Community› Wedding Discussion Boards› Wedding Etiquette Forum
Wedding Etiquette Forum
New Discussion
Options

Sibling rivalry and Halloween.

[Deleted User][Deleted User] member
First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
So I have a few dilemmas on my hands right now and I'm unsure how to handle them. 

1) My sister announced her engagement and pregnancy in July 2014, and isn't getting married until summer 2016. My boyfriend and I have recently decided to get engaged and I have no idea how to break the news to my family because I feel as if I'm hijacking my sister's spotlight. We don't want to wait until after her wedding to get married, so we're planning our wedding for fall 2015. I'm so afraid that my family will get mad about sneaking my wedding in before hers. Am I overreacting? Am I being rude by not wanting to wait until after her wedding?

2) Because everything is happening so fast, the only Saturday date available at the venue we like is Halloween. Due to a large family on his side, we're not letting guests bring their children. Would this be a faux pas to a. Have a wedding on Halloween and b. Take parents away from their children on Halloween? Sidetone, it wouldn't be a huge loss for us if the parents decided to spend Halloween with their children instead of coming to our wedding.
Report Reply to Post

Re: Sibling rivalry and Halloween.

  • Options
    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Knottie95220790 said:
    So I have a few dilemmas on my hands right now and I'm unsure how to handle them. 

    1) My sister announced her engagement and pregnancy in July 2014, and isn't getting married until summer 2016. My boyfriend and I have recently decided to get engaged and I have no idea how to break the news to my family because I feel as if I'm hijacking my sister's spotlight. We don't want to wait until after her wedding to get married, so we're planning our wedding for fall 2015. I'm so afraid that my family will get mad about sneaking my wedding in before hers. Am I overreacting? Am I being rude by not wanting to wait until after her wedding?

    2) Because everything is happening so fast, the only Saturday date available at the venue we like is Halloween. Due to a large family on his side, we're not letting guests bring their children. Would this be a faux pas to a. Have a wedding on Halloween and b. Take parents away from their children on Halloween? Sidetone, it wouldn't be a huge loss for us if the parents decided to spend Halloween with their children instead of coming to our wedding.
    People don't get to claim an entire year for their wedding, so no worries there.  Just to be nice, I'd make sure I had enough time in between family weddings for people to rack up more vacation time and save a few extra dollars, but no, you don't have to wait until after they get married to get married yourself.

    If you don't care if the parents come, go ahead and schedule on Halloween.  Though, you shouldn't invite people you don't want there.  As long as you know that some people might choose trick-or-treating with their kids over your wedding, you'll be fine.
    Report Reply
  • Options
    short+sassyshort+sassy member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its

    You certainly know your family better than me, but I think it is crazy for anyone to be upset with you for having your wedding first.  Your sister CHOSE to have a 2-year engagement.  That is a long time.  And it is not like you are choosing even the same year she is.

    Nothing wrong with choosing to have your wedding on Halloween and/or to not invite children, just expect a lot of declines...especially from parents.  You might even have declines from non-parents.  I personally like dressing up for Halloween and wouldn't want to go to a wedding on that day...unless costumes were okay.  And people may be upset with your Halloween choice but, again, it is a perfectly valid choice and they are wrong to be upset. 

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    Report Reply
  • Options
    lacqueredloverlacqueredlover member
    First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    Unless you're purposely planning your wedding the day she's getting married, the day she's due or planning on announcing your engagement at her baby's birth, you're not doing anything wrong.

    I personally think a halloween wedding is odd and quite frankly, there are few people I would attend a wedding on that date for because I would rather be with my stepkids, but that's totally your choice.  That's my own personal preference to not have to celebrate a wedding anniversary every year on Halloween (keep in mind that for the rest of your life, that will be your anniversary and if you have kids, you will be celebrating your anniversary trick or treating.)

