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Help! Downsizing!

robinettearobinettea member
First Comment First Anniversary
in Wedding 911
My fiance and I have a rather large wedding planned for my grandfather's birthday in May of 2015. I have always wanted a small, simple wedding and always assumed he wanted something bigger. Somehow, our wedding turned into 250+ guests, etc. We both realized it isn't what we want. Instead, we would rather move the wedding date up. We have been together almost 9 years. We are ready. So my question(s) are: (1) How do I properly announce to my family that we have decided not to celebrate our day on my Grandfather's birthday and (2) How do we tell our wedding party that we have downsized and have decided on no bridesmaids/groomsmen (All bridesmaids have been formerly asked). Thank you! Any advice would be greatly appreciated! #inabind
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Re: Help! Downsizing!

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    AddieCakeAddieCake member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Send out notices to anyone previously invited that "The wedding of x and x will not take place as planned." For immediate family, just get together with or call them and tell them straight up.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    pineapplesmoothiepineapplesmoothie member
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    robinettea said:
    My fiance and I have a rather large wedding planned for my grandfather's birthday in May of 2015. I have always wanted a small, simple wedding and always assumed he wanted something bigger. Somehow, our wedding turned into 250+ guests, etc. We both realized it isn't what we want. Instead, we would rather move the wedding date up. We have been together almost 9 years. We are ready. So my question(s) are: (1) How do I properly announce to my family that we have decided not to celebrate our day on my Grandfather's birthday and (2) How do we tell our wedding party that we have downsized and have decided on no bridesmaids/groomsmen (All bridesmaids have been formerly asked). Thank you! Any advice would be greatly appreciated! #inabind
    How many bridesmaids have you asked? If it's a number like 5 or under, I think that wouldn't look terribly out of place at a small or simple wedding.  How many guests would you like to have at the downsized wedding?  I do think it would be rude to ask them to no longer be bridesmaids.  They don't need to spend a zillion dollars and neither do you.  They can put on a nice dress, stand next to you, hold your flowers. sign the marriage license and enjoy celebrating with you.  They can still help you as you plan your simple wedding.
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    Ashes_3Ashes_3 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer First Comment
    Has your bridal party already spent money for dresses? It would be rude to cancel them out if any of them have spent any money. And you could still loose friends even without money being involved, at the very least you could have hurt feelings.
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    erinlin25erinlin25 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer First Comment
    as long as no one has already purchased attire it is fine to let them know you have decided to downsize the wedding and no longer will be having a bridal party. Since you are getting rid of the wedding party all together and not individuals, you are in the clear. I would hope those people would still be invited to the wedding, so maybe you can get them a special corsage for them to wear with the attire of their choice if you would like. I personally would not be offended if I got to save $ and not buy a bridesmaid dress but still got to celebrate with one of my nearest and dearest on her wedding day. It is one thing to "kick them out," but you are not demoting them so you are fine IMO.
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    CaitlinB53015CaitlinB53015 member
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    I think if you present things in a way that makes it seem like YOU want to downsize because you're uncomfortable with the size, your family may be more understanding. Maybe you could mention you'd like to have a new date to celebrate and let grandpa keep his birthday to be his special day. A family friend always offers the marriage advice that you're creating a holiday when you get married. So make your own holiday and leave grandpa with his own day to celebrate!

    The previous posts make a good point - if your attendants have spent money on attire, they should be kept a part of the ceremony. If that hasn't happened yet, reasonable friends should understand that you're changing the feel (and size) of the wedding and would rather save a special row for them, or something similar. If you have a smaller party, let them stand with you. I've seen beautiful weddings of about 50 people where there are still 2-3 attendants on each side.

    Hope this helps!
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    knottie75e99fe4be548d97knottie75e99fe4be548d97 member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
    There are completely different levels of involvement with your bridal party.  Given that you don't really want yours anymore, if they have already made plans, I'd keep them with the title, "Bridal Party," but elect to have them sit in the front row of the crowd rather than stand in front with you.  I was part of a Catholic wedding where they actually would not allow us to stand in front and we had to sit in the first pew.  It was annoying because the bride and groom didn't want that, but you could opt to do something like that to downplay them as attendants.  Also, just have dinner with your groom rather than a table with the wedding party - place them with the crowd.
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    ReginaLambert13ReginaLambert13 member
    First Anniversary Name Dropper 5 Love Its First Comment
    I would not cancel your bridesmaids to be sure.  If someone did that to me I would be crushed.  If you have already sent out invitations (I was a little fuzzy on whether you had just announced it and made a guest list or actually sent invites) then you need to send out a card or letter changing it.  I would say something about it no longer happening on that date, but I would point out that it is still happening otherwise people may assume you broke up and that wouldn't be good.  You may have some hurt feelings but what I would do if it's at all possible is to have a larger second reception of sorts (maybe even on your original wedding date if you can work that out) where everyone can come and celebrate with you without you having to sacrifice the wedding you want.  You could do something potluck even if you don't want to spend the money to have it catered right after having your wedding.  I think it could be very fun and bring a great sense of community.  I am actually planning to have my rehearsal dinner be a potluck and people love it.  A great cheap way to do this might be to rent out a shelter of some sort in a park, like a pavilion or something.  These are often much cheaper than you think.  I actually considered one for my graduation party and it was only going to be like $35 for the whole day!  You could have everyone bring a dish and then either hire a band or (again to keep costs low) I would personally just bring a decent boom box with a plug in and my ipod.  People would get a chance to celebrate with you and it would be a great way to avoid hurt feelings.  Another idea (either in addition to or instead of) might be to have someone record your small wedding and then either upload the video later or livestream it.  I had a friend livestream her destination wedding for all those who couldn't make the trip and it was a really nice touch.  Since people are already looking forward to it and may have already bought gifts this might be a good peace offering if youre comfortable with it.  Don't do anything you're not okay with, it's your wedding after all, but this might help keep the peace and make people feel a part.
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