My parents have been a little.. possessive (?) over our wedding, and have gotten to be more involved than FI's parents. His parents would like to be involved but also don't want to be annoying (and they're NOT annoying, they're awesome) so they've been more hands-off. My parents threw us an engagement party, and now my aunt-- with the help of my mom-- are planning a bridal shower for me, which I'm really excited about. FSIL and FMIL are both going to be invited, of course.
FSIL mentioned a few months ago to FI that she wanted to throw me a bridal shower. I've had a lot of family drama and stressful issues, so I think she felt bad, wanted to do something nice for me, wanted to make sure I got to have a shower, and also wanted to get involved in our wedding stuff. I thought at the time that FI let her know my aunt was already planning a shower, and then the conversation was pretty much put on hold.
Last night FSIL sent me a text saying that she and FMIL want to throw me a shower. I was extremely flattered and excited. I'm not going to tell her she can't do this if it's something she wants to do. Our parents live several hours away from each other and we have one set of friends in my parents' town and then another set of friends closer to his parents' town so it seemed like a good way to be able to include both groups; the group in my parents' town gets invited to the shower my aunt is hosting, the group near his parents' town will get invited to the shower FSIL and FMIL are hosting. But when I mention to FI that his sister wants to throw me a shower, he immediately says "You told her you're already having one, right?"
Well, no. I thought this had been discussed before. FI now can't remember if he told her about my aunt's shower or not. We're going to be hanging out over the Thanksgiving holiday at which point FSIL and I had planned to talk details about this potential second shower, so I'm going to make sure she knows my aunt is already hosting one, but I don't want it to sound like "MY family is already doing this for me, so there's no room for you and your family to do anything." Ya know? I really want his family to get to be involved and help however much they want to and celebrate with us as much as they want to. I feel bad that they've kind of inadvertently been cut out of stuff so far.
But is it ok to have two showers? I don't want to seem selfish or gift-grabby. And like I said, the guests from shower 1 would be a different set of people than the guests at shower 2. What's the etiquette on this? Is it totally out of line? What should I say to FSIL about it? If she wasn't aware that my aunt is hosting a shower, maybe she won't want to host one anymore but will feel stuck because she already offered, so should I give her a way out or something, and how do I say that without sounding like I don't want her to do it?