Not Engaged Yet

Patience is a virtue I do NOT have

D and I have been off and on for 7 years. We've been back together for a little over a year. Marriage has come up between us many times and he finally told me he would ask when I finish school, well I'll be done 12/9/14. On Halloween I told him that I would be having a girls day the next day and asked him what he was gonna do that day, his response was "I have to go to town." I asked him what for and he said " I can't tell you." I'm one of those people that when that is said I have to know. So I start bugging him and get no where and give up. The next day I told my girls that I think he was going ring shopping because of his behavior. They agreed. We have a tradition of going to his parent's house for dinner on Sundays. So his mom and I are sitting at the table before dinner talking and she tells me she has a secret, I asked her if it was the same secret D had and she said yes. I asked if it was a Christmas present, she said IDK. I put my hand under the table so no one else but her would see and tapped my left ring finger and she shook her head yes! HE HAS THE RING!!! Now if he'd just ask! I refuse to do anything without my ring first but I'm dying for him to do it. I know I shouldn't have bugged him or his mom but at the same time nothing should have been said about it cause now I'm going crazy. I hope this doesn't make me look bad. 

Re: Patience is a virtue I do NOT have

  • Just breath and be patient hun. Its going to be so worth the wait. Enjoy the joys of the present, the future will be here soon enough 
  • Honestly - I don't understand being impatient in your position. Before FI proposed I had no idea he had even ordered a ring, so I was definitely a little impatient. I wish I had known he had looked at rings/ordered one/or had one already, because then I would have just relaxed and could have totally enjoyed our last few weeks being bf/gf while knowing we would be engaged shortly. You should be excited and relaxed!!!
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  • Everything @Hummingbird125 said.  

    You know it's going to happen, and soon. Just breathe.  Enjoy where you are.
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  • lilacck28lilacck28 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    edited December 2014
    I bought the ring with FI. I found out by accident that it was ready and he was picking it up (I texted to say I'd be home early, and he said "uhhh... I won't be there". It was about 2 weeks after we ordered the ring, so I knew that was it.) That was a Wednesday. He proposed that Saturday, because he didn't want to hold the ring for too long, and he knew I knew, and didn't want to torture me. And he knew I wanted that ring on my finger haha.

    I understand your excitement and anxiousness. My advice... distract yourself! Don't look for the ring. Don't tell all your friends/ family that he has the ring. Feel excited.

    I almost started snooping around the apartment a few times to see the ring (even though I had picked it out! But I hadn't seen it all put together, with the diamond placed in the setting.) I would open a drawer and go "NO! BAD LILACCK!" and stop myself.

     I'm glad I didn't snoop any further. I also didn't tell very many people about anticipating being proposed to soon. I told a friend that had been staying with us for a few days.. .couldn't hold back. But to everyone else (my best friends and family) I got to call up and go "He proposed! Yay!" and they were excited with me/ semi surprised, instead of being exhausted about hearing about this. (semi-surprised, because.. .duh. we were ring shopping. We knew our timeline, and we stuck to it. We are a very drama free, surprise free couple.)
  • Ha! I am in a very similar position. I know that the ring is being made, but I don't know when it will be ready. I was home all weekend alone and had to resist the temptation to look for it! We are going to NYC for a long weekend this weekend. Part of me thinks that it will happen there and part of me is thinks the ring probably isn't ready yet......I don't want to be disappointed if it doesn't happen.  

    I had one other friend who was also in the same boat going BSC waiting for a proposal and she finally got engaged last week and now it's just me! Part of me wants it to happen this weekend so that I can get to work wedding planning, but part of me wants her to be able to enjoy a couple more weeks before we join them in their newly engaged bliss. 
  • Way to ruin what's supposed to be one of the best surprises of your life.

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  • Really?  This just makes me sad.  Let the guy have a life of his own and some secrets.  If he wanted you to know, he would have told you.  and shame on his mom for egging you on and telling you (and for saying she has a secret, what is she, 7?  For the record, never tell her a secret.)

    Enjoy being in your relationship.  Stop getting hung up on timelines.  Hopefully, this will be the last time you're a girlfriend so just relax.  You;ll get to the next part soon enough.
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  • @keptinstitches I mean, let's be fair here. Not being proposed to, knowing exactly when I was going to get engaged ... it ruined my relationship, and I didn't end up getting married OH WAIT just kidding ahaha.
    @knskaife Like keptinstitches mentioned, my husband didn't propose to me. I didn't propose to him either; we had talked timelines before, and decided that we would get engaged after we'd lived together for a year. We had rings designed, and on our 1-year anniversary of living together, we got all dressed up, put on our rings, and went to a super fancy dinner at the Top of the Hub in Boston. It was an amazing day for both of us. I did
    not want to be proposed to; had my husband proposed, I would have been really bummed up and upset. Definitely not one of the best surprises of my life.

    Basically, there are ways to help talk the OP through what she's going through without inadvertently shitting on anyone.
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  • And to elaborate on my experience: now-FI got a side job. We agreed to use the money from that to buy me a ring. We picked it out together. He ordered it. It came in on a Wednesday. Because of logistical issues (and the fact that I would not have been happy had he proposed and run off to game with his friends), he proposed that Saturday. I was still super-happy and it was an amazing day for us as well.