      October is one of the most popular months to get married (I'm getting married Oct of next year and over a year out we were having trouble with some dates) so if the venue is the most important part, I'd look into a different month if you'd like.  
    image


    Report Reply
  • Options
    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    Thanks for your responses, ladies! I feel much better about the sister-wedding-conundrum and I think I'll seek another date than Halloween. lacqueredlover, you're SO RIGHT! We will not want to celebrate our anniversary by trick-or-treating with our future kiddos. :)
    Report Reply
  • Options
    climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited November 2014
    You're fine to get engaged. You're not stealing her spotlight. My cousin got engaged right after me, and my brother was engaged during the time I was engaged. And I was overjoyed for them. 

    I personally wouldn't have an evening wedding on Halloween. I know a lot of my friends and relatives would want to be trick-or-treating with their kids. 
    Report Reply
  • Options
    banana468banana468 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    I think your approach is right on. There's no problem getting married before your sister but I'd seek a date other than Halloween. I'll happily go to an adult only wedding but you'd have to be really close to me for me to even consider attending on Halloween.
    Report Reply
  • Options
    southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    1) you can get married and announce your engagement whenever you want. It would be rude if you planned it on her exact wedding day, but it's a totally different YEAR! It's fine. Don't even think twice about it.

    2) It's fine to not invite kids. It's fine to have your wedding on Halloween. However, you may get more declines than normal, but that just goes with the territory. Neither adult wedding or Halloween are against etiquette.
    *********************************************************************************

    image
    Report Reply
  • Options
    allispainallispain member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    There's absolutely nothing wrong with you getting engaged while your sister is also engaged and expecting. She doesn't have a monopoly on the next two years' worth of exciting events. Heck, one of my BMs and I got engaged the exact same day. 
    image
    Report Reply
  • Options
    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    Thanks again for all your responses, ladies! I'm feeling much easier about this. :) And NO Halloween for us--fiance and I agree! 
    Report Reply
  • Options
    arrrghmateyarrrghmatey member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    There's nothing wrong with getting married before your sister. The same thing happened with my two older sisters--they got engaged within two months of each other and their weddings were within 3 months of each other, and this cause no issue in our family unit. The two of you may have a blast talking/planning your weddings together!

    Have you considered wedding dates in early November? November is typically the start of off-peak season, and venues will be cheaper. And depending where you are, the weather may still be nice. Just a thought! :)
                                     Wedding Countdown Ticker

                                                   image
    Report Reply
  • Options
    jenajjthrjenajjthr member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    Just wanted to chime in, I wouldn't attend a child-free Halloween wedding. I would be with my kids Trick or Treating. I would attend a Halloween wedding that allowed kids, if it was earlier in the day, the B&G took the day into account. Not saying wear costumes, but maybe had a candy table or something like that.
    Report Reply
  • Options
    princessleia22princessleia22 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment First Answer

    DH and I got engaged in Dec. 2012 and our wedding was June 2014.  My sister got engaged in Jan. 2014 and got married in Aug. 2014.  We already had our wedding fully booked before she was even engaged.

    Your wedding and your sisters are far enough apart that I don't think it will be an issue. If we could make it work with 2 month apart, you could certainly make it work with 6-8 months without things overlapping or stealing attention. 

    I will admit that I was frustrated at first when she scheduled hers, mainly because it was out of town for me so I had to come up with more money, but I quickly got over that. But, I never really felt like she was stealing my attention. It was actually pretty awesome to swap wedding ideas back and forth.  We shared our Pinterest pages with each other, discussed song ideas, decorations.  Most people aren't as wedding crazy as a bride and don't really care about listening to details or going to bridal shows, but if you are both planning at the same time you can you can search out ideas together. Luckily my sister and I had different tastes and wedding styles, so there weren't many issues with overlapping ideas. But, with 6 months or more separating your weddings, I doubt anyone would even notice if you both had similar flowers or whatnot, if your tastes are similar.

     

    image 

    Report Reply
  • Options
    bridet0be15bridet0be15 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment
    edited November 2014
    First just so you know I do not have kids.

    I would be okay attending a halloween wedding.. I wouldn't like it but I probably wouldn't skip it.

    If I had kids I would NOT attend  a kid friendly OR a non kid friendly wedding.  There is probably only a handful of people I would do it for.. and that is my bridal party (4 girls).  Even then I would be be pretty pissed about it.
    Report Reply
  • Options
    auriannaaurianna member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Sounds like you're all set.

    Though I'd add another thought in case you think back to Halloween or any lurkers in the same situation:

    You mentioned that your sister announced her pregnancy. That would mean Halloween 2015 would be her baby's first Halloween.
    She can't be mad at you for announcing your engagement or for getting married first. But I think she definitely wouldn't be wrong to be annoyed if you were making her choose between your wedding and her baby's first Halloween.

    Good luck finding a new date!
    Report Reply
  • Options
    Lowell14Lowell14 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    I got married on Halloween this year. Kids were welcome. we had tons of candy and 3 kids brought their costumes to change into. Only one changed. It may be a 'know your crowd's kind of thing, but EVERYONE was excited about our halloween wedding


    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    Report Reply
  • Options
    ReginaLambert13ReginaLambert13 member
    First Anniversary Name Dropper 5 Love Its First Comment
    Ok, so I see nothing at all wrong with your timing next to your sister.  As was mentioned before, she chose to have a long engagement.  You are choosing a short one.  The only way I would feel like this was a no-no (and this would make it a HUGE no-no) would be if your sister had been engaged for, say, 2 years and her wedding was coming up in six months.  You then got engaged and decided to have a six month long engagement putting your wedding within the same month of hers.  Then, yes, it would be stepping on toes in my book.  Yes, she only really get claim to one day, but I would still totally see it as valid that she would be upset by that as she might feel like her lead up time where she wants to be doing all the fun little shopping trips and things would be shared where she wasn't really planning on it and didn't sign up for that (in this scenario you would have kind of backed her into a corner since her day was set).  But since you are planning your so far ahead of hers, she really has no reason to be upset.  So long as you are giving her a good buffer (what, 6 months?) you should be fine.

    As far as the halloween thing goes, that's 100% your call.  A few things I will bring up are:
    1. You are likely to have people show up in costume whether you want them to or not.  You might want to think about if you are ok with that.
    2. Even if kids were invited they aren't likely to be thrilled with spending halloween at a wedding.  If they aren't invited and are young, this is going to mean they might well miss out on trick or treating and this is a MAJOR deal to kids.  This could lead to some tantrums from even the best behaved children.  It could be tough for some kids to find other people to take them out and sitters could get SUPER SUPER SUPER expensive for that night as holidays are always more expensive and babysitter-aged people really love halloween also.  All of this combined means that many parents are likely to stay home with their kids.  Another thing to think about.
    3. Even some adults without kids may decline an invitation based on the day.  I know this year I had 3 different invitations to parties on halloween and even if I hadn't had any there are countless fun events to go to every year.  I really love weddings but it would be very hard for me to miss halloween (unless perhaps the wedding was halloween themed in which case it might be less of a sacrifice but I usually party hop on halloween so I would not want to be stuck there the whole night and would feel bad leaving a wedding early).  You may lose a decent number of people just because they don't want to miss a fun night that they look forward to.

    Make sure you are 100% ok with it if you lose a decent number of your guests for these reasons before you pick halloween for your wedding.  I don't know about your crowd or area, but for my group it would be a pretty large number that I would risk not coming.  Plus, I would feel really bad about it, but that's just me.

    Also as a small #4. You may want to think about the fact that your anniversary would then be halloween.  Each year you will either have to miss out on halloween activities or miss out on more traditional anniversary things.  I specifically wanted a day that wasn't any other day so that it would be JUST our anniversary.

    If you decide that it's absolutetly the day you want then go for it!  I just personally see quite a few concerns and potentially big downsides.
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards