Question

pinkcow13 · November 2014

I have a quick question for you ladies ( and possible gents!). FMIL's Bday is approaching, and she wants to go to Atlantic City tomorrow. She wants FI to take her. That's totally fine, but he wants me to go, and she wants me to go too. Personally, I hate Atlantic city in the winter because there is nothing to do but gamble at the casinos. I can only gamble for so long before I get bored (or irrationally angry).

So my question is, would it be wrong or rude of me not to go? She wants to go to AC every year, and I went 2 years in a row. I missed last year because I ended up getting a nasty cold the day before. She asked me earlier at thanksgiving dinner and I told her maybe, and she was all "But it's my birthday!!!! You have to come!" Also, Honestly I am strapped for cash now. The wedding is a few months away, we have a lot of crap in the coming weeks, not to mention Christmas. I really can't afford a trip this minute, even if for one day. FI said I could just chill and drink, Which means I'll make bad decisions ( I know myself. I will get bored if I'm just drinking watching them gamble. And then I will join. And irrational anger will happen. Unless I win the jackpot).

I feel bad, though. It is her birthday. And she actually gave us a very generous check for our honeymoon. Then I feel that she will be thrilled just being with FI for the day. What do you guys think? Should I suck it up and go? Or is it not a bad thing if I just stay home?

AddieCake · November 2014

I would not go gambling if I were strapped for cash.

loro929 · November 2014

I would not go gambling if I was strapped for cash.

However, a good thing is the outlets there - maybe you can get some Christmas shopping done while your FI and FMIL are gambling - lower outlet prices for the name brands = potentially less money on Xmas gifts and you kill time while they gamble + you show up for FMIL's bday! Could be a win-win-win situation, they have some great outlets down there!

ETA. grammar + details

beethery · November 2014

I wouldn't play with money if I was strapped for cash.

decembergrl2014 · November 2014

I wouldn't gamble either if I were strapped for cash, but I agree with loro about the outlets. Everything will be a little cheaper and you could kill time there while everyone else is gambling. Just remember to bundle up!

jenna8984 · November 2014

Not to be a bitch, but I wouldn't go even if I wasn't strapped for money. I don't understand a woman likely in her 50's making a big deal about her birthday. We're all 28-31 ( my friends) and none of us pull the "but its my birthday!" Card.

climbingsingle · November 2014

Ugh. I can't stand AC. I personally think it's fine for you not to go.

lovegood90 · November 2014

I don't think it's mandatory that you have to go at all. Especially to a place where you'll be gambling if you're already strapped for cash. Maybe you could have champagne or something sent to her room as a nice surprise?

amelisha · November 2014

"I'm sorry, but I just can't make that trip work financially this year, but have lots of fun for me!" Repeat as necessary. Enjoy your quiet weekend alone without FI and watch lots of terrible lady TV.

blabla89 · November 2014

lovegood90 said:

I don't think it's mandatory that you have to go at all. Especially to a place where you'll be gambling if you're already strapped for cash. Maybe you could have champagne or something sent to her room as a nice surprise?

I love this idea! Get her a heartfelt card and maybe a thoughtful gift/surprise (it doesn't need to be expensive) and that should be fine. She probably will love having some time with just her son.

pinkcow13 · November 2014

jenna8984 said:
Not to be a bitch, but I wouldn't go even if I wasn't strapped for money. I don't understand a woman likely in her 50's making a big deal about her birthday. We're all 28-31 ( my friends) and none of us pull the "but its my birthday!" Card.

This. That's how I feel about it. FI doesn't want to go either, but he feels he has to because it's his mom. I think that's why he wants me to go so bad. I love he idea @lovegood90‌ ! Maybe I can do that!

I personally cannot stand AC either, @ClimbingBrideNY‌ . I can tolerate it in warmer months though, because there's other stuff to do.