    OP, I've been there. It is hard to be patient at the end; I think it was easier for me because I knew the wait was essentially for shipping (FI wanted to have a ring when he proposed, ok by me). These are the last weeks you'll be BF and GF - enjoy them! Take up a new temporary hobby if you need to in order to distract yourself. I recommend something working with your hands, like crocheting, knitting, cooking, needlepoint, car repair, what have you. They require focus.
  • Your BFs mom is a jerk. 



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  • I would have been PISSED if my boyfriends mother spilled the beans.  I had no clue he was even going to propose to me (we had been together for 6 years but didn't discuss rings or anything) We went on a two day hike and as we approached the summit of Mt Washington, I thought "Holy crap- this could be it!" And then it didn't happen and I completely put it out of my mind- I was just happy to be there with him after accomplishing a huge climb to the top of a mountain.  An hour later it happened and I was absolutely shocked- and it was the best moment of my life.  I didn't pick out the ring, didn't even know he had purchased the ring, and had I known, it would have taken a lot of feelings out of the whole process.  

    Any girls reading this who are waiting for an engagement- stop thinking about it and enjoy your life! It will happen when it happens and pushing the subject will just annoy your significant other.  It's his one chance to really surprise you and ask you the moment important question of your life- so let him do his thing without the pressure.  

    Just click on my picture and you will see what a perfect engagement looks like- total shock. Wouldn't have it any other way!
  • kk111415 said:
    I would have been PISSED if my boyfriends mother spilled the beans.  I had no clue he was even going to propose to me (we had been together for 6 years but didn't discuss rings or anything) We went on a two day hike and as we approached the summit of Mt Washington, I thought "Holy crap- this could be it!" And then it didn't happen and I completely put it out of my mind- I was just happy to be there with him after accomplishing a huge climb to the top of a mountain.  An hour later it happened and I was absolutely shocked- and it was the best moment of my life.  I didn't pick out the ring, didn't even know he had purchased the ring, and had I known, it would have taken a lot of feelings out of the whole process.  

    Any girls reading this who are waiting for an engagement- stop thinking about it and enjoy your life! It will happen when it happens and pushing the subject will just annoy your significant other.  It's his one chance to really surprise you and ask you the moment important question of your life- so let him do his thing without the pressure.  

    Just click on my picture and you will see what a perfect engagement looks like- total shock. Wouldn't have it any other way!
    perfect engagement for you.  many other women would never want to be in total shock.  I was surprised the day that my H proposed, but I was not surprised AT ALL that he proposed.  I knew exactly what ring I was going to have, I knew that he wanted to propose in the next few months, and I knew that he'd already told my parents of his intentions.  none of that made it any less special.  I am happy that your engagement and proposal was perfect for you, but please keep in mind that there is no "perfect engagement" for everyone... we all have different personalities and tastes, and every engagement is personal to the couple.
    EXACTLY. My perfect engagement had zero surprise to it.
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  • kk111415 said:
    I would have been PISSED if my boyfriends mother spilled the beans.  I had no clue he was even going to propose to me (we had been together for 6 years but didn't discuss rings or anything) We went on a two day hike and as we approached the summit of Mt Washington, I thought "Holy crap- this could be it!" And then it didn't happen and I completely put it out of my mind- I was just happy to be there with him after accomplishing a huge climb to the top of a mountain.  An hour later it happened and I was absolutely shocked- and it was the best moment of my life.  I didn't pick out the ring, didn't even know he had purchased the ring, and had I known, it would have taken a lot of feelings out of the whole process.  

    Any girls reading this who are waiting for an engagement- stop thinking about it and enjoy your life! It will happen when it happens and pushing the subject will just annoy your significant other.  It's his one chance to really surprise you and ask you the moment important question of your life- so let him do his thing without the pressure.  

    Just click on my picture and you will see what a perfect engagement looks like- total shock. Wouldn't have it any other way!
    perfect engagement for you.  many other women would never want to be in total shock.  I was surprised the day that my H proposed, but I was not surprised AT ALL that he proposed.  I knew exactly what ring I was going to have, I knew that he wanted to propose in the next few months, and I knew that he'd already told my parents of his intentions.  none of that made it any less special.  I am happy that your engagement and proposal was perfect for you, but please keep in mind that there is no "perfect engagement" for everyone... we all have different personalities and tastes, and every engagement is personal to the couple.
    QFT. I am NEY, but I helped to pick out my ring, I know that my BF has made his intentions known to my parents and his family, and we have talked about timelines. But I have no idea when he plans to propose, and it will be no less special because I knew some of the details when it does happen. 

  • It's kind of a bummer your BFs Mom told you. Unless you appreciate that she told you. Now that you know it's most likely coming (the proposal), try to enjoy the moment when he does propose, because after that you might have some sort of "now what" feeling. Well, you get to plan a wedding! So enjoy everything about being young and in love!
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