During the course of our engagement we've had a lot of social media moments that have really made me cringe. These have recently included--but are not limited to--guests posting pictures of save-the-dates and invitations, braggart wedding party status updates with proposal gift pictures, posts on our Facebook walls regarding received invites, and even a few people very publicly calling us out of their MIA invites.
I have basically taken the approach of ignoring all of these (with the exception of my bridesmaids, whom I told to knock that shit off in the kind way you do when you consider someone a sister). But the following events in the past 24 hours are making me B-A-N-A-N-A-S:
- This post on my Facebook wall: "I'm booking my next flight home, send me the wedding info already! Can't wait to see you guys and celebrate with you, LOVE YOU!!!" (This girl is not only not invited, but is someone that I have not spoken with since she moved four years ago. Super sweet girl, but we were not good friends to begin with and we hung out maybe half a dozen times times.)
- A friendly acquaintance via Facebook post asked my girlfriend [invited, recently moved across the country] "I miss you, when are you coming home?" My guest's response: "For {tags me AND my fiance]'s wedding!! We're gonna partyyyy and you're gonna meet the new boy-toy " (For the record, this new 'boy-toy' is news to me and is definitely not on our seating plan. Is this her way of announcing him to us?! Also, this other girl is not invited and there is no reason for anyone to assume she would come to our wedding; she had a standing invite our post-college keggers many years ago, but I don't think either of us have had an actual conversation with her. And, y'know, those parties cost us about a buck per person.)
I don't think that any of these people are trying to be malicious or even presumptuous. Us brides/Knotties hold people to pretty high etiquette standards, but most people operate in the weird world of public domain, where every thought and life event is shared with the universe without a second thought.
But my fiance and I have gotten to the point where we feel like we need to address this. It's not okay with us for our guests to talk about the details of our wedding, very publicly, to people that aren't invited. We also feel terrible ignoring these inquiries--even from people that we never considered inviting but also never considered close friends; we don't even have their numbers to call them and explain they aren't invited (and should we have to anyway?)! We feel like we're being punished for our all-inclusive party rule from the olden days! OUR 300-GUEST HALLOWEEN 2007 PARTY HAD A DIFFERENT GUEST LIST, Y'ALL.)
I feel like it's terrible etiquette to announce a friend's wedding details or roundabout invite yourself to a wedding via social media. But it feels like WAY worse etiquette to shut someone down for their genuine excitement about your wedding day and then tell them to delete that garbage off your Facebook page, or delete it yourself. Ugh. Suggesting someone is being rude when they're just trying to express being happy for you is basically the ultimate in bad etiquette [etiquette irony? Etiqueception]!
What is the best way to handle these uncomfortable moments? Should I talk to the offenders as directly if possible (or message them for phone numbers...awkwardness), continue to be strategically absent from social media (avoidance), or untag myself from these posts (passive-aggression)?
Or will you all give me permission to post a Facebook status update explaining to people that this behavior is totally ridiculous and they are stupid asshats complicating my already stressful wedding planning process?! I can just share this post to Facebook, right?!...'cause that would be way easier.