I would much rather just enjoy my day at home cuddling with the kitties.

theartistformerlyknownas · November 2014

I wouldn't go, money or not. I hate casinos, so I'd get irrationally angry even if I wasn't blowing money. Just tell her "sorry, I can't make it this time, you two have fun! I'll celebrate with you at home another day." You don't need to give her a reason; that'll only give her chance to shoot it down.

redheadbride15 · November 2014

I also hate AC (really, really hate almost everything about it regardless of the season). Did FMIL invite you directly? If she did then, I hate to say it, the most polite thing would probably be to go. It depends on how insistent she is though. It's definitely worth trying the "I cannot afford it" card at least once, and hope she buys it. If the request is coming indirectly via your fiancee then I think you have the right to decline. Also remember that, if you do go, you don't need to gamble a cent - save your money for more important things.

pinkcow13 · November 2014

redheadbride15 said:
I also hate AC (really, really hate almost everything about it regardless of the season). Did FMIL invite you directly? If she did then, I hate to say it, the most polite thing would probably be to go. It depends on how insistent she is though. It's definitely worth trying the "I cannot afford it" card at least once, and hope she buys it. If the request is coming indirectly via your fiancee then I think you have the right to decline. Also remember that, if you do go, you don't need to gamble a cent - save your money for more important things.

She didn't invite me directly, but she asked me yesterday if I was joining. I decided to stay home. I did go get lunch with them, though. FI really wanted me to go, and I feel kinda bad not going, but I just really need to save my money. I have myself on a very strict budget because of the holidays, and even with me by gambling, I'd still spend money on food, drinks, etc. I've made the trip 2 other times for her bday so it's really not that serious. And I can only take casinos for so long before I am bored out of my mind lol. I'm also a cheap gambler, so within an hour or 2 I'm over it lol.

hellohkb · November 2014

Could you go to a casino where's there is other stuff to do? I love AC (it's quite kitschy) and FH nor I gamble. We like to go to all the casinos and go to the shops, go to the bars, or to a club. Sometimes it's even just fun to hang out in the room or people watch at the bar. Harrahs was an amazing people watching location. So was the Tropicana, as Corey Feldman was there walking around and promoting a movie or something.

However, if you are strapped for cash and really do not want to go, don't go. As previously mentioned, a bottle of wine or champagne would be a nice gift to sent to their room.

theartistformerlyknownas · November 2014

redheadbride15 said:

I also hate AC (really, really hate almost everything about it regardless of the season). Did FMIL invite you directly? If she did then, I hate to say it, the most polite thing would probably be to go. It depends on how insistent she is though. It's definitely worth trying the "I cannot afford it" card at least once, and hope she buys it. If the request is coming indirectly via your fiancee then I think you have the right to decline. Also remember that, if you do go, you don't need to gamble a cent - save your money for more important things.

That doesn't change anything. An invitation is not a summons. It's a request which the recipient is always free to turn down, for any reason or no reason at all.

pinkcow13 · November 2014

hellohkb said:
Could you go to a casino where's there is other stuff to do? I love AC (it's quite kitschy) and FH nor I gamble. We like to go to all the casinos and go to the shops, go to the bars, or to a club. Sometimes it's even just fun to hang out in the room or people watch at the bar. Harrahs was an amazing people watching location. So was the Tropicana, as Corey Feldman was there walking around and promoting a movie or something.

However, if you are strapped for cash and really do not want to go, don't go. As previously mentioned, a bottle of wine or champagne would be a nice gift to sent to their room.

See, this is why I don't mind AC in warmer months or when we are with friends. With FMIL, all we would do is gamble and go out to dinner, and have drinks. It would be weird to go to the club with just her and FI, and I'm sure she would want to join lol. I really considered going, but I took the responsible route. With the holidays around the corner, the wedding, and the plans we already have in the coming weeks, adding this trip would have been reckless of me.

@lolo883 , yea I actually thought that same exact thing earlier today. It's not a jury summons. Like any other invitation, I have the right to decline. Plus, honestly, I know FMIL loves me, but let's be real. What mother wouldn't want some quality time with her son? In a way, I have given her a gift by not going, lol!

Question

Re: Question

Choose Another Board

Search Boards