huge ring dilemma

lisazw · September 2014

Hi ladies,

I got engaged in January my fiancé gave me an amazing ring. However this past weekend my grandmother (92) came to the conclusion to give me her set. The engagement ring is spectacular and the wedding band is an enhancer. The engagement ring my fiancé gave me does not work with my grandmother's enhancer My fiancé says I can wear which ever I want. Any advice on what to do????

southernbelle0915 · September 2014

lisazw said:

Hi ladies, I got engaged in January my fiancé gave me an amazing ring. However this past weekend my grandmother (92) came to the conclusion to give me her set. The engagement ring is spectacular and the wedding band is an enhancer. The engagement ring my fiancé gave me does not work with my grandmother's enhancer My fiancé says I can wear which ever I want. Any advice on what to do????

This wouldn't even be a consideration for me. I would wear the ring my man gave me. Not even a question.

I don't care if my grandma's ring was 15ct and worth a million dollars. Nothing is worth more to me than the ring DH picked out and showed me when he asked to spend the rest of his life with me.

OliveOilsMom · September 2014

If your FI doesn't care which set you wear, then I would choose the one that means more to you. If, for you, that is your grandmother's set, then maybe you can have your e-ring melted into a different piece of jewelry you can wear all the time. Or you could wear your e-ring from FI on your right hand.

birdybride2014 · September 2014

Wear both? Fiance's ring on your right hand once you get married?

mikenberger · September 2014

I feel like this is a trap. Do whatever you want to do. If he honestly doesn't care and you love your grandma's ring -- wear that. If he cares and wants you to wear his -- wear that ring. If you want to wear whatever ring strikes your fancy on a day that ends in Y -- wear that ring. This does not have to be as difficult as you're making it.

theartistformerlyknownas · September 2014

100000% with southernbelle. I would wear the ring my FI picked out for me. I might wear Grandma's ring on my right hand for special occasions, or save it to hand down to my child, or have the stone put into a necklace. But my E ring is the ring he proposed with.

Maggie0829 · September 2014

I'm with southernbelle on this one. My man saved up, picked out and bought me a ring he thought that I would love and wear forever. I could not imagine telling him that I would rather wear my grandmothers ring instead of the one he gave me. He says he may not care but you picking your grandmothers ring over the one he gave you will sting regardless.

Is there anyway to use the gems from your Grandmother's rings re-purposed into a nice necklace?

ohmrs2014 · September 2014

I would wear the ring my FI gave me. Just like PP said, he saved, searched, and bought it.

Is there any way you can keep your grandmothers ring and pass it down to your future daughter or son to use? I know its years down the road, but I personally love antique jewelry and a nice family heirloom to be passed down from generation to generation is a nice idea.

sarawifenow · September 2014

Having just went through the heartbreak of losing the ring that FI gave me (see all my effing ring drama posts), I would 100% wear the ring your FI gave you. That ring has so much meaning behind it.

annakay511 · October 2014

Personally, I would wear and cherish the ring my fiancé gave me. I would wear my grandmother's ring on my right hand!

batsbebe · November 2014

Don't know if this is a moot thread... But if it were me I would think about how I just saved money on a wedding band! Use the set from gma as the wedding ring, and keep your engagement on the right hand as a permanent reminder of how much your man is in love with you. The right hand is more visible (if you are right handed, that is) anyways! So people will see it more when you shake hands

ReginaLambert13 · November 2014

I can possibly have a unique POV here. My mom gave me her moms (my grandmother who passed away before I was born) e-ring several years ago. I had always wanted to use it as my e-ring and that was the plan as FH and I started thinking marriage. But then when we looked into having it sized for me we found out it couldn't safely be sized down enough to fit me. It is currently about a size 7 or 7.5 and I would have needed it to be a 3.5/4 (yes, I have very tiny hands and fingers). To size any ring this far is not the best idea but with its design and level of detail it would have likely ruined it.

So even though I was disappointed, we started shopping around for a new ring for me and we found something I loved within the budget we set out (which in itself was a miracle). Now that I have it, and even as we shopped, I realized that wearing my grandmothers ring was never going to really feel like OUR engagement ring. It's been mine for so long, since long before I met FH, and so it wasn't really part of our relationship. Perhaps if I hadn't been given it until now it might have been different but I don't know. To me, the fact that my FH bought my ring for me and we picked it out together and it's part of our relationship means more to me than anything. I am simply going to size my grandmothers ring down to about a 6 so that it will at least fit my pointer finger as a cocktail ring (going down this far will not hurt it).

The meaning behind an engagement ring is more important than the ring itself and I can't imagine taking any other ring above mine no matter what anyone offered me. To each his own and all that matters is that you and your fiance are happy but I would make very sure that he is ok with the switch because guys can be more sentimental than you think. In fact, my jeweler was even telling me how often women come into the store after many years of marriage wanting to upgrade their ring but the men want to instead buy them a right hand ring to add to their collection because to them the original ring has too much meaning to replace it. He said it's usually the man who sees the ring as more meaningful than even the woman because it sort of links you to him and he put it on your finger and then once youre married even more so because of the whole "with THIS ring" bit.

Just be sure he's ok with it, but if he is and you want to switch then go for it.

iloveu4ever · November 2014

Wear one on your right hand and the other on your left hand.

appleorchard · November 2014

Stick with what your FI gave you, he spent (what I assume is) a lot of time saving money and considering which ring would be best for you. My feelings would be hurt if I were in that position and you chose to ditch the ring I gave to you. Only you know if he truly cares whether or not you use your grandmothers rings. My FI spent all of 5 minutes searching for mine and deciding to buy it, and even though he put minimal thought into it I know he would want me to wear what he had picked out.

Like PP said, I would maybe use your grandmothers for special occasions. Or you can just save it to give to your kids down the road.

kvruns · December 2014

I would go with whichever ring you like best. If you only are considering your gma's ring because she gave it to you, then I wouldn't choose that one. But if that is your dream ring of you've always imagined it as your engagement ring and you love it, go for it.

For the record, my FI picked out and bought a ring that was soooooo not my style. I'm not a super picky person but man it was not me at all. While he spent a lot of time picking it out he also wanted me to be happy with it since I'll be wearing it everyday and we ended up exchanging it and getting something I actually liked. I was worried he would resent it but at the end of the day he'd rather me love what I have then try to like or grow to love what he got me.

huge ring dilemma

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