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Obese Bridesmaid?

My wedding is  just over a year away and I'm starting to thing about who will be in my bridal party. I'm planning to ask my closest girlfriends, my cousin, and my fiance's sister. I'm just worried about one thing.. My fiance's sister is morbidly obese, and I'm unsure of how this will make her feel. I love her and I want her included (especially because my fiance's brothers will all be groomsman) but I don't know what dresses will be available in her size. I'm nervous that she will be uncomfortable with the fact that we will have to pick a bridesmaid dress based on what would fit her. On the other hand, it would be awful not to include her as a bridesmaid simply because of her weight. Has anyone had a similar experience and can offer advice on how to proceed? I know that she is very insecure aboout her weight and I want to make her feel as comfortable as possible. Any advice would be appreciated :) 


Re: Obese Bridesmaid?

  • NYCMercedesNYCMercedes BOS, NYC, DC. Forever a city girl member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    My wedding is  just over a year away and I'm starting to thing about who will be in my bridal party. I'm planning to ask my closest girlfriends, my cousin, and my fiance's sister. I'm just worried about one thing.. My fiance's sister is morbidly obese, and I'm unsure of how this will make her feel. I love her and I want her included (especially because my fiance's brothers will all be groomsman) but I don't know what dresses will be available in her size. I'm nervous that she will be uncomfortable with the fact that we will have to pick a bridesmaid dress based on what would fit her. On the other hand, it would be awful not to include her as a bridesmaid simply because of her weight. Has anyone had a similar experience and can offer advice on how to proceed? I know that she is very insecure aboout her weight and I want to make her feel as comfortable as possible. Any advice would be appreciated :) 



    MobKaz said:
    The bridesmaids in my daughter's wedding party varied greatly in height, weight, and personal style. My daughter encouraged her BM's to select a black dress that suited their individual taste and comfort. Perhaps you would consider making a color choice and letting individuality guide them from there.

    Good advice! Or choose navy or pink or any color.
  • Let her worry about it. She can accept or decline. Your responsibility to her is to ask her budget for a dress, as you will all your BMs, and choose something in that budget. You may need to do some homework on suppliers that have sizes that will accommodate her body, but you don't need to be like "I PICKED THIS DRESS BECAUSE THEY MAKE BIG SIZES". KWIM?
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    peachy13
  • Just pick a color and fabric and let them choose their own dresses.  Not every bridesmaid needs to be in the same dress, as long as it's the same fabric and color it will look cohesive.  I'm doing 3 diffrent colors all in the same fabric for mine and the girls can pick whatever style they feel most comfortable in.
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    peachy13
  • It's becoming more popular for dresses to vary in style and/or color, which can definitely help you in this situation. I went to a wedding recently with four bridesmaids that had two different colors and two different dress styles (each dress style had one of the two colors). You can pick a different style for your future SIL in the same color--or better yet, let her pick out a dress she will be comfortable in that matches the colors of your theme.
                                     Wedding Countdown Ticker

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  • mikenbergermikenberger In a f'n cornfield member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    its nice of you to be concerned about her feelings but its her body and her weight. Let her worry about it. See if she has any input on colors or style of dress, just like you would any other bridesmaid.

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    amelisha
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I'd pick out a color and fabric, and let her choose her own dress. 

    peachy13
  • As someone who has worn size 26 dress in weddings before (now I'm at a 16/18) there are two options: give the BMs guidance on color/fabric and let them pick their own dresses wherever they want or go to somewhere like David's Bridal which has a ton of options in plus sizes (you can even go to DB and pick a color/fabric and still let them all pick a dress on their own)

     

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    Knottie23038656
  • The last wedding I was in, the bride's SIL was a size 30. The bride chose a designer, fabric, and color and then the SIL chose a dress in the largest size (I believe which was 26) and then was able to order extra fabric to make the dress larger. 

    I do think that picking a simple guideline, like knee length and navy/long black/etc would be easiest for everyone. 
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  • GoldenPenguinGoldenPenguin Upstate NY mod
    Moderator Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its
    redoryx said:

    As someone who has worn size 26 dress in weddings before (now I'm at a 16/18) there are two options: give the BMs guidance on color/fabric and let them pick their own dresses wherever they want or go to somewhere like David's Bridal which has a ton of options in plus sizes (you can even go to DB and pick a color/fabric and still let them all pick a dress on their own)

     

    This is what I did. One of my bridesmaids, and one of FI's groomswomen are heavier. Just told them - long, chiffon dresses. My bridesmaids are wearing different shades of blush, and FI's side is wearing gray. My biggest thing is that I want everyone to be comfortable. I've been in weddings where we all had to wear the same dress, and they weren't flattering on everyone - and I've been in weddings where we were all able to choose our dresses, and everyone was comfortable. I have a large chest - I would never feel comfortable in the slinky strapless dress one of the other bridesmaids picked out, but the one I found with straps & support? I danced all night long. So that's what I thought about going into planning my wedding - I just want everyone to be happy & comfortable! 



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    Knottie23038656
  • peachy13peachy13 in my cubicle, doing very important work member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    I definitely like the idea of picking a color and fabric and then letting each of the BMs pick their individual style.

