPirate60‌ 's idea of her doing a reading. Other than that, you can invite her to join you when you're getting ready or give her a corsage. Your mom shouldn't have made that promise to her, though
    OliveOilsMomdoeydochibiyui
  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest member
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    My sister is 17 - 16 is old enough to understand the situation and that she isn't owed inclusion in the bridal party no matter what your mom said. It's also possible that she's totally forgotten about this, depending on how you discovered this blunder's existence. Who brought this up to you?

    Are you close to this cousin? If so, you can find a ceremony role or just include her in preparations like PPs said. If not, you don't need to find her any role, you don't owe an explanation, and she shouldn't bring it up.
    doeydo
  • I think IrishPirate's suggestion of reader is the only one left if you don't want an eleventh bridesmaid.  If your cousin is musically inclined, you might ask her to perform during your ceremony.

    Any other roles I can think of would be contingent on the type of service you were having, such as asking people to participate in the presentation of the gifts in a Catholic ceremony.
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  • Oh, for heaven's sake. Make the girl a bridesmaid. Seriously, is there a huge difference between 10 bridesmaids and 11? 
  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 a taco truck in Houston member
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    Oh, for heaven's sake. Make the girl a bridesmaid. Seriously, is there a huge difference between 10 bridesmaids and 11? 
    Well, that's another bouquet and bridesmaid gift to purchase.  That stuff adds up fast. 
  • OP mentioned that she had no problem with her cousin being in the wedding party, has no intention of taking the offer away from her, and would be fine with her being a "Junior Bridesmaid" (still another bouquet etc.) but she felt 16 was too old for that. 

    The only objection she actually voices is one of numbers. FI has five, she has ten. If that truly is her only objection, then why not?

    No, mom shouldn't have offered. But if it isn't the OP's intention to revoke the offer, then why not? Better than getting creative and calling her a "flower maiden" or some such nonsense.
    ReginaLambert13
  • NYCMercedesNYCMercedes BOS, NYC, DC. Forever a city girl member
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    edited October 2014
    Your only choices are BM or reader (or nothing, I guess). What was your mom thinking?
  • @ceebs87 I'm having a 14 year old cousin as a junior bridesmaid. Her older sister is a bridesmaid and her younger sister is a flower girl. I didn't feel I could keep her out of the bridal party without hurting her feelings, yet I didn't feel she was quite old enough to be a bridesmaid.

    She attended my shower and sat at the bridal party table with us, she did not attend my bachelorette party. She will join us a couple of hours after the rest of the bridal party for getting ready the morning of the wedding, so she'll be in some of the getting ready pictures, but doesn't have to be there all morning. She is standing up with the rest of the bridesmaids, but will be walking down the aisle by herself. She is sitting at the wedding party table at the wedding. It makes it a little uneven, but all in all, I'm not too concerned. My cousin is thrilled to be included and is taking it very seriously.

    I 100% agree that your mother should not have, under any circumstances, promised anyone they would be a part of the wedding. I'm sorry you're in this situation, and I think it's great that you're trying to think about your cousin's feelings. Do what feels right for you, your fiancé, and your wedding. I don't think anyone would notice or really care if you have 11 bridesmaids instead of 10 to your fiancé's 5, nor do I think anyone would think anything of you making your cousin a junior bridesmaid. If neither of those options work for you, making her a reader and maybe getting her a wrist corsage to signify her as "someone special" could go a long way toward making her feel included.

  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 a taco truck in Houston member
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    mego2708 said:

    @ceebs87 I'm having a 14 year old cousin as a junior bridesmaid. Her older sister is a bridesmaid and her younger sister is a flower girl. I didn't feel I could keep her out of the bridal party without hurting her feelings, yet I didn't feel she was quite old enough to be a bridesmaid.

    She attended my shower and sat at the bridal party table with us, she did not attend my bachelorette party. She will join us a couple of hours after the rest of the bridal party for getting ready the morning of the wedding, so she'll be in some of the getting ready pictures, but doesn't have to be there all morning. She is standing up with the rest of the bridesmaids, but will be walking down the aisle by herself. She is sitting at the wedding party table at the wedding. It makes it a little uneven, but all in all, I'm not too concerned. My cousin is thrilled to be included and is taking it very seriously.

    I 100% agree that your mother should not have, under any circumstances, promised anyone they would be a part of the wedding. I'm sorry you're in this situation, and I think it's great that you're trying to think about your cousin's feelings. Do what feels right for you, your fiancé, and your wedding. I don't think anyone would notice or really care if you have 11 bridesmaids instead of 10 to your fiancé's 5, nor do I think anyone would think anything of you making your cousin a junior bridesmaid. If neither of those options work for you, making her a reader and maybe getting her a wrist corsage to signify her as "someone special" could go a long way toward making her feel included.

    Why not just call her a bridesmaid?  All she really has to do is purchase a dress and stand at the wedding.  Anyone can do that.
    southernbelle0915[Deleted User]JCbride2015
  • lovesclimbinglovesclimbing Alaska member
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    My 12-year-old sister was a bridesmaid.  16 is way too old to be a jr. bridesmaid, in my opinion.

  • Especially since "junior bridesmaid" is not a thing.
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    [Deleted User]JCbride2015slothiegal
  • JCbride2015JCbride2015 Dirty Jerz member
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    My cousin will be 15 when she stands up as a BM in our wedding.  And we have uneven sides!  Quelle horreur!  AND Fi might have his sister be his best woman!  We're doing it all wrong, apparently!

    Seriously, 11 BMs and 5 GM is totally fine.  15 is old enough to be a BM.  She would love that.
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    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

    mego2708
  • To me, doing a reading isn't being in the wedding party.  So if you really don't want to disappoint her then I wouldn't go that way.  Also, I have never really understood the point of junior bridesmaids.  To each his own, but to me either someone is little in which case they can be a flower girl etc or if they are older just make them a BM.  I mean when I was 12 and in my sisters wedding for example if someone had called me a junior BM I would have been really deflated.  At that age you are trying so hard to be grown up and to slap that title on there for no reason I just don't see the point.  They still wear the dress, they still walk the same way and do the same things so why hurt their feelings?  I know sometimes they wear different dresses and don't always participate in all the activities like the bachelorette but I would personally just get them their own dress and explain that that particular party was for the over 21 crowd.  That seems a little less stinging than putting a whole separate kids title on them.  Again, just me, but at any age that I was old enough to be a bridesmaid I would have hated that and any of the kids in my family would too.

    I would make her a BM personally.  Yes, it adds to the cost a bit but it seems like the major issue here was the uneveness.  Honestly, 10 vs 11 is not going to be noticeable but I might make a point to mention it to mom that you'd prefer if she ran things past you since this wasn't a change you were expecting and you are going to do it to not hurt the girls feelings and disappoint her but that you don't want any more surprises.
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