    Totally up to you, but to respect your FSIL's privacy and feelings, maybe you could avoid doing a group outing with your BMs for dress shopping. Maybe you could select a dress color (by yourself, with your MOH, or mom, etc.) and let your BMs know which color dress to buy... that way your FSIL can go shopping on her own time and try dresses on without feeling exposed. It's very nice of you to consider her feelings like you are. 
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    wrigleyville
  • I am going to have a BP with a lot of different shapes and sizes and am leaning heavily towards Two Birds style dresses. Actually own one from Coralie Beatrix on etsy for a wedding I was supposed to be in and love it. Comfy and can be wrapped a million ways. So technically all the same dress ans color but can look different on each.
  • peachy13 said:
    I definitely like the idea of picking a color and fabric and then letting each of the BMs pick their individual style.

    Totally up to you, but to respect your FSIL's privacy and feelings, maybe you could avoid doing a group outing with your BMs for dress shopping. Maybe you could select a dress color (by yourself, with your MOH, or mom, etc.) and let your BMs know which color dress to buy... that way your FSIL can go shopping on her own time and try dresses on without feeling exposed. It's very nice of you to consider her feelings like you are. 
    I also support this -- I went on a group outing as the heaviest BM to a shop that didn't have my size. Or they did but only in, like, 2 dresses. So while all other BMs were trying on dresses, I was just kind of standing around and finally the employee felt so bad she just went and grabbed the two dresses they happened to have in my size just so I could be part of the experience even though the dresses weren't the style we were going for. 
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  • justjesss said:
    I am going to have a BP with a lot of different shapes and sizes and am leaning heavily towards Two Birds style dresses. Actually own one from Coralie Beatrix on etsy for a wedding I was supposed to be in and love it. Comfy and can be wrapped a million ways. So technically all the same dress ans color but can look different on each.
    Just a heads up.  I was in a wedding this summer and had we all had two birds dresses.  Every single one of us was miserable by the end of the night.  The jersey material had the knots slipping by hour 6 of the evening and we had to keep retying them (the dresses have a LOT of fabric so they are very heavy) all the girls who had the bandeau top underneath hated how it looked because it looked like an extra piece of fabric just in there and the ground was slightly wet when we took pics so the bottoms of the dress grew by about 6 inches.  

    I would recommend getting the dress from a different vendor in a different material (or at least get the chiffon one from two birds.)
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  • justjesss said:

    I am going to have a BP with a lot of different shapes and sizes and am leaning heavily towards Two Birds style dresses. Actually own one from Coralie Beatrix on etsy for a wedding I was supposed to be in and love it. Comfy and can be wrapped a million ways. So technically all the same dress ans color but can look different on each.

    Just a heads up.  I was in a wedding this summer and had we all had two birds dresses.  Every single one of us was miserable by the end of the night.  The jersey material had the knots slipping by hour 6 of the evening and we had to keep retying them (the dresses have a LOT of fabric so they are very heavy) all the girls who had the bandeau top underneath hated how it looked because it looked like an extra piece of fabric just in there and the ground was slightly wet when we took pics so the bottoms of the dress grew by about 6 inches.  

    I would recommend getting the dress from a different vendor in a different material (or at least get the chiffon one from two birds.)


    Oh no! The one I have is from Coralie Beatrix on etsy. Dressed it down and wore it out and about without the slipping issue. The only uncomfortable part was sitting with the knot in my back...which should be an easy fix. Having a BM give mine a test wear when I go home as well.

    As an aside related to the original topic, she also makes all of them and can do custom sizes if I remember correctly.
  • wrigleyvillewrigleyville Chicago member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Also, if she's like me, she might want her arms covered, so dresses that have a bolero option are good. They do make boleros separately, though, so she could always purchase one that matches the dress. The store can dye it to match.

    Those long, wrapping shawl things are a pain in the ass and don't cover the entire arm like a bolero does, so I'd skip those (unless she really likes them). If it's a summer wedding, the shawl, while a pain in the ass, is much cooler than a bolero.

    Anyway, I'm not sure how she's built, but if she has heavy arms, prepare to be okay with her covering them while everyone else is wearing a strapless or sleeveless gown.

  • I was in the same boat 2 years ago with my brother's wedding. My SIL asked me to be a BM and I was significantly larger than the other 3 girls. We went downtown and she chose a dress that fit all 3 of the other girls that I liked the style of. I took one of the dresses to a seamstress and had it tailor-made to fit me. It only cost a little more than the original dresses, and I had a perfect fit without having to be uncomfortable about anything. I know that having a dress made because you can't find one to fit doesn't sound exciting or encouraging, but I was so much happier with it because I knew it would fit and I didn't have to try on a ton of dresses that didn't fit. My SIL took me with her downtown when she was looking for the dresses and let me give my input on all the dresses she chose so I felt very included and happy with the final decision. 
  • It's really considerate that you're thinking about her feelings. Think about it though, do you think being a BM would make her immediately think "Oh, I'm obese". Maybe not. Maybe it's not as big a concern to her as you think :) Let her make up her mind when you ask her!

    I have two MOHs, one of them is my dear, beloved and beautiful best friend who is plus sized. While I don't know how plus sized your lady is, I can't say, but I do know I looked into Bill Levkoff, with sizes that go up to 28, and Dessy which goes up to 31. I'm not sure if that helps!